Soon Divorced Twice, 3 kids w/ me and 2 on spectrum...any advice?

Abigayle - posted on 12/12/2010 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Breakdown: 31 years old born, raised, joined, married twice military and never lived in civilian world; about to be divorced for the second time and doing it the way I should have long time ago...going to be on my own with three of my kids, oldest is with the older three's father in So Cal. I am dating someone but taking it slow and feel that I did it all the best way for us.

I have never been single; in a relationship that was all longer than three years since 15 years old. I left one and had another before I left. I have never lived on my own an adult. Married and pregnant living at home until spouse got quarters.

Education: 80 college units; four different colleges due to moves or working for family needs. Extensive knowledge, education and expertise but no degree...doesn't get me far. ADD is a problem even medicated but enrolled in a university. Spec Ed and Autism certification and finish with a BA in speciasl education and minor in business. Online courses, FAFSA and hopefully a grant or scholarship.

I worked also from 16 until 28 and almost lost my job for my son's autism and time needed off. Deployments and the need for my son's intervention and advocate his education kept me unemployed. I am now overquaified in even those jobs and am passed over for ones that I am qualifed for for someone with a degree...no matter what it is. I do a lot of volunteer advocacy and my passion is autism so I am okay with doing it for free until I can get something. I have no car, no money for a car, no car to get a job and no degree for them to hire me.

My son has autism, sensory probelms and conduct disorder in second grade and doing well but its not the right time yet for me to be able to have him regress because of chaos and no routines plus day care is too expensive, long waiting lists for assistance or they can't take severe needs. My daughter is now also being tested on spectrum for asperger's so more starting over with therapies and psychologists. On top of they are his stepkids and he threatened to take them off their insurance.

I caved am filing for SSI benefits for my son to start a back up acct at best for college and at worst for services I refuse to let him regress because he didn't get them. I lose my benefits and I have general anxiety disorder and take Paxil. ADD and take adderall also take xanax. I also have OCD. I have acid reflux so bad acid sits in my lungs at times, have to get a test done still to test for cancer cell growth and ulcers. Have hypoglycemia, may have sleep apnea and fibromalgia and arthritis. I have a rare side effect from a bad medication on a bipolar misdiagnosis that I developed an avoidant dependent personality disorder I am doing really really well in treatment and would overcome but will lose that treatment insurance. I also had some minor brain damage that resulted in tremors i will never not suffer from, back spams in because of the damage it did to my CNS and sometimes have to get on a morphine drip and admitted. Not to mention glasses, dental. I lose everything and have worked so hard to get this far and watching it go down the drain is not acceptable.

My husband won't give me money for christmas and I did register for toys for tots.

I also finally caved and will be applying for section 8 although TANF was denied because I get 800 a month and I guess that is too much. I have no family to speak of that gives a damn about us surviving. I have some friends but they are all military so they come and go and are all over the world.

My first marriage I had perfect credit but bad relationship and marriage after puts me in really really poor credity line and I got evicted twice and are on my credit due to an abusive alcoholic that made my checks bounce. I can sometimes find someone that will rent to me but double the deposit and I have no one to cosign for me. Its doable if I can get the tax return like he promised but now he wants most of it.

I am so running out of time, no more ideas, getting desperate and all my high hopes and progress about to spiral fast down the drain. My kids are doing so well; please if anyone can give me some advice...hell even a pep talk with made up disney fairytale lines just to make me feel hopeful I don't care; I really just need to figure this out

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Katherine - posted on 12/12/2010

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Wow. Wow.

Where do yo live? Get to a DHS NOW! Get on food stamps and medical. He wouldn't just leave you stranded with 3 kids would he? $800 is too much? Are you kidding me? Go to a shelter for now. You have a lot of problems(physical) for being so young :(

Take it one second at a time and prioritize.


First you need a place to live.
Second get on welfare
third insurance and so on and so forth.
Have you been to rehab? I have 4.5 years so I get it.

Honestly it will work out but you can't try to do everything at once.

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