In need of mommy support

Nicole - posted on 12/19/2009 ( 21 moms have responded )

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Hi, im new to all this but, i am a mother and a soldier...i recently just got deployed to Iraq and im pretty much dying without my little girl. She just turned 9 months and when i get back home she will be 15 months. I have this fear that she is not going to want anything to do with me when i get home. I know that she will go to her daddy for everything because thats her normal routine. Until she gets use to mommy being there again. I talk to her everyday and my husband makes sure he shows her my picture and says mommy every morning when she wakes up and every evening before she goes to bed. I dont know what im asking for here but i just wanted to share my story and i am wondering if anyone has been through the same kind of situation. How did you deal with being away or how else can i stay connected with her so she will know me when i get home. Thanks

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Laura - posted on 01/04/2010

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I do have one suggestion for you that I didn't think about earlier. If you're husband could ship you a book or two that you have copies of at home you could video yourself reading those books and she could watch them with her daddy while looking at the book. Also try Skype. When my dad was living in Germany (he worked for a contractor for the military working on computers) we would talk on Skype all the time and its free. You have all the talking time in the world on video and that way she can see and hear from you as much as possible. That really helped my daughter because she is afraid of men and the only men she will go to is my stepdad and my dad and her daddy of course :). My daughter would not go to my dad when he is in town if it had not been for all those video conversations we had on Skype and she would get to see him on a regular basis and get to know who he was. She will not go to my husbands dad or brothers at all as we do not see them enough for her to get to know them and is still scared of them to this day. Just a thought and suggestion. Its great that your husband shows her your picture several times a day and tells her that it's mommy. Tell him to keep it up she will not forget you :).

Coleen - posted on 01/04/2010

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i feel for you nicole...but what you have to remain aware of is a baby bond's with her mother for 9mths within the womb and you know that there are certain feelings at different stages of the pregnancy when you feel a real connection with your baby. In 6 months time your baby will still know you no matter what..There might be a song or certain laugh or playful gesture that you would have shared with your little girl that she will remember.Baby's have funny way's of adapting in life situations and I'm sure her daddy is doing everything within his power to make sure she will never forget. She will grow to be very proud of her very brave mummy........I know it would be killing you to not be with her but I'm sure it's a great consellation knowing that she is being cared for responsibly by her daddy and family and you will be looking forward for making up the lost time with your little girl. I hope you can concentrate on getting home safely and staying strong for her as you are a great role model for not only your little girl but for all of us.....keep safe, stay strong and stay focused and take care of business for yourself right now you have enlisted yourself not only for your country ,but for the better of mankind,and hopefully a better and safer world for your daughter to be raised in. Maybe that will be the driving force behind dealing with being away from her........

Laura - posted on 01/04/2010

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I do not have good advice for you as I have not been away from my daughter now 3 for more than a couple days and that alone drives me nuts, she is actually away at her Grandma's while I sit here and type this and miss her greatly. I do however have a question in return for you.

I am currently going on 5 months pregnant with my second child. My husband and I are considering me joining one of the branches of the military after this child is born. I am currently a Paramedic and know that my knowledge and skills would be useful in the military and I would love to go back to school to get my nursing degree but don't know how my husband and I could ever afford it. We make too much for grants our credit is too bad for loans and I don't know if I'd qualify for any scholarships. However I do not like being away from my daughter as it is and then having a new born at home and having to go to training and be away for a long time I don't know how we'd be able to handle that. My husband is a Deputy but works nights but is hoping to go to days by the end of next month which would help because then we'd be able to possibly use a regular day care if needed. My thing for you is do you have any advice for me on this? what do you do for childcare when you are deployed and you're husband is at work? Do you have a suggestion at what branch of the military would be better for what I want to achieve? I hadn't decided what branch I would join if I do join after this baby comes.

Thank you for all that you do in serving our country I have nothing but respect for those that do serve or have served.

Anneice - posted on 01/02/2010

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the bond between mother and child cant be broken in a few months. the fact that you talk to her and she sees your picture she is getting a constant reminder of you! i traveled too when one of my sons was young and my husband pt one of my shirts on a pillow with my favorite lotion or perfume and that intensified the feeling that mommy was still around so when i came back it all came together for him and he was even more clingy to me cause all the senses came together! sight(picture) smell(pillow) sound(voice) and now touch(the actual person you) and try to talk to her at various times sing her to sleep play with her at play time and before you know it the transition will be like you were never gone good fortune to you and you will be in my prayers!

Michelle - posted on 01/02/2010

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ACNF "a child never forgets" Your mom, Your bonded, Your loved. You have carried that beautiful baby for 9 long month plus you were there when she first took her breath of fresh air you were her first visible sight,scent,touch and sound you are a very important part of her as she is a very important part of you !!! Remember ACNF

Renee - posted on 12/28/2009

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God bless you! I think you and your husband are on the right track...keep your voice and face familiar to her. You will reconnect when you get home, no doubt. A baby never forgets her Mama. I will pray for you and your family. THANK YOU for being a hero!

Joely - posted on 12/24/2009

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Hang in there... I am a child of the military, and my dad was gone quite a bit while I was growing up. He is one of my best friends in the world and I have all the respect in the world for him and everything he has done. Your little girl may not understand it now, but think of how proud she will be later... the best thing I did for my children, while grandpa was away, was to make dogtags... Each child had a picture of him on the front and a fighting eagle on the back, we laminated them and put them on lanyards. The kids wore them and took them everywhere, and the best thing is that while wearing them, the picture is next to your heart... Maybe corny, but it sure helped to comfort them when they were missing him. Good Luck and remember, we are proud of you and thank you for all you are doing!

Terry - posted on 12/24/2009

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Wow, I can't say I'm going through what you are Nicole, but I remember having to be away on business for weeks on end when my daughter was 4 months old. I remember thinking the same thing and truthfully it did take her a while before she/I got our bond back to a place where it was. But the fact is, it did happen. And you are doing something you need to do right now. Knowing your husband is taking care of your girl and you'll be back as soon as you can, and that you are doing important work, is what you have to hold on to!

Marina - posted on 12/23/2009

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My kids are 5 and 3, and I can bet they don't remember when they were 15 months old. She'll be too young to remember any of this.

Sharon - posted on 12/22/2009

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My husband went away for training for the RCMP when our daughter was 8 months old. He only saw her once during that time. When he came home (she was 13 months), he prepared himself for trying to be patient, letting her come to him in her own time. It turned out that she didn't have much trouble getting used to having him around again and they certainly have an amazing bond. Kids are so resilient, and she will remember your scent and the sound of your voice even if she doesn't realize she does. I am sure it's tough, your sacrifice is an inspiration though. Stay safe and Merry Christmas.



Sharon

Shell - posted on 12/22/2009

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wow well first of all i just wanted to say thank you for going to iraq to fight for us, it is appreciated and u have my respect as it is something i couldnt do. secondly i think that wot ur hubby is doing in helping ur daughter to remember you is fab. i know its very different but when i split with my kids dads he and i made sure i talked to them every day about wot daddy would be doing, when they would next see them and they too had photos of him in there rooms so that they could talk to his photo if they wanted. they do c there dad often which i know is again different, i guess wot im trying to say is maybe have more pics of u around the house and iin ur daughters room, plus get ur hubby to talk more about u, as for when u get home she will recognise you coz of ur voice and she might be shy at first but she will come round and get used to u being there when she wakes up and when she goes to bed, give her time and it will come right. i hope that in some weird way i have helped and again thank u for doing wot ur doing. shell

Alison - posted on 12/22/2009

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You will always be her mommy and she will always love you and need you.

Amiee - posted on 12/22/2009

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Wow I'm so sorry you have to be away from your little one but I do thank you for serving your country I wil keep you and your family in my prayers. I don't know if you are able to get to a computer but maybe you could purchase web cameras and then she could see you on the computer might help both of you to be able to each other.

Natasha - posted on 12/21/2009

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First off thank you so much for what your are doing for our country. I really can not imagine how hard it is to be away from her but like the rest said you are her mother and she will know you. She may be shy at first but she will recognize your voice and your scent. If possible I would suggest if you can or your husband can let her sleep with something with your perfume on it. Then when you come home you can wear it and it will be something familiar to her and comfortable. I wish you and your family all the best and thank you again.

Brandi - posted on 12/21/2009

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I cannot relate, but I can assure you that what you are doing is phenomenal. Your husband is doing the best thing for your daughter and your relationship!
Good luck!

Lakecia - posted on 12/21/2009

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Hi Nicola. I know how you feel. I am a mother and I am in the military also. I have been gone out of my daughters from 2007 until this year off and on. It was hard, but if you have that good support system then it will be great. Just keep telling them to show pictures of who mommie is. I don't know if you can do the reading program or have a someone to video you and email it home. I did everything possible, but when I got home she just kept looking at me and she was surprise to see me. You will be fine. You and your family is in my prayers.

Karen - posted on 12/20/2009

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Hello, I have not gone through being away from my children that long of a time but when my son was born he stayed in the hosptial before coming home and it was hard being away from him. You are the mother and a child will never forget your scent nor do they forget your voice. You may want to make a tape or a video before you leave so she can see your face and hear your voice. Children are very smart as the other mother stated. I will pray for you and your family and trust and believe that everything will work out. Mother's knows best Smile

Vicki - posted on 12/20/2009

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Hi!! My husband was deployed to Iraq 3 weeks after we had our first baby. He was gone for 15 mos. When he came home for his 2 weeks R and R our son was 10 mos old and did fine with him. Maybe a little shy at first but did great other than that. When he came home permanently our son was 15 mos old and really adjusted well. Our only problem came at bedtime...he only wanted me. A few rough spots but overall worked out ok. I think hearing your voice everyday will definately help. She is young and i really think it will be ok. They adapt well. Thank you for your service and sacrifice...i cant imagine how hard it was for you to leave her behind. I truely believe everything happens for a reason and this will turn out to be a positive event in your life. Good luck!!! Be safe!!

Lennea - posted on 12/19/2009

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I have not gone through anything like that but as a mom I get your concerns. I think babies are very adaptable...and smart. I am sure she will be thrilled to be in your arms when you return. Not only that but as she gets older I am sure she will be very proud of what you were willing to miss for our country. Cheers to you!

Margie - posted on 12/19/2009

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dont worry you are her mom, she will recognize you. just take one step at a time make her be familiar with you first and be a friend first dont rush, she will come to you

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