Should i become a stay at home mum.

Krystal - posted on 05/02/2010 ( 63 moms have responded )

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I currently work 9am -5pm monday to Friday, and i feel as though i am missing out on my kids. My daughter is at school she is six and my son starts school next year. Lately i have been feeling Guilty that i am not there when my daughter gets home and has to go to sitters after school and my son being in day care all week is making me feel worse. Should i be at home with him before he starts school?
HELP

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Cindy - posted on 05/06/2010

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I have a 2.5 y/old and I LOVED working. I never pictured myself as a stay at home mom, and although I considered it A LOT after my son was born, I just couldn't imagine giving up work. I was good at it, I LOVED being successful and I LOVED even more being successful at home. It started to tug at me more the older he got, as I started to think I was missing mile stones. It started to get really bad around 2 years old, and I was really wanting to put more quality time into raising my boy, and my priorities changed. I STILL was talking myself into staying at work. I told myself 'this will go away', until the day I took him to daycare one morning. My son had just learned his ABC's and I was SO proud, I told the babysitter, and her response (genuinely out of kindness and shared excitement) said: "I know! I taught him!" I was devastated, and that is when I decided, NO ONE was going to EVER take those moments away from me again :)
Good luck to you. The right decision will come.

Taran - posted on 05/04/2010

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My kids have been in daycare since they were each 1; staying home has never been an option financially; however, this year, I've been able to leave early enough to be home when they get off teh school bus, so they haven't been in after-school care. While they complained a lot when they were IN care, as soon as they were out they began to miss it and their friends there. Mind you, my kids are very social, and my oldest, especially, is really bored when home alone. That being said, I find being able to be there after school gives us more time to get through the daily grind (homework, reading, etc.), making the evenings a lot less stressful. I would certainly enjoy staying home full-time, but we need my income and I don't think the daycare or afterschool care did either of them any harm. I think the three (or four) key factors in the equation are: you, your kids, and your financial situation. If losing your income makes for even more family stress, it doesn't help. What is the root of your feelings of guilt? Are you not finding enough time in the evenings to "connect" or do you just feel like you "ought" to be spending more time with them? I am a little surprised that you are feeling this guilt now, as opposed to when they were babies... most of the stay-at-home moms I knew when my kids were small are now starting to go back to work when their youngest start school full time. Really, though, the key is your family, your individual kids, career, and situation.

Mohana - posted on 05/03/2010

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Well, there is other side also. Many kids (especially girls) are proud when their moms are achievers.

If your son is ending up having health problems because of day care, you should certainly quit, otherwise no.

If you feel stressed out after work regularly and are ending up being impatient at home then you should look for change of job and try not to quit.

As long as you are able to make kids happy when they are at home and able to understand their problems without getting pissed off, I personally feel moms should continue to work.

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Dallas - posted on 04/12/2012

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I work full time too, and feel guilty at times. For me financially would be very scary to do it, because both me and my husband work in telecom and 90 % of our colleagues

were laid off at some point of their carrier. We have to have two jobs so at least there is a smaller chance for both of us being laid off at the same time.



It is sometimes hard for me to juggle being mom, and working demanding job, but I believe that my son gets good play time with friends in after school care, and I pick him up before 5.



So really we are talking about 2 hours every day that moms that stay at home have more then me.



I get groceries and do errands during lunch breaks, and spend every free moment with and focused on my child. It is little exhausting, but possible.



Luckily I can work from home whenever I want, that helps a lot. My job is flexible to a degree, I did not miss any school parties yet.



We do miss on playdates that SAHMs organize during the day sometimes, but I managed to organize with couple of moms from school to pick my son up and take him home to play, and I take time off and return a favor.



As I said takes a lot of juggling, but possible.

Hollyanne - posted on 01/21/2012

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I'm a stay at home mom. Financially it was cheaper for me to stay home than to send him to day care. He is 20 months now and I finished college online and night classes while taking care of him. I went to college to be a Para so when he starts school I plan to find a job in the same school district if not the same school as him, so I will be off at the same time he is. If I have another child soon, than I plan to be at home with that child as well, until my children are all in school. Child care is so expensive these days and we looked at all of the options before deciding I should stay at home with him. I love it. He is hardly ever sick, because he is not around other children. I get to see him learn new things every day and see what a smart little boy he is becoming.

Debra - posted on 01/18/2012

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My hope is that you would like to become one of the growing number of women who are being mentored to make a residual income via the Internet. This will allow you to stay at home, raise your child, and still build yourself financial freedom.



When you work in a traditional business you are trading a unit of time for a unit of money. It is my belief, you and every other working mom is a much more valuable asset to themselves, and others by having the luxury of time to personally raise their children.



I have a Great Opportunity for Independent, Self-motivated Team Players! You can earn immediate cash today while building residual income for retirement tomorrow! Our sensational Video Emailing concept is taking the Internet by storm. By sharing it with others, you can stop trading time for dollars and get on the Path to Prosperity and Time Freedom.



If you are truly a serious, motivated person, I invite your inquiry.

Danielle - posted on 08/22/2011

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Krystal that is honestly something you have to decide if that is going to be best for you and your family. I quit my job and became a stay at home mom but started my home business and it has paid off. I work from home and see my child.

Danielle - posted on 08/22/2011

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Krystal that is honestly something you have to decide if that is going to be best for you and your family. I quit my job and became a stay at home mom but started my home business and it has paid off. I work from home and see my child.

Cristy - posted on 06/11/2010

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I would love to stay home, financially it has not been possible for me though. I experience the guilt regularly, see other moms doing stuff with their kids that i dont get to do with my daughter. I also feel i am missing out! If i could id stay home. If you can afford it and that's what you really want to do I say go for it!

Kemi-Alicia - posted on 05/17/2010

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Always go with your gut feeling. I really respect moms that go back to work after having kids, it must be the hardest decision. If finance is not an issue, then I feel staying home is the best thing for you and you kids.

Amy - posted on 05/17/2010

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Yes Krystal, I also have came to the decision on staying home with my kids. I found an awesome Women's Team to work with, to make some extra money. Now that I will be able to spend that special time with my family and also work on my home business. Check out my site.. www.WomensDreamTeam.com/aortega we are here to help mom like you and me Succeed!

Amy

Maggie - posted on 05/17/2010

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Hi Krystal have u considered working from home? if u r interested in a different job working around ur family please look at my web site c if this interests u dreamscometrueme.co.uk hope this helps good luck Maggie

Cheryl - posted on 05/17/2010

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I think so. I work from home so I can be with my daughter as much as possible. If you can stay home with them by all means DO IT! Especially if you are getting that feeling! That is your intuition or maybe even God trying to tell you something!!

Bessie - posted on 05/17/2010

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I say if you can afford to then do it...I'm having my second child now and have a 12 yr old daughter. I've done all the research and came to the conclusion that I'd basically be paying my salary to someone else to come and watch my newborn. It didn't make any sense so since my husband now has a secure career and making some money on the weekends, it only makes sense to stay home.
I hope you have the same luck and if anything you can also look for jobs that work for stay at home moms. I started my own jewelry business so I'll be home doing that as well.
Good Luck!

Zara - posted on 05/17/2010

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I quit my job to stay home with my kids because all I could think about at work was getting home to my kids, and missing the first moments. I say if you feel that way its time to quit if you can. I love being home with my kids and I save money by not paying a day care, I don't have to hear from someone else what new things my kids are learning. Good Luck to you I hope you get the answer your looking for.

Zara Nichols
Helping Moms Work From Home
www.4AHappyLife.com

Christine - posted on 05/17/2010

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When the mother is happy, the kids are happy. There is no need for a guilt trip whether you work inside or outside of the home. You just need to make sure you are making the right decision for YOU. I know personally that I am a MUCH better mother because I have a full-time career. But this is me, I know myself. Being fulfilled professionally/intellectually provides me with the energy and motivation to guide and nurture my kids. I am confident that by caring, loving and guiding my children I am doing the right thing - caring, loving and guiding is the key part and as experience has shown, this is possible to do in many different types of family structures.

Gemma - posted on 05/16/2010

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I did this 3 years ago, my oldest child was just about to turn 6 and my youngest was 3.5 and it was the year before she started school, I loved it but financially it was tough and you have to consider how hard it will be to start work again etc. Im pleased I did it as I will never have more children so will never get that precious time back again and wish i could have been brave enough to do it sooner..mind sometimes it is harder than being at work lol!! Rather than go back to work full time I set up my own cleaning business so now I am the only one that takes them to school picks them up and if they are ill i dont have to worry about leaving them and goin to work or getting a babysitter .. i feel i have the best of both worlds. At the end of the day you do what is best for you and your family..hope this helps

Mariya - posted on 05/15/2010

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I believe you should ask your children. Do they really want to spend more time with you? Notice that there is a difference between them asking you to stay home or asking you to spend alone time with them. I have 3 kids, I try to spend as much time with them as I can - I work full time but my schedule is flexible and I often go early in the morning, work until 3, get home, spend time with them when all of them are home and go back to work after 8pm. My second year old and the baby are pretty happy with that. My 7 year old - not so much. The reason - because he want so play with just me, and I still need to nurse the baby, make sure the 2 year old does not kill himself when jumping off the couch, change diapers, etc... which are no fun for a 7 year old. So if I ask him - he is the happiest if I go to work and take him with me, or if he can stay after school with his friends. What I am trying to say, before making a huge personal sacrifice for your kids, make sure first this is the thing that actually will make them happy. Do they need you all the time, or do they need personal attention at certain times of day? It will feel terrible to quit your job, just to find out that your kids would rather play with other kids

Melissa - posted on 05/15/2010

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I feel that way too some times..a lot of the time. But what can we do? We have to provide for them.

[deleted account]

it's your call you do what you feel s best for you and your children. plus if you can afford to be a stay at home mom.

Catherine - posted on 05/15/2010

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if it makes financial sense for you to stay home then consider it. if the daycare is costing more than 50% of your salary it might make more sense to stay home. i have read many stories about how difficult it is to re-enter the workforce after taking years off to care for children. maybe your employer would be amenable to your working 730-430 so you can be home earlier? daycare has also been reported as having a very positive effect on children's development lately in the news. i know it's hard to be away from them all day though :\

Natasha - posted on 05/14/2010

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I think you should cut down to three days a week if possible, that way you can earn money and be there for the kids at the same time. If you cant do this why not take a year off to be there for your son before he starts school. It could be your last chance to spend time with him 1:1. As for your daughter, put your son into care 1 day a week when not working, and get her from school alone and spend a few special hours with her before getting your son.

Melanie - posted on 05/14/2010

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I say if you are able to afford it financially, then do it. Your kids are only young once!!!

Rebecca - posted on 05/13/2010

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I think you already know the answer! Maybe you could go part time. Working full time makes it exhausting to give your kids enough attention on the weekends. If you don't have to work full time then why do it. The supermum phase is over, we can't be everything to everyone. I work 3 dys a week which allows me ample time for our son, my husband and myself. Don't be afraid to make the right decision for you and never feel guilty about choices that you make.

Tammy - posted on 05/13/2010

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I personally could not afford to be a stay at home mom. I am really on the fence about it. I would love to stay at home with my children and be there for my son who is yet not old enough for school and be there when my daughter gets home from school and I do my very best to be a dedicated mother. After work I am thiers 110% but I really truly feel that it is important for a child to build that independance at an early age. I was a product of a stay at home mom. Don't get me wrong my mom IS AWESOME but she was when I was growing up very overprotective and very coddling. As I got older I saw the vast differences between myself and the other kids whos parents worked. We always struggled financially which I never had a problem with because my parents did thier very best and I love them for making me the person I am. But I also saw that my friends had no problems making decisions or joining clubs or try out for sports teams and be active after school. I was just the opposite. I was just so unsure because my mom made all of those decisions for me. I am not sure if it had to do with her staying at home all the way, but with her a stay at home mom, my sister and I were the ONLY thing she had to focus her time on other than taking some adult time for herself. When I got older and got into the working field I got pregnant and struggled with staying home or going back to work. I stayed home with my daughter for a lot longer than I thought I would but I then went back. With her being away from me during those short hours she is so much more independant than I ever was and has such a GREAT self-esteem and outlook (Thanks to her of course her family and her peers and teachers), she is an all-star cheerleader at 6 years old for our City Cheerleading Team. My son is starting this summer at a day camp for Jr. basketball which was set up through daycare. So many more opportunites are there for them by getting out there and mixing with children of thier own age. It really has to be a personal choice one you will have to way in yourself, but whatever you decide I say GOOD LUCK and we are here for you if you need some more advice or just someone to vent to :) (Sorry I am a little long winded today LOL)

Ruth - posted on 05/13/2010

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If it is something you can afford to do, stay home. If you can't, don't feel bad about being a working mom, always remember it's not the quantity of time you spend with your children, but the quality! Life's too short to live with regrets! If you can perhaps shorten your work hours so that you can pick your daughter up that would be good too, whatever you decide, will be the right choice, don't worry.

Celine - posted on 05/12/2010

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Maybe working from home or part-time is best. I do that so that I get the best of both worlds. Working when they're at school and being home when they're home. Its a worthwhile sacrifice and everyone's so much happier too.

Anita - posted on 05/12/2010

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I would speak to your employer to see if there is any chance of job sharing or going permanent part-time. I was a full-time worker and had the same issues, feeling guilty, but there is so much part-time work out there. You will enjoy picking them up from school or going to an excursion. You are only a mum once enjoy it while you can

Susan - posted on 05/12/2010

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Hi
My name is Susan,I work from home for that same reason.I work with a great team called Motivated Moms.I work from home if you would like some more information on what I do visit my website. http://motivatedmoms.net/sh4498
and request more info.In the comment section put the best time to call.

Barbara - posted on 05/12/2010

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You need to figure out if you are a better Mom by having the daily adult contact and achieving something outside of the home OR if you would be a better Mom spending 24/7 with your family. I'm the first and my friend is the second.

I knew that I would go nuts staying home everyday with my children. I need the regular outside interaction. That said, I was very careful about picking daycare for my children and started each in 1/2 day pre-K at 4 years old. I currently take the girls to the bus in the morning and meet them at the bus/school after school/activities. I know I'm a better Mom for having the regular adult contact and a job in which I feel valued. I am able to be very present with my girls when I am with them. You don't need to feel guilty about your son being in daycare as long as you know that he has caring adults with him all day and that you are spending quality time with him every evening and on weekends.

Working Moms have been the norm throughout history, the difference is that they either were able to take the children with them to work or they had Grandma/Sister at home to care for the kids.

Figure out what YOU want/need to do for yourself (which would make YOU a better Mom?) and know that your son will be JUST FINE with whatever choice you make.

Henrietta - posted on 05/12/2010

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Have you ever throught about having your own business, so you could stay home. I wish i had been able to stay at home when mine we younger. No that i have grands i stared my own business, so i can help with them. Don't feel guilty they know that we have to work to provide for them. Let me know and i will share my business.

Krysti - posted on 05/12/2010

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I have to say - my son is only 9 months old and I feel like I miss so much as well. If you can afford to stay home I think that is a great thing. If not see if your company will consider you working part-time. That is what I was able to do - and I love the moments that I can share with my son even though I have to work it's not so bad because it's part-time.

Lindsey - posted on 05/11/2010

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If you can afford it why not. I just had my 3rd and for the 1st time I have the option to stay at home and enjoy every moment. In all reality when we do work we end up working just to pay for daycare.

Angie - posted on 05/11/2010

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Krystal...I am with you all the way in how you feel. My children are older teens now and, looking back, I would have done things differently and tried to find ways to either work mother's hours so I'm home when they get home, or tried to stay home most of the week. I worked full time and always had to get my children to sitters who got to know them better than I did in many ways. I have friends who made financial sacrifices and stayed home and have children who are so extremely secure and successful in very unselfish ways. My encouragement to you is to see if you can afford to cut back and get hours that allow you more Mom time. I still believe there's nothing like having Mom at home when you arrive home after school. At least if you're a nice Mom, like I'm sure you are :)

Deirdre - posted on 05/11/2010

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Krystal - why don't you find a home based business? I love mine - it's Arbonne. I help people everyday and I earn money. I'm there for my kids when they need me and there is no guilt. Look at my website and if you want to talk about how you could open your own business, give me a call. My website is www.formyfamily.myarbonne.com and my cell is 707-495-5546. Take care, Deirdre

Joan - posted on 05/11/2010

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I am a working Mom with three daughters who are now 21, 20 and 19 and also a Grandma of a 16 month old. I too felt guilty being at work when I thought I should be at home. I have asked my girls many times if they felt I wasn't there for them. They have grown up to very self sufficient girls and no they say that the time I did spend with them made up for the times I wasn't there. After work I did get involved with their many activities. I was a Girl Guide Leader all the time they were involved and I also coached their soccer teams for many years. So just because you work, doesn't mean you can't be involved. The house work will suffer, but so what. I used to think I had to do it all. Have a great looking house, dinner on the table etc. when what really matters is spending quality time with your kids. They don't care what your house looks like or if they are eating kraft dinner again because you have to rush off to dance or gymnastics. They just want you to be a part of their life. So many parents think they are not spending enough time with their kids, but really if it is quality time, you are way ahead believe me. They know that Mom has to work and if anything my daughters have told me that I have been their role model from day one and I am so proud of the young ladies they have become and I don't think that staying at home would have made them the strong women they are today. I have friends that did stay at home and did everything for their kids and those kids today have no clue when it comes to everyday stuff. One of my daughters who is in University roomed with a girl who didn't even know how to do her own laundry because her Mom was always at home and did everything for her. I am not saying that is always the case, but I do know many Moms who stayed at home and it seems that they are in the same boat with their kids. Working doesn't mean you don't care and your kids know that. Stop feeling guilty and get involved. Offer to go on field trips if you can and get involved with their after school activities. You may as well because think about it, you can drop them off and do what? You may as well get involved and be there and you will have fun too!!!!

Evangelina - posted on 05/11/2010

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I would love to be able to stay home with my kids, so if you have the chance and $ to do so, do it. i am working full time and but im not happy i love my job but i love my kids more. i just started selling Avon and im hoping this is going to help me financially so i can quit my job and stay home with the kids. www.youravon.com/ereyes4509

Marg - posted on 05/11/2010

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I have left a demanding full time job recently. My daughter has started year 7 and I felt we were all more than ready for me to be home more. I have opted for a work life balance and am looking at a part time job during school hours. To me the perfect solution. In regards to your son in day care all week, the guilt is horrible. Again it is all about balance. I was lucky enough to have additional support outside of day care some of the time and also during this time, opted to work part time. The money is important, and yes you may not be able to take that holiday every year, but you will manage and you and your family will be more content. Trust your heart, we all get once chance at being a mum. Before you know it the years will have slipped by.

Monica - posted on 05/11/2010

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If there is anyone who knows a legitamate job from home online, I would really apprecite the information on it!

Monica - posted on 05/11/2010

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I know exactly what you are feeling. I work 8-5 Monday thru Friday. And I am currently looking for a part time job with mothers hours so I can see my son more often. I am a single mother so he is in preschool 10 hours a day the poor kid and its just too much for him and also too much for me. All I know is it sucks and I feel your pain!

[deleted account]

My mother stayed home with me and my brothers and I always appreciated having her home. I found a way to work from home so that I can be a stay-at-home and continue to contribute to the household income. This is very fulfilling for me. I did a lot a research into this business and I can share the details with you if you're interested.

Jenn - posted on 05/11/2010

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I say you need to follow your gut! If you feel like you are missing out and want to be home and be able to volunteer at the school and help with home work then maybe you should find a way to make it work for your family.
I have to say that my husband and I made the decision that I would stay home after we had our 2nd and I can't believe all of the things I missed out on with my son! We had to adjust our budget a little and it was surprising how little money I would be bringing home when you consider childcare and driving costs as well as possible coffee money or lunch money that you tend to do more often than you should when you work outside the home.
Another thing is look into jobs you can do from home. I started working with a company over a year now just to bring in a little extra and to have something that I could do during nap time (aside from watch Oprah. lol) I love sharing what I do with other moms because of what a blessing it has been for me!
Feel free to email me if you would be interested in hearing more jennbain@telus.net .
Also, hear is a great budgeting website so that you really won't miss anything when you are making the switch :)
http://www.gailvazoxlade.com/resources.h... - the interactive budget sheet is awesome!
Just trust your heart and good luck with whatever decision you make.

Lori - posted on 05/11/2010

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I believe that if you are financially ok without you working that you should be a stay at home mom. I would if we could afford it. They're only little once. Or maybe you could shorten your hours to work only while they're at school. Good luck in your decision.
Lori

Juanita - posted on 05/11/2010

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I was a stay at home mom for most of my four kids untill my youngest sarted prek They have never wengt to daycare .I now work while they are at school and home on weekends and holidays ,Working for a dentist or docter or school district is the best job perfect scheldule but they only stay young and it goes so fast and it is hard to go back to work once you do finally go back I miss staying home and getting things done I fall behind when I work.

Diana - posted on 05/10/2010

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I say go for it. I have a 3 year old daughter and a 6month old son. I am looking for work at home now so that i can be with them more.I ike working but my children are more important. If i am able to find a legit company to work for from home i am doing it to be with my kids more. There's nothing worse than having that feeling in your stomach when your babies do or say something new and your not there to experience it.

Jeanine - posted on 05/10/2010

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Having good child care is key. i don;t feel guilty because I now my daughter is well cared for. And the time we have together is very precious. When we are together I'm not wasting it. That being said, I am very glad to be working-and I have the option not to. It's important for you both to be happy. only you can decide. but don;t make a decision out of guilt. Do what makes you happy. if you are happy your kids will be too.

Lynn - posted on 05/09/2010

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I think there is a trade off. You may have to give up a lot financially to stay at home, unless your lucky that money isn't a worry. There a saying "no one every said they wish they would have worked more"! I did stay home and we didn't have all the great luxuries, but my kids have never minded.

Now, I have the blessing to work with a great Christian company, that is financially rewarding, but allows me to work around our busy schedule, Thirty-One Gifts. Let me know if you are interested. I have a very successful team, and would love to share that with you. www.mythirtyone.com/lynnpfost
for more information!

Sarah - posted on 05/07/2010

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Just personally, my husband and I wish that I could stay at home, but financially, we cannot swing it. Someday though. It's all going to happen. All I can say is pray for a winning lotto ticket.

[deleted account]

I work full time (and then some) in a senior markeitng position. The responsiblity of work, kids, husband and home can often be overwhelming. In my opinion, if a family can be happy on one income go with whatever your gut says. But, if the family needs the income, enjoy the job - learn, grow and manage your time wisely so your kids have your attention as much as possible. I often think that my kids are in some ways better off b/c they have a Mom who shows them unconditional love and support and has a career. They have a keener sense of why people work, the value of money and just accept our family as their normal. People at work consider me a role model and I'm just hoping that I'm leading a good example for my children while also providing us with the lifestyle we enjoy.

Jill - posted on 05/06/2010

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I would say no. I really think kids need the socialization with other kids their age similar to how we make friends about our age and our life cycles. I also keep thinking of the financial stability we are giving our children and the good example of working hard for a dollar. My parents were able to help me out with a college education and i really would like to be able to do the same for my children. You're children are very adaptable and will be happy with whatever you decide as long as they see you are happy with your decision. The most important thing is for YOU to be happy with your decision because it reflects in everything you do throughout the day.

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