my husband is working out of country in a not safe country so i cant go but he loves it, it is helping pay loans for our college age children but he seems fine to sacrifi

Danielle - posted on 07/15/2012

It IS possible for your husband to find a job in a country that is safe enough or you to live in. I've lived and worked in various countries, and have always chosen jobs in countries that were safe enough to bring my son along. This is not a choice of a high-paying overseas position vs. living with you - you and your husband CAN have both if you both really want to. And if he doesn't find the right position, then it sounds like you two need to reflect and discuss your values - are the money, adventure and professional fufillment really worth the toll it is taking on your relationship? If it is for him, then you have a difficult choice to make about what is best for you. But I would encourage you to search high and low for a compromise - which may mean searching outside the box in this case (alternating countries every six months or two years; turning his skills into self employement to allow travel but increase flexibility; work-from home or location-independant positions; getting your adult kids to step up and pay for their own schooling in order to take the financial pressure off...). Best wishes with exploring all your options!

Diane - posted on 06/26/2012

Thank you Stella

Lakota - posted on 06/26/2012

Diane, I am so sorry. I have been where you are. It is very hard. But, please know that you aren't alone. It was hard for me to reach out to other people. I finally did and found a wonderful group of people who were going through the same thing I was and some even worse. It helped so much. Talk to the counselor and also try to find a group you can join also and make new friends. You will be so glad you did. Keep your head up and take it day by day, even hour by hour if you need to. Be good to yourself. You will get through this. I will continue to pray for you.

Diane - posted on 06/25/2012

he just left for another month and I am sitting home watching love story fairy tale movies and feel so hopeless. I made an appointment to see a divorce lawyer next week. so expensive 275.00 an hour. I will try to also find a counselor. feel so emotionally drained every time he leaves/ and is so unattached
been crying for days.

Jeana - posted on 06/23/2012

Two years is hard indeed, i agree with Stella, we are blessed with strong instinct. Flying there to give surprise, i'm afraid if you'll got the surprise. But i believe women are stronger than everyone's can imagine. So my suggestion is trust your pure instinct and continued with logic thinking about your future

Diane - posted on 06/20/2012

Thank you all so much. You are very insightful! Prayers are most welcome! Thank you all again. I am praying for direction.

Kristin - posted on 06/20/2012

I would just fly over as a surprise visit and see what is going on. I would also be getting divorced because my spouse works out of town as well but he calls everynight and comes home wekends or i pack the kids up and go see him. I think you have already made your decision and are looking for reassurance you are doing the right thing. Rule #1 make yourself happy first. Dont worrry about finding someone else first worry about finding YOU. Do what makes you happy. Your kids are grown and have their own lives now you need to get one. You should not feel bad about who you are because iof the way your hubby treats you. Stand your ground and dont let him walk all over you. And if you are sexually frustrated than honey invest in a good vibrator as it will last longer than a man and may help you gain some happiness and confidence back., I wish ytou all the best

Lakota - posted on 06/20/2012

Diane, I honestly think that you know what you should do. I believe that the way he treats you is emotionally abusive. God bless.

Diane - posted on 06/20/2012

most of his vac time is centered around seeing kids, I just became not so impt in the mix of priorities to make time for me and him on vac, but he always make time for kids and him and if i am present well he just pretends it was for the whole family visit. He barely reaches out for me well here and it is I who make advancements. I have made comments and he gets mad and short to be botheredd. I know my gut is right. But he wont admit it, he does all responsibilities to say he does all husband things but the one thing he wont really do is have a connection or need for me. This is when I feel like his sister. If I make an advancement he will partake but it is like get it over and he doesnt initiate with me. He doesnt like to fail he likes to win so he doesnt want to divorce, he wants all to look all ok to public but to me well he has checked out except to look the part for his pride. It is like he doesnt want to dissapoint his parents doesnt want to let them down. I feel bad about my self when he looks at me with a lack of connection and it is not good for me. I am in good shape(size 6 or 4), have life in me left to give to someone. I have a great job and many family and friends who support me. I am involved at my church and started a nonprofit org with my son along with my full time job and keeping up my 4 bedroom house. It has been 2 years in Mexico and they want him to sign again for another year.I am worried if I dont divorce now I will never find a new love that I will get too old. I am 43 now. I appreciate all the comments very much! I was wondering if I was crazy if it was just me but I got a 3.7 in college, I know what I am feeling is real. Thank you

Faye - posted on 06/19/2012

When he takes his vacation days, do you guys meet somewhere else or does he come always home?

We have friends who worked overseas a few years ago. Both father and son worked overseas in the same area while the wife/mom and gf stayed home. They could take 10 day vacations every 3 months. The dad did not take his but instead took them at the end of his year. So he came home 40 days early (before his contract was up). The son took some of his and his gf met him all over the world for vacations. Those days he did not take he took at the end so he came home 20 days early (before his contract was up).

By the time both father and son returned to their homes, each home was paid off and the father went over again to add to his retirement.

I agree with the others there is something not right.

Lakota - posted on 06/19/2012

Diane, something sounds fishy. I think you should trust your instincts.

Diane - posted on 06/18/2012

I have been thinking the same thing. Again I had saved a week to go there and in front of our grown kids he put me on the spot well you can take a week with me or i can come home for a birthday and to take the other to college. What am I going to say of course I will say do for the kids but he said oh just say your vacation days . As long as I dont feel anything and say anything this whole arrangement works fine. It is Mexico where he is and there are kidnappings/ violent shoottings/ another language that he has learned. He loves it,the culture, He loves going back. This is the third time I planned to go there and the third time he shoots some excuse my way so I dont go. I have yet to go because of this. I dont know the language and it is very violent so it is hard to just show up. I just want to share a life with someone and with someone who wants to be with me. He doesnt seem to

Tabitha - posted on 06/18/2012

Have you researched the area where he's at? Is it as violent as he's making it out to sound? If it's so violent there, why would any business be expanding their plant there? No skyping? Even soldiers in combat have made time to skype with their wives and families. You can't go there to visit? It sounds like maybe he has another life there that he doesn't want you to know about. Is it possible that he's got another family there? I would just show up there and see what's going on. Maybe if he sees that you're willing to brave the "danger" to see him, he'll think more about your feelings and decide that this job isn't worth it. Maybe not. Good Luck.

Diane - posted on 06/15/2012

thank you he wont leave the job and he doesnt want me to come there to violent. It is so sad.Thank you for your response I really appreciate it.

Diane - posted on 06/15/2012

he only has a certain amount of trips each year, usually around ten, but he is away 100 times more than he is here. They want him to stay another year they are doubling the size of the plant there, but everytime i try to go there he says it is too violent. he never wants to skype says it is to hard. I am dying here I want a man to be with. I wanted it to be him but he doesnt seem to want to come home or for me to go there. I am thinking of filing for divorce? Please we will be married 25 years, but he just liked dropped me 2 years ago. Money was the most important to him now. Not me I seem to be the last. I am 43, my children are grown is there hope for another man in my life.It sounds bad but it is my reality. thank you so much

Kristin - posted on 06/15/2012

That is hard. I would ask my husband if he would be willing to move back home to save your marriage or you may consider moving to where he is working as well. Two years to be away and not see each other is an extremely long time and is not really fair to either one of you. I hope you both can reach a compromise and work things out,

Lakota - posted on 06/15/2012

What does he say when you ask him to come home? I understand the money part, but, two years is a long time to be away.