Waht is the best way to fix my sons attitude?

Jessica - posted on 12/07/2009 ( 6 moms have responded )

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my son is the biggest bully when he is around other kids. he is always hitting, biting, slapping, punching, kicking, spiting, and throwing stuff. He dont learn the stuff from my house, but from the in laws who watch them. ive tried time out, telling him no, poping his hand and butt. and nothing works when i pop him he looks at me and laughs.. i really dont know what to do and hes not even 2 yet. everyone says i need nanny 911.. so please help with this.

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Melanie - posted on 12/09/2009

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I have to say that I really agree with Sylvia. If you hit a child it teaches them that hitting is OK when you are not happy with something.

I have struggled with my youngest son as he is very strong willed and lashes out when he doesn't get his own way. I have tried many things and have found that not allowing him to participate in things or removing toys after a warning really works when he has been naughty. I found that things got worse before they got better and it was a battle of wills but it is a learning curve for us all and things are definately much better.

Also I think you should talk to your in-laws. This is your child and he should be brought up the way you feel is right. Again Syvia is right when she says that all caregivers should be sending the same message, otherwise you are fighting a losing battle.

One of the things that I have found useful is to remember is that this is a stage and with the right guidance it will pass.

Good luck

Sylvia - posted on 12/07/2009

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I hope you won't take this the wrong way, but if you are hitting him when he misbehaves, then he is definitely "learning the stuff" at home as well as from your in-laws.

Now, toddlers can be pretty aggressive, especially if they're not very verbal yet; lots of kids whose parents have never hit them still sometimes will hit or bite or push or shove ... they're trying the behaviour out to see what effect it has, just like they try out everything else at that age. But if it's really extreme, and if he really only behaves this way when he's around other kids, it could also be that he's acting out on them what he's learned from the adults in his life.

When you have a hitter or a biter, for sure you have to do something about it. Just because it's developmentally appropriate doesn't mean it's *appropriate*. At our house, and at DD's daycare, the rule was "you hit, you sit" -- you don't get to be part of the group, participate in the game, whatever, if you're hurting other people. It can also be helpful to give more attention to the victim than to the perpetrator, so that hitting/biting/whatever doesn't become a sure-fire way to get Mom's attention. You have to be very consistent, and you have to model the behaviour you want to see, and it really helps if all caregivers are sending the same message -- which means talking to your in-laws and trying to get them on the same page, so that they're not modelling the same behaviour you're trying to get rid of.

Good luck! Two-year-olds are hard work ... and then they turn three ...

Tosha - posted on 12/07/2009

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My friend's mother raise 5 children and her tactic was to publicly humilate them. I have witnessed other friend's sons and for some reason this really work for boys. My friend would take him in the other room and pop her son's hand when he bullied or acted out. he would laugh or just stare, one day she did it in front of a group of people and he started crying and saying sorry it was amazing. Some time the pecking order has to be established in front of group for it to stick. Good luck...

Amber - posted on 12/07/2009

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Hi I have a four year old that has the same problem u really have to stick to the time outs its hard when they turn and say I can do what i want because i will just get time out then u spank his butt and put him there dont give in at all for any thing we r just getting better im not so worried about him bulling other kids

Amy - posted on 12/07/2009

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aw, I'm sorry to hear about your son. Our son can be pretty bad sometimes and we found that by poping his hand and/or butt would actually make things work.



My husband started reading this book that I think it's called how to raise self disciplined children (or something like that). Recently we've been doing the time outs, we don't yeal at him (I'm still working on that part) and we calmly tell him that what he's doing is wrong and explain why. After a few weeks he's really started to listen MUCH better. Our son is also only 19 months old, so I'm not sure if the age matters.



You also may need/want to talk to the in-laws, since they are showing him by example you may want to talk to them and let them know that you don't like how it's making your child act.

Misty - posted on 12/07/2009

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Have you ever hear of Love and Logic? There is a book that I got that can help with all kinds of challenges with your children. My kids have not been that bad, but the book really helps. He definitely needs to know who is in charge - which is you and not him. Check it out.

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