Stay at home dad?

Cori - posted on 02/13/2010

Hi there! I was in the same situation as you ladies - a master's degree and making more $$$ than my husband so deciding who would stay home was a no brainer. My husband has been a sahd for almost 3 years now and is a great parent. He's patient, affectionate and all the things a mother would want for their child. He takes our son out (to the park, fishing, swimming, etc), has taught him to count, recite the alphabet and pee in the potty and even cleans up the house most days. I had some of the the same concerns you (and all the other women who posted) do at the outset but what I've found is that though there are trade-offs it has been incredibly rewarding for all of us. What I gave up was control, what I've gained is a happy family and home life. Watching my husband and son together I can see the strong bond they have and that helps me know we are doing the right thing and that my son is no worse off for having a sahd insteas of a sahm. My advice is to do the best can at giving your husband a fair chance to find his own way as a parent - meaning that the activities he chooses to pursue with the children may not be same ones you prefer or that he may not schedule their day together the same way you would have or clean the house as you like it - and see how it all unfolds.

Melissa - posted on 02/13/2010

Hello Jocelyn, my name is Melissa my husband is a dtay at home dad. We oly ave the one baby in the home al other kids are grown. I am on my 2nd marrage and he is much older than I so the youngest sibling is 20. I must admit that I to was somewhat worried as to if my husband know what he was getting into. He however is a great stay at home dad. I must also admit that what he thinks is importnt and what I think important are different. This is how we handle that, the things he feels are important are done on a daily baises with Alicia and the things I think are important I do with her on my days off. You may find that the scedules will now change. He found out soon just what he was in for and it took him a few months to get used to the say at home dad thing but once he did I could not ask for a better husband or father. Boy did it change the way he thinks and does things just as it changed us. Relax it will be fine, he will b fine, they will be fine.

Jocelyn - posted on 02/11/2010

Thanks ladies :) I'm starting to feel a bit better about the whole situation. It'll certainly take some getting use to, but I'll just have to cross my fingers and hope for the best! lol.

Michelle - posted on 02/11/2010

Hmmm... I see a theme here with the housework!



I am a career woman. I have worked many long hours and spent most of my adult life focusing on my career. When we decided to have children, I was 34 and at a point where I made a lot of $$$...about five times more than my hubby. So when it was time to figure out child care and we could afford to live on only my income, it was a no-brainer. Fortunately my hubby is secure in his manhood and was happy to be the one to stay home with our daughter. He did so until September, 2009 when my daughter was 19.5 months old. He is an awesome Dad and he took great care of her, but I alway came home to a huge mess as all he did all day was take care of the child...no cleaning, laundry, etc. He said it was because she wouldn't let him and took up all his time. I was circumspect. He expected me to help out 50/50 with all the housework and when I was home, the child care. I was okay with this because I figured I would like the same if I was staying home. Unfortunately, when I was working long hours or sick, he didn't pick up the slack and the expectations were the same. It all came to a head when I got pregnant with our second child. It was a very difficult pregnancy - I was horribly sick for the whole time and had to be put on short-term disability from work. Then I was home during the day and again the expectations were the same. I started to get VERY cranky and resentful and he was depressed because he didn't have a social circle of other SAHD's and I think he didn't feel like he was contributing to the household. Lucky for us, my mother got laid off in July and we all decided she would take over the child care instead of trying to find other work. Funny enough, since my hubby has been back at work, he does not have the same expectations for himself that he did for me...as I suspected. He's also much happier working and my mom is much better at the child care - she has more patience and she helps out with all the house stuff.



I have never felt guilty for working as I am providing for my children and they have either their father or grandmother to look after them while I am at work. I just make sure I spend as much time as possible with them when I am home. If grandma hadn't stepped in, my hubby would still be a SAHD and doing the best he can, but it seems most men are good with the children, but not so good at being househusbands....

Casey - posted on 02/11/2010

My husband is a stay at home dad for now as well, he's working kind of ON CALL at this time and i work m-thursday 9-5 .. i feel guilty sometimes that im not doing all the things moms are "supposed" to do, but someone has to bring in the money and my husband is a GREAT father he does EVERYTHING for our son .. i'd rather him have him then a daycare or babysitter!

Anita - posted on 02/10/2010

My husband is also a sahd. We have 2 boys; age 2 and 10 mo's. They all get a chance to play and spend quality time together. I think that they get more out this than they would at a day care. My husband does his own thing with the boys and there is no time for cleaning in there. After 2 years I am used to this and just accept it. He at least keeps things together so I don't have to clear the table. :) Overall he is glad to have this time with them. He will be done with school in 2 years and hopefully find a job. I know that he wouldn't trade this for anything.

Elizabeth - posted on 02/10/2010

I work full time and because my husbands hours got cut cut so low and we were so broke. i feel a little guilty sometimes, but we need the money and i love my job. so my husband is a stay at home dad with our 9 1/2 month old baby. sometimes he tells me that he feels less of a man because im the one supporting us, but other than that, he LOVES it. he plays with her so much, our house is less clean then if i were not working, but hey, our daughter is cared for and loved more than i probably would if i were home cuz i would be cleaning. being a working mom has both its ups and downs. i really enjoy it though

Amy - posted on 02/10/2010

My husband is a stay at home dad and loves it! He's been having a hard time figuring out what to major in (He JUST figured it out a few months ago!). So because I have an IT degree I'm the one who gets to work, YEAH! (lol). He's a great dad, I was a little worried at first, but he's been doing a great job with him. I think the hardest part is because our son is so active he doesn't get much done. He reads up on stuff while DS is sleeping, but doesn't do much cleaning. We talk about it, and his excuse is he just gets so annoyed sometimes and doesn't feel like it. I think that makes me wish the roles were reversed because it's driving me nuts.



I do feel guilty, but when I get home, and my son runs up to me with a huge smile, I know I'm doing the right thing. DH is doing a great job with him during the day, and DS is just fine with out me there.



Since he doesn't like swimming, can you do swimming with them when your home? Or are they specific hours? I want to do swimming with DS but the time they have the class I'm at work. I'd say just talk to your husband and see if you can work with him to make sure the kids are doing what needs to be done for them. When it's not snowy out, DH takes DS for a walk to the park to help wear him out (and DS LOVES it outside).



Your daughter will not get the short end of the stick, you won't be working the entire day every day, so you will have time with her. I'd suggest to try and find some activities that are special for just you and them. It makes your time with your children that much more special.