Sex. I want None, Husband wants icnreasingly risky sex

Taylor - posted on 07/22/2012

I mean i understand a drop in drive, but what i never get is women who just accept it as normal and go all ho hum about it. As some people said sometimes you just have to suck it up to please your mate. I think you are acting a bit selfish thinking he should just deal with it when you are making no efforts to rectify things.

Veena - posted on 11/19/2011

I am new here and have no feel for the posting etiquitte. I'm curious how this turned out for the first questioner. i don't mean to bump an old thread, but i have had these same issues.

Anna - posted on 07/09/2011

Its fine. Tell him that you dont want to have sex a lot anymore. But, soetimes it is good to have sex publically, like in a park. It really gets sexuall atrraction going ad a good show ffor everyone:) also, you dont have to do it that much but it will be good enough for your husband!

Rodalyn Mae - posted on 06/28/2011

Actually you have aright not to give in, being so gropy as he is...and wanting to do it in god knows where...but i think his seeking attention from you. When was the last time that you compliment your husband? Or when was the last time that you initiate that you want to make love with him...anyone can have sex but making love with your husband is diffirent, give him some of your time as well, i know your tired and have a lot of things or issues in your head..being the sole provider...what about you talk to him and ask him to get a job again, it will lessen his time thingking about sex..he will be tired when he gets home and you dont have to make excuses...but believe me, give your husband some of your time..you need it as well

Trisha - posted on 06/28/2011

I am goin throught the same thang, i am not n 2 sex n e more @ all but i was when i was prego and b4 i got prego. and he gets mad when i tell him 2 leave me alone and stuff like that. he is always talkin bout sex and I 2 have to force myself to have sex with him. He is always tell me fine I willl do it myself or find somebody that wil do it for me. I have found porn on his laptop and msgs from otha chicks and I have found voice msg on his cell from chicks callin him baby, n all this shyt i dnt want 2 hear... he has cheated on me a few times and he wont admit it .

Mindy - posted on 03/28/2010

Man does this sound all too familiar!
When I am on birth control I do not have the urge. I completely understand how you feel. My husband doesn't grab me in front of our daughter though and I have learned if I wack him where it counts he stops but he gets mad. Just know you are not alone! Good luck.

Nicole - posted on 03/28/2010

my husband and i were on the brink of divorce not long ago, for many reasons, but sadly because I too had lost my sex drive. he would get so angry and aggressive when i flat out refused to have sex with him, sometimes i would feel bad and just let him have it to shut him up. My daughter is 11 months now and it's only the past month or two that i've actually started wanting sex again. but i did have to have a talk with myself and make an effort. i got very strict with a bed time for the kids so that we could just lie together in bed and have some us time each night. i also started being nicer to him, asking how his day was, making his lunch for work, showing more interest in his hobbies and in return he was nicer to me, which made me want him again. It's very hard, but you need to take a long hard look and think about whether it is him causing the problems or if it's really you. if he has always been grabby or risky then why is it getting to you so much now? if not and its strictly deprevation you really need to change somethings so that you have more time to relax and have some alone time.

Stella - posted on 03/27/2010

you're begin reasonable but thats not the way to go about it.you ve toprayerfully discuss wit him, and let him see reasons from your own point of veiw.
Moreso you dont need to deprive him from sex,as a wife that is one of your duties to him.

Joanna - posted on 03/25/2010

Also, I just wanted to add that you most certainly should never feel pressured in your relationship to do something that you are not comfortable with. If you were to "give in", while it might keep the peace temporarily, in the long run he will equate emotionally abusive behavior with getting his own way.

Joanna - posted on 03/25/2010

It sounds like a tough situation. I don't think setting boundaries for yourself around what you are comfortable with in public is at all unreasonable, in fact, it's the right thing to do.



Would your husband be amenable to marriage counseling? It sounds like, as someone else, said, there are probably issues he has beyond the sex issue, particuarly around control.



I do think that if he is punishing you and your son by withdrawing, sulking, threatening adultery etc., that is emotionally abusive behavior.



As a wife, mother and human being you deserve nothing less than a loving, supportive, considerate partner. Your son deserves a father that understands that involving children in manipulative familial game-playing is totally wrong and inexcusable. Neither of these issues have anything, really, to do with sex drive - yours or his.



I hope that you have plenty of loving, caring people around you and that you can get the love and support that you deserve from your marriage.

Cynthia - posted on 03/25/2010

Well me and my husband are opposites I want it but he's always tired. I want another child (my daughter is 4months) he wants to wait a year cuz he's scared. sometimes i feel its cuz he's not attracted to me or that he's cheating but he swears to the baby he's not and that its only cuz he's tired.

Nicole - posted on 03/25/2010

i lost my sex drive after my daughter was born too. i am her primary caregiver and it gets exhausting. i had an active sex life before hand, when i got too big towards the end i had no desire, and i still really don't have the desire to have sex and shes 5 months old. eventually my sex drive will go back up. im single though, so im not too worried about it.

Alison - posted on 03/25/2010

Alandria, you posted your message while I was writing. It looks like we are kindred spirits. :)

Alison - posted on 03/25/2010

Hmm... this is a tricky situation. My first thought is, not only are you feeling stretched with all of your responsibilities, but being the sole-breadwinner may make your husband seem like less of a man and thus less desirable. It is also probable that he struggles to a certain degree with the current roles and this may have something to do with his need to affirm himself and his masculinity in the bedroom (and every other room!).

Also, men tend to attach their self-worth to their job. As we all know, child-reering is very demanding, but often not so fulfilling.

You and your husband need to have an honest talk about things and consider all of your options. Maybe it is better for him to go to work, even if it means his salary is all going to full-time childcare. This is a vital part of your union, and if it is not resolved, your marriage may not withstand the test of time. You should both take this very seriously.

Lastly, it must be said... a man at home has a low resistance for porn, which could also explain his recent behaviour.

I really hope you are able to find a solution to these issues. All the best to you and your family!

Alandria - posted on 03/25/2010

I always believe that marriage is give and take...so yes sometimes we have to give into things that we may not want too...just like we have to suck it up when we do not get what we want. But it kind of sounds like some control issues are occuring...maybe your husband is feeling a little imasculated by being at home and you being the main bread winner. Although logically it all makes since, the bilogical parts of our being are not always logical. So possibly he is trying to assert some sort of power over you sexually, to make himself feel better. Likewise, biologically have you ever thought that maybe you may be feeling a little resentment towards your husband because you have to go to work and he gets to spend so much time with your child? This could also play a part in your lack of excitement towards sex.



Another thought is that maybe being at home, he has more free time to seek out pornographic material which is leading to his wild imagination etc. Positive side is that he is interested in YOU!!! So often especially after having children men do not see their wives as sexual beings but as only moms which could be a worse situation to be in.



Maybe you should both do some sould searching and try to understand where the other is coming from emotionally. Lets face it...Sex is a VERY important part of a marriage, and when it is in the right context, is one of the most relaxing...sensual, exciting, and fun things a couple can share. Think about it, sex is the one thing only you can give your husband and vice versa...keeping it exciting and healthy should be at the forefront of both of your minds.



Hope this helps!

Julie - posted on 03/25/2010

I know where you're coming from. I have begged my husband to come to a family councilor with me because I think it would help "us". Our sex life(and relationship) has been bad for a long time (even before my son). He flat out refuses. Maybe yours doesn't have his head as far up his @ss as mine on this issue.



I, too was to a point where I told him I wanted to "let" him go get a gf or whatever and get out of my house ... but, I cannot afford to kick him out over this since he is (for the most part) a good man and a good father. He's not as sexually aggressive as your husband, but he doesn't try to see things from my perspective and acknowledge that sex isn't what I "need" from him ... not right now anyway.



It's a little better for me now, but I still feel lonely, as if my husband doesn't even LIKE me. I say look into a councilor the two of you like/trust to help you hash out ALL your issues (because it is probably not really even all about sex).



Good luck.

Kylie - posted on 03/25/2010

I too am a sole provider for my family. We have a 6 year old and 13mth old. We went through a similar episode but i dont think it was quite to the extent you seem to be in. I am always tired, I hadnt lost those extra kilos and did not feel like sex...both hubby and I sat down and talked about it, no real answer. But we both got to understand how each other were feeling etc. Yes sometimes I say yes to please him, but once we start I seem to forget I was tired....I even spoke to my doctor incase I was stating some freaky early menopause or something.