KIDS STILL SLEEPING IN MY BED

Shereen - posted on 08/16/2009 ( 26 moms have responded )

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Hi there, any advice on how to get your 8 year old out of your bed, i've tried, but yet in the morning she's right back in there.. my 2 and a half yr old is also in there, claiming his place already, now were 4 in da bed, and no rest, and no you know what, anybody with sound advice, please help...i have to be up at 4.45 every day, and this is becoming so draining.thank you

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Helen - posted on 08/21/2009

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quite simple - say no and mean it - failing that put a lock on the inside of your bedroom door!

Marcie - posted on 08/20/2009

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I have the same problem with my 8 year old also. I've told my daughters she has only 2 nights out of the 7 day week to sleep with me. Her choice on the nights. If she goes over I subtract nights and she left with 1 or none. She good with that when Daddy's around (he's in the military) so I've also gotten her a Hug a Hero from www.hugahero.com and she loves her Daddy doll. She has her Daddy doll to sleep with her in her bed when she is not sleeping with me. So far it's working for us.. I hope you can solve your sleepless nights.

[deleted account]

this cracks me up.. My daughter slept in my bed till she was 13!!! and the only reason why she left was b/c My husband (now) and I decided to move in 2/gether. (She's 17 now) But honestly, I loved sleeping w/all my kids. I knew they were safe. I was a single mom for so long that my worries were endless when it came to their safety.. so keeping them by my side helped.. lol crazy, I'm well aware.. but my advise to you would be.. pick one or two days that ur child can sleep w/u. and tell her that if she can stay in her room all night that she will be rewarded w/a night in ur bed; however, until she actually accomplishes it.. stick to ur word and do not let her sleep in ur bed. Once she gets through that first night w/o u.. praise her, praise her, praise her... She'll get a sense of accomplishment and what a big girl she's being she'll start to feel good about doing it.. Note, that this is something I never tried.. lol.. Let me know how this works out..

Esme - posted on 08/18/2009

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I am a single Mom with a son , now 14. When he started this, he would pop into my bed as soon as he could get out of his crib, he came into my bed and fell asleep, I used to return him to his bed. Then as he got older and did this, I would move myself into his room. At 9 years old I said enough. I sat him down and told him I need my sleep. We arranged that I would cuddle with him as we read a book at bedtime , in his bed, make sure there was nothing bothering him, nothing that made him scared or nervous... then I went to my bed and he did not join me. If he did, I turned him right around and back into his bed before he could even get into mine.

I know I should have done that much sooner in his life but it has worked out fine. Part of me enjoyed having him close, I think I wasn't ready.

So when you decide it is time, you and your husband have to follow through each and every single time. That means every night 2 or 3 times a night if your kids keep returning. They will get the picture. I wish you all the best.

Tracie - posted on 08/18/2009

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This must be very distressing for you. Your son obviously is seeking the security of being close with you in the night . My suggestion is to try a body pillow (you know, the really long ones) and a night-light. We used to put pillows tightly behind our youngest daughter for extra security - it feels as though someone is there. You can put in a hot pack inside the pillow, too. She is now 20yrs and as a teenager used to sleep some nights on the floor in our room, but the pillow and night-light worked most of the time. Some people just need additional comfort. You need your sleep, too, so explain this to your son and ask him to help you with some ideas.

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[deleted account]

well there must be a reason she need to be in the same room with you when my kids were small they would come into my bed also and then I got a blow up bed and put on the floor next to my side of the bed and well they got good sleep and so did I and well what ever was bothering them stop and we put the bed away after 2-3 years 5 in a bed was not fun they are only little so long and time goes by fast.............we also made there rooms fun and I told them I was going to sleep in there room and well it worked...

Nikki - posted on 08/23/2009

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everytime they crawl in the bed put them or walk them at 8 years old back to theirs no matter how tired you are do give in and they will eventually get tired of walking back and forth!

Brittany - posted on 08/19/2009

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I have a 6 year old that tries to come in every once in a while. I just take her back in and tuck her in. My real problem is with my 3 year old. HE WILL NOT sleep in his own bed. On top of that he has a developmental delay that causes him to not be able to talk yet. I am out of ideas. My hubby and I take turns in the middle of the night putting him back in bed but 35 lbs of sleeping child 9-10 times a night became worse then just letting him stay. HELP!!!

Khristine - posted on 08/19/2009

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Yes, this can be really frusterating at times. Have you tried to put a twin size bed right beside your bed, I know somerooms are not big enough to do that. Just try to put a bed beside yours, it is normal for some kids. My two year old wont sleep any where unless she is in bed with me, but i put a little toddler bed right beside mine, and she sleeps just fine, just as long as she is beside me. Maybe your 8 year old will do the same. Then you can have more room in the bed.

LUCRETIA - posted on 08/19/2009

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my 3yrs will go to sleep in his big boy. About 3:00 am every night he would either call for me or daddy or come get in the middle of us.i really wants a good-night of sleep.my older son stop when i had my second son.now it just a repeat with my second son.now sometime we act like we don't here him and he go back sleep and we make sure just the night light is the only light on.so its too dark in the rest of the house for him to walk.

Yoli - posted on 08/19/2009

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My cosine bought one of those really cool kids bed's to help get her son out of the bed. If you can't afford one of those tricked out beds, buy a comforter set with her favorite cartoon characther or Hanna or Raven.... Call it the princess castle! Then make a bedtime routine, small snack, book, bed. You will have to sleep with her in the "princess castle" a few times all night untill the morning. Once she gets used to it, little by little spend less time in the bed with her. Untill finally you are out. You can try the same thing with your younger one. Do this with him now, it will be hard all over again if you let him get older like you daughter. Hope this helps, good luck. =)

Nesee - posted on 08/19/2009

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Yeah of course it is hard but for a couple more nights of no sleep you just have to persevere with putting them back to bed when they get up no matter how hard it is because in the end it works....YOU CANT GIVE IN!!! All the best!!

Cathy - posted on 08/18/2009

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i had the same problem starting at the age 5 of all things. she stayed in her bed in her room with the door shut until 5. what's up with that? anyway, i lost a LOT of sleep taking her back and forth to her bed for months. then i actually came up with a cool idea and my peditrician recommended it AFTER i came up with it. I made a pallet with a twin daybed mattress at the foot of my bed. i told her that was her place in our room and she could sleep there when she was scared and all. it's comfy and in a safe place for her. I finally got sleep for more than 2-3 hrs at a time. it's been a lifesaver. try it. it may work.

Katherine - posted on 08/18/2009

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I think it's a comfort/security issue. I remember being frightened at the idea of sleeping alone as a kid myself; what sometimes helped me was that special stuffed animal or blanket... in addition we had kitties that liked to sleep with us. One would curl up right next to my side, and I'd feel safe. Also a night light, closed closet door and my parents being consistent about us sleeping in our own beds solved any problems... eventually.

Linda - posted on 08/18/2009

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Put the child in there own bed and tell them to stay put. If she comes back to your bed take her back and the same for the other one. keep doing this for as long as it takes. Start telling them they are to big to be sleeping with you and start taking things away if they keep coming back. My daughter and grandkids tried to do the same thing but I kept putting them back. They will finally get the message. Good luck

Roseanna - posted on 08/18/2009

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I am sleep training my 2 year old right now he starts in his bed at night then moves to mine about 2am it is hard I know how you feel it will take about a week or two to get the transition over with but you will have to get up at night and hear them cry u just have to stick with it. This is what I do I put him to bed and tell him that he is a big boy now and big boys don't sleep with their mommy and daddy anymore give him a high five and tell him good night. when he gets up I put him back in his bed and do the same thing over again and it has worked for me. the first night was awful I was up every 30min and he cried all night (or it seemed like it) but the second night he got up just once and went to sleep fine. I hope that this was helpful

Jennifer - posted on 08/18/2009

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I am currently dealing with the same issue and making some progress. I try to remove anything that is making a "scarey" shadow and close the closet door. She has a night light. I tuck her in and say our prayers. She is allowed to come knock on my door or tap my shoulder if she gets scared or needs something but is not allowed to climb in the bed. As a special treat she is allowed to sleep with me on a designated night but no more than once a week or every 2 weeks. But this night is picked before bed time so she does not crawl in bed with me in middle of night.

[deleted account]

Read BabyWise- I am sure they have a series for your 8year old, also. Yeah, I feel for you, we had a similar problem up until my boy was 3- The suggestions from the book saved my life!

Good luck

Rachel - posted on 08/17/2009

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There are a few great ideas above - but also try rewards incentives. It may sound like kindergarden all over again, but putting marbles in a jar for each night that he stays in his own bed all night and offering a reward for him once it reaches a certain level may help. May kids, including my own, love to have a visible sign of their accomplishments and a reward to work towards. I use a jar that she picked out at the store and we bought the marbles together too. She picked out her reward and the line was drawn - literally! It doesn't have to be a huge $$$$ reward for it to work either - maybe they get to pick a movie to watch or a game to play on family night, or even a dessert to eat if the line is met. As the child comes into the room at night gently remind him of the reward and the marbels and let them put on in the jar if they don't fight you to be escorted back to bed and promise to stay there. Slowly, and I do mean slowly at first, this will work.

Best wishes to a better nights sleep for both of you!

Cheryl - posted on 08/16/2009

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I suggest taking your 8 yr old back to bed and tucking him/her in. If you are a hard sleeper and the child is sneaky- hang a jingle bell on your doorknob so you wake up enough to start helping this behavior. If that did not wake me up, as soon as I felt the discomfort in not being able to move, I would get up and get him out. If he came back crying , I would toss him a blanket on the floor, tell him to get his pillow and lay down there. My 3 yr old came in every night-it is miserable sleep for me. When I made him go to the floor it became miserable sleep for him- he quit coming in. His bed is much more comfortable. To me, however, storms are a different situation. I allow him to come in in thunderstorms- he is truly terrified, screaming as he runs in. Good luck

Dawn - posted on 08/16/2009

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I threatened to sell my 8 year old son's bedroom set if keept getting into our bed. It worked but he still sneeks in on a Friday or Saturday night.

Tracy - posted on 08/16/2009

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I have asked.. it's because he shares a room with his older brother.. sep beds but same room.. he tells me he can't sleep alone. I have put him in there and told him he can't come out (with no locks of course) and tried to let him cry it out.. but he cried from 830 pm until 3am... and that was my breaking point. I know I shouldn't have, but that was rough..

Beth - posted on 08/16/2009

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Don't put a lock on his door, unless he can get out from the inside...HUGE safety issues there!!! Have you asked him why he can sleep in his own bed at Dad's but not at your house??? He might be able to give you the answer you're looking for...worth a try!

Beth - posted on 08/16/2009

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My daughter was 3 (now 12) when she went to her "big girl bed". When she was 6 she slept with me for a while (marriage broke up, some CRAP going on, scared me 1/2 to death I couldn't hear movement in my own home while sleeping...long story). She, up until this past year, would still try when there's thunder storms, a nightmare...I just had to put my foot down and be a "mean mom" by telling her, after comforting her, to go back to her own bed. She'd be mortified by my telling you she still has "Miss Kitty" for just such emergencies! Good luck! I don't know what else to say. For me, it's also helpful that she's 5'1" and I'm 5'2", so room is limited....

Tracy - posted on 08/16/2009

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OMG!!! I am so with you! My 8 year old won't leave my bed either!!! I am a single mom and he has been in the bed with me from day one.. But when he goes to his Dad's, he sleeps just fine in his own room!! My Mother told me that when I was little the doctor told her to put a lock on my door so I couldn't get out.. and I cried for a couple of days and then I was fine... But I just can't bring myself to do that to my child...!!!!! Even though it was fine for me.. just can't do it!! :)

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