I'm about to go back to work although my daughter is only 8 months old. is this a gd thing ?

Stacey - posted on 03/15/2010 ( 70 moms have responded )

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Some people are saying im being stupid letting someone raise my daughter, but its not like that as i've met apx 7 child minders and like this one. i dont know if how i will feel any advice?

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Jaime - posted on 03/21/2010

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I have just gone back to work 2 weeks ago and my baby was only 11 weeks old. I had one guy at work tell me that I've come back to early! Who is he to judge right. Anyhow, it's totally your decision and if you feel ready, go for it!

It hasn't bothered me going back, I have felt totally comfortable leaving my baby at child care. He is gone from 6am til 4pm, 2 days a week, so it's a pretty long day to be away from him, but he is doing really well and quite enjoys it.

[deleted account]

You are not stupid and no one else is raising your daughter - they will be watching your daughter. Will they help them to learn certain things - yep, but by no means do I consider that raising my child. You choose whoever you are most comfortable with to watch your child. Child care can be very beneficial for her and for you. It's a great way for them to learn the social skills that they need and realize too that they are OK even if you aren't right there. It's sometimes very hard - my daughter is just about crawling and I know that I will probably miss that first time. That sucks. But my mom or my mother-in-law will be the first to witness that and that is awesome in it's own way. 3 years ago I went back to work about 8 weeks after my son was born and last year it was about 12 weeks after my daughter was born. It's hard and it's harder still when those around you consider it such an awful thing, but they aren't in your shoes - You are and child care really isn't that awful. It has it's positives and negatives but there are those even when you stay at home.

Melissa - posted on 03/15/2010

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Not everyone can stay at home with their children. There is nothing wrong with going back to work, it sure doesn't make you a bad mom. I know it is hard to do, but most people's reality doesn't allow them to stay home. I went back to work after 2 months, then I was laid off when my son was 6 months. I will be going back to work when he is 10 months. It is going to be really hard. But in order to support his health and well being by making sure he has diapers and enough food to eat, I have to go back to work.

Alison - posted on 03/15/2010

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Going back to work is always hard (although sometimes it comes with some fringe benefits). If you have the financial means to stay with your child and are enjoying being at home, definitely stick with it. At this stage it is very beneficial to your child to have her mommy around. If staying home longer is not an option, that's ok too! No child grows up in perfect circumstances. And remember, a comfy life without hardship is far from perfect.



You need to make your own decision and accept that others will disagree. One thing that is true about parenthood from beginning to end, is that others will always disagree with some of your decisions, but you are the mom!



Good luck!!!

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Claudia - posted on 03/31/2010

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Hola Stacey,



i'm no Dr. but i'v been n ur shoes b4. i 2 had to make that choice as well.



here's wht u may wanna try, b4 anythng.



1) please tlk it ovr w hubby/partner wht ur plans r 4 ur chld/rn.

2) go 2 ur local Socal Serv. 2 find out th pro's & con's of daycare.

3) once u tlk w hubby/partnr about ur plans go 4wrd w it and keep it.

4) visit evry daycare local and alwys fllw/listn to ur gut/innr voice about tht particular center.



Once u & hubby/partnr make tht choice, u will b vry happy tht u did.



cause whn i placed my dghtr n2 daycare, she ws 3.5 mnths old and i ws lucky engh to find a daycare tht w n th vry same shop'n centr as my job.



here r som pros about daycare:



1) u as a parent r able to hav som free time to do pleanty of housework, attnd classes, go to wrk and do othr things w/o a problem



2) u knw tht n ur heart and mind tht ur chld/rn r n a vry protectd and safe enviorment and get'n th chance to meet and make new friends too.



Con's bout daycare:



1) not all daycare locals r wht they seem.

2) not all daycare hours r wht u may need, so b sure to ask pleanty of Q's.



good luck.



claudia a

Jessi - posted on 03/22/2010

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I'm a single Mum so don't have the option of staying home, I need the income to pay my bills. My baby isn't actually born yet, due date is this Thursday, and I'm due back at work in 4.5 weeks, so he/she will only be a few weeks old. Mum can look after it for two days a week and the other 3 days it's going to a day care that I picked out that had very lovely ladies.

Lisa - posted on 03/22/2010

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Wow! I'm so impressed with the support that has been posted. I'm having my baby in June, and am planning on taking 2 months off. But will have to go back to work after, as we can't afford not to. I was having a really hard time with this, until recently have been able to wrap my head around things.

Thank you for your post and thank you to all who have replied!

Thanks again,

Lisa

Heather - posted on 03/22/2010

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Absence makes the heart grow fonder!....I have been back at work since my daughter was 5 months old, she is staying at home with daddy. But it is awesome to know that everyday about 11:30 right before I get home for lunch, she starts in on the mama mama, mom, mom, mama, and when I walk throught the door at noon it is a great feeling to see how excited she is! Surround yourself with pictures of your child at work to keep them close to your heart. keep your head up and be strong!

Sheila - posted on 03/22/2010

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I went back to work when my child was 3 months old.... it was heart breaking but a necessity . I think it was the best decision my husband and I made. Mia is 2 now and I really think introducing children to other children at a young age is beneficial. She is not shy, she knows how to play and share with other kids, she watches the older kids and mimics and learns their behavior. I am lucky I work 3, 12 hour shifts so I am home with her for 3-4 days- but I think allowing her to play/learn with her "friends" she calls them- is very important.
Good Luck!!

Dominique - posted on 03/22/2010

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yeah it certainly is a good thing if you are ready for that commitment. I went back to work when my daughter was 4months old. She stayed with some family members til she was 6months then i put her into daycare and now she loves it.

SarahJane - posted on 03/21/2010

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I think there is some confusion with the past and the present. I have had people also tell me that I am letting stranger raise my child; however, a daycare provider should be more like a part of the family. Therefore, I do not have a stranger raise my child but a trusted family friend who has the best interests at heart for my Ben!!!

Tammy - posted on 03/21/2010

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i went back to work, but mine were older,its probably easier when their younger so they dont have seperation anzienty.u know whats best for u.

Marie - posted on 03/21/2010

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Both my kids have been in daycare, in fact my youngest started daycare at 4 mths (eek!!!), but they are both healthy very happy bright kids!
I hated every minute of working while "someone else was looking after my kids" but i did it because I had to, so we had food & clothes, and could enjoy our family time together.
And the kids understand why I have to work too.

There has even been studies done over here (NZ) that say daycare is extremely good for their learning. Of course you get the good & bad stories from everyone.

All you can do is go with what you think is best, for you.....

Louise - posted on 03/21/2010

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Going back to work was the best thing i done for my daughter and myself! It is such a great feeling when im driving home knowing that i have done a full days work for her future! I also apprechiate her more.

Farah - posted on 03/21/2010

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I went back to work when my daughter was 12 months old, I worked in an investment bank from 5.30pm to midnight so I could spend the day with my daughter and then work in the evening. This was great for my daughter but destroyed my relationship with my ex partner. I done this until she was 5 years old and then had live in au-pairs until she was 8. My daughter is now 10 years old goes to breakfast club and I use a childminding service to collect her from school and take her to her activities. My daughter is well balanced and understands I need to work and she is happy. In other words going back to work is not going to harm your child in anyway as long as you spend quality time with them when you are with them.

Carol - posted on 03/21/2010

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You will feel rotten the first day. I have worked since my son was 6 months old. He is now almost 15 and hasn't done him any harm. Being with a childminder and other children increases their sociability no end. They learn to share (both things and other peoples time), they have fun with other children (if they have no siblings). My son had no 'jealousy' issues when his sister turned when he was 4. It is also good for you to have adult company during the day and deal with work

Adrienne - posted on 03/21/2010

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A lot of moms have to work. Just make sure you're not working so much that you never see your daughter. As long as you're spending time with her, and letting her know that she's #1, you should be fine.

Sarah - posted on 03/20/2010

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I DONT SEE Y ITS A BAD THING. THE FAMILY NEEDS INCOME OTHERWISE YOU CANT BE TO MUCH OF A MUM IF YOU CANT GIVE THEM THE BASIC NEEDS.
I HAVE A 2YR OLD AND A NEARLY 4MNTH OLD. IM GOING BACK TO WORK ON WEDNESDAY THIS WEEK. AND ALSO STARTED BACK AT WORK WHEN MY 1ST WAS 4MNTHS. BUT IN SAYING THIS I DO WORK AT A FAM OWNED BUSINESS AND AM LUCKY ENOUGH TO HAVE THEM WITH ME

Becky - posted on 03/20/2010

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Oh, and what I meant by you're not letting someone else raise your child - I do remember my babysitters, but nothing too specific. Now my moms, on the other hand, very specific memories and lessons I've learned from them.

Becky - posted on 03/20/2010

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I had to go back the day before my daughter was 4 wks old. Just remember that you are NOT letting someone else raise your child; rather, you ARE teaching your daughter the value of a good work ethic. I wish I hadn't had to go back to work so soon, but I remind myself of all that I've learned from my moms. Both my mom and stepmom worked full time while raising my two siblings and me.

Lucreatia - posted on 03/20/2010

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yes its a very good thing i went back 2 work when my son was 61/2 weeks old.Also you have to do whats best for you and your child.

Claire - posted on 03/20/2010

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There is absolutely nothing wrong with going back to work. My first was 5 1/5 months when I went back and my second 9 months. They both absolutely love nursery and I like working, the trick is, once you've left work for the day, if you need to work when you are at home, do it when they are asleep so they're not affected in their time.

Sarah - posted on 03/20/2010

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I HAD to go back to work when my girl was 7 months old and she STILL goes to the same child minder. It's helped her to be more outgoing I think and it means she'll go to other people and not just stick to me. AND it also gives me a break (because - I'm being honest - it does get hard at times and although work is busy, I like my own space). Hope it goes well for you. x

Danielle - posted on 03/20/2010

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I went back to work when my daughter was only 3 1/2 weeks..i only work from 5 to 9..and i love it because it gives me a break sometimes when i am overwhelmed..plus my mother loves watching her, and i wish i could be a stay at home mom..but its to hard these days.

Gina - posted on 03/20/2010

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I had to go back to work when my twins were 3months old and is was very hard. I think I cied everytime I dropped them off for a couple months but it does get easier. Its a nice little break from changing diapers and doing all those mommy things that you are used to. There is no right or wrong way to raising your children, its what works for you. Dont let anyone tell you that you are doing something wrong, its not their children. I would ignore any negative comments about you going back to work. Good Luck!

Ercelle - posted on 03/20/2010

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Well that depends on your income. Can your home survive if u stay @ home? My household could survive until my children were able to talk so I stay home til they were 2 .

Jeanine - posted on 03/20/2010

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i went back to work when my son was only four months old. i agree with the others, dont let other people make you feel guilty about your choices. you have to do whats needed for your family. but if you feel uncomfortable about it then why not take more time out?

Michelle - posted on 03/19/2010

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I went back to work when my daughter was 6 months old. She is learning so much in Childcare and has wonderful social skills. Even if I could afford not to work I would still put her in care at least 2 days a week.

Rachael - posted on 03/19/2010

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are you kidding?? i am in the military and i HAD to go back to work when my son was only 6 weeks old. screw what everyone says just because your child goes to daycare doesnt mean you love him anyless... sometimes you just gotta do whatcha gotta do.

Tanya - posted on 03/19/2010

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Go with what you need to do for your family....eveyone is always going to have an opinion. You have to now that your decisions are specific to you and your family. Just be safe and picky.

Claudia - posted on 03/19/2010

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Hola Stacey,
i'v been n ur shoes just lik any other mom. so ur not alone.
yes, ur mind will b filld w th mny coulda, shoulda, woulda's. but its up 2 u & ur partner (if hav 1), who should tlk about ths subject.

i had 2 mak tht choice alone, i placed my dghtr n2 childcare whn she ws bout 4 mnths old, cause i ws strt'n 2 go crzy stay'n @ home & i needed to prov 2 myslf and 2 my dghtr tht no mttr wht, its ok if u gotta leave ur child @ a daycare center o w a fam. member while u look o hav a job, just as long tht u knw tht n ur heart o hearts tht ur child is well tak'n care of and tht he/she is n a vry safe and trustworthy environment.
Plus this wll help u hav som free time 4 u to do th MOTHERLY things ie: look 4 a FT/PT work, attnd & focus on school wrk u missd out on, and ur child/rn cn gain not just independance frm u but also cn gain and make friends and learn not to fear th outside world whn he/she developes and matures w time as he/she grows.

but do ur homework 1st: visit ur local Social Services Dept. whr u live and ask 4 a list of local CERTIFIED CHILDCARE CENTERS and see how they opperate & alwys listen 2 ur innervoice, tht's hw u'll knw tht ur ready to leave ur child/rn w.

good luck =)

Amanda - posted on 03/19/2010

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Yea it is. I did it and it also teaches them how to interact with other kids. I mean I think it is also u can get a little brake from the kids and everything and just have some time to yourself

Krystal - posted on 03/19/2010

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I went back to work after 8 weeks of being at home..Being a stay at home mommy defiently was not for me. I honestly hated being a mom when I was at home. I thought to myself what did I get myself into. But now everyday when it is time to leave work it is the best feeling to go and pick him up at day care. I absoutely love it and I would not have it any other way. I love that he is around other babies and I really have seen such a difference in him. I dont think he would have as much interaction if I was at home with him all the time.

Michelle - posted on 03/19/2010

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i went back to work part-time wen my son was only 6 months old. it was really hard leaving him for the first few months. but as i only work 4 hours a day 4 days a week its great for both of us. i get my own independance being with grownups for a bit. and he spends time wit other children.hes now a year old and he very good around new people. and nothing beats that look of delight on there little faces wen you go collect them.anyway best of luck watever you do.jst remember you have to thi nk whats best for both of yous.

Michelle - posted on 03/19/2010

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i went back to work part-time wen my son was only 6 months old. it was really hard leaving him for the first few months. but as i only work 4 hours a day 4 days a week its great for both of us. i get my own independance being with grownups for a bit. and he spends time wit other children.hes now a year old and he very good around new people. and nothing beats that look of delight on there little faces wen you go collect them.anyway best of luck watever you do.jst remember you have to thi nk whats best for both of yous.

Jessica - posted on 03/18/2010

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hi stacey,
iam a child care worker and have done for 5 years and love my job this year iam about to have my own baby and i think childcare is fine, most places you go the staff have a large passion for their job and with the little ones they also get attached to your child and build a postivie relationship with you and your family. as a huge positive for your child it help with social skills as well as other areas as they like to follow and try what the others are doing it can also help with feeding, toileting, etc. go back to work and you in your self know your doing the right thing.

Holly - posted on 03/18/2010

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I think it just depends on your circumstance's some times you have to work. just remember if you don't have to I surley wouldn't because you will miss alot.

[deleted account]

First, nobody should go around calling anybody "stupid". That lacks compassion and is a stubborn refusal to stand in your shoes and see things from your perspective. Second, children thrive with external carers all around the world; for time immemorial it has been said that it takes a village to raise a child and this is true to an extent, and wide exposure to different personalities and teaching styles is a gift from heaven. A balanced mom makes for a balanced child and children understand the realities provided they feel loved and secure by their mom, dad and anyone else who is temporarily caring for them. Dealing with your own feelings might be harder if you're still ambivalent about what the divide between what you want to do and what you feel society expects you to do. I'm still struggling with that 10 years later. :) Hang in there, you deserve to thrive and the fact you have already taken the responsible action of vetting a number of minders already displays your sense of responsibility and ownership of this dilemma. You'll do just fine and your daughter will be as happy and healthy as the many children whose mothers are in this position daily, me included.

Emma - posted on 03/18/2010

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your baby will never in a million years forget who their mother is, because in the eyes of any child their mother is everything no matter where they are! x

Tanya - posted on 03/18/2010

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There is nothing wrong with going back to work! I know a lot of people believe that Mom's should stay at home with their children but I appreciated the time that I spent with my daughter more when I was working than when I was off. I plan to go back to work after my second as well!

Olga - posted on 03/18/2010

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I went back to work when my daughter was 6 months old, and I think it was the best thing for both of us. We both have some independence and the time I spend with Ellie is much more focused and "quality" time as I am acutely aware of the time we spend apart. The first couple of weeks were a bit tough, but trust your judgment with your caregiver and you will be fine.

[deleted account]

unfortuntely it comes down to money! I felt bad going back after 6 months but i knew we needed money, as it was we had to save to for me to be off that long (maternity pay is not enough to live on!) . Luckily my mum has my son otherwise it wouldnt be worth me going back if I had to pay for child care! As it is my son loves going to Nannys and I think he would if he went to nursery...as they say its good for their development!

Jane - posted on 03/18/2010

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Believe me, I've seen some pretty screwed up children, teenagers and adults from both working AND stay at home mom's. Going back to work does not at all mean someone else is raising your child. Do NOT let people make you feel badly about going back to work. I think it's great you were able to maintain not working for 8 months. I had to go back to work when each of my children were 3 months old. I had to work so it was what it was at that time. My kids are 20 and 16 now and very independent, smart, exceptional students but most importantly exceptional people. Your daughter will not think someone else is her mommy. Make sure your time with her is quality!!!!!

Angie - posted on 03/18/2010

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I went back to work when my daughter was 8 weeks. It was really hard to do but I knew I had to do it. In order to sustain the life that my family is used to, we both have to work. One of my cousins who is a stay at home mom agreed to babysit, which ended up being a horrible idea, she couldn't handle her child and my baby at the same time. My Bella was having a really hard time being away from me (and vise versa) so she would cry all day. My cousin would tell me not to carry her so much at night and on the weekend so she wasn't so used to being in the arms?? Uhh I was away from my baby all day, of course I carried her when I got home. Well to make a long story short, I ended up just finding her a different day care. I found a lady from my sons school that has a home day care. Best decision I made, Bella is her only baby she watches, so she's able to carry her all day if that's what Bella wants (which she usually does :) ) and she just takes great care of her. And I know that Bella is happy there, when I go to drop her off in the morning, she flaps her little hands and tries to jump to the baby sitters arms, all with a big grin on her face. For some moms this would hurt their feelings, for me, it makes me happier than you could imagine. My daughter loves the woman that takes care of her, which means that she treats her well and loves her too :)

So the key to successfully going back to work, if finding a good care giver, it helps more than you can imagine! Good luck!

Lori Beth - posted on 03/18/2010

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It will seem hard going back to work...but then you realize your life becomes balanced with adult interraction, which is VERY healthy and neccessary. Your child will evenutally get into a rountine and will be fine. As the child gets older, you become the role model- teaching the child all about responsibliity and reliability, just by the effort you make to balance your job and your family....It will be ok...And if anyone decides to judge you---just remember- your the one who is raising and providing for the child- not them. Best Wishes!

Stacey - posted on 03/18/2010

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Hi there, thanks everyone for such a positive reply. I do understand and, in some ways already knew what each of you had said but to hear it from other mums makes it easier to digest in a way.I think you are right that i should not take notice of what others say, if it is negative anyhow! I'm surprised that people have gone back to work with their babies so young I would have too to be honest, at least part time although i thought being a home mum was what is being expected of me.But know i know just love and care and "quality time" as all you have said.
THANK YOU

Stacey
x

Jess - posted on 03/18/2010

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I hate when people suggest the day carer's are "raising" our children. It takes more than nappy changes, feeding and playing to raise a child. And lets face it, their only their for a hand full of year. Then we happily ship them off to school and no one bats an eyelid over that. My daughter will spend more hours a week at school then daycare !



My daughter is 7 months old and I started back to work last week. And Im loving it ! It makes me appreciate the time I have with my daughter, Im more connected and she gets 100% of my attention. We really needed the extra money, and I had a good job to return to. There is no glory in being a stay at "home" mum if your living out of your car, or in someone else's home !

[deleted account]

I went back to work when my son was 6 months.As a single mom and no support, I had no choice. It was hard, missing alot of his babyhood but I tried to be postitive about the time we had in the evening and weekends. We made the most of "our time". My sitter was great and became a "second mom" to him and I was blessed that she had a hand in his upbringing in the early years. I felt guily a few times having to go in the work and not stay home with him but know he was with her eased my mind. He is now 11 and takes my working in stride as this is all he knows. He is a well rounded child and I hope I installed in him the fact of life that work is unfortunely a part of life that we must all do even if we don't want to. Your daughter will be fine in the long run, just make sure you make the most of your time together "all about her"

[deleted account]

i think u lucky 2 be returnning whn ur child is 8 months, u cant belief i returned whn my child ws just a month old,but hey it is nt an easy decision but then these our angels have to eat, right!

Amanda - posted on 03/17/2010

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Hi Stacey

I agree with all of the other mum's this has to be your decision other wise it would be no good for either you or your child. My daughter was 10 months when I had to go back to work, but she made so many new friends it was unbelievable how much she has become a social butterfly.
Good luck with your choice

Lashawn - posted on 03/17/2010

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Stacey, It's not a bad thing to return back to work. You have to decide what is going to be the best for you and your family. People thought I was crazy after I had my third daughter when I went back to work after one month! But I was secure in my decision, and my husband was very supportive and I felt both physically and mentally secure to return. So just ask yourself how you feel about going back and why you want to. I'm pretty sure you'll be happy with whatever you decide to do! Good Luck!

Melissa - posted on 03/17/2010

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yes i think this is good thing. Why because it gets her used to being around others and not just mom all the time and then there will be less seperation stress.

Barbara - posted on 03/17/2010

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My daughter was born Oct 2, and I went back to work Nov 16. Sometimes you gotta do whatcha gotta do. She's at home during the day with her father, so I don't feel so bad, but I still hate leaving her for 10 hours out of the day. She's asleep 95% of the time when I leave for work in the a.m. and ready to go down for a nap when I come home in the evening. I HATE it. But what can you do. I always feel like I'm neglecting her in some way by not being here.

Christy - posted on 03/17/2010

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I thinks it's up to you and how you feel about it and your situation. My situation I had to return to work when he was 6 weeks old. It was hard but you have to do what ya gotta do.

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