Should you know your husbands female friends?

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Esther - posted on 06/01/2009

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Marcia - I've been there & done that. I'm still with my husband and we are happily married now and have a beautiful little boy, but my husband did cheat on me and I found out (this was years ago before we got married & had the baby). Fortunately my (now) husband did all the right things to put our relationship back together again, but from my experience, I say ABSOLUTELY trust your instincts. Female intuition is a powerful thing. If you feel something is not right, you're probably correct and it's better to face facts. Good luck!

Tonya - posted on 06/05/2009

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I was in your shoes about 3 years ago - and I know your world is turned upside down right now. My husbands "friend" never called my house only his cell phone. I learned two things - if you love him make him want you - I stopped trying with him, I started dressing beautiful and exercising and going out - I started taking care of myself and not focusing on his issues. We did go to one counseling session and it helped some. I realized I was not my own person anymore and not the person my husband fell in love with so I changed that. The second thing - you can not change them you can only change yourself - he can go elsewhere and there is nothing you can do about that but make him want to stay home and not look elsewhere. I will tell you this we did mend our relationship (he realized what he had and was going to lose) but we work very hard at it - I still have trust issues and he understands that - the saying is true "You can forgive but you will never forget" I still work on it on a daily bases. I believe we can be and have everything we want that will make us strong women - WE just have to believe in ourselves.

Marcia - posted on 06/01/2009

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Well thank you guys for your support and encouragement. I did ask him and he said nothing. He has become disrespectful and it hurts. I was thinking of leaving but I have 2 daughters and not sure if this is the right thing at this point. I do appreciate the suggestions and encouragement. But he is refusing counsilling and still is having conversation with the girl on a daily basis. I am not sure what to do and now we are just leaving like room mate. I did check her out on face book and she is some kind of counsilor. But she has on her post engage and her interest is men so I was a bit confused and now she is talking to my husband after 2 am in the morning on our home phone. I called her and she was trying to get mad at me. She spoke to him and he got mad at me. He apologise to her and not me. I am not sure how to take this but it hurts like crazy and wanted to know did i do the right thing by calling her. And I don't know what to do she called my home phone and my cell phone and keeps hanging up on me . I am not sure what she wants from me . And don't like this game at all. I told her if she called my phone again I will tell the police that she is harrassing me. Well Thanks again moms. Great luck to all.

Stephanie - posted on 06/01/2009

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I don't think you should just know his female friends, but all of his friends. In our relationship, I think we know about 98% of each others friends. This is one reason why we are so comfortable even if one of us goes out alone. My partner is traveling out of state next weekend and one of his female friends is going too. I know they will be in the same room, and others may not understand why I'm fine with this, but the more you immerse yourselves in each others lives outside of home, the more comfortable you will be. Trust me. There's no reason to hide innocent relationships so talk to him about anything and everything you're wondering.

Catherine - posted on 05/31/2009

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No matter howlong you have been married, there are alot of things that we dont exspect out of our partners, for your own conscience i would say yes. atleast of some peace in mind, no matter what the truth turns out to be. I wish you luck and dont feel alone.

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Anisha - posted on 02/24/2012

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I think you should know your husbands female friends because unlike us women. If we are attracted to male coworker we don't act on it but ad fro a man they will. I have experienced this first hand. I noticed late night phone calls and a lot of defensiveness. I would ask to see his phone not In Suspicion but because we have the same phone and I wanted to see something but it's like "no why do you want my phone?" now this behavior got me to thinking. I did t think anything of it I thought he was just having a bad day but then a week or so later I was at work and every hour he would ask what time I was getting off and was I coming straight home and when I asked why he said he was going out with one of his cousins and this was the cousin that he couldn't stand to be around. So I called his cousin and he said they weren't together. Later on maybe about a week later I drove his car and saw a movie receipt for two on the same night he was suppose to be out with his cousin. I asked him about it and he lied so I went through the phone records and called this female and she said they wen out. I didnt jump down her throat I appreciated her honesty. Then I asked him again and all he could say was "how did you get her number?" not im sorry or anything of that nature. So yes I feel very strongly about knowin these female coworkers or friends.

Rayna - posted on 02/22/2012

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yes! no woman should be friends with your husband if they are not friends with you. It's a matter of respect.

Alicia - posted on 02/22/2012

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I think it is important to know eachothers friends. Apparently this is pretty common.Hubby & I have been married 12years. 8 yrs ago he was working away from home in another state for several months and when he came back told me there might be someone else. Long story short we dealt w/ it, he left came back and I let him as we were not divorced. Then about 3 yrs ago I noticed him acting a little funny so I went through his cell phone, yep he was talking to other women from his past. They were women he went to school w/ and are friends w/ but we also had this trust issue. It got ugly between us, but we have made it through and are very happy now and talk to eachother more. Our communication is better, but each situation is different, the ladies my husband was talking to was not here in my state they were in other states.



I think every situation is different & you should listen to your gut, but also your head & not your heart.



I hope you are doing ok, this is a very stressful thing keep your head high and a smile on your face. Good luck

[deleted account]

Yes. I also think you should know his male friends. Or at least who they are. My husband personally knows of or knows my male and female friends. Why hide it?

[deleted account]

this is a tough one...cause I went through exactly what you are going through. He had a "friend" they worked together and she would phone him on his cell phone...never the house phone and sometimes I would find out that when he and our daughter would go out fishing or some other little outing that she would call or show up.....I guess I sort of turned a blind eye. In the beginning I would ask the questions and he would give me answers that nothing was going on and they were just friends and yadda yadda, yadda....however, it seems to me that there was a lot more than just friendship. I don't necessarily think that it was physical, but mentally he was cheating. We are now divorced and they are now married...please trust what your gut is telling you...if it doesn't feel right....it generally isn't. I wish you all the best

Carla - posted on 02/14/2012

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Marcia, my mother in law once told me we should not go looking for anything because we may not like what we find, whats done in the dark will come to the light. i don't know where you stand with your faith, but Trust in the God you serve He will see you through this situation and give you the direction on the choices you are to make. I would change my home and cell phone numbers and illiminate some of the power she thinks she has over you and your marriage, she is invading your home, actions of an obsessive person attempting to play games on what she thinks are your weaknesses, take care of your home and your children, and pray for that man and his disrespectful ways, a change will come! You just have to be at peace with yourself, and patient where your marriage is concerned. I know it's easier said than done, but get you a hobby, find something you enjoy doing and focus on other things, as long as you are doing what you should, that is all you have to answer for, if he really wanted her oer want her then he would be with her, she is the tramp in this situation, and really not worth your time!! Set your standards higher than entertaining his trash! Stand and be the woman, wife, and mother you have been destined to be.

Oma - posted on 02/08/2012

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i dont think its neccesary. i wldnt want to know them and i expect he respects that and keep them away from his home

Consuello - posted on 02/02/2012

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I say yes.I'm dealing with this right now.My husband has a Girl friend with whom he works with,her and I used to speak to one another but I noticed at a function we all attended she seemed to avoid me.So I left it alone then one day I was taking his truck to get some work done and had to remove his personal belongings and her number fell out.OK so they work together and I just ignored it then he started to come home and before opening the door he would erase his calls.We talked about it and that was that.I later was approached by another co worker of his who suggested I open my eyes.Now I'm cautious and I find her # listed in his phone while MY number is posted as our son.I later found out the truth (he is cheating)...with his "FRIEND".So I told her husband that she has been sleeping with my husband .Now we are all on the same page.Still going through the motions of stayin or leavin...

Oma - posted on 01/31/2012

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i would rather not know his friends and wld appreciate when they call when he is in the office and not at home. but if i am in a situation like dis, he will have to answer to me and we move on from there.

Marcia - posted on 06/09/2009

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Thank you for your hellpful advice. I really appreciate all that was said.I am now taking some of you said into consideration. Thank you let see how this will go. Its not in my hands anymore but into the Fathers

Kim - posted on 06/07/2009

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My thoughts and prayers are with you...if he wont go to counseling, you could still go. However, it does sound like you have your answer from everyone. Dont know if you have a church or a minister you trust, that would be an option. The one thing that I did, b/c it happened to me except it was not just one woman, I will quote him,"The more the merrier". From my understanding the bible states that infidelity is the only reason for divorce and it sounds like he does not think he has a problem, mine did not either. So I made him leave and got custody. He sees her 2 weekends a month only b/c i could not find anything illegal that he did. Good luck.

Heather - posted on 06/05/2009

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What female friends!?! My husband doesn't have any. Nor do I have any Male friends. The best advice we ever got was from my husband's uncle on our wedding day. He said "Never do to your spouse what you wouldn't want them to do to you. If you can follow this one rule your marriage can make it through everything else." Unless your husband is OK with you having male friends he has never met calling you whenever they please then I would absolutely NOT be ok with him making you feel this way. I personally could not handle being with a man that put me through what you are going through but I am not here to judge, you need to follow your instincts, be strong, and make the decision that you know is the right one for you and your family. I wish you the best of luck!

Marcia - posted on 06/05/2009

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Quoting Catherine:

No matter howlong you have been married, there are alot of things that we dont exspect out of our partners, for your own conscience i would say yes. atleast of some peace in mind, no matter what the truth turns out to be. I wish you luck and dont feel alone.


 

Margaret - posted on 06/05/2009

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maybe you should sleep in another room or with your girl(s). I wouldn't let him touch me if he tried! I know you want to "work things out" for the kids and be civil, but sometimes it's just not worth it. Maybe a separation? This may help because he may not realize what he's got until it's gone.

Marcia - posted on 06/01/2009

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He is beautiful and again thanks for your comment. How did you deal with that? I tried and he only got closer to her. I think i have lost him and not sure where to go and what to do now. I have been disrespected and much more. What else is there for me to do?

Marcia - posted on 06/01/2009

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Thank you so much for your comment. I am not sure what I will do but this thing is sressing me out. I am his friend right now. I am not sure I know what to do so I am getting counsilling for me self,. Thanks you so much for your comment and encouragement.

Charlene - posted on 06/01/2009

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Yes. For peace of mind.

I am sure that he wants to know who your male friends are. I believe there should be no need for questions once everything is open. Now with that in mind dont be a fool either. Let no be closer to you man than you.

Sara - posted on 06/01/2009

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It sounds fishy to me. I would go with your instincts as Esther suggests and get to the bottom of it. You have a right to, it's your marriage and he's your husband!

Heather - posted on 05/31/2009

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This is a hard issue, but i say if it makes you feel uncomfortable then you should definately do something about it, I just can't say what you should do. If it were me I would start by asking my husband about it.

Marcia - posted on 05/31/2009

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If one particular friend of your husband calls your home and ask for your husband and you know who it is and she doesnt ask for him. And hangs up te phone in your ear and wakes your kids up And you keep saying hello and you get no response. I dont want to sound naive. This call was after 6 am in the morning on a week day. Should you question this friendship? And if you did would investigate to make sure your assumption was accurate or not?

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