My step children are ruining my marriage!!! HELP

Sara - posted on 11/08/2010 ( no moms have responded yet )

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I have been with my husband for four years. I entered this relationship with him having a biological son at the age of 5 and a non-biological daughter at the age of 8 whom he has been a part of since she was an infant. Throughout the years we have fought over the two of them because I have never been aloud to have a voice. My ability to discipline only applies to the four girls we have had over the past ten years. Here's the root of the problem. My step children are now 15 and 17 and they rule the roost. My 15 year old stepson now lives with us and can't speak to me unless it is screaming or with a nasty tone to his voice and the 17 year old stepdaughter lives on her own with her boyfriend. We have not had a good history because of her violent and beligerant ways. We didn't speak to each other for almost two years because she was so nasty and wrote us off. When she moved out on her own I began to feel sorry for her. I had my husband invite her and her boyfriend over for dinner. It went really well. She began coming around and we decided to pay for her drivers education and make a deal that she would babysit her siblings every other weekend until the drivers ed was paid off. We would also help her get a car so she could stop relying on her boyfriend to drive her everywhere. Once the drivers ed was over and she got her license we never heard from her again. Everytime we would ask her to babysit she always had plans and she was angry because we hadn't provided her a car. It wasn't from lack of trying. It was from lack of finding a decent car for the money we could afford to spend. But, that didn't matter to her. This past weekend I asked her to babysit for a couple hours on a saturday night and she once again was not able to. I reminded her of our original agreement and well to make a long story short by the end of the conversation she had called me everything but a white woman, told me how worthless I was to her and that I was the reason she has lost her relationship with her dad. I cried and cried and my husband couldn't understand why I was letting it get to me. It was like history repeating itself once again. She hadn't been back into our lives for 2 months and I was being verbally abused again. The next day as always she opologizes. But you can only do that so many times before the opology doesn't mean anything anymore. I decided for myself that I was done allowing her to treat me this way. I explained to her that I was no longer going to set myself up to be mistreated. She could have a relationship with her father and her siblings without me being a part of it. I feel as though I need to stand my ground and not allow myself to be walked on. My husband on the other hand doesn't agree at all and is angry. It is effecting our marriage tremendously. I refuse to let either of them treat me like this anymore. I have been nothing but good to both of them and this is what I get in return. I have four daughters of my own to raise and I feel like I am being penalized for not being able to over look the mistreatment and put a smile on my face and be the perfect little step mom that keeps her mouth shut. Please help. What shoudl I do?

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