I have difficulties controlling my temper.

[deleted account] ( 30 moms have responded )

My son age 2yrs old. He love to scream so much, he don't listen to what you're saying even if you say it soft and tenderly. I understand that kids just love to explore so many things. But with my son, he can blow everybody's mind. The moment you said "get off the table", the more he goes on and playing with the mugs. If talking about my make-up? I can't say anything, my 5th blusher gone like his talc powder. No matter how i hid it from him, he manage to get it, brilliant and smart but naughty at the same time. My husband is such a gentle person also couldn't help feeling annoyed with my son's behaviour. I end-up spanking or pinching him.



Like last night, while getting him to sleep, I said nicely "please listen to mommy, I don't like to yell and hurting you, please be a good boy, i'm sorry for the things i did".. you know what he did? "he shouted back at me (in his baby language) and at the end... he puts his fingers on his hands and "sshhhhhh" me! Funny but still i need to know how to stop my hands from the pinching and spanking.

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Jenn - posted on 02/19/2010

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I understand how frustrated you are, but you must set limits and stick with them. When he screams at you, calmly say " I can't understand you" when he screams and walk a few feet away. A question for you, Has your son reached developmental milestones at the appropriate times? Is he talking yet in two or three word sentences or is it just baby talk? Spanking and pinching your child because of your frustration and anger does not help. He may be acting out because he wants your attention. Do you work during the day? My son also acts out sometimes when I come home from work. I am a single mother so it sometimes makes it hard to juggle work and family. This may even be a phase your child is going through. Try using timeouts and at bedtime incorporate some fun stories/songs and cuddle time. I tell my kids with special needs, I love you but I don't like how you are behaving. Try it with your son. This reaffirms that you love him even when he is naughty but also lets him know that his behavior is not okay. Please let me know if any of this helps. Sorry if I kind of rambled on. Good luck to you. Jenn

Jewel - posted on 02/18/2010

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The more you try to control him, the more he will ignore you. Try not to shout often as your son would think that shouting is normal when conversating to other people. Just put all your things in a place where it is locked so he wont be able to access it. Be patient as your son is still a toddler.

Ashley - posted on 02/18/2010

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my son is two and wild but when he acts out gets into stuff hes not allowed to i put him on time out after normaly a warning only time he dosent get a warning is when it was dangerous it dosent always work but at lest it gives me time to think and relax.

Shella - posted on 02/17/2010

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I can understand what you mean because I have a short temper as well but my daughter always has my attention and when she doesnt get it, and tries to act out she is disciplined but I think you and your mom need to come up with rules. That is your child and if you are disciplining him then she needs to step away and let you do what you have to do and vice versa but for as long as he knows this will happed where he can run to her he will most likely continue to play off of what you guys are making seem acceptable to him. He is at a very young age still but try rewarding him when he behaves like you want him to. By reward i dont mean anything big it could be as simple as more attention or something that he wants, but when he misbehaves be sure to call to his attention at the time that he is doing it that you do not like what he is doing. You might not see results right away but he is learning so it will pay off in the end. If these suggestions were already made I'm sorry I didnt read all the posts.

[deleted account]

Four days of holiday, i spent my time with my boy.. without his grandma around, he behaved so well, basically. The moment he sees his grandma.. he started doing the things he does. but well, more and more i chill out and let him be since i have read tips from you guys.. thank you so much, once again.. THANK YOU.

Btw, Annmarie Reddy, believe it or not i did pinch my boy and that makes me a demon? not a perfect mother? 'anger management' heh?

Samantha - posted on 02/13/2010

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hang in there . sometimes i am like this with my daughter though she is 5 . u gotta take a step back and look at the big picture., he might just be bored or wants some attention or just plainly knows how to press your buttons, try not to spank or pinch, hes too young to reason with so just use tones in your voice. low tones for im angry and not happy with what your doing. tell him in a low tone he is doing something wrong and then remove him to the corner or bedroom., when he keeps finding himself back to this spot when hes been bad he will soon get it and youll be happier.

Stephanie - posted on 02/12/2010

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We all have moments when we feel like we might lose control but you have to remember that you are the adult here and he is just a 2 year old that is expressing his independence. But I get it, my kid is the same age and is going nutty all the time. My pediatrician gave me some great advice which is basically that you have to let him feel like he is in control. Try giving him a choice between one thing or another. Make it a game when you want him to do something. Start counting to three to introduce new activities. If all else fails and he is still flipping out, do a time out. For both of you. Put him in a safe place and take yourself into another room and get yourself back into the right frame of mind. Hang in there!

Brittani - posted on 02/12/2010

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Are you a single mom? Is there a safe way you can set him in his room or bed while you cool off for five minutes. If you spank while you are mad, you teach him to hit when angry. It IS HARD to not yell a lot. That's why he yells.
Remove yourself from the situation, take him to his bed, shut the door, and take deep breaths. After that, go to him and tell him that he gets a spanking for _______(fill in blank) then, count when you spank to not OVER spank. Also, since you are not angry and you tell him WHY he is being punished, it will discourage the behavior, rather than to hit and yell when mad.
If you are a single mom, see if your friend can take him for an hour or two and just relax. Remember that you love that little angel/devil, and that you would do anything for him that you could.
BUY HIM HIS OWN SET OF MAKEUP BRUSHES! Get a cheap set from the dollar store and make sure he knows they are his. You are not allowed to use his and he is not allowed to use yours. When you have yours, give him his set. If he wants the makeup too, get a plastic container and add baby powder. He has his own that you ARE NOT allowed to use. Tell him that. The more you give him, instead of telling him what he can't have, the more you will learn that he is only wanting to be with you and do like Mommy does. He doesn't want to make you mad.
Give hugs and love, yell in a pillow, take breaks from each other, and don't put yourself down. You need to tell yourself that you are a good Mommy!

Nicole - posted on 02/11/2010

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Toddlers require a lot of patients especially now a days. what people find funny is I put myself in time out just to calm down so I don't ever hit in anger. I am not sure if it will work but does your husband disciple your son or is it more you, but with my 5 year old and even when she was younger all he had to do was speak in a firm voice and she fell in line.

Aimee - posted on 02/11/2010

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Try reading the book "123 Magic." It's a parenting book and maybe you and your family can work together to following the logic of this book. It is extremely easy to understand and a very effective parenting method. It was recommended to my friend by her pediatrician then she recommended it to me, and I have friends who ask me if they can borrow my book for they want to use it with their children. This is such a hard age for both the parent and the child and we all experience frustration so don’t despair.

Helen Grace - posted on 02/11/2010

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Dear Moms,
Glad that what I've shared works to you too as it was to me then. Now, there's peace in the house and kids really made an effort in maintaining it that way.
For those Moms, who are still looking for answers I wish you the best possible luck. Raising kids is a very critical trial and error. Let us remember that we are molding the future of our society.
Yes Mommy Maxine, I'm also glad I've raised a sensitive and caring kids.
Thank you moms and God Bless always

Marcy - posted on 02/11/2010

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I forgot to mention there is also a pretty amazing website called scream free parenting. You can go to Yahoo and do a search for it. Sign up for their daily email message. I get mine as soon as I get up and I actually look forward to reading it before my little guy starts his day! Aidahs just keep plugging along, ask for help and stay clear of the physical reaction. Make sure you have some "me" time even if its just 10 minutes...it helps keep you in check.

Maxine - posted on 02/11/2010

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wow.... I hadnt actually read Helens words until you mentioned them amd oh my god- wow... so powerful what she said about kids being able to relate to our crying....that is so beautiful- it really touched me- resonated deep within..
When Alex saw me crying once....same reaction as your son... he came to me with an air of concern and even said in his own baby language- "no cry mummy"... so heart warming to see that yes we are raising sensitive and caring beings into this world...

:)

[deleted account]

oh yeah maxine.. i think Helen's tips do really work. I tried it! you know, when sometime you yawn and there's tears coming out from your eyes.. at that moment i acted as if i was so sad and cried infront of him.. and he actually stared and touches my face, persuading me not to cry.. and he even called his father to show that i was crying! hahahhahaa.. the sweetest thing.. and yeah.. as i said.. i will keep it going...

Maxine - posted on 02/11/2010

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hey, am also going through the same terrible twos phase (with a newborn on board!) ... and basically am learning that the more we feed into their bad behvaior, the worse it gets (even trying to distract them or offer choices....so at the mo we're just ignoring.... until it fades out- which could be an hour at times...) will also try now putting him for 2 mins in his thinking corner or leave him there until he calms down and after he does (fingers crossed he does) we'll explain to him why he's there... hope it works

and finally...something I read today: that we should replace our feelings of ANGER or FRUSTRATION for feelings or SINCERE SADNESS or EMPATHY.... as a way not to fuel into their anger/ frustration and break the vicious cycle- I thought it was quite interesting.... lets see....... good luck to us all!

[deleted account]

thank you moms.. every of the tips you guys gave.. i practice it since yesterday.. haven't change on the holding of stuff thou'.. but basically, i didn't land my hands on him at all yesterday..

This morning, had to send my mom to the clinic and i walked him to the park nearby.. he can't play decently ofcourse and so i got him some snacks, and that worked too.. heeeeeeeeee.. i'm happier.. and glad..

I will keep it going.. THANK YOU GUYS!!!

Rhonda - posted on 02/10/2010

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I am with Marcy PLEASE STOP THE PHYSICAL REACTION Sometimes it is just better to let them "pitch a fit",an ipod comes in handy here,Think of it as "If you were two what would you want your mother to do"God gave us these children we are only seregate parents to them LOVE LOVE LOVE THEM

Helen Grace - posted on 02/10/2010

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Hi. Used to be a spanking-mom (embarrassing to admit it but this is once to be true) but not anymore. I've three difficult kids to raise who all have different personalities, tantrums and all. Force and raising voices doesn't really work. I've seek child psychologist and psychiatrist just to understand my children's behavior. And I've learn a lot from them plus I've done research. For the sake of my sanity and my kids foundation I took interest in their emotional needs.
At one point in our lives when they're in their not so good mood, I cried in front of them because it breaks my heart even more to think I need to give them a spank. They kept quiet and sat in front of me. Then we had a talk. Kids can relate to my crying. They know that when you cry, you are hurt. And they understand they caused that hurt.
Putting up a brave face to our kids sometimes doesn't work. They need to feel also that we are like kids. Not just an adult willing to give in any way with their tantrums. I encourage you to talk to your child, even if he's only 2yo. A calm, soothing tone always works wonder. More often than not, kids are only reacting to what us, adults body language.
Don't be afraid friend.. May you find the right formula in raising your child. God Bless always

Nari - posted on 02/10/2010

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hi Aidahs,

i think you should spend sometime to observe why is your son behave that way, is it because you don't spend enough time with me because you are busy and tired after work and he did all that just want to get your attention. I think at one point of time, that is a stage any child will go through.

My elder son is 3.5 years old now. About 2 yrs he also behave like your son, when i talk to him or stop him from misbehave he will just continue to do what he like to do. Sometimes i also lost my temper and land my hand on his cheek. then he cried out loud and his daddy stare at me. Then all my friend told me do not slap him, even he is young he also have pride.

After that i remind myself, everytime i angry i will tell myself "calm down" and just walk away for a while. I also ready book and article on how to deal with young children. Because they still young, they might not understand fully what you trying to tell them. so try to use simple language, short and clear. maintain eye contact and speak to them slowly, check if they understand the message that you trying to tell them.

As time pass, my son behaviour changed. He now can express his needs and he can listen well, a more obedient boy now. Hope that is just the stage your son have to go through like my son. Rest assure, things will get better one day as he grow. so stay optimistic....all the best.

Marcy - posted on 02/10/2010

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Aidahs-

I know this is a tough thing to swallow, but you aren't his friend you are his parent. That being said, really and truly think about the words that you are saying to him before you do it. Take a deep breath and think of how to say what you need to say in the easiest way possible. First off, the fact that you recognize that you are having an issue is huge. I have seen so many posts on here from moms who just continue a bahavior pattern that isn't effective. Whenever you find yourself increasing the volume of your voice or getting ready to physically repremand your little guy just take a deep breath, get donw in his level and tell him "No you may not do this. I am your mommy and I love you but I said no".



As for his behavior he is mimicking everything you do and those around you. You should sit your mother down and explain to her that you need help but this means she needs to stand on your side and not defend his "toddler tantrums".



Stick to one way of telling him NO for a few weeks and it will pay off...trust me and good luck!

Samantha - posted on 02/10/2010

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Discipline is fine, as is spanking only when he understands that what he's doing is wrong, and delivered when you're not angry as well (you may unintentionally hit too hard if you're angry), but pinching is never alright. Using another object to threaten your child or hit him with is never alright either, whether it's a paddle, a belt, etc. You should not threaten not to like him, or not be his friend either. Explain to your son that you dislike his behavior, but that you still love him, even when he's angry.

Look for parenting classes in your area, or read up on safer and gentler methods of discipline and behavior control at your local library. If nothing else, ask your son's pediatrician for advice on the matter.

Screaming is often a phase children go through at that age, and I've found the best reaction to stop it is simply no action. Sit down and read a book, or play on the computer calmly, like he's doing nothing. Try not to keep the television on if he's not actively watching it, and when it is on, keep the volume at low levels, so he needs to stay quiter in order to hear it.

If he throws a tantrum, ignore that as well, though do try and make sure he doesn't hurt himself in his efforts to get a reaction out of you.

Also, sit down and explain to your mother calmly that YOU are his parent, not her, and that you don't appreciate it when she ignores what you've said for him to do, and does things her own way.

If you can work it into your budget, a few days a week at daycare may also help. Daycares can't resort to the spanking or pinching, and must rely on methods like time outs to discourage bad behaviors. Plus, the time spent around other children his own age may help him calm down.

Juliana - posted on 02/09/2010

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Dear mom, I have the same problem as you. I can't control myself sometimes when my son acting. I even once yell at him and even scold him in front of people and it was so embarrassing. A granny gave me an advice how to control my temper but I don't know if it works with you but I tried before and help me a bit maybe you should try, by drinking a cold water and calm yourself before you look at you kids. Hope it work.

Michelle - posted on 02/09/2010

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i know exactly how u feel. That is how my son is. If I disclipine him for something he will run to her or say I'm going to grandma's like it's a way to get out of punishment and the bad part is my mom lets him get away with so much stuff and actually gets mad at us for trying to disclipine him.

[deleted account]

Thank you guys. Here's the thing, my mom staying with me. She's the one taking care of my son while i'm out working. Whenever i said "stop that.. I don't want to be your friend if you continue".. he'll go to my mom, and seek for her attention or otherwise, my mom will come to him and give him comfort, i just don't like that idea. I personally think that, when i'm trying to teach my boy a lesson, he is better left alone with me. so that he knows he did something wrong. But my mother will come to him and "awwww... mommy don't want to be your friend... it's ok.. i'm here".. what am i supposed to do? i tried once, not talking to him when he did something wrong, my mom were not there at that time, the moment i did that.. he came crawling and cried so badly as if mommy hates him (which that never came accross my mind at all.. just for the sake of teaching him a lesson).. it worked... but that only happen once a week.. Gosh..



Like yesterday, there was this ice-cream guy stopped infront of my gate, my son insisted for ice-cream, my husband told me that he's coughing and he had ice-cream in the afternoon. so, i ignored his request for ice-cream.. but he still insist.. and cried soooo badly as if everyone in that house spank him. I distracted him by giving him some sweets.. he threw away the sweets, and grab my hands to the gate, even the ice-cream man is not anymore there and still crying!



From what i can see, he is not afraid of anything or anyone in my house, unless if i hold a stick and asked him not to go near something, he'll stop but his feet will still play around with that "something".



I think its true about him wanting my attention, maybe i'm the one who just don't know how to react. Maybe coming from work late, the tense at work, traffic jam, arrive home.. get on the doorstep and all u hear is him screaming making me more pressurized.. is it true that less sexual activities makes you pressure also?



Thanks again guys.. atleast i could think of something not to get my hand on him. Thanks again.. love you guys!

Alison - posted on 02/09/2010

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You may be getting angry because you let a behavior go on for too long before reacting. Be quick to bring on the consequences (without the anger), and he will learn that you mean business.

Do not take his behavior personally. It is not an attack against you. If anything, he is looking for more attention from you.

Marjorie - posted on 02/09/2010

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he seems yearning for attention while getting into mischief like a typical 2 year old at the same time. Instead of pinching and spanking, which makes him get attention from the behavior, distract him! Somethings that I did with my still precocious, but much calmer 3 year old when he was 2: grab a bunch of toys, scatter them on the floor and offer to sit and play with him, play hide and seek with kid safe items and toys, play loud "music" with pots and pans and have him join you--on the floor-- when he wants to play on the kitchen table. Put harmful or valuable things way out of his reach: in a high location or a locked drawer, and don't let him see where you put them. Distraction works! Instead of concentrating on what he's doing wrong, trick him into doing what's right.

Marcy - posted on 02/09/2010

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Aidahs just don't give in to him when he is being like that. Stand your ground. When he screams, kicks etc get on his level and tell him "Mommy will not talk to you until you behave like a nice boy". That is it and walk away. It will take some time but keep saying the same thing over and over again. I think often times as parents we change course so quickly that we don't give it time enough to be effective. We are so desperate to find a solution that often times we skip right past what works best which is consistency. I have been doing the same thing with my son for over 2 years now and he knows when mommy is not happy. There is no physical punishment...I can just look at him and he knows. Its really nice to have the ability to do that now but it took a long time to get there. Keep your chin up and keep being the best mommy you can.

Sally - posted on 02/09/2010

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It's great that you're asking for help. They don't call it the "terrible twos" for nothing!



Is there a Child Health clinic near you? Here in Australia, our child health clinics often have information about parenting courses or talks etc that deal with that sort of thing.



Does your child behave like that for other people or just for you? Do you ever get a break from him? Is there anyone you can call to help you when you're feeling completely stressed out?



The thing is that being physical with him is only teaching him that it's ok to hurt people when you're upset - which is probably not something you want him to learn!



I'm sorry I can't give you any specific advice - my 17 month old son is just starting to throw tanrums etc and I do just have to walk away from him sometimes - but please know you're not alone. I really hope you can find some support soon.

[deleted account]

Thanks Marcy, like you, i did the same thing, i turned off the TV, even off the light in the room and i walked away from him. The moment i did, the more screaming i hear from him, he push you in back to the room and demand you to switch everything on. But you're right.. i need to walk away for a while to not get to that point. Thanks!

Marcy - posted on 02/08/2010

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First off, please stop the physical reaction. He is 2 years old and has only been in this world for such a short time. if you find yourself getting to that point just walk away for a minute. Imagine how many days you have lived in this world and he has only walked on this planet for less than a thousand days. He will mimic anything and everything that you do. It takes a lot of determination and patience to learn how to communicate with your little guy so that he can understand you. It doesn't sound like you are there yet.....



With my son we stop everything when he is not listening. I turn the tv off, put his toys away and make him sit on the sofa and we do nothing. Its so hard not to laugh or get angry sometimes but you have to push on.



Just think if you can do this you can do anything. You may want to also ask for some help either talk to someone or give yourself a break so you don't get to that point.

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