What do you do when your soon to be 13 year old wants to get on the computer and look at porn sites?

Jamie - posted on 10/18/2009 ( 28 moms have responded )

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We have done everything to grounding him and taking stuff away.But he still does it,

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Kristal - posted on 11/02/2009

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Tell him NO. Put a password on the computer and don't let him go on it without supervision. Keep the computer in a place where you can easily pay attention to what's going on. I don't keep mine in a room of it's own, but rather in the living room. With people coming in and out of there all the time, it makes supervising easier and he's less likely to get onto sites he's not allowed on if he's more likely to get caught.

It can be embarrassing for boys that age who are becoming interested in girls to get caught (especially if he has a younger sibling) reminding him of this could help too. A little sister asking why he's looking at naked girls on the computer could be difficult for him to answer.

Another approach could be to have a guy (Dad) he respects tell him that it's inappropriate. If Dad's not an option, Grandpa or a male family friend can explain to him that while it's normal to be interested, it's not okay to be going to those websites.

It can also be explained that visiting these sites tends to be a major reason for computers getting viruses. The entire computer could crash. Give him legitimate reasons why not to do this behavior and you could end up with better results.

Jen - posted on 08/14/2013

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All parents need to talk to their kids (boys and girls) about porn. Kids need to know that what they see online is not representative of what real adults do in the real world. They won't want to hear it, but don't make it a conversation, make it a "download", just sit them down and talk at them. Even if it seems like they aren't listening, they hear you. There is NOTHING you can do to keep kids from looking at porn. All boys look at porn. So do (almost) all men. There is nothing wrong with porn, as long as your kid understands that porn is fantasy and that "real" women don't look like that, and "real" people don't actually do those things outside of fantasy.

[deleted account]

lol you should do what my parents did, "accidentally walk in on him" when he is actually looking at it. i was so embarrassed about it i quit doing it. however if he is looking at it maybe its time to talk about it. my parents never talked to me about it and i actually ended up learning about sex through porn and Cosmo:D

Brooke - posted on 10/27/2009

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All of the moms have great suggestions on how to stop it in your house. Here is the problem that I feel is being overlooked a little in this string... He will find it somewhere. Pornography is incredibly prevalent in the world... hormones and all. I agree with locking down all of the avenues that you can find such as home, friend's houses, etc.



Absolutely have the talk with him that that is not sex. That is not how that works. No ones penis looks like that. Girls don't actually do that stuff (and at 13 if they do, you need to worry about Hepatitis and HIV) You may even want to go as far as to explain what a Fluffer is. Explain that these people are getting paid for this and usually don't actually enjoy it. They have to hire people to help the guys get/stay erect for the scenes. These men would be considered terrible lovers (I might even use the term "lays") because porn is not how the real world works... "Extra Sausage" on a pizza really just means extra sausage.



Just a thought... if you can't force him to stop, might as well ruin the experience for him

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Linda - posted on 01/02/2013

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my 14 year old son walked in the house with playboy magazines inside his shirt. several of them. i could see the writing through the white tee shirt he was wearing. i just let it go and later i discovered them under his bed. i wonder what is the legal age for teens to have these magazines and would i get in trouble if i let him continue to have them.

Lysistrata - posted on 04/26/2011

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Internet porn is a hot topic for the kids in most schools starting in 5th or even 4th grade. If your child is looking at porn they were probably just curious about what everyone was talking about. When you discover this he may have been watching it for a while. Be on your son's side and really explain to him why porn is just WRONG. Explain the ideas of sexual exploitation and how unrealistic porn is. Be open and discuss with your child without stressing the punishment side of it too much, so he knows he can ask you about this sex stuff. I made one kid read a couple of chapters in a health text book about sex etc. and we discussed and answered his questions. Later you can explain any new rules for internet use if you feel you didn't get through and this is a bad habit that is continuing

Hollie - posted on 04/25/2011

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Even with net -nannies, they can still find away to get around blocks. We have a block on my 15 year old's computer, and then we made him move his desk to the other side of his bedroom so we could see in when we came down the stairs. My husband also spot checks his history and lets him know that we can see everywhere he has been and all his conversations with his friends. We do not check all the time but the fact that he knows that we can check at anytime has curbed his porn surfing.

Amber - posted on 11/10/2009

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yeah, put a parental block on only allowing him to have access to like g-rated sites, lol.

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also all these people who say to take it away or put it in the family room are kinda nieve. trust me your son is not the only 13 year old looking at this stuff. he most likely doesnt even know how until he saw this and its very interesting from a young teens point of view. when i first came across it i would watch it with my friends just because we were curious about it. so trust me his friends are most likely watching it with him at their house or even at your house at times. taking it away will not stop it. you need to talk to him about it.

Jaime - posted on 11/08/2009

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out the computer in you view so that you can monitor whats going on and alsogive him time slots of when he can be on the computer

Judy - posted on 11/07/2009

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Our computer is in the living room, set up in a way that everyone in the room can see what's on the monitor. When my son hit the age of curiosity I set up strict parental controls along with time limits. I created an account on the computer for him that had a timer set up. He could only get on for certain blocks of the day (it would shut off when his time was up). I also had certain content blocked, which he really hated because he couldn't go on YouTube because of it (my response was "oh well"). I also hid his AIM log folder in an area of the computer where he can't find it so I can monitor his chats with friends. I don't do it often but he knows I have the ability. He's 14 now and I've relaxed my rules a little bit. He hasn't given me reason to not trust him in a long time. If he slips up, I'll tighten the reigns again.

Michele - posted on 11/05/2009

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We have our computer in the living-room, and the kids can only use it when one of us is present, so there is no temptation to look at those sites...absolutley no computers in their rooms!!! It's natural to be curious, but some of the stuff on those sites out there is raunchy!!! You can put parental controls on your computer to block certain content. If that doesn't work, simply take the privelage, not a right, away. Of course they can always find it other places, but atleast you won't have the computer problem anymore.

Dierdre - posted on 11/02/2009

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hmmm, my mom, two sisters and I went out and bought a playboy magazine for my brother when this started up. We talked to him, gave him the opportunity to talk to us. The comp is off limits because of virus', we did the parental controls and everything also, but its normal to be curious and my family is definately not prudish. This worked for my family I think because we've always been open with eachother. No guarantees for others =) BTW Kristal Aldernink seems to know what shes talking about!

Lyn - posted on 11/01/2009

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tell him the consequences of this bad behavior..like being considered "freak" or "unpleasant"..u may opt to use his own lingo on this....this may be the right time to start sex education topics...curiousity is impossible to control...goodluck

Laura - posted on 10/29/2009

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move the computer from where ever it is to a place where you can watch him while he is on it and do not allow him to use the computer when you are not home or if he is in the house with someone other than yourself or your spouse. You can also put blocks on the porn sites as well. Give him a good scare by going down to the police department and asking them if they can have an undercover cop show up at your house and surprise your son and tell him that they've been watching him go onto porn sites and if he does it again, he will be serving time in Juvi. I'm sure that will scare him enough to stop.

Claudia - posted on 10/29/2009

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Take away the computer and put it in your room so it only is used when you are there. Set up the parental controls with moxilla. and remove the door to his room so there's no way he can hide behind closed doors.

Kayleen - posted on 10/27/2009

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Tell him it is not appropriate for someone his age to look at that stuff. Lock the computer (passwords) so he can't access it at all at your house. If he is curious about puberty and growing up, have a good conversation with him about that. He doesn't need to learn it through porn. Your house, your rules. If you suspect he looks at it at other friend's houses, talk to their parents too.

Stephanie - posted on 10/26/2009

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Parental Control may work if it doesn't monitor his computer time give him a set time to be on the computer using both of these may help.

Akita - posted on 10/26/2009

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Our son did the same thing after school and I came across it accidentally. We placed a password on the computer. Each kid has to ask permission to use the computer and we have told them that we can trace where they have been. After having computer privileges taken away, they only ask to go on the computer to download music. We canceled our internet service and have it on our blackberry's so they need to use our phones in order to go online. Problem Solved.

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Set it up so that they have to have a password to get on the internet and put the computer in a busy room where you and your husband are in frequently. That way he can't get any privacy to look at the porn.

[deleted account]

Quoting Jamie:

What do you do when your soon to be 13 year old wants to get on the computer and look at porn sites?

We have done everything to grounding him and taking stuff away.But he still does it,


Three options: One you can block alot of these wed sites from your child depending on what user you have. If you know what company gives you wedsite info contact them and they can talk you through on blocking things.



Two: Disconnect the computer complete



Three: Talk to your son about this. Curiousity is normal for teenagers, tell him it is nothing to be ashamed of, but it has to be controlled. Then move the computer to a room where EVERYONE has access to such as Livinig room. That way it is harder to go to them when someone might walk near you. This way both sides win, he still can use the computer and YOU can see what he is going into

Rita - posted on 10/24/2009

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if you are married ask your husband to talk to him if not talk to him give him disaplent easy enough said then done give him time he can spent on the computer otherwise discounect it untill he learns tell about spending time on his education because that brings money and babes in the future
education.
good luck

[deleted account]

net-nannies. place computer in communal area (kitchen/living room) with access only when you're home. i agree with what pat wrote above: give options in punishment if busted again etc, and work your way up.



teens and sex can be a tricky conversation, and he's gonna find ways, but man, oh there's some nasty stuff out there!!!!



good luck!

Pat - posted on 10/19/2009

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When he has no computer to get on, he'll stop. When he can't go out at night after school, he'll stop. Kids are no fools. They will take when they can, and wont' when they can't. They learn to behave for their teachers? Keep at it, it will pay off and he'll thank you for it later. So will his girlfriend/wife. :)

Pat - posted on 10/19/2009

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You take it away for a month, talk to him about it and put parental controls on it. You can also put the computer on a password and/or make him get on it in your presence in the kitchen or living room. DOnt' try to be his friend here....friends allow their friends things you won't. Look up the history folder on the left side of the screen and it will show you where he's been surfing. If it's erased all the time....he's also guilty. If it continues, take it and lock it in your room, and take other items away. Make him earn them back. I did this to my son. His nintendo games got duct taped in a box in the attic for a month 2x. (But tell him about this punishment beforehand so he can make a choice) He got the idea. Showing them you mean business and everything else you mean and being consistant works. My son tried this at 18, and I told him, move out and you can do what you want. If you surf a site that has underage girls, I WILL visit you in jail, I promise. :) I had porn sites on my computer. I had a tech erase them, took away the house key he had, and he needed permission to enter my house after he moved out. You won't believe the garbage you get on your computer and the x-rated stuff you will get in the mail. I had to explain to my long dear friend who was my postman. It was embarrassing.

Gail - posted on 10/19/2009

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Use your parental rights. Block his access to these sites. I have Mozilla foxfire and you can control just about every aspect of content and ratings for his computer. Make sure you password protect and do not let anyone know it or write it down where he will find it.

Amy - posted on 10/18/2009

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had that problem with my step son i got a parental guard from verison and we control what they can get on. each kid has own pass word and we control it

Amy - posted on 10/18/2009

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had that problem with my step son i got a parental guard from verison and we control what they can get on. each kid has own pass word and we control it

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