My son smells and licks my stinky shoes and my daughter's too.Pls help

Ashok - posted on 02/28/2017 ( 10 moms have responded )

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Hello,

This is my first post. I'm a single mom. I have a 18 year old daughter and a 15 year old son. Their dad passed away when they were very young. So I may have actually pampered them a lot as I didn't want them to feel the loss of their dad
Anyway, I work as a receptionist in an office. So I always wear high heels to office. I have around 5 pairs of heels and pumps which I keep rotating.
The other day, I kicked off my heels after I came home from work. I popped into the shower and realized I forgot something. As I came out, I saw my son on his knees near the shoe rack and I saw him drop my heels after he heard me coming. I asked him what he was doing and he just said that he was looking for some shoe of his. I didn't think much of it at that point but later when I thought about it I felt a bit suspicious as he acted as if I caught him at something and I was sure I saw him holding my heels. So anyway the next day after I came back, I took my heels off and went in the shower, but this time I came out silently to see if my son was up to anything. Then I saw something shocking. I saw my son sniffing the inside of my worn shoes. I then saw them licking them too. I was shocked. Just so you know, I'm not really a woman who spends a lot on shoes/clothes etc. I wear heels only because I kind of have to where I work, not because I like wearing them as they hurt my feet. I don't make a lot of money and prefer to save up my money for my children's future. So the shoes I have are kind of old. They look good on the outside but are pretty well worn on the inside. Some of them have bits of toejam in them and are quite sweaty. In essence, they smell quite bad, especially right after I come back from office. I've never paid much attention to it as I don't take off my shoes in office and they don't rally smell unless I take it off. So anyway, now you understand what my son was doing. He was smelling and licking the inside of my shoes which I was sure smelled quite awful. I was disgusted and I froze on seeing it. I didn't know what to do. I then decided that I needed more time to think about it and I didn't want to embarrass my son, so I just went back in the shower and came out as normal. I saw my son just watching TV as I guess he was finished with my shoes. Later when my son had gone to bed, I went and smelled my shoes which he licking up close. Oh my God they stunk so bad. I almost puked after smelling my shoes. I never realized they smell so bad. I don't usually smell my shoes up close. I clean them sometimes when I can notice the smell after I take them off, but I never bring my shoes up to my face and smell it. I don't understand why he likes to smell and lick shoes which have such a putrid and foul smell. I know about foot fetishes and stuff and I can understand men who are into feet. But why would someone want to smell something which stinks so bad.
Now after observing him for a few days, I also found out that he also smells and licks his sister's heels and shoes. My daughter is in college. Her heels don't smell as bad as mine, but they still smell of sweat and feet (Yes I smelled her shoes after I saw my son doing to understand what the hell he was smelling). Now my daughter is a very pretty girl. She is also quite haughty and was one of the popular kids in school. My son is more of the quieter geeky type. So my daughter anyway kind of picks on her brother a lot and makes fun of him in general. So I'm scared of what will happen if she finds out. They know each other's friends, and she know many of the girls in his class as they went to the same school. I'm sure she will make fun of him and tease him endlessly or worse, she could tell other people in his school and everyone might find out, humiliating him. I cannot imagine my son going through such humiliation.
I have also found out that he has a definite preference for high heels. He has a preference for the freshly worn shoes. Basically he smells and licks them right after I or my daughter return home. He also acts out more and seems to prefer the stinkier shoes. The reason I know this is I had bought a new pair of heels a few days ago. After I wore them to office and returned, he did lick my new heels but not for long. He soon moved on to the shoes I wore the previous day which smelled a lot. Even among my daughter's shoes, he always acts out the longest on one pair which are her smelliest pair.
I have researched a lot online about this. I understand that this fetish is quite common, even though he seems to have a particularly extreme version of it. I have some across several links about high heel and trample fetishes in this forum posted by other moms and others too. I also came across several pornographic videos where men lick and smell shoes of women. I'm sure my son has quite a few of those videos in his laptop (If I could find them I'm sure my son could). But I don't want to invade his privacy by checking his laptop. I feel bad enough about sneakily watching his activities when he licks our shoes, but that is because he does it in the living room. I don't check on what he does in his room.
My top concerns are the following.
1. I'm scared about any health related issues from him licking my sweaty dirty shoes. I'm sure my shoes are full of bacteria which are bad for your health, and he licks and ingests them. What do I do about this? I could buy new heels, but my feet sweat a lot and I cannot keep buying new heels often. So do I wear pantyhose? Do I clean my shoes before I come in? If I start doing it, I'm scared my son will find someone else's shoes to act out on or he will become frustrated
2. I'm scared of my daughter or someone else finding out about this. He is a very shy and sensitive boy. He cannot take that much humiliation if his friends find out about it. How do I make sure no one finds out about his fetish?
These are my immediate concerns Other than this, what do I do? Do I talk to him? If he is doing this, I'm sure it is a fetish or a strong attraction towards women's smelly heels that he has. I don't think any counseling or talking to him is going to help. He is not going to get over his fetish, and I don't think it is some disease you can cure. It is who he is. I'm afraid he might get embarrassed on withdrawn even further if I talk to him. I just want to make sure he channels his fetish in a safe, healthy and discreet way, preferably without involving me. Do I ask him to stop smelling my heels? I'm not sure if he is using our shoes for any sexual release (As I said I think what he does in his room is his business. I don't want to find out about this by other means except him telling me). If he is doing that it would concern me a lot as it might mean he is sexually attracted to his mom and his sister?. I don't know I'm so confused and I have no idea how to approach this. Please can you help and give me suggestions on how to approach this situation. I would especially like to hear from moms who have had a similar experience with their sons, and also from men who have a similar fetish. If your mom found out about your fetish, how would you want her to approach it? Please help

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Ev - posted on 03/12/2017

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Ashok--I have to agree with Sarah E. and she was not insinuating that he is watching any sort of pron and will become a sex offender.

"And I don't understand what makes you jump to the assumption that he could watch child porn and become a sex offender?"
Sarah is trying to tell you what can happen in a legal sense of things. If caught with porn, especially child porn, both of you would end up having to register if found guilty of the charges. And there is the repercussions you as his mother would face as well allowing a minor to exposed to porn. I have to agree. There are hard laws in all states regarding this.

" Seriously? Which part in my post makes you think my son could be a sex offender?"
She never said she thought he was a sex offender.

{{Your son is 15, porn is completely illegal and inappropriate for him to have on his computer. As his parent, you would potentially face legal charges (as well as him) for illegal possession of pornography. The potential for him to accidentally view child porn is quite high as well and then he could end up a registered sex offender. So, nip the porn!}}--quoted from Sarah's post.

No where in this part of her post did she say he was a sex offender. She said it was illegal and not appropriate for him to have and that you both could potentially face charges of having it. Then he would have to end up having to register as a sex offender.

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Sarah - posted on 03/03/2017

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To clarify, I said possession of child porn would create a situation where he could have to register...I never said watching porn would make him a sex offender
To address the question. What he is doing is disrespectful of boundaries and grossly unhygienic. I would worry more about what could happen to him if he continues than how he may feel if you ask him to stop. If he cannot control impulses, then he needs therapy. If you desire to support him in this behavior, you can still insist that he keep it private and not involve you nor his sister's belongings.

Ashok - posted on 03/03/2017

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For all future responses, please ignore I said anything about the porn. Assume I said nothing about it. Please help me on how I should tackle the main issue regarding him licking my smelly heels.
And don't anyone dare call him a sex offender. He is a child and he is my son. I'm extremely protective of him. I'm not going to tolerate people who know nothing about him saying he might be a sex offender.

Ashok - posted on 03/03/2017

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I don't understand why everyone is jumping to the porn. First, I never said that he has porn. I just said that I don't know if he has or not. And porn is the least of my worries. Any mom who thinks their son has not watched porn is living in a fantasy world. Period. And I don't understand what makes you jump to the assumption that he could watch child porn and become a sex offender? Seriously? Which part in my post makes you think my son could be a sex offender? I'm sorry but that is extremely offensive.

If you think I'm a troll and don't want to help, that's fine. I wouldn't have spent this much time typing up a post and sharing my personal feelings and concerns if I knew I was going to be accused of being a troll. I thought I was going to get some helpful responses.

Sarah - posted on 03/03/2017

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First, I am not sure I trust the validity of this post. It is so similar to a previous post several months back that was obviously a troll.
Your son is 15, porn is completely illegal and inappropriate for him to have on his computer. As his parent, you would potentially face legal charges (as well as him) for illegal possession of pornography. The potential for him to accidentally view child porn is quite high as well and then he could end up a registered sex offender. So, nip the porn!
If true, his inclination to lick filthy shoes is gross. Simply tell him to respect your property and leave your shoes alone. Self control is an important skill. If he can't control his impulse to lick dirty shoes, then he needs some serious counseling.

Here is a link to the other posts that are very much like this one.
http://www.circleofmoms.com/single-moms/...

Ashok - posted on 03/02/2017

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Thanks for your reply. Professional counseling is something that I'm thinking of. But I don't know how my son would feel talking about something so personal and awkward with a complete stranger.
I think at this stage, I'm just going to gather my courage and have a frank talk with him first. I'm not going to be judgemental nor be critical, but I just want to understand what is going through his head. I'm going to be sympathetic and supportive. I'm sure that he will feel more comfortable talking to his mother than some stranger who might judge or worse make him feel like a freak (I'm not saying counselors are like that but if a particular counselor does not understand this fetish, God know what he/she will say to my son).
Regarding your comment about me tolerating porn, I'm afraid I have to respectfully disagree with you there. I don't think there is anything wrong in watching porn per se. Yes addiction can be harmful but I'm sure the vast majority of men (and women too) watch or have watched porn. And yes most teenage boys watch porn and masturbate. My son and I have a very open and trusting relationship, and if I start intruding on his privacy, he is not going to trust me anymore.

DC - posted on 03/02/2017

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I understand your concern. I think we might call this a type of foot fetish, and many sources connect this issue with sexual needs. Some call a fetish just a specific type of fantasy. However, if you research this issue you will find that they are not harmless. The fantasies they build up can never be satisfied within a normal sexual relationship. That just leads to both sexual and relational problems later. It can also be a way to indirectly fantasize about a woman. Since your son is not socially adept, this may be a coping mechanism.

You seem casual about the possibility he has pornography on his computer. Again, this is an addiction that only leads downward. Neither issue has anything to do with sex as the normal, healthy gift it is. The lack of a father figure is a huge thing to a boy and another issue to be addressed as you deal with the situation. In my opinion, he needs some professional help. I feel for you for sure. We all want the best for our kids. I think Focus on the Family is a great resource. They may be able to point you to a good counselor in your area. Their number is 855-382-5433. Best of luck!

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