Need Advice!! Having a second child???

Meghan - posted on 03/11/2010 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Here is the situation, im 28 my son is 8 from my first marriage, im married again going on 3 yrs, my husband wants a baby, as do i, i was a stay at home mom the whole first 2yrs of my sons life, now things have changed, i have a great career, asst store mgr..which i am not willing to give my husband has been at his job 5yrs but a 7-4 wkday job,.. both full time, i work in retail where i have a varied schedule, nights/days/wknds my son is very involved with all sports,.. and i am not one of those moms who will drag my newborn to every event regardless of weather, my husbands parents had him when they were in their late 30's early 40's so they are in no position now to care for our baby if we need a sitter, and my mom doesnt like infants funny enough,... so the baby will spend most of its life in daycare.... i feel guilty thinking of it just because i was so involved in my sons life... now i may have to miss out on either his life to care for a baby, or leave the baby in daycare to be involved with my older son.... its going to require alot on my husbands part too.... he is a coach in every sport my son is in, i feel that he may have to take a step back sometimes to care for the baby if i have to work... Im torn,... i want a baby.... but is it fair to put the baby and my family through it>>> and im runnng out of time, i dont want kids past 30. i need advice......

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Meghan - posted on 03/13/2010

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thank u all for your opinions, its a big decision, and we are wieghing the pros and cons...

Kristi - posted on 03/11/2010

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You and your husband need to talk about this thoroughly. It would take both of you for this to work. Alot of people are able to put their baby in childcare with no regrets, and a lot aren't. I was fortunate enough to be home for both my kids when they were little. I work a 8-4 job, and my husband works shift work. I wish I could be there more for my children even though they are 11 and 16, but I can't cut my hours or we wouldn't be able to pay all our bills. Having a second child is so much more work. For me it has been worth it, but will it be for you. You decision is really something only you and your husband can make on with having another child will work for your family. Good luck!

Alison - posted on 03/11/2010

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It sounds like you want a baby, but no inconveniences. You are right to feel bad about your baby spending all of his or her time in daycare, that is definitely not what parenting is about. Compromises must be made. If none of you is willing to make the slightest sacrifice, please do not have this baby!

And why don't you think you can drag your baby to your activities? Newborns usually love to be out and about. Strap the baby in a baby carrier and he will be as content as can be.

Figure out your priorities, then make it work. You can make it work.

Stephanie - posted on 03/11/2010

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Can you take a temporary leave from work at all? Is there a certain time of the year that your son isn't involved in sports as much? Maybe you could plan it so baby #2 would be born around that time he's less involved. If you can get leave, you could be at home with the baby in the beginning. Our son has been in daycare since 5 months old. I don't feel like I've missed out because I work & go to school. Granted I would rather be home with him but money has to come from somewhere. He loves going to daycare so I don't feel guilty about it anymore. Since your husband works early maybe you could work later in the day so you can drop off the baby and he could pick him/her up. That's what my fiance and I do. Our son's only in daycare maybe 4-5hrs a day.

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