My 2 year old daughter is being bitten at daycare. She isn't taking the others toys or doing anything to warrant being bitten. I understand that this happens and I wasn't really upset until yesterday. She has been at the daycare for almost 3 months and has been bitten 8 times, 3 of which have been in the last 2 days. I've talked to the provider about what she is doing to stop the biting and discipline but nothing that she is doing is working. The parents of the kids that are biting don't seem to be concerned. I'm frustrated but don't know what to suggest. This morning when I dropped her off, she didn't want to stay and was crying when I left. It really broke my heart when she saw one of the little girls that bit her yesterday and she said plz don't bite me. HELP!
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Crystal - posted on 12/17/2008
Thank you all for your wonderful advice. I was able to sit down with the daycare provider and the parents of the children that were biting. We were able to come up with a solution for the biting. We sat down over lunch again today and were very pleased that everything is going well with the non-biting. A biting plan was formed. If a child is bitten, the biter is put into time out and than apologizes. If bitten again the child is put in another room and not allowed to play with the children the rest of the day. If it occurs again, then the parents are called and the child is removed from daycare immediately. It's really great knowing that everyone is so supportative and caring to give advice. THANK YOU!
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Josephine - posted on 12/17/2008
Your daycare should have a policy on biting. Our daycare's policy is that after the 2nd bite, the parents of the biting child needs to come in and discuss ways to teach. I think if it's still happening after that, the child won't be allowed to come to school.
Stephanie - posted on 12/17/2008
Find a new daycare. I had the same thing happen but my son only got bit 2 times and I took him out right away. The kid that was doing the biting was one of the teachers kids and I know he got away with everything. I would not stand for it. I got him in a different daycare and it never happened again.
Stacey - posted on 12/17/2008
Hi there! When my son was little, he had this happen to him too, and after multiple meetings with the daycare director AND the parents, nothing seemed to be working to dissuade this kid from biting my son. I finally resorted to telling my son to push this kid away from him as hard as he could whenever he got anywhere close. This kid was biting so hard that there were scabs on my son's arms, once even on the face, and I just couldn't handle it anymore. I told the daycare I'd be telling him to push back, and eventually they decided that the biting child had to go, and asked them to leave the daycare, since it wasn't only my son who was getting bitten.
Good luck... I don't know if what I've said will help you, but its the only thing I could think of to do at the time!
Claire - posted on 12/17/2008
If I were you I would have a meeting with the day care provider and tell them it is really upseting your daughter and you. I would let them know that something has to be done, other than what they are allready doing. In affect it is a form of bullying to your little girl so stand your ground, it has to stop. I know that children do bite, but 8 times is a little too much. The parents of the child who is biting can request from their health visitors a one to one supervision for the child maybe, I know my friend did this with their little one who was biting. Hope you get some answers soon, Claire.
Chelsea - posted on 12/16/2008
oh my goodness, i used to work at a daycare and one of the lil boys who was about 3 was biting and he was kicked out. The daycare worker that was bit had to go to the doc cuz he broke the skin. It can be dangerous and needs to be addressed with this child for sure.
The daycare worker needs to keep a close eye on the child and teach him not to do that or he will be excluded from play and group time. We had sucess with a younger kid that would bite by pinning a washcloth on his shirt and then when he would want to bite he would bite that instead and earn "points" for being respectful and safe.
Either she loses this one kid or she will lose a lot more kids, she needs to take it seriously.
Melissa - posted on 12/16/2008
how old are they? when they are younger, they don't understand what they are doing, really. my daughter has been bitten several times. and my nephew, when he was in DC, was the biter. we have dogs, and when they play, we talk about "no biting"...
i'd talk to the DC provider again and just see if they are trying to keep the child who bites away from the other children in those scenarios they've seen... is it because they aren't wanting to share? in our case, they liked to play under a table, so the teachers took that situation out of the equation... is it because of lack of verbal skills of the other child? well, that is also the DC teacher's responsibility to know...and try to keep from happening.
i will say it happened a few times to my daughter...a few weeks it was several days and that was very upsetting to me. but it has calmed down. i think you should continue to be positive with your daughter going to DC. this will pass... try not to give the situation too much power (meaning, if you're upset, she'll sense that...) try to stay as calm as you can. i know it can be frustrating... they are babies and it is a learning process for them.
I can definitely relate to what is being said here. My son was being bitten frequently and it seemed like nothing was being done. We attended a conference at the center on biting and the only parents to attend were myself and husband and then the parents of the biter. With this we were able to come up with some ideas, though nothing worked from this. I know that some parents work hard with their children to stop the biting but in our case I had witnessed the biter trying to bite his own parents and they did nothing. It finally got to the point (twice) that I told the center to move my child to the next class up and I didn't care that he would be younger than others. If the center wasn't going to do anything in the classes and the parents weren't going to do anything at home then I was going to do something to separate my child so he wouldn't be bitten. Since then the two boys are back in the same class. Fortunately there is a WONDERFUL teacher in this class who likes challenges and she was able to, in a sense, force the parents to change their routines so that they made biter use his words for things he wanted (if he wanted a box of cereal he had to ask for it, not grunt) It seems like the work was done at home and in the school with this teacher and there have been no incidents in quiet a while.
Jennifer - posted on 12/13/2008
Ask the center if they will have the child(ren) who are biting removed. My son bit a child once in the nursery at my church. I was told by the nursery lead about the incident and was told if it continued he would be asked to leave until the situation was rectified. Thankfully my son only did that once to a non-relative. I had been trying to get him to stop biting relatives (my parents and me mostly) at home for a short while before that incident at church and a little bit after. He eventually stopped after about 3 months of occasional biting.
Cari - posted on 12/12/2008
I know both sides of this story! I had a son who was bit a lot too and my daycare actually had to ask the family to leave (it was sad). And then my second son was THE BITER!!! It was awful!!! I think that kids that age bite out of frustration and pain -- they are teathing and hurt a lot then they get frustrated because they can't really express themselves that well and then they get mad and bite. There really isn't tons that can be done by the teacher -- they should put the biter in time out of course and then write it up. Most daycares do have policies regarding biting. For my littler biter, I asked them to let him carry around his little bear with him everywhere he went -- he chewed on it all the time at home as his favorite teether and they agreed -- after that biting was never a problem for him again! Thank God!
Cindy - posted on 12/12/2008
I know someone whose daughter was expelled from daycare for biting. I'm sorry you and your child are going through this. If your daughter has only been there three months is it worth finding another center? (I know that isn't easy) Now you have yet another question to ask when interviewing. "What is your center's policy regarding biting?" We cannot wrap them in bubblewrap and protect them from everything in their lives, but we have to decide when it is right to step in and help out. Sounds like her crying this morning gave you a clear message that something needs to be done. Hopefully just a talk with the director of the daycare will help. Good luck.
Jennifer - posted on 12/11/2008
The same thing was happening to my sweet 2 yo little boy ..The director in my center was lax about it - one because her son was one of the bitters.. it made me so mad that the parents didn't seem concerned either.. i know your frustration. It took my husband & I both going to the director and then to the cooperate to get something done.. in some centers they give the parents of the bitter a warning then ask them to take the child out of the center for 2-3 days - this forces the parents to do something about it.. another solution which worked in my case was that they put the bitters in one group together and put the more docile kids in another cluster until the bitting stopped. If it didn't stop I threatened to remove her from that daycare - although i loved everything else about it..after a couple more months it seemed that it did stop and now it hasn't happened since the summer.
Sharon - posted on 12/11/2008
Hi Ladies, I feel so sorry for what your child is going through or had gone through. Though I have a 8 year old girl, unfortunately this problem of other children hurting others keep on going as they grow older and in different classes. My daughter had this problem when she was in Reception class and also 3 times this term she was being bullied. I had to speak to the Principal and was assured this will not happen again and they will follow the school policy. However this affected my daughters interaction with other kids as she was scared of being bullied 'called racist names etc. I took this further and the parents of the girl had to be called in only to find out that the mom had remarried and the guy was from an ethnic minority and the biological father of the girl who was bullying my daughter used to call him names when she was with her and that is how she picked this names. The girl was warned she will be suspended/expelled if it continued. In short, as parents we need to raise our children being confident and free of fear and anything that hinders that will affect the child's concentration I agree with Jill teach the child the No means no and to avoid the attacker at all times but also speak to the teacher/director to avoid your child to be withdrawn from the rest of her class
Jill - posted on 12/11/2008
My son was bit 5 times in a short amount of time, as well. This is totally a phase, but it's being taken out on our children! The director, or course, should give warnings, but there has to be an expectation that the teachers in that class are doing their best to keep the biter seperated from the "victims".
Also, I don't blame your daughter for being upset, but I think you'll have to have another sit down with the director and ask specifics about how many warnings will be given and exactly what they are doing to seperate the biter from the other kids until this phase is over.
The last time my son was bit was right next to his eye. He didn't seem phased by the biting incidents, but started biting himself & I just reminded him that we don't bite. You'll just have to remind your daughter to stay away from the biter and to tell her "no" when the biter tries to bite her. It's okay to bring attention to herself by yelling if she's defending herself. My son will say "stop it" or "no" when he's uncomfortable with a situation. Sometimes it's obnoxious, but in this situation, it's not. GL!
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