sahms needing help..

Bridget - posted on 08/31/2011

Emma-i completely agree with you :)

Emma - posted on 08/31/2011

we have a HUGE and hard job too.... have you ever tried cleaning all day while trying to entertain a 3 year old and two dogs? im not complaining but the success to a marriage in my book is communication and teamwork. why should he get to come home and relax for the whole night when we have spent all day with the kids and the dogs and get no time for us. if he helped make the baby that i am watching all day or married momma and baby then that is him too. husbands should understand that we deal with the kids all day. if i dont get all the cleaning done for the day when my husband comes home he hangs out with my daughter and takes care of the dogs while i finsih up with what i need to get done. its only fair. this isnt the 1950 anymore. men and women are equal which means we need to take on equal responsiblity. yes i understand that my husband has a stressfull day at work. but he also understand that i have an equally stressful day with the kids and dogs. all in all the women that have the kids 27/7 and they arent single mothers yes they have a right to complain. that isnt right. and just so no drama is started i would say this if i worked full time also! there are two parents for a reason!

Samantha - posted on 08/29/2011

im a s@hm and my husband works 16 hr shifts. he wants to help with stuf at home b/c he knows how hard it is to take care o the kids and clean and cook and etc. so he helps me out A LOT. do i feel bad about it YES i do b/c i know he works a lot. but on his days off we do the cleaning together. it seems to be the only way we can really spend time together these days.

Melissa - posted on 08/27/2011

I agree with Danielle...I admire the so called Old fashioned way of thinking but these days I really believe more interaction, play time, teaching time, ect is 100% more important than it maybe once was. And I wouldn't pay some to watch my child only to clean and ignore him through out the day to clean....
Just need to find a balance...A hubby that is on the same page and that is attentive to the SAHM's needs is the best scenario but not always the case......
I do have to admit for me the desire to just get things done quickly is not there...But I belive that is a direct result of not being completely happy in my marriage...

Danielle - posted on 08/26/2011

I think this is a hard question to answer.

I stay home with my son, but as a means to socialize him I also take in two (toddler aged) children throughout the week. It is kinda like my "job" to watch and entertain the children, not spend the entire day cleaning.



I feel that being a stay-at-home mom comes the privilege of being able to supervise, and socialize with my child on an expectant level. If I were to go to work, I would not be pleased if the person in-charge of my child ignored them to clean all day. In that sense, I feel that my job as a stay-at-home-mother is not to solely clean.



Of course, the daily chores get completed. I do not understand how people who are sahp, or working have messy houses. I feel that if you start with a clean house, then spend an hour with general upkeep then you will always have a presentable house.



Everyday I do a load of laundry, dishes, sweep, and I expect my husband to help as well. He obviously doesn't hand wash the floor or anything dramatic, but the man can fold his own damn laundry, or clear the table after supper.



I feel that life doesn't stop when he gets home from work, and who is to say that being a stay-at-home mom (with assistance from spouse) is only a 50/50 effort compared to an 100 on the working parent.



No working parent can come home from work, and are able to kick-up their feet. The couple now must work as a team to complete the daily tasks to start another busy day tomorrow.

I feel that it is unfair in to assume because my husband is working out of the house that he gets the opportunity to relax while my day strings along for 14-15 hour days.



Being a sahm takes discipline. As you all know on your worst days, being a parent isn't easy. If you are around that all the time it is no vacation. It is work, even if cleaning doesn't get done.



Also, I would also like to point out that the generalization of how ''sahm are rude to working moms'' is just perpetuating the hatred between the two groups. I would also like to point out that there are many threads on here criticizing a woman's decision to be a sahm.

I find it ironic that there are so many woman, on both sides of the fence, who are so butt-hurt by these generalizations but are still equally happy to sling them back.



It is a persons choice to work or not, and this does not infringe on their parenting capabilities.. everyone should just mind their own damn business.

Whats that saying.. something about walking in another persons shoes??

Lacey - posted on 08/22/2011

my husband works about 60 hours a week, while i stay home with the kids. but i also work pt, on his 2 days off i pick up shifts at home depot. my husband is expected to cook dinner 1-2 times a week, a load of towels if he can on one of his days, to take out the garbage, mow the lawn when needed, and keep the house picked up while i'm at work. now whether or not these happen, is a whole other story. this leaves me with all other housework, grocery shopping, bills and errands. sometimes with a 3 year old and a 2 year old it's very hard to get some of the big cleaning done (chemicals and all that-plus my kids fight over the vacuum) so i'll ask him to help pick up here and there. if i need a break, i'll let him unwind after work before taking a little time to myself.
here's the best tip i've ever come across for a marriage/partnership/parenting/housecleaning/sex
mothers have a lot on their plates and we don't think about sex the way fathers do. in other words, they want it all the time, where as we tend to think about it almost as another chore, and at the end of the day, it's the easiest thing to cross off the never ending list. so if dad, helps out a little more, sex is more apt to happen, and moms gonna be able to relax and enjoy it more instead of running that never ending list through her head while they're doin' it
i think it's a give and take relationship-if the june cleaver lifestyle works for you, then great, embrace it.
if it's not for you, then what areas could you use help in, and what simple chores can you give your s/o that can be feasibly accomplished so you can work together.
if you're a control freak, you're gonna need to let go a little, daddies do things differently than mommies, and really as long as he's helping and it's getting accomplished-it doesn't matter if the dishwasher is loaded differently-as long as you're not having to rewash them.

now another thing i wanted to address is choosing to stay home- i would love to go back to work full time BUT the for us, it's not fiscally responsible because i would be working to pay for daycare, which is just plain silly. so some of us don't necessarily choose to stay home.

Melinda - posted on 08/17/2011

I have a wonderful hubby who works very hard. I do the cleaning. He helps every once in a while with laundry. I belive while I am staying home and am not going to school till September I can do it. When I go back to school I would like some help. It gets so crazy while I am trying to get homework done and do all the chores. I love my husband dearly. He hardly talks about work to me, but I know it is stressful for him. I appreciate how hard he works for our family.

Rachelle - posted on 08/12/2011

This post makes me glad I have a kind and caring husband. I am a stay at home mom of three kids(3,16months and 6 months) I do most of the cleaning and cooking but we have come to a routine at the end of the night where we take 20-30 minutes and clean up before sitting down and both of us relaxing. Oh and by the way with three kids there is laundry everyday. I also don't stay home with the kids they have activities. Soccer, playgroups, outings. All this being said we are both exhausted at the end of the day and find it better to help each other out instead of one sitting down watching the other do more work. I also think that this conversation comes up way to much in forums and people over think it. It's suppose to be an equal partnership not a one up game of I do more than you.

Kim - posted on 08/09/2011

Agree that it's not a 50/50 gig. Hubby works 40+ hours per week. But I work...hmmm...how many hours are in a week minus the sleeping part? Do we start work at 8am and "get off" at 5pm? I dk how it is at your house but here at my house with 4 kids (since the oldest just moved out), I work the MINUTE I wake up until the MINUTE I go to bed (new moms, you are on a 24 hour cycle!). I also do 2 work from home jobs so I'm not lacking in the "busy" department. I agree that the MAJORITY of the responsibility is mine having chose this SAHM situation but I do expect that my husband help out around the house and with his own children. He can unload the dishwasher once in a while, change diapers, take out the trash and wipe some windows. We have a HUGE house with a HUGE yard and it's nearly impossible to keep up on my own, so yes, I do expect a little help since I don't get to "clock out" of my job until I fall asleep at night. And no, we don't hire people to pick up the slack. I do all of the cooking though! I try not to let him near the kitchen LOL.

Brenda - posted on 08/08/2011

It depends on the situation. If a sahm is disabled or has a medical condition sure she will need more help around the house. My husband helps me sometimes when I am ill but other than that,I do everything on my own. I don't complain because I know how hard my husband works outside the home and he knows how hard I work at home. The only problem I have is my kids not doing their share. lol Like taking care of their room and pets.

Leilani - posted on 08/08/2011

I do it all. Not because I'm the "perfect" housewife but because my DH has a disability. Yes he is able to work a desk job but some of the simple things in life are very difficult for him. I know he would love to help me wash the dishes but if he stands there doing it for more than 5 minutes his back hurts like crazy. He'd love to help me vacuum if it wouldn't risk him tripping. Cooking was something he was more able to do last year but now he can barely lift a pan. If it weren't for his disability I'm sure he would let me have one day off from cooking/cleaning lol.

Regina - posted on 08/07/2011

i am a SAHM with a wonderful husband that financially supports us 100%. I feel guilty when i catch him doing the dishes or sweeping. I have to admit though that i do get upset when he leaves dishes or dirty clthes laying around the house. Not because i expect him to help with housework, but becasue we have 2 older children that see what he does and decide they can too.

Teresa - posted on 08/05/2011

I didn't mention that we have NO dishwasher OR dryer. Beleive me, not a day goes by that I DON"T hear "Greeeeeen ACres is the place to be" Oh to be country.

Tah - posted on 08/05/2011

Some people do still try to follow traditional roles..I may start a debate about that..you do bring up a good point...

Teresa - posted on 08/05/2011

OK.y husband works construction and helps his father around the farm here. He works until DARK! SO that means alot of nights when I get off of work from my 40 hour a week job, it's just me, picking him up from school, taking him to scouts, which I am the leader so that doesn't count, get him to his dance lessons, homework, supper, bath, bedtime. My son is usually in bed by the time daddy gets home from work. But that is his line of work. and then there's the stuff to do on the farm. I don't kill myself to keep a spotless house or even to cook every night. My husband usually comes home and cooks something up himself. There are no more traditional responsibilites. If you see something that needs to be done right then then do it. It doesn't matter who "works" more. Beleive me, farming families do not even have this issue. They know what needs to be done and they get it done.

Tah - posted on 08/05/2011

Alyssa, that's ridiculous, unless he's training to win millions of bucks at the gym he needs to bring his bum home and watch the baby so you can sleep. When I do pick up work, it's usually nights at the hospital or rehab and my husband makes me lay down while he comes home after working nonstop, loads the kids carpools them, feeds them, wakes me up to feed me, washes my scrubs if need be.etc...



The next time he does that..pack the baby a bag, go to the gym, hand him the baby and tell him, I work just like you, more actually, and if you get to sleep before going in, then I deserve the same..take princess here while I go sleep for work..then you don't go home, go to your moms, a cheap hotel, his moms, a friends. So he can't come home mad waking you up, and have a good sleep...either that or cut the

crotch out of all his workout gear and stuff it back in the bag..when he pulls up, give him the baby, and lock yourself in the bedroom...you gots to train him girl..lol..





http://www.circleofmoms.com/just-debates...

Teresa - posted on 08/05/2011

Whether you are a SAHP or a working parent, parenting and life is a 24 hour a day job. I work 40 hours a week and during the week, not much gets done around the house. Homework gets done, kid gets bathed, fed, read to and then it's off to bed. If I want something done around the house i do it. If my husband wants something done he does it. Usually housework is done on the weekends. Whether you stay at home or not there is a certain responsibilty to fulfill. SIngle parents don't have the leisure. They have to do it all themselves.

Alyssa - posted on 08/05/2011

i was a sahm for 9months and then off and off for the last year. i think that the sahp should be able to get most of the stuff done throught the day but i to have put stuff off for the next day because m husband would tell me last minute that i needed to run these errands for him. so i would get up early run his errands run mine then go home and clean and cook dinner. but the days where i got my stuff done the night before i would take my daughter to the zoo the next and he would come home and complain about something no matter how much i cleaned/clean he still complains i dont get it lol. now i am a working mom again but i work nights, i feel bad saying this but sometimes i wish he would take her to his parents so i could get some sleep and get something done around the house. i clean but it doesnt look clean because my toddler just makes a mess as soon as i clean up another one lol.
but is it fair for him to expect so much of me just because im home during the day. i work 7 days a week and i work weird hours. he works days and is off work by 3 but has to go to the gym for 3 hours making me take our daughter to someones house to watch for an hour so i can go to work. then he text and says why didnt this get done. and honestly im at the point where he can do it. plus is does not work weekends and he will only do laundry during the weekend if HE needs something clean but he will leave the biggest mess and then tell me to clean it... how is this fair? and i am not one of those housewives that thinks their husband walks on water and deserves to be treated like a king. no way!

Tah - posted on 08/04/2011

I guess I just feel like being a sahp comes with the majority of household responsibility. My husband is military so his days vary, sometimes he works two days straight...I have a job, but am prn so I choose my own hours and days, which are usually a couple days a week if that..except this summer..I am also a student, have 3 children..I do the lions share of cooking, bills, etc etc..but he loves to clean so once a month he does a huge clean where he sends us out..movie, park.etc and cleans the entire house and we apically just tidy and dust as my kids are active in band, karate and scouts. They have their own chores now also. Now, my husband will cook and do other things, but the fact that I'm a sahm more than a nurse or student, I don't ask for much, he makes it possible for me by going to work everyday. Now he comes home and is a wonderful parent..plays with the kids, will take them to karate or other activities if I am busy, gives baths, but I wouldn't have him come home to the same workload I have at home because it is my job as a sahm..

http://www.circleofmoms.com/just-debates

Irene - posted on 08/04/2011

me as a sahm i do almost every thing around the house very seldom i ask the hubby to do anything here in the house ...as i am also looking for a job in desperate need of an income as well but i still do everything and once i start work it will have to go 50/50 do to i would also be working once i find a job! we would share the job with outside jobs as well!

Tiffany - posted on 08/02/2011

SAHM here. I don't want to start putting down theories, because it is good in theory that the SAHP can do all the house hold responsibilities and take care of the kids to with little to no problems. But this isn't Leave it to Beaver.
I have 3 kids, and one of them is Autistic. While my oldest is a great help, he is almost a teenager and getting the attitude that comes along with that. As for my youngest thinks she should be the center of everyone's attention.
. I will be the first to admit that I am not the best at keeping the house clean, but when no one wants to help it can get overwhelming. I mean I didn't mess it up on my own, why should I clean on my own. I have been trying a lot to more to clean, and keep things picked up, but it doesn't take long for it to get messy again.
I understand that my husband works 12hrs a day, but he (and other WP) need to understand that what I do is also a job. In fact it is a 24hr job. I have all the stress of a "real" job and could use a break from time to time too.

Lindsey - posted on 07/31/2011

As a full time working mom, I do the cooking (most of the time), my husband cooks occasionally. I do the laundry, clean floors, load, run and empty the dishwasher and take care of our daughter every minute that she's not in school or at activities. My husband helps with chores around the house on the weekends if I ask him to and he mows the lawn and weeds the Garden, etc. It is more like a Mom 90% and dad 10% split, but that is our family dynamics and while it gets annoying that I work for 8 hours then have to do all the housework and take care of our daughter, it's something I've gotten used to.

Lisa - posted on 07/29/2011

Here's my thought regarding this.
If both parents work, who does the chores (cleaning, laundry, cooking, grocery shopping, bills, etc.) when you both get home from work?
I am a SAHM. I do the majority of cooking plus all of the cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, bills/finances, garden, lawn care, plus I take all of the kids to appointments, ballet, swimming, etc. plus I help with barn chores.
With your thought, when both working parents get home from work, neither one of them should have to do anything right? So who does it?
Just because the working parent comes home from work, doesn’t mean they still aren’t a parent and part of the household. That means yes, I do expect my partner to still help with the children and pick up his dirty clothes and clean up after himself and the kids. I am not a slave. When kids go to daycare, they are involved in activities such as reading, playing, outdoor play, snacks, lunch, naptime, arts and crafts, free play, etc. My kids do all of those things at home. We read and learn our numbers, letters, simple words, do arts and crafts, we have outdoor play, free play, etc.

Rebecca - posted on 07/27/2011

most people agree that being a sahm is the equivalent of 2 full time jobs so if hubby is working full time then when he comes home he needs to understand that you have been too so when he comes home yes he should pitch in and help

Carrie - posted on 07/26/2011

My husband helps alot. I don't expect him to he just does. I work on pretty much every thing every day. If I don't get to it and I tell him I'm sorry and he says I don't care. He relaxes a bit then he helps with the kids and getting ready for dinner and getting them ready for bed so I have some time to relax too. we share it all

Leigha - posted on 07/22/2011

It's a group effort! Parenting is meant for both parents, not just one. And if you and your husband communicate what you expect then you won't have troubles getting everything done when it needs done. We have a list of chores for our 8 year old to do and one includes dinner clean up, our 3 yr old "assists" and that allows us the bathe our youngest and gives us about 30 minutes of free time every evening. She earns $1 every day for doing her chores M-F so it works for us. But every house is different and every family is too.

Angel - posted on 07/21/2011

I was a single mom with 2 small girls and I worked 50 hrs a week but I have been a SAHM for the past 10 yrs. My youngest daughter has had numerous hearing problems and surgeries and with the cost of child care it just didn't make much sense for me to keep working. Even when I worked I made sure me and my girls always had time together. I am married now to a great great man and he is a great step father to my girls and he told me if I wanted to get a job that was fine and if I didn't that was also fine. Although my girls are now 16 and 13 my youngest still has hearing problems but no more surgeries in the future for her just having her fitted for a hearing aid. I have helped out at her school since she started school. Now that she is in 8th grade and her teacher understands her hearing problems he makes sure he explains everything to her on her own. I do not expect my husband to come home and do anything around the house. But on his days off on the weekends or his vacations he and the girls will cook dinner and do dishes so i get a night off. If there is something that needs to be done that I can not fix myself he will fix it but I have learned over the years i don't need anyone to fix anything for me unless I can't do it myself. I even work on the cars unless it is something major but normal maintenance on the cars I do myself. I change the oil in both cars, change the brakes, and even put a master cylinder on my minivan all without breaking a nail (which are real by the way). I do not buy things for myself but make sure the kids have what they need, food on the table, bills are paid and the laundry is done and the house stays clean. The girls help out also but since I am not working I do not expect my husband to do anything. He does cook dinner sometimes and dishes but not silverware. If the working parent wants to help let them but if your home all day it kinda goes with the territory. Just my thoughts on the subject. Starting out as a single parent i learned how to work, take care of my kids, and make sure laundry got done and the house stayed clean all by myself so why would I expect that to change just because I got married?

Carmina - posted on 07/20/2011

i dont ask my man to help with a single thing. i even put his dishes in the sink for him lol. i dont mind doing all of this, it would be lovely if he could do something for himself for once but he actually doesnt even think to! if i ask him to do something he will do it.. but i dont ask. he works a rediculous amount of hours to keep us comfortable and i agree that deciding to be a sahm means i should do all that it involves myself.

Lexi - posted on 07/20/2011

When hubby and I both worked full time we split chores 50/50. When we had our son and I started staying home, we agreed most of the household responsibility would be mine. But we also agreed that there was to be help and involvement from him. Taking care of a child (soon to be 2 children in our house) is a full time job and most days, for me at least, it's very difficult to get many chores done. I manage laundry, child care, all meals, daily picking up, and whatever else I can manage. He is responsible for mowing the lawn, maintaining the cars, doing dishes on the weekend and helping out with the big deep cleans when company is coming.

Yes, he works full time outside the home and understandably wants to come home and relax. Much like your example he works 10 hour shifts, commutes 30 minutes each way and works 5 days a week. I work from the moment my son wakes me up, to the moment I go to bed. There are a few brief hours of the day when he is napping that I can choose to either get some of the chores done or take some time to myself. While my son is awake, yes I do have moments to sit at the computer, or sit on the couch or take a shower but those are still while keeping an eye on him or being interrupted by him every few minutes. That's not relaxing. I deserve a break too, but I don't get to come home from work and relax. I don't get to say "it's the weekend, it's my time off, let me just relax." Don't I deserve some time to myself and some support after running the entire household, paying all the bills, doing the grocery shopping and all other errands, taking care of the pets, all while caring for our son and growing son number two? But my job doesn't end because my son is always here. Even at night I'm not off duty. While I'm awake there are chores to be done. While I'm asleep, I'm listening in case he wakes up and needs me. I don't get a break unless my husband helps out. Being mother and father, husband and wife, partners, whatever you prefer to call it means sharing everything equally and supporting each other. I support his job, I expect him to support mine and realize that while both equally difficult, the time commitment and stress levels of our jobs are very different.

1 or 2 mornings a week my husband gets up with our son and lets me sleep in a little before he leaves for work. On the weekends I expect him to help with feeding our son, playing with him changing diapers, responding to his needs, etc. Not all of it, but he has to pitch in. After all it's his son too. We chose to make him together and being a dad is more than just bringing home a pay check and turning on the tv or the video games or hibernating in the garage all weekend/evening.

Jessi - posted on 07/13/2011

i think its the mothers job to make sure the house is kept up and the chores done. on the other hand... make sure you marry a man who comes home each day and asks what he can do to help you! i totally agree that as a stay at home mom, i should be taking care of the house, the kids and the husband. but you dont want someone who would refuse to help you out or make you feel inadequate if you need help some days. its a partnership, i would help my hubby at work if i was able, i expect the same compassion from my partner.

Tiffany - posted on 07/13/2011

I am a SAHM and no I don't think my husband should just step in and start taking care of everything so that I can get a break. That being said, it would be nice for him to realize that being a full time mom and wife is my job and I may need a break once in a while. Believe me taking care of three kids (one of which has autism) is no easy task.

Bridget - posted on 04/28/2011

i am a SHAM and i think they should help taking care of three little ones a is a full time job and keeping up with the house is difficult especially with all three of them running around all day and making more mess i am not complaining i apprieciate what my husband does but he also apprieciates what i do and thats taking care of our children running errands, taking care of our appointments that we have throughout the day etc. i think a marriage should be a team and the housework shouldn't lay soley on just one person.

Lindsy - posted on 04/25/2011

I've done it all. I've been a single mom who worked over 60 hours a week.
I've been a married mom with the same work hours as dad.
And I've been a SAHM while dad works.
All of them have their up and downs.Though I will say that when we both worked the exact same hours (we worked at the same place for a while) I still did most of the house work and child rearing as well.But marriage is a partnership and a team effort. There are things that I'm good with and there are things he's good with. He hates the way I load the dish washer , so he usually does the dishes, and I hate the way he cooks so I nearly always do it.
But hey if he isn't doing enough then give him a honey do list.I think most of the time the reason why we do more is simply b/c we don't ask him to help. So ask and don't let him weasel out of it, it's his family too.

And I wouldn't change things for the world but, for me being a SAHM is much harder than being a single mom ever was.

Katherine - posted on 12/07/2010

I agree with Mariah. I am the WP and my hubby is the SAHD for my daughter (12y.o) from a previous marriage and our son (4 mos.). He also attends college mostly full-time. I think when he is in school FT that it should be about a 60/40 split (him/me) for housework and that I should take most of the kid-care on the weekends and we should split is 50/50 weekdays. We seem to have the kid-care down all right, but the housework still falls mainly to me (I cook 5-7 nights a week plus weekend breakfasts, I wash & fold most of the laundry, though he dries and hauls it up and downstairs for me, I do dishes when my 12 yo is not with us and he takes out the trash (but usually only after I remiind him). I get grief from him when I forget to take meat out for dinner before getting myself and at least 1 kid out the door on time every morning.

My trouble is with the school breaks and school terms where the hubby carries less than a full load of classes. It seems that he doesn't pick up any extra slack at home even though his "work" outside the home decreases during these periods. My workload outside the home doesn't decrease when he and the tween are out on break from school, nor does my workload vary as widely as his can from semester to semester.

Oh well, I have vented.Back to work I go!

Cynthia - posted on 12/05/2010

Marriage is a TEAM! We both worked out side our home and it took both of us to make it work. Who ever got home FIRST started cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. Even with my husband working years on SWING SHIFT (7 days then 7 evenings then 7midnights rotation) he still HELPED! He couldn't do everything the way I did as the mom, but he TRIED!

Susan - posted on 12/02/2010

I work full time, as does my husband. I love days when I get to stay home with my son. When we get home from work, we have all of the chores and also taking care of our son before bedtime, exhausted by the time our son goes to sleep, and then we have to get things done so that in the morning we can have a somewhat sane time. Having said all of that, staying at home is HARD! Even though my husband and I share the work, I feel like I do 80 % of the work, and I'm sure he feels he does more than his share... but on weeks when one or the other of us stays home with our son, after a few days we need our time without child. Moms who stay at home, just like those who work outside the home, need their "me " time, and are made to feel bad about it.
I am amazed by stay at home moms, as well as being jealous, as I wish I was able to afford it.

Tah - posted on 12/01/2010

I guess it depends on the man...

Ashley - posted on 12/01/2010

they can help why not working moms do it all why would it not be expected of working dads regardless if the mom is at home. Most jobs are easier than staying at home with kids. Not to mentchin a moms day is 24 hours a day, a working day is 8 or 10 and their there kids too. Saying this i have been at home first year and at work 2 years and i have to do it all i guess i just dont no why i wouldn't expect him to help out not a ton but definitely some. I think working trying to get every thing done being pulled every direction as a mother is a huge challenge but if your husband was at home would he expect you to help out if you were working.

Sarah - posted on 12/01/2010

I totally respect working moms. They still have all the work of a sahm, but have to get it done at night...I think all moms do the best they can, and i really don't think that many moms are jealous. I am sooo busy i dont have time to be jealous :P

Leah - posted on 12/01/2010

I decided to put my thoughts in on this one. First off, Im a hard working mother and as of right now, Im the only one that works and hubby is home with the kids but we are moving to New York here soon and we will be switching spots. He is in the Military and is going active and he said I could be a stay home mother. I havent got the experience of being a stay home mother yet but I know what it feels like to be working crazy hours and coming home to help my husband out. I know when I work hard and come home I want to rest but then I know the feeling that he wants some rest of himself to because our kids are not always easy to take care of, and drive us a little crazy. So I know coming home to help him out is good for the both of us because I can visit with my kids and then he gets a chance to relax. Yah, there are times where I feel way overwhelmed but its a marriage a team. I do hope that once Im a stay home mother that once hubby comes home he will at least help out with the kids not so much House work because thats my job but I do expect him to clean up after himself, I dont want him coming home and throwing his clothes around and so forth. Well Hope that helps!! Thanks!

Tah - posted on 12/01/2010

i can see the 50/50 on the weekends...

Kara - posted on 11/30/2010

Let he who supports you take a rest during the week - or both call it quits when he does and play with your children and talk! Weekends are 50/50 division of chores time!

Tah - posted on 11/30/2010

i do not dislike sahms. There are post in MANY of the communities from sahms which i think come down on working moms. If you go through the pages of post here you will see other post started by other working moms who get the same thing from sahms. They are prone(i don't mean all) to telling working moms that they suck. If you go through the pages of post and threads you will see many sahms saying that working moms are selfish, they allow daycare to raise their children, they put career first, if they just discipline themselves financially they could be sahms, and that they are jealous of sahms. Alot of times i find some of their post to be well..not so nice to the working mom, if you don't beleieve me, read some. After going through some threads i was seeing alot of sahms complaining about the workload, i responded, much how i did here, because that is what you do on COMs and then i started a thread here because i know that many moms here ARE BOTH..like myself, i am a working and sahm. I don't much dislike myself so i couldn't dislike sahms.



Then today i see a post in sahms community about a young lady being treated badly by family because she is a sahm and not working, as i read through the responses, i saw alot of "working moms are just jealous of us". So i started to wonder, where are they getting this from, because i am sure all of these women aren't neighbors. we are all a pretty good representation of the different types of moms their are, working, school, sahms, moms in alaska, canada, arizona, BC, etc so why do so many sahms not like the working mom or assume they are jealous, and i started that thread. If i see something or enough of something, i start a thread. Forgive me if it seems i don't like sahms, sometimes i don't like how condescending they are towards working moms, and im not one to stay quiet while they do so. I ask questions and i state my view. I start all types of post, mostly on DM, not so much here because sometimes i guess we are to busy to respond lol, and that was my first on the sahm thread.



@R. i also have friends that are both, and i am both and we do focus on the same things. I had never heard so many people coming down on working moms until i joined COM and there are post in almost every community about sahm vs. working moms. I had never heard people say "daycare is raising yur children" or "i had to stop being so selfish and quit my job so that i could give my children the best, and you should too" until on here, and i do stand up for working moms, esp since i started getting messages in my inbox from working moms that felt belittled and guilty by some of the attitudes. As i said we are all guilty of being judgmental at one time or another, i try not to be, but i am not perfect. I just have strong views and am not afraid to stand up for them.

R - posted on 11/30/2010

I guess I'm fortunate to have friends, shams and working moms, who all focus on providing the best they can for their children in the best way they can. We all do what we can to support each other.

Sarah - posted on 11/30/2010

Tah, why do you dislike stay at home moms so much? You have a post about them in every community? lol

Tah - posted on 11/30/2010

i'm glad we can amuse you, but your post said it best..al of the times you and your husbands schedules have changed the workload changed with it. Sahms say that working moms are jealous and selfish, working moms say that sahms are selfish and lazy, everyone judges someone for something, even if it is someone in the store with shorts on in the winter and you think to yourself."are they crazy'...this a place where we come to discuss those views and things that are on our minds, it's not to offend but it is meant to bring out honesty, and everyone has a different truth.

R - posted on 11/30/2010

I'm so amused by this post and the conversation following it. Since my son was born almost 3 years ago we have had a variety of status of whom is working outside of the home. From me working full time and my husband working part-time out of the home and the other part in the home to us both working full time, then both of us worked 32 hours a week, to our present situation where he is working full time and 6 months of the year working 60 hours a week and I "stay at home" and go to graduate school. Everytime there has been a shift in our work situation the workload has shifted at home to fit appropriately. Also I think many stay at home mom’s are juggeling another responsibility that they are tasked with squeezing inbetween cleaning their home and caring for their children, such as me squeezing 20 hours worth of graduate school work into naps and after the children go to sleep.
Initially I found it much more difficult to stay home and keep up with everything than I had in the past when I was working or even on summer breaks (I’m a teacher.) When your “job” is the home, it is what you are doing all day long. I used to not mind staying up late to clean, now I am over organizing the laundry room at 11:00 at night. I have had to schedule time that I am not multi tasking around the house, as someone pointed out I stayed home because I wanted to be with my children, not be a housekeeper. I have found routines that have made keeping up routine. I also enjoy enriching my children’s lives, with many activities, if the choice is going to a play, taking in a concert or walking to the library or housework, my children’s enrichment always comes first.
I also think you need to think about the massive increase in housework, when your children are in your home more. Every time my 3 and 10 month old eat I get down on my hands and knees and clean the kitchen floor, when they were eating 1 meal and 2 snacks at school that happened a lot less. I remember coming home from daycare and playing in the basement for an hour and the amount of time that clean up took as opposed to now when there is a lot to clean up. In addition, I think everyone deserves the right to vent. Hasn’t work ever been overwhelming or doing the same task gotten monotonous? Yes, that happens to moms who stay at home.
I don’t think working mom’s should judge stay at home mom’s or vise versa. Both present their benefits and their challenges. I have loved all of my working, stay at home statuses, and look forward to continuing to find new ways to meet my family’s needs with my presence and financial contributions.

Tah - posted on 11/30/2010

lmbo..then that makes her a...sah...lol

Shelly - posted on 11/30/2010

My first husband's writing partner was a SAHM - and quite proud of it. She sent the kids to daycare at 7 and picked them up at 5 and had someone to clean house for her. I kid you not.

Tah - posted on 11/30/2010

@Leigha its nice to hear a sahm admit she watches tv..some say they are running like chickens with their heads cut off for 24 hours straight...and maybe they are, i never did, because i managed my time...lol