The Naughty Chair or "Time Out Chair"

Tammy - posted on 11/08/2009 ( 8 moms have responded )

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Okay, so with my daughter. I LOVE watching the "Supernanny" on tv. (After my daughter is in bed). So, I have learned a lot and even though my daughter is 2, she is just beginning.
My problem is with hitting. I do not know where she picked it up from. The only time I remember, which it may have stemmed from in the beginning (she was about 14 months old) is when she accidently turned with her hand in the air one day, she hit my nose so hard I actually felt all the bones shift in my forehead. (Thankfully, no bleeding, but now I have constant sinus problems). My facial reaction is what made her react......... I remember being shocked, but it was the first time I actually caught this kid give the best belly laugh ever. I wish someone was filming me, because I didnt think it was funny. It actually brought tears to my eyes. It took me about 7 months to break her of hitting me. She slapped me all the time. Right when I didnt expect it. She thought it was funny.
So, now, it begins again. This time out of frustration. She is talking but not all the way. When she cant get what she wants she hits me. So, I began the time out chair. I do it exactly as Supernanny has taught....... for those of you who watch. Now her habit is premeditated. She comes to me hits me and says,"I go to naughty chair now". and punishes herself! Now, how am I supposed to deal with that? (As I write this, I am laughing hysterically, because my husband and I have discussed this in private and we truly do not know what to do next.) We do not want to use her bed as a punishment. We want her to always know that her bedroom is her place of peace. No stress.

**In case you are wondering. I follow through all the way, all the time. I keep her busy all the time. We do things together. I am not off doing my thing while she is doing hers. If I am cleaning, she likes to help me clean, so I give her jobs to do. She loves helping.
Dont get me wrong, she is the most loving child a lot of the time, then she gets tired of being that way and decides she wants a little bad attention.
So, Anyone???????????

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Connie - posted on 11/09/2009

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Be real careful with "slapping" any part of your child - parents are the primary teachers of their children, and children are influenced by the way people model their behaviors - so if your child sees you "slap" when you are unhappy with a behavior, that is exactly what your child is going to do when they are in a situation they don't like.

time-out chairs - naughty chairs - whatever, are a temporary fix to annoying behavior. If you want to properly discipline your child, you need to teach them Natural consequences - however, if you must resort to this punishment, remember to limit the time to one minute per every year of age - so your two-year-old should be in time-out for only two-minutes (this is in accordance to the Department of Children and Family Services). Good luck.

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Samantha - posted on 09/10/2012

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My daughter is 3 I put her in the naughty corner she answers back at me doesn't listen so I put her in the corner whilst in there she will tell make herselve vomit hit the wall swear ... And the list goes on.

I don't know what to don anymore ! Do I leave her in the naughty chair if she presents more bad behavior of a different nature whilst on the chair help

Samantha - posted on 09/10/2012

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My daughter is 3 I put her in the naughty corner she answers back at me doesn't listen so I put her in the corner whilst in there she will tell make herselve vomit hit the wall swear ... And the list goes on.

I don't know what to don anymore ! Do I leave her in the naughty chair if she presents more bad behavior of a different nature whilst on the chair help

Erika - posted on 11/11/2009

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Tammy my little girl is also 2 years old and she is also doing the same to me she is heating me when she is fustrated and at this stage I give her a smack on the hand and then after she has cried she will come back to me and say sorry. But is does not stop so I also wish I knew what to do, because I don't want to hit her the whole time so if you've got the silution please let me know. Just excuse my english spelling I'm actually afrikaans

Nahi - posted on 11/11/2009

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Time out either works, or it doesn't. At this stage I agree that she has adapted to 'time out' discipline eventually over time and made this a part of her behaviour pattern. Even though you have mentioned you spend a lot of time with your child, you said when she calms down she helps you with what you are doing. Have you thought of a 'time in' method? where you get to drop what you are doing (in the time of her behaviour), and ask her what she would like to do? Give her 1 hour of your time - honestly 1 hour of your time is nothing to the amount of times she behaves the way she does, to time out process then waiting for her to calm down always takes LONGER than 1 hour. A suggestion is pull out a ice-cream container ask your daughter to come and join you. Grab a cup and ask her to fill this with cold water (twice) and put this in the container. Add 6 tablespoons of cornflour and mix. Now, you explain to her that you TWO are going to make 'finger painting' together. Add some food colouring to give ingrediants a bit of colour and explain to her that the next step is for MUM or DAD to do because it's HOT WATER!!! that is one cup. Once this is in the container give it a good mix and say to your daughter that you are going to place some paper onto the bench and you both are going to play with the 'paint' and spread this all over the paper and ask her what she is drawing? making? creating? believe me, I have 4 children aged between 9yrs and 10mths. 2 girls and 2 boys and another due in June 2010!!! I also work full-time. THIS HAS WORKED FOR ME!!!! I hope you give this a go and let me know how you got on. With this working for me, one hour of my time for my children, is the rest of the day for me, I am being honest. It does not have to be 'finger painting' she may want to 'bake' something with Mum or Dad, something you know she rearly or has never done, to making this a bonding time for her and you. Thank you for your time to read this :-)

Welch - posted on 11/09/2009

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when my daughter hits me not often but i dont use naughty chair i hold her two hands tell her she hurt mummy i am not going to play with her if she is going to hurt me and tell her mummy has lots of other things to do and is now going to do them. she thinks for few minutes then seeks me out to apologise. then i make her help me do tasks around the house.

Kelly - posted on 11/08/2009

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Umm well we have the same problem and i dont agreewith connie about time out. It works wonders for us when we do use it but i try not to always use it so he now sees it as a really bad spot he sits when hes really naughty.

I love supernanny and even with no training her tatics are someimes very usefull- she isnt on tv no more over here.

When my son hits me (frustation on lack of communication mainly) i tell him "no that hurts mummy" and will give him a lil slap on his hand. Ive also started that when he hits me i act all sad and put on a sad face and go "aww that hurt mummy" that 90% of the time gets him to say sorry give me a cuddle and a kiss. He may still repeat hitting me but after a few times of me acting sad he sees it hurts me and he stops.
I have been doing this for about 2weeks now and i have had a great improvement as he sees it isnt nice and he hurts mummy.

Hope you can find somethign that works well for you.

Connie - posted on 11/08/2009

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Did you know that the Supernanny has no professional training what-so-ever? Her methods, all though can be temporarily effective, are quite misleading. The word "discipline" means to teach....tell me, what are you teaching your child by putting them in time-out? Nothing ---



So, what's a mother to do? Certainly hitting you is absolutely inappropriate behavior. There are three types of parenting: permissive (the door mat approach), authoritative (positive guidance approach), and the authoritarian (the do what I say because I said approach). Obviously, you want the authoritative approach.



First, manage your calm and whatever you do, don't laugh. Tell your daughter, "no, that hurts mommy (daddy, aunt, cousin). we don't hit"..... when she does it again, which she undoubtly will, give her warning - "no, that hurts mommy. if you hit me again, we will........" and this is where you have to adapt to your situation..... for example, "we will turn off the t.v." or "we'll have to leave grandma's house" or "neighbor johnny play-date will have to go home"....etc. It is important for both you and your husband and any extended family members who help raise the child to be consistent. Do not use a warning you can't follow through on and redirection in overly repetitive situations may be necessary (ie if the child continues to hit while you're reading her a story, then maybe the communication suggests she wants to play blocks?).



All babies are learning about cause and effect at age two - she knows that she will get a reaction from you - be sure NOT to encourage her by REacting - preventative measures work best. Try to look for patterns when she hits, and avoid them. Does she hit when she's tired? bored? hungry? lonely? in need of attention?



I know this can be overwhelming. More articles can be found on this situation at www.zerotothree.com, and at www.naeyc.com. I hope this helps!

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