Should I stay home and leave my job to be with my baby?

Nqobile - posted on 06/28/2010 ( 36 moms have responded )

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Hello there,I am a junior graphic desinger and I love my job.It has always my dream to be in this industry.Now that I am a mother,I realy want to be involved in my child's growing up,and I don't want to miss any little things that she dose.She is 18 months and already I have missed alot.The 1st time she stood by herself,first word(which is gogo and it means granny),learning to pray,her 1st solid meal,the list gose on.I also want to provide for my child the best that I had,because she wasn't planed but now I want to plan for her,and that needs an income.So what should I do,should I stay at home and be a freelancer and don't get a stable income but also be with my child,or work have a stable income but also miss out on my child growing up?

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Esme - posted on 07/01/2010

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Nqobile , please do not subscribe to anyone on this post. You are vulnerable and looking for a solution and now is not the time to get hooked into any iffy propositions.
YOU need to keep your job , you already know that. There is no guilt being a working Mom , we have to do it in this world. You need to get astablished and when your baby is older and you are established in your business and can afford to take the time to be at the big events , then that is when you take the time off. Do not give up your income or your professional reputation , it will only hurt your child and you and your family in the end. If granma is looking after her you need to work to help pay grandma for supplies and food , etc. Please honey , your gut is all mixed up and rightly so, I was tormented by not beingt herre for my son's first steps or christmas or easter or new years, but that will fade , the baby doesn't know, you are the only one fretting. BIG HUG !!!! and remember the best thing you can do for everyone is keep your career and let your family care for baby as long as they can. Take care and remember , don't get into any online " miracle fix" business scams or whatever they call themselves, they shouldn't be on here anyway. If you do feel the need to check them out , don't quit your day job, as they say. (grin) . All the best to you and your family.

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Jennifer - posted on 07/11/2010

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I don't think this is a question anyone else can answer for you.... my first response when talking to other moms who question going back to work is: Follow your heart and do what is best for your family.

Unfortunaltey, in this day and age most mothers have to work, and finding that balance between being a career woman and an involved mom is difficult... but it can be done. Also, many of us, such as myself would not be able to make it financially without working, so really don't have a choice. But being a working mom doesn't mean you are missing out on your child's life. If the job you have now keeps you away for too many hours, perhaps find one with a better schedule, or that is closer to home so it can cut on your commuting time... when you are home make the most of every minute. Find ways to be efficient with things, cooking/cleaning, etc... so that you can make more time with your child. Make the weekends special and something that your daughter will eventually start to really look forward to as she gets older... She'll be just as excited about Fridays as you are and will be happy to spend time with you. Hug and kiss her non-stop and always reassure her of your presence. And know that the first time YOU see her doing something (walking, talking, throwing a ball), will be the first time for you, mark that time down as the special moment, b/c well, after all you are the mommy, so the first time you see something is the first time it happened in your eyes, LOL.

Also... fortunatley you have one of those jobs that can be done easily from home. Freelancing is definately a good option, you could possibly find some really steady work at home gigs from home doing graphic design, and you can choose your own schedule, like take less jobs in the summer, choose not to take jobs over the holidays, etc. If your family can take the fluctuation in income, then go for it. Just be really strict about spending and budgeting.

On a side note, as your daughter gets older, it will be harder and harder to work from home as she is right in the same room with you wanting your attenion and you have to get work done. Working at home can be more stressful than working out of the home. At an office, you work from 9-5, then leave and concentrate totally on your daughter who might have spent her whole day playing with others kids nad havinga great time... when you work at home, you might find yourself completing projectsin the middle of hte night when she is sleeping, or not being able to provide her with the stimulation she needs during the day b/c you have to get work done... leaving her to watch television and not get the activity she needs. Unless you are an amazing multi-tasker of course... :-) But these are all things to consider.

I am in the communications field myself and am a writer, also the type of job I could do from home, and would I wnat to.... HECK THE FREAK YES!!!! LOL.... but my son is now 21 months, and is pretty high needs, he likes me to sit and play with him and is pretty active and such. So I know that if I were able to work at home, I would still send him to day care to get work done. I would just use my multi-tasking skills while home alone.... get on conference calls while prepping dinner, washing dishes or picking up around the house. Take my 5-minute strecher/breather away from the computer and load the washer, etc... b/c I find that what really frustrates me as a working mom is that a lot of housework falls on my shoulders, and I feel like it can sometimes take away from time with my son, which I hate. I spent a long time letting hte house get awry, so last weeekned I sent my son to my moms house to babysit while my husband and I did a major spring cleaning, I felt terrible. Here I send my little guy to day care mon-fri and now I have to drop him on my moms on Saturday to clean... so again, for me I would love to work at home, but I think to be fair to my son and to be able to get the work done that I needed, I would still seek some care provider help, but I would just take the opportunity to work and care for my home as simutaneously as possible, and to have the chance to not spend 2+ hours commuting to work would let me pick up my son from day care earlier and make the most of my time with him (i.e. instead of picking him up and brining him home to play by himself whil I cooked, I could pick him up and take him to the playground, or come home and read or do some other activity, then sit and eat togehter, etc...)

Anywya, I know this is kind of long-winded, and I hope putting things a little in perspective has helped.... there is a lot to consider, and you are the only one who really knows your family's situation and can make this decision.

Elizabeth - posted on 07/10/2010

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Hello Im also a single working mother and God hads provided me with a job that my hours are Great i go in early and im out in enough time to get my 5 year old son out of school .I wouldnt advice you to stay at home but maybe try to get some hours where u r home in time to spend that quality time needed with your baby but all i can say is go with your heart ,pray and God will work it out he always does God Bless and Good Luck.

Tabatha - posted on 07/09/2010

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I realize that we are no longer in the stone ages, but I truly think one of the biggest mistakes we ever made was taking moms out of the home. Kids need the nurturing and familiarity of their mom. I find it sad that things have changed so much, that Mom's can't be at home with their children. I am a Medical Assistant, and took off when my baby was born(now 16mos old) I haven't been back to work since, but I wouldn't trade a thing. He is the single most joy of my life, and it is the best job I have ever had. Everyone has their own situations, but I say if you can manage both, then take as much time with your child as possible. You can never get back those little moments that you miss out on. They only happen once! Good luck with your decision.

Margie - posted on 07/09/2010

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If you can do it, it was worth the material sacrifices to have a parent stay home. 5 years ago my husband quit his job to stay home with our kids. i don't worry anymore, and i can focus at work and make more money for the family. Almost anything is attainable if you want it bad enough.

Esther - posted on 07/09/2010

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I know how you feel because i feel the same way and i'm in the same position my son was not planned for but lets face it in this type of world it is difficult to stay at home and be able to fulfill all your childs neeeds.

It's great to see them grow up and not miss every moment but for my situation it's better for me to work and spend as much time with him when i get home from work. If you have a husband who has a really good job then you can be a stay at home mom but sometimes even that's not enough.

Children now take alot of money and time you just have to find the best way to balance both. God bless you with your situation and i hope everything works out for the best.

Carla - posted on 07/09/2010

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I have a 7 1/2 month old son and would give anything if I could stay home with him. I have a great career but would give it up in a heartbeat if I could!!! If we had the funds for me to stay home I would and I would not regret one minute! Imagine being there for the moments that you will never get again....HELL I would stay home!! So think about it...your baby is only a baby once and you only get one chance at it!! IF you can do it...do it!! And don't look back!!
You go girl!

SHAMISO - posted on 07/09/2010

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we all feel the same but we need to care for them and support them,in time you will balance work and kids and have satisfaction in all areas,just take precaution to remember birthdays,annivesaries ,sports days etc and you will be fulfilled.

Pamela - posted on 07/09/2010

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Hi!
do what makes u happy nqobile. I luv my daughter but, i still need to earn a leaving. Im a single parent.

Hope u make a decision that will help you not what we tell u to do.

Kirsty - posted on 07/09/2010

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Hi Nqobile,
I am a graphic designer too. So I know how hectic the industry can be. I had to move from one job because they were just too demanding. It was my dream job, I was studio manager with the task of creating a studio, hiring people etc. Great clients and great work, but boss wouldn't even pay maternity leave. But I now have a job in a medical advertising company. I find this a lot less hectic. The company has given me a laptop to work on. I get to go home at about 4pm and then carry on working after my child goes to bed. There are jobs out there in our industry that are more child friendly and allow you to work from home. Or at least have semi-flexible hours. I know what its like, my little boy is 2 and a half. I love him to bits. But at least I have time to spend with him every day. I hope you find whatever you need to make your life complete.

Lee - posted on 07/08/2010

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i know how u feeling,im in the same boat as you! i miss my daughter so much wen im at work and i do feel as tho im missing out on the foundation steps of her life.the hardest part of it all for me is the feeling that my child is actualy being brought up by someone else and the influences it has on her.

Jeanne - posted on 07/08/2010

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I totally understand your desire to stay home with your baby. Every day I wish I could be home with my twin 18 m.o. boys., but like you, our family relies on my income.

I work in Advertising, and I work with Art Directors and Graphic Designers every day. One thing that's great about your chosen career is that you can actually work from home while still being a designer. You'd just have to be a freelance designer instead of a full-time staff designer. As a freelancer, you get paid a day rate that you set...often much more than salaried employees make. The trade off is that you don't get benefits and you work on a per project basis, meaning that once the project is over, they may keep you on for more projects, or they may let you leave. At that point, you can just get another freelance position elsewhere. I have a lot of friends that work as freelancers and they love the freedom and flexibility it allows them.

Think about it before you give up your career entirely. At some point your baby will be in school and you'll probably want to re-enter the workforce. It's best to keep up with the industry and keep your skills sharp so that when you go back you're an attractive candidate to employers.

If you're interested in freelancing, talk to a creative recruiter in your area, or visit sites for graphic designers and freelancers like the Freelancers Union: http://www.freelancersunion.org/

Good luck! No matter what decision you make, just remember that you're doing the best you can for your baby. And don't feel guilty.

Kiersten - posted on 07/08/2010

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Funny this conversation came up. I just left my job of 11 years at a bank to be with my kids! My oldest son is starting kindergarden in the fall and I wanted to have some time with him before that and my youngest has bad food allergies and we were having trouble with daycare and such so I felt he needed me home. My husband's old job caused him to be laid off in the winter months so I felt guilty that I wasn't the one home and I did everything in my power to make it so that I could stay home! I say if you can work it out even if it means sacrificing things GO FOR IT! You can't get these years back and when they're older you'll wished you had been able to do it. You can always go back to work when they get older!

Lana - posted on 07/08/2010

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I have three children from one marriage and two step children by another marriage and I think I can shed a little light on this subject. It is one thing to say you don't want to miss all the developmental milestones in your child's life and I get that, and it is another thing to give up everything you have worked for and say you want in your own life. A wise person told me once that if I gave everything to my children there would be nothing left, so you have to take time for yourself, and take care of yourself. I believe that. I have tried to be a stay at home mom and that didn't work for me because it was not what I wanted. I have tried to be the center of my children's universe again, that did not work. Only when I made sure I took care of myself and got my rest and took care of my relationship with my husband and also met their needs were they the happiest too. My children love hearing about their first words, and what they liked or didn't like as babies, etc. but they prefer knowing that I have been able to make it to their school and athletic events once they have been old enough to remember :-)

Makiba - posted on 07/07/2010

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I decided to stay home from my job because my childrens upbringing is priceless. My job in HR and Health Administration could not afford the joy the Lord reveals to me through the experiences of my children. It did take me a while to get here mentally though. Home one year and work the next. I even tried part time and it killed me to see someone else giving me pictures of my childrens first moments.



They are only young once and having motherly intuition to guide every step in their little lives until they are 10-12 is the Holy Spirit guiding you to what God has called you to be....with no worries. God will provide for you.If you have to work pray about a solution that will bring you peace no matter what you do. I dont know you financial situation but if you can afford to stay and enjoy your Gifts DO IT! ( in my cheerleader voice)

Lilianfe - posted on 07/07/2010

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Hi Nqobile!..i really can relate your story for i too have situation like yours...before i do have my work out somewhere but turn between which one to prioritize, my children or my job...anyway, am so grateful for both...just to cope my necessities i decern to have them both and be closer to my kids....i pactice my job on my own interpreneurship at home while rearing my kids personally and got closer to them...God gives me enough and it works more than enough for He really won't decline what we desire in life....just continue trusting the Lord for He will always be with you when we call...childhood is but temporary...later in life as they grow older you'll come to realize you did got closer and imparted already knowledge while you were not away from them...and God knows and pay you the effort more than enough.

Mya - posted on 07/07/2010

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Have you asked your Human Resources and your supervisor if there are any opportunities for working at home a few days a week or for job sharing? Or perhaps one or two part time jobs where you are working weekends or evenings when your daughter is sleeping?

Gülbeniz - posted on 07/07/2010

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Hi everyone,
After my son's birth, I began to work from home and part time as an adult trainer.I have been working from my university years, so ıt was so difficult to get used to stay at home... But after 1 month I understand that the most important thing in he world is to be A MUM. Now my son is 2 years old and he is so happy to live every moment with me, not a baby handle...I will stay at home for 1 year and then start to work again. But it is my truth and decision. Look at your baby's eyes and you will see your truth. Just look and think again.

Heidi - posted on 07/07/2010

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I would tell you to think deeply about this and take your time! It sound like a dream come true, on the surface. I know for myself, I need to have interaction with other adults. Even a business from home would not be ideal for me... I need to get out, even if on a part-time basis, to decompress. I think it makes me a better mommy when I am with my girls.

Lexi - posted on 07/07/2010

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Dear Nqobile,
I am a certified goldsmith/jewelry designer learned in my Fathers company and designed and made made successful jewelry lines for him. I worked with him side by side for about 10years. I got married for the second time and became preganant, I said good bye to the life i knew and embraced motherhood. Today after having sacrified my curier and life as i knew it I do not regret a thing. When my daughter my third child turned 6years old and went to shool full time I decited it was time and thats when I started building my business Beaded Jewels dsesigning and making jewelry again, almost 12 years later. When I look at my teen and preteen today I know I made the right discision. We have an awesome relation ship, because were so tight. My son is 15 and my daughter 12 I also have a 21 year old. What ever you decide remember you have to live with it.
Lexi Butler

Certifies Goldsmith/Jewelry Designer
Owner/Creator of Beaded Jewels
http://beadedjewels.biz

Arden - posted on 07/07/2010

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age of my kids was 1 and 3.. I did it for 4 years until they went to school.. i worked a full week and another girl worked one week.

Arden - posted on 07/07/2010

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would be nice if you could job share.. i did it when my kids were young and it was perfect.

Rejoice - posted on 07/07/2010

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I often think along those lines too and often i find myself asking myself that am i doing the right thing. My baby is also 18months old and everytime i get home form work we try to do staff together nomater how tired i will be feeling. We play hide and seek we do funny faces and dinner together and then off she goes to sleep and thats how it is. I try to make up on weekends we go out we go to church we are together all the time and thats it. I believe working is the right thing to do for our children because they need it they have to be provided for and planned for. Even Proverbs says a wise woman works for her family so make it work mother and i encourage you to follow your heart if you feel you can make it at home then why not but if you feel you want to go to work then do it. Just follow your heart

Stacey - posted on 07/07/2010

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Staying ag home is a difficult decision to make. It takes planning and the will/desire to make it work. I have 3 children and worked as a Director of Nursing full time plus for 16 of the last 18 years of my childrens lives. I've missed so much, now one of my children has graduated and is going off to college. I've been working from home for the last 2 years and I wouldn't change a thing. It takes discipline and committment to make it work, but I do plan a work schedule around my family first. email me smurry@marykay.com I can give you tips on how to decide, budget first, and plan for a career from home never sacrificing your family or faith

Leah - posted on 07/06/2010

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This is y I do not get on this site very often, sometimes u have women who r so encouraging and then u have the negative nancys. Do not let anyone tell u what to do, weigh the cons and pros and what works best for u. If a "miracle fix" works for u, great and if staying at ur job is better then do that. Whatever happened to women supporting one another instead of bashing? What may work for one may not work for another and I'm glad it is that way cause if we all did the exact same thing everyday, this world would surely be boring! Follow your heart :)

Jennifer - posted on 07/02/2010

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Honestly I say follow your hear on this if you have a strong portfolio and some savings you could really make this work. I am a professional photographer and before I went back to school I worked in retail management for 16 years 50+ hrs a week. I was making very good money being 3rd in line at the store, but non of that money replaces the joys I have with my kids now. No I am not making near what I use too part of that is because I am just starting out, but I am working just as hard as I was if not harder. The big reward is I get to control what I miss out on and it's really not that much =0). Use your resources from being in the graphic design industrie and start freelancing now before you quit. I know there are most likely some areas that you can not touch do to your employers contract, but graphic design is so big I am sure there is something out there you can start with that would not be a conflict of interest with your employer. Heck you could launch it right her on circles of moms. Just my thoughts....Good Luck!!!!

Fatima - posted on 07/02/2010

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The decision is yours, but one thing that I will say establish special time with the baby because working at home is just as hard if not harder. You can get caught up at home working and not actually reach the goal that you had in mind with the baby.
Also, while working, maybe lightening your ours and planning activities when you're off will help you more than staying home. My last personal experience is that when they have an organized caring place to be while your gone, this can aid them in being prepared for school whereas you may not be as ready or as knowledgable in preparing them for pre-school.

Good luck and take care.

Ntombi - posted on 07/01/2010

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Nqobile you need to weigh what's important to you. Is your career more important or is your baby more important. Forget about the career ladder and money and follow your heart. Do whats best for you.

Kelly - posted on 06/30/2010

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Give me a call or email me! I have a great opportunity for you to get involved in!!

Kelly Gallaway kjg36@comcast.net

Nqobile - posted on 06/30/2010

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@ Yesenia, I am from South Africa,I think it would be expencive to call.You can try my e-mail,macanda.nqobile4@gmail.com.Love to hear from you soon.

Nqobile - posted on 06/29/2010

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Thank you so much ladies,I still need to think abt it.At the end pf the bay I need money for my child to live,and I also want the best for her.Yesenia I am intrested to how it works,how do I get hold of you?

Yesenia - posted on 06/28/2010

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Hi Nqobile I may be able to help you with that, I work a full time job but I started a part time home based business a few weeks ago and it is a great business that involves helping other's while making a great income, that can last a lifetime, and trust me, I know you don't know me but I was the biggest skeptic of all, but this is a truly legitimate business, let me know if you want some info, I would be happy to help.

Darcel - posted on 06/28/2010

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Honestly can you afford to stay home and be happy and fullfilled? What will you have to trade in order to say home? Although your emotions are telling you to stay home honestly consider the trade-offs and if you can afford to do so and be happy.

It's one thing to say that you are willing to wear 2nd hand clothes, buy off brand foods, give up the second car, and live in a cozy (small) home in order to stay home with your children; and it is another thing to live that way and be happy.

Honestly, will you miss working? Will you feel emotinally fullfilled as a SAHM? Some ladies (me for example) really love our careers and they give us an emtional fullfillment that SAHM will not.

I work for more than the money. Why do you work? Once you realize that, you can deside if you want to continue or if you want to say home.

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