should my 10 year help around the house?

Sharon - posted on 01/05/2011

It sounds like giving him a choice is a good way to start him realizing how much there is that he can do as his part in the family! Sharon Morgan

Nicole - posted on 01/01/2011

I have an 11 year old. I don't ask him to do too much either. I remind him that it takes more then one person to make the mess in the house. Then, I offer 2 different chores he would prefer to do. I don't argue with him. I will, however, be lenient with how long it takes for the chosen task to be completed. Praise and appreciation are offered when it is done.

Amy - posted on 12/31/2010

I'm the mom of a 3, 5 and 9-year old. They all know that there are 5 of us in the family and that it takes all of us to make the house run smoothly. They'll help put their clothes in their dresser drawers, help set the table, feed the dog and take the recyclables to the garage. They know that every little thing that they do is a big help to their dad and I. It works for us!

Lucy - posted on 12/09/2010

My daughter is very young, but she already helps sweep up! (she's only 1 1/2, ha!) But as a kid who grew up doing chores... I think it is of the utmost importance to teach him responsibilty and the value of hard work and money. The things I learned about responsibilty as a child has definitly helped me as an adult (especially as a young mother). I now thank my parents for what they instilled in me, even though I pouted about chores as a kid. Make a chore chart for him, and yourself (and maybe anyone else in the house?)... that way he sees that you all must work together!
Hope this helps... Good luck!

Felicia - posted on 12/09/2010

yes he should help it will help him be responsible and clean even when he grows up he will remember helping out mom when he was young if you dont make him help you will spoil him remind him that he is part of a team and he has to participate!!

Robin - posted on 12/08/2010

i think u should at least make your child keep their room clean! Also make him at least take his plate in the sink and help you clear the table little stuff like that.Then as he gets older u can add bigger jobs and he wil just think it is what u do as a household. My four year has his little jobs he has to do every day

Angie - posted on 12/07/2010

Children don't help because they love you, they help because you expect them to :) 10 is not too young. Give them chores that are even a little bit challenging and show him you're confident he can do it. He might even surprise himself!

NikaMomofTwins - posted on 12/07/2010

Sylvia Hunter put it best! Helping around the house is something that needs to be instilled when they learn to pick stuff up! My twin girls are 4 years old and can clean there room and make there beds, they also know how to bath themselves and clean out the tub after they are finished! These are things they were taught as soon as i felt they were able! Picking up the toys after they played with them was the first thing they learned how to do and now its just part of the routine! Get yr son into a routine like come home, do homework, clean room, take out trash clean dinner table, sweep floor clean toilet and wipe down sink after washing up and have him do this routine everyday ... it will sink in! He is not to old to teach!

Kate - posted on 12/07/2010

How old are the other two? It might help if you get all to help even if it is just a little bit.

Monique - posted on 12/06/2010

First of all ther should be no argument he is the child,can I ask a ? Do you and your child have a close relationship? Now I'm a mothe rof two girls 14 and 7 and they both enjoying helping me around the house but you know this is somehting that you have to put in kids at an early age becuse if you dont they will grow up to be lazy and dont care I really think you need to sit down with your son and just ask him to help you from time to time in keeping the house clean ......

Bianca - posted on 12/05/2010

I have an 8 year old and a 5 year old both daughters and they help my husband and i around the house mainly cleaning there bedrooms and toy room, I believe if they make the mess they should clean it up. and they also help with things like dishes and cooking dinner but it is made fun and we put music on and clean together it's fun, i don't pay the girls to do there rooms because they are things they should do not be rewarded to do.
I feel they should be helping as early as they are able to.... If they can make the mess they clean it up...
Play music and make it fun and u will have no trouble getting him to do it...
Hope this helped :)

Megan - posted on 12/05/2010

ground rules are good for this if the 10yr old wants something or needs something then they should work for it . This is something they all need to learn in life and the earlier they learn they need things for different things they should do something the get what they want or need .

Sharon - posted on 11/30/2010

"DITTO"! Sharon Morgan

Siji - posted on 11/30/2010

Have you tried to find out why he does not want to help you?? Maybe he feels neglected. You are not spending enough time with him.The best way to get to your child is to spend more time.Ask him to join you when you need his help,talk to him and get to know how his day in school was,what did he learn new today...etc.etc.This way the child will open up and he will be willing to help you.maybe he needs to share things with you.This worked for me since I have a 13 year old daughter. Now she chips in and does a fair share of work for me.

Sharon - posted on 11/28/2010

That sounds like an idea that would work well, Pamela! Sharon Morgan

Pamela - posted on 11/28/2010

Our role as parents is teaching our children responsibility so they can grow into responsible teens and young adults. It's not easy and I have an 11 year old. What has worked is setting chores that are age appropriate for both my children and setting expectations of doing without asking. For example, taking out the garbage 2x per week or unloading the dishwasher 1-2x per week. We compensate with allocations of 30-minute blocks of "gaming" time used over the weekend. We don't allow TV or gaming during the school week which ensure academics is the priority. During the weekend, I look at the tally of chores completed, then allocate gaming time accordingly. It works!

Maureen - posted on 11/27/2010

My daughters are ten and five. They do chores aroiund the house. Not because they are helping me but because they have to learn and because I have said so. I do not believe in giving allowances or paying children to do what they are meant to be doing anyway. So when the do some chores around the house its because the consequences of not doing so are not so pleasant to them. But most of the time, we do not even go to the consequences. And infact, they feel so grown up to be doing the chores.
About love, your children love you no matter what. Children get hurt, angry, disappointed and stressed but that is because they love us so much and we have let them down. Its not pegged on anything. Jjust the same way you love your children no matter who and what they turn out to be, the same way our children love us.
And dear, love is not pegged on expressions. If you let your children believe that, they will feel that in life they have to do things(mostly wrong) to be loved. And sorry to say is what pedophiles thrive on.

Elizabeth - posted on 11/23/2010

Oh I almost forgot - there is an awesome web site called Handipoints.com - It supplies you with a chart and they get to play online with the rewards etc. It's a very cool site and that helped us get started!

Elizabeth - posted on 11/23/2010

Here's the philosophy in our house: You live here, you eat here, you sleep here. You are a part of a family, you enjoy the benefits, you need to take part in the running of it. We have two daughters: 9 & 10. Since they were 8&9, they have to (alternate each night): Set the table, clean the table, one does the top of the dishwasher and the other does the bottom. each week one cleans the guinea pig cage the other washed the pigs. each day/evening one feeds the pigs and one feeds the cats. They are also expected to help out in the yard when it is called for. What happens they've found out - is that when they help out around the house - it mean more time we have to hang out with them. As a result - every night we have "together time" where we play games/read/SOMETIMES watch tv together, many times we just talk. they do not get an allowance per say. My husband puts $5 in quarters in a jar. If they have to be told more than twice to do something - a quarter comes out. If they argue/talk back etc. a quarter comes out. they've never gone lower than say...$4.

Tammy - posted on 11/22/2010

I have a 12; 11 and 6yo boys. They all have age appropriate chores and have had since they were 2.

At 2 then can take a measuring cup and fill it with dog food and pour it into the dog dishes. They can put their (plastic) dishes in the sink/dishwasher.

Now my older boys have two dogs to take care of so they trade off on days. They also have their rooms to keep clean and one other room in the house that is their responsibility. They all do their own laundry and clean up after themselves after meals.

The 6yo does his own room and feed/waters the dog and cat. He also takes care of his own dishes afte meals and is responsible to put his dirty clothes in the hamper and clean clothes away. I still do his laundry but he has to put it away and I only take his hamper once a week. I don't pick up dirty clothes so he has to have them in his hamper.

Myreen - posted on 11/22/2010

I think all children should help in the house it gives them a sense of belonging to a family that all pulls together Myreen

Mariana - posted on 11/21/2010

My 5-year-old son, already start to help me with house works. Like wash his own plate and cup, his socks, shoes, folding cloth, tidy his own bed, helping me to take care his brother and other light works.. Every time he complete his task, I will say thank you to him and reward/surprise him sometime with something that he likes..

Amanda - posted on 11/21/2010

We have 5 kids between two of us and yes they help. All of them I agree with Sylvia all need to help or it is war rewards can be as simple as if everyone helps everyone can play together in the evening Good luck

Angelette - posted on 11/21/2010

You really don't have to ask just give him set chores and when he does not do them there should be consequences, like taking away things that he like and if you are consistant he will know that you mean buisness and will eventually do what is asked of him.

Angelette

Michelle - posted on 11/20/2010

hey Teresa...
my sons are currently 19, 17, 14 and 12....
they have all always had to help about the house, they often haven't been thrilled with doing chores, but they've always done them, at times your son may not be thrilled with you asking him to do things, he will most likely grumble, but never once will he love you any less (mine don't).
My 19yo and 17yo, study, work parttime (30hrs a week) and still do thier chores, it's a great way of teaching them work ethics, too many youths 'expect' the world handed to them on a platter... best to teach them now that working towards goals is the only way he'll achieve anything worthwhile in life...
goodluck!
michelle!

Jeanine - posted on 11/20/2010

Firstly and out of all respect for your situation Teresa (I'm a single mum) your 10 yr old is only 10 years old. I don't think you should be emotionally expecting him to be a man and 'take responsibility' for assisting you cleaning the house or for that matter understand your emotional situation at all. Children rely on us to take care of them. The only cleaning a child should be learning is how to clean up after themselves by tidying up his room and packing away his toys. He is fighting you on these things because he is too young to understand adult responsibilities you are trying to get him to understand. It's not his fault you have a tough time. I am sorry to say this but I have to be frank, to say to your 10 year old 'if he loves me' he'll help. This sounds like you are talking about a man rather than your 10 year old son. My suggestion, get a maid and let your 10 year old son worry about the things only children should worry about like school and what toys he'd like to get.
I feel for you girl but if you keep pushing him, he'll end up resenting you and you'll find it almost impossible to have a relationship later on. Much love and keep strong.

Jackie - posted on 11/20/2010

I made it part of my kids daily routine. They live there too so they should participate as well. We had chores assigned to ALL - depending on their age the chores were easy to complex. The kids could trade chores but they still have to be done. Their rooms were their responsibility and one time I a week - usually Thursday I inspected the rooms. There are rewards and consequences for keeping your stuff done. In the common areas of the home each kid had 2 chores - like taking out the trash, vacuuming, unloading the dishwasher, pet chores. * I wanted them to understand the value of our home and you can only see that if you are responsible for it. * You get a two fold, 1 you get some help [gotta let go of it getting done perfect or your way but don't let them slide and you redo it], 2 they learn valuable life skills.

Tah - posted on 11/20/2010

children don't respond to that if you love me guilt trip..lol...You have to lay down the rules and he is plenty old enough to help. My daughter has been 9 for what 2.5 weeks and she has been helping for years, My daughter cleans her room and bathroom(which she needs to do now, but her cousin invited her for a sleepover and i said yes from a cellphone in traffic so i hadn't seen her room and bathroom or she wouldn't have gone..lol..) she sweeps the kitchen, puts dishes away, cleans counters, helps pick up the living room, helps with the dog and her little brother. She brings her clothes to and from the laundry room, i showed her how to work the machines even though i usually do it anyway, so yes he can help and now is a good time and if he doesn't do what he needs to do take away something he loves and he will get the picture, you can make whatever face you want..as long as i don't see it...lol...



also, i don't argue with children, we can discuss, but ultimately, my husband and i make the rules, when you are 18 move out and change them..unless i'm paying for college..then 22..lol

Tiffany - posted on 11/20/2010

Teresa,
It is not a matter of whether or not he loves you. It's a matter of him have to take on some responsibility in the house. Sit down and talk to about what responsibility is. Also if he enjoys playing games or any other activities make it clear that he in order for him to continue to do the things he enjoys it is time for him to help out. Now is the time to teach him how to pick up after himself as his mother will not always be able to do it for him

Marya - posted on 11/20/2010

Ten is a little late to start in my opinion, but not too late! Helping around the house with small chores is part of being a member of a household. Children don't see the house the same way we do, and won't notice thngs that should/could be done, but if you point out a few things a day that would be helpful and ask him to do it right away, i.e. take out garbage, put away clean dishes, set the table, over time it will be less of a "chore" and more being part of your home community. I don't beleive in tying everyday chores to allowance, since basic chores are soemthing they will spend a lifetime doing. Save allowance for bigger projects, like a once a week cleaning blitz for 30 minutes, with a lot of guidance at ten, since he won't 'see' what needs to be cleaned or tidied the way you do. Don't start worrying about 'if he loves me he would...', you'll be in for miserable teenage years, and that too will pass:-)

Deb - posted on 11/20/2010

I have a 10 & 13 yr old. they both have chores they have to do just because. It's not easy to get them to do it all the time, unless they have someplace they want to go. My rule is if you want to watch TV, play video games or go out you have to get your chores done. They have some that are daily & some that are weekly. Good luck with getting him to help.

Donnell - posted on 11/20/2010

My 8 year helps around the house,I have set the standards ever since she was younger ,she always had to pick up her toys,books ect. As she as got older she take out the garbage and helps clean up the kitchen .it needs to start when they are very young otherwise you will have a hard time good luck

Kiela - posted on 11/20/2010

I think the larger question is do you want to build habits & character that cause your 10 yr old to be dependent on you or to raise a capable, independent young adult?

Doreen - posted on 11/19/2010

Yes I believe your 10 yr old should help around the house, start with chores meant for men, treat him like a young man, he is growing and wants to be recognized as such, ask him, tell him your problems,eg your work, his siblings needs you, how tired you get after work and house chores, ask him he could help and in which area..then let him decide....happy mothering Teresa

Anika - posted on 11/19/2010

My 10 year old stepdaughter just started getting chores - she's only with us half time, so she has one or two specific chores for each day she's with us. She has really risen to the occasion, although she does forget sometimes. We also give her a small allowance that is not tied to the chores (I didn't want her to feel like she could just opt out of the money and not do her chores). We explained that she had chores just because she's a part of the family. She has been quite more responsible and less argumentative/attitudinal than before. I hope it continues.

Carol - posted on 11/19/2010

I'm trying to teach him that with certain freedoms come responsibliity. I think my son needs to help around the house more too.

Kimberly - posted on 11/19/2010

Have you explained to your son that helping around the house is teaching responsibilty? His room is a good place to start for him. Make it a fun thing for him to help you around the house. For instance make the chores a game of "whoever finish first" gets a reward of some sort. Maybe including the other kids depending on their age can become "family time". You can also employ him to "work" around the house and pay him a small allowance on a weekly basis ($5) should be enough. It's still teaches him responsibilty,by showing him that working hard pays off.

Linda - posted on 11/19/2010

Awesome. We do that too. I love it. They don't so much, but I do. Great job!

Erica - posted on 11/19/2010

I have a set of twin daughters and they both drag their feet over helping around the house. So what my fiance and I did was set up two weekly schedule. I would highlight which girl had which chore and how many "points" that chore was worth. Then we had another weekly list of bad behaviors such as talking back, leaving dishes/clothes/etc around the house, and how many "negative points" each was worth. At the end of the week, we would tally up the good points and then subtract the bad points. There were certain goals they could work for such a video game they really wanted or a night at the water park and they are "priced" accordingly. It works wonders and it really is not that time consuming! I know that I do NOT have the time for extra things, but I have even less time to be doing EVERYTHING around my house.

Irina - posted on 11/19/2010

I agree that you have to teach kids from early age to help. When they are toddlers and then then may continue to help. My 4 year old refuses to help, imagine what's going to be when he is ten and more independent minded and has homework and other things on his mind. For sure you have to explain to a child that we all have to pitch in and show a good example without taking it personal like he does not love you. That's hard because I personally take things personal and many times if I don't tell myself that I'm dealing with a child and his immature emotions than I get in trouble and upset and that just gives them an example of how not to behave. Good luck. Make a list and stay positive and encouraging. God Bless.

Rachel - posted on 11/19/2010

My three year old helps with laundry dusting and dishes. I make it fun and she doesnt know that she really doesnt have a choice. I give her a quarter when she does a good job and she saves them for the carousel at the mall...she picks the reward and it makes it easy to get her to clean

Linda - posted on 11/19/2010

We have the same problem in our home. We have 4 children. Two are twin 11 year old boys. We have chores for them that include, taking the garbage out once a week, sweeping the deck outside, picking up dog poop, feeding the dogs and they bring their own dirty clothes to the laundry room and seperate. They complain, but running a household of that many and working fulltime, you have to employ them. Plus it helps them in the longterm to understand responsibility and the value of money. Pay them a modest allowance at the end of the week. Again, it is not easy because they complain but if they don't do the work they don't get the rewards, like video games, TV, etc. These days kids are running-a-muck and we as parents are not teaching them anything if we don't help them by showing them what teamwork is as a family and also teaching them responsiblity. My 2 cents. good luck

Mari - posted on 11/19/2010

Pay him for help, but don't over compensate. It's a part of being responsible for helping the family out. i have had my kids help clean their bedroom since they were able to walk, granted, I made it a game back then, but you have to instill responsibilities in them.

Sherry - posted on 11/19/2010

I have 3 children one is 7 the other two are 4. They all know that they are expected to help with the daily pick-up of the house. Keeping a home inside and out is the responsibility of everyone that lives in that house. I don't get paid to take of the household chores neither should they, it is just something that is expected. They also know that if I have to pick-up their toys, clothes and shoes they will either lose privilages for a week or something gets thrown out (toys). The threat of throwing away is what really works in our house.

Rahseena - posted on 11/19/2010

What do you mean? He is the child and you are the mother! I'm not trying to be hard on you, but I don't get how he has a choice in the matter. He eats, sleeps and plays there, and he's old enough to contribute. Give him some chores to do - or 1 standing chore like loading the dishwasher, vacuuming the family rooom, etc. - and don't take no for an answer. Remember, you are raising someone's future employee, husband, etc. and he needs to understand that teams work together so that everyone can benefit. His help around the house allows everyone to stay healthy b/c the place is clean, and it allows mommy to stay sane and be able to spend more time with the kids. DEFINITELY make him help. My children are 5 and they help out by taking their dishes to the sink, cleaning their room and making their beds. It's the expectation. And if you don't start now, when he's 15, he's really going to be trippin' when you try to give him chores. And it'll be worse b/c he'll be older, bigger, and quite possibly, messier. Do yourself a favor and put his tail to work!! and the other 2 as well if they are walking (they can clean up their toys, etc).

Maggie - posted on 11/19/2010

He should absolutely help you around the house, and without complaining. Also, don't make the housework about loving you or not loving you, that's unfair to him. Of course he loves you, he just hates housework. Have you always expected him to help out or just lately? If this is a new request then you have to ease into it. Put him in charge of HIS stuff, not everyones. For example, have him wash his own clothes, make his own bed, pick up his own toys, put away his shoes/coat/backpack when he gets home from school. That way he'll take ownership of his things and he won't feel like you're making him work for everyone.
One more thing, when you ask him to do something say "please" and if he does it then thank him! It might seem simple but it goes a long way toward getting your way.
How old are the other two? You could have them start helping now, too, depending on their ages. My four year old clears the dishes from the table and vacuums the living room. My two year old gathers up clothes for the laundry and puts away his toys. Find age appropriate jobs for the other two so that the oldest doesn't feel like he's being singled out for work.
One last thing, and it's probably the most important. Spend time with him, find out what he's interested and take an interest in that, too. He may feel like you only want him around to do housework or help take care of the other kids. Even at 10 they still need lots of one-on-one attention. (Read "The Five Love Languages for Children" for more insight)

April - posted on 11/18/2010

I have a 2-year old son and I understand that at this age, toddlers love to "help mama, help mama" (what my son always says when he sees me doing chores). I don't give him physical rewards but praise him for being a good boy or tell him he has done really well as I am trying not to have to "bribe" my child to help around the house. Helping mama with chores should be something they should be doing because they should rather than for a reward. Once we start down that path, there is no turning back. Parents of older children tell me that once they hit 10 and above, it is a struggle even to get them to throw their dirty clothes into the laundry basket. One advice I am always given is to start them as young as possible; make it a routine, something they have to do every day along with other good habits like brushing teeth before bedtime etc.

Donna - posted on 11/18/2010

there's lots of gr8 ideas on here! my little one is only 2, she loves helping me removing the clean laundry from the machine and re-loading with the dirty things, hanging it up to dry and she just can't wait to help me unload the shopping, thats until she finds something she fancies to eat!



I defo think the thing here is to "start as we mean to go on!".



Obviously with Megan being so young wouldn't understand the true meaning of financial rewards although I do reward her with a nice wee fave magazine (Peppa Pig @ £2)! once in a while and tell her its because she's been helping mummy. Again not sure if she truly understands that part but i'm running with it for now. good luck evry1.



P.S to add to this my mum was totally amazed by Megan as she had sleep over this weekend, and before I went to collect her she tidied away her toys before Nanny took her to the park to feed the ducks, now, long may it last!

Wanda - posted on 11/18/2010

I'm a mother of a 17 and 6 year old. Getting my 17 year old to cooperate when he was nine was a challenge also. If you can afford to, offer an allowance or a reward of any sort for helping out. It worked for me...I hope you get the same results.

Kandace - posted on 11/18/2010

start small like taking out trash and putting the food away after dinner, simple chores are easier to get done with less fuss, you can also explaine about how everyone should help because you work .