judged and over it

Tah - posted on 04/13/2010 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I am new to this site and am sure this is not the first post related to this but, i just wanted to ask if anyone esle on here feels judged and attacked for being a working mom and by stay at home moms. I have been told that daycare is rasing my children and we should get rid of the nanies(nanny please) and grow our own veggies and dress in almost rags so that our children can have us there 24/7. maybe i am selfish, but i dont wanna shoot a deer to eat and i rather like the veggies at the fresh market, i can find a sale and dont want to shop at the thrift shop. I want my children to have what i didnt have and i feel like i am still a good mom, i am band recitals, boxing practice, karate, shows and everthing else, but yes i work and go to school, i also cook, clean and am a military wife, and i think it works out well. I dont think that daycare raises my child as i havent seen them at one of the afore mentioned places and dont think i will, unless their children attend the same activities..lol....i am tired of defending myself and feeling like i am trial and I want to know if anyone else feels like this? or has been in this situation on COM?

3 Comments

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Carrie - posted on 04/13/2010

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I am a workling single Mom, and I have gotten the same lecture before, but the way i see it, if you work, you teach your children to work for what they get, to never have anything handed to them, to earn their rights and thier place. They leanr the meaning of a dollar and hard work. It is a balancing act, because you have to make the time for the things such as the dancing, bike rides, activities your children are involved in, and make sure they know even though you may work, and work hard, that they come first. It is not easy. I understand, just hold your head up high and know you are instilling in your children good morals, and values, and that no matter what, they know you love them.

Tah - posted on 04/13/2010

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exactly my point, and i am busy, i work on days that i am not in school and i schedule their extras for school days because i get home before them on those days, it takes planning and research but i have to make it happen because my husbands schedule is all over the place, but he is a big help when he actually gets home when he is supposed to (his ship is crazy)..lol...i am blessed that i am in a profession where i can kinda choose what days i work, i know that not everyone is in that situation, but some of actually like to work and provide for our children and love them just as much as sahms do...can u believe that..lol

Jenny - posted on 04/13/2010

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Hi, you sound a very busy person. Likewise i am a working mum, i spend as much time with my children as possible on days off, i help at my daughters school as often as i can, do all my own household duties and am studying (for work) at the moment. Yes i do get told that i am selfish, i am not bringing up my children the childminder is i also get comments made like 'wouldnt it be nice to take your children to school and pick them up' etc. I just let it go over my head now, i keep photos of my children in my purse so if i ever wonder what the hell i am doing at work or if comment upset me i can look at their smiling faces and remeber. I work because i want to give them the best expereinces possible, my parent were divorced at a young age so i was always told no, i do not want my children to be told no. (unless for an actual reason) I want them to be able to do lots of activities and have nice things. At the end of the day i know i spend more quality time with my children and do more activities with them than some stay at home mums who dread the school holidays because they dont know what to do with them, or send them out to play. and my children are happy. If they ever ask me why when they are older i will be able to tell them, it is only them i should have to answer to, so i just turn off when people start lecturing me on working mums. We seem to be blamed for everything, obese children / anti social behaviour / junk food culture, when really we work much harder than most people juggling everything. I do ignore it but i wish people would just keep quite sometimes, they do not know what tey are talking about unless they are doing the same thing.

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