What To Do?

Sally - posted on 03/14/2010 ( 15 moms have responded )

3

7

0

Hi Moms,



Hoping you can help me with my dilema. I am a professional working mother of 3 young children (ages 12, 8, and 6). Fortunately I live in a school district that still has a bus program which picks my children at the corner and drops them back off at the corner. Otherwise, working would be near impossible and very costly. When I did the afterschool program, it cost me $1,300.00 per month.Here is my situation: I work for a company that is not family/mom friendly. They are currently being sued for this very discrimination/harassment towards women and moms in the workplace. I have been there since 9/8/09. Needless to say the sales pitch was very opposite of what is reality. I have been working 10-12 hrs per day. I have a commute of 1-2 hrs one way. There have been nights I get home at 9:00pm and kiss my children as they are asleep. The environment is hostile on a daily basis. I submitted my resignation and gave my 2 wks notice this past Thursday. I reached a point where I feel used and taken advantage of . I too have felt the discrimination of being a woman/mom in the workplace. My children are suffering for this as well. Grades are slipping and I am seeing them acting out. My husband is their stepfather and has taken on a lot of the domestic roles. But he is not their Mommy. Any advice??? Ironically my job is doing everything they can to keep me - even changing who I report to. Need some sound professional/Mommy advice. My priorities are always my children. And I work to give them choices in life. But I can't help to feel that my current job situation benefits nobody but the stakeholders and Corporate America.



Thank you for reading this.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

15 Comments

View replies by

Imani - posted on 04/02/2010

5

14

0

Hi Sally:

Boy do I understand the frustration. I have 3 kids close in age to yours and the same thing was happening. There are 2 ways to go about this, if they are doing everything they can to keep you, then you should make them prove that by giving you exactly what you want. Obviously you are very valuable to them, and with Technology these days there is no reason you can't work out a flexible schedule with them as far as working 2 days from home, go into the office on M, W, F or M-W, the commute time should be easy enough to explain to them...and if you have to work as long as you say, then that means a lot of your work can be done at home, the key to that is to give them a schedule of how it would work for you. 'From this time to this time you'll be doing x' or you'll be available for 'x...etc. The other way is to think about getting a job a lot closer to home, you have to ask yourself if you 'love' where you work, and if it weren't for the time away what else is keeping you there? Good luck to you on this...women have to juggle work and life everyday and it seems unfair that we are held accountable to make sure everything works pefectly. You are superwoman though, so the answer will come to you. Good Luck!!!

Sally - posted on 04/01/2010

3

7

0

Thank you Moms for all of your advice. It is great to know that there is such a thing as an "internet support team." Well the outcome is that I have agreed to stay on as a consultant. This will be 3 days a week and I will have my own hours. The pay will go down since it will only be 24 hours a week. But this way I can have the time to look for another job close to home. And have a 4 day weekend. It seems that the place that I am at will never change and the management will continue to turn a deaf ear and a blind eye to the wrong and injustice that runs rampid over there. Not to mention the owners have no problem throwing employees that come forward under the bus. Not a healthy environment to be in - not even for a paycheck. To all of the moms with information about home based businesses, please feel free to send me information via this arena or sallygidget@hotmail.com.
Again, thank you all very much. You were all there for me when I needed it. God bless everyone and God bless America!!! Sally

Donna - posted on 03/19/2010

2

8

0

I know how you feel. I changed jobs over a year ago after working for the same company 18 years. My boss pass away about 1 year before i quit. i was told that anybody could be replaced. i was tired of giving 1/2 hour each morning onmy time and not being paid for it. i never qiut a job without giving notice, but i had , had enough. so i quit and never called in for 2 days. i already had another job lined up. my new job i work 4 days a week, and love it. gives me time to do everything i need to do before i go and get my grandson from school on friday. i am raising my grandson who is 8 years old now, and has alot of problems> ADHA . keep the faith and something will coem your way. yes children are important.

Debra - posted on 03/18/2010

151

76

4

Sally, Sounds like Penelope, had some good advice for you. I have a suggestion, since your husband already have the experience as a stay at home dad. Have the both of you ever thought of starting your own Home Based Business? I am part of this great company that is looking for stay at home moms and dads This is something you can do as part-time along with your other job until you build up your commission to replace the income you are already making, then you and your husband can share all the time with your kids. This is a growing company that enrolled 30,000 new customers in just 17 days this month, Because they offered a special of $1 for anyone that wanted to start their own home based business. The response was so great that they extended it until the end of the month. This is not a new company just getting started, it has been around since 1985. But they only advertise by word of mouth that is why they can offer great products at reasonable prices, no middle man to pay. They pay us to tell others and we earn residual income..They pay you for changing where you shop for the products you use on a daily basis.The products are Natural, safer for your home and family, plus you get paid for making the change and invite your friends to do the same. The best part is there is NO selling, NO taking orders, No delivering, NO carrying inventory No Large Investment, Until the end of the month You invest $1. Where else can you start a business for $1, No risk they will give you your $1 back if not satisfied.
I would love to give you more info. if interested. I can get you hooked up with an information session via the web Just send me a message. MAKE SURE YOUR HOME IS A SAFE AND HEALTHY ONE. Be Blessed.... P.S, UPS delivers....
.

Jill - posted on 03/18/2010

2

34

0

i would defintely quit, this is not fair to your children, their step daddy and most important you. ....you seem like you are a very bright person, and you need to make sure your children are taken care of first, then you can concentrate on a profession. especially with their grades dropping, that is a good sign, that they need their mommy @ home to spend time with them. that's just my advice.

Penelope - posted on 03/17/2010

3

1

1

Sally, Sounds like you already have a partner in this dilema. Your husband's been there making dinner, chasing kids and sending them off to bed while you've been doing what it takes to figure these things out. I see where you're coming from; my husband isn't "bio-dad" either but he's very much a daddy to my two. Likewise, I've floundered with decisions around work and family and my husband usually has some pretty sound advise since he's the one who watches me bolt out of the door at 6:50 in the morning not to return till after 7:00 in the evening and I only work down the street. We (Facebook Working Moms) can only give you advice from where we've come but he can give you advice from where he's observed and how the family as a whole has been affected. Take some time to make a pro's and con's list with your husband and if the con's outweigh the pro's then let the job go and something else will undoubtedly come your way. Good luck; you'll make the right decision.

Tammy - posted on 03/17/2010

93

10

10

If they are fighting to keep you. Now is the time to state the way things need to be in order for you to stay. Times are tough right now in looking for a job;' so keeping a job is always the best scenerio.

Talk to HR. Let them know that your hours need to be 8-5 or whatever. This will bring you home at 6-7 with some time with your kids. Talk to them about the possibility of doing work from home in the evenings after the kids go to bed.

I worked for a company that we could actually log into our work computers from our home computers and could work from home. This was a good and bad thing. I could work from home when my youngest was sick but I also was expected to work from home most evenings even after putting in 10hrs in the office and the weekends were another 5-6hrs daily but I was still home with the kids when they needed me and I was making good money and very good benefits.

Take advantage of the situation you are currently in. They are asking you to stay, you have nothing to lose if you state your needs.

Abby - posted on 03/16/2010

109

6

33

It depends on what you want to do. Times are tough. If you decide to stay home, find another job, or stay at your job and renegotiate your hours and terms, then it will be the right decision for you. You don't owe Corporate America but your kids need you and that's just motherhood. If the company wants to keep you, then define your own terms and say "take it or leave it".
It's interesting that you bring this up because NPR has actually had a series of stories dealing with corporate america and work hours:
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story...

Mary - posted on 03/16/2010

1

6

0

Lokk for a job closer to home and one that requires less of your time. I raised 2 children by myself with no support from their father. He never acted like he had even helped create those children. My point is, they grow up too fast, I spent hours working 2 to 3 jobs just to give them a proper home and food and clothes, but I never got to see them. Now they are grown and on their own and I cherish every moment I get to spend with them but I often think of the times when they were small and I missed. I wish I could make them small again! The work from home thing sounds like a great option, at least for now.

Marcy - posted on 03/15/2010

1,042

1

277

Sally-
The job market is tough now. If you are working 1-12 hours a day and commuting 1-2 hours one way you probably live near me in California...HAHA. If they are doing everything they can to keep you now is the time to ask for what you want. it doesn't hurt to ask right? I would start with seeing if you can work 1 day per week at home. The commute time of 1-2 hours is our of their control but they can help you by offering you the ability to work from home 1 day per week. Can you change your hours so that you could possibly either start earlier or come in later on? This may help with the commute/traffic. I am not sure what your job is but high paying corporate jobs are unfortunately not typical 9-5 jobs. This is why is so tough for mommies to get ahead in this world. I am currently working 2 jobs (I was in the mortgage industry and we all know what happened) and I own my own business which I work on about 10 hours per week. One of the major reasons we left New York City was the commute and the long days.

Its tough...I guess for me what it boils down to is how much do I need to pay the bills. Since my career is not the most important thing in my life anymore its not about getting further and further up the food chain. If you can survive with a less paying job and there is something more local than look in to it. In the meantime, if your company is doing all that they can to keep you....ask them first what they had in mind in regards to lightening your load...it might actually be better than what you would ask for. Good luck.

Debra - posted on 03/15/2010

151

76

4

I feel what you are going through,and you feel that your children are getting the short end of the stick.. Have you ever thought about starting your own Home Based Business. Yes, there is a job closer to home for you, closer than you know, You are already doing the things at home everyday to start your own business but don't realize it ,but, you are not getting paid for it. You just need to know how to get set up. I have partnered with this great company that show you how to get set up, earn residual income and you set your own hours. NO large start up fee,No inventory,No taking orders or collecting. NO risk ,100% guaranteed. We have a great compensation plan.
Want more info, ask me....

Alison - posted on 03/15/2010

2,753

20

466

It sounds like you are looking for some advice on what to ask for in terms of work&life balance? Consider additional vacation time (paid or unpaid), work from home option when the little ones are sick or even 1 day/week. In Sweden, they will actually let you do a 6 hour day, and then 2 hours at home. Or ask to work 80% (either work for days or work shorter days). That will make a HUGE difference.

Kristine - posted on 03/15/2010

149

5

23

Hi Sally,



I think you are doing the right thing. I agree with Evelyn on the closer job thing. I think it will be something good to teach your children that family comes first. Even if the job you have right now pays very well, money is not everything. It is the time you spend with your children. If you like the idea of working from home then I can also get you some information on what I do. The company is very family friendly as well as environmentally conscious and you can make a great income if it is something you feel passionate about. Let me know if you would like more info.



Good luck with everything:)

Bridget - posted on 03/15/2010

205

31

49

Hi Sally, I completely understand where you are coming from except that I am the one that got shafted from my high profile, corporate job! Before I went on maternity leave I had a very stressful yet high paying job but it had lousy hours and I reported to terrible, meglomaniac bosses. I had had very good reports before my leave but whilst on leave (when my son was 2 months old) I was called in and told I was being transferred to another position as I was no longer capable of being a manager due to issues I had had before I went on leave (despite my contract being renewed for a further 3 years 4 months before I went on leave). To cut a long story short I decided not to fight for my stressful job back but did received a payout and have now picked up a job that is only 3 days a week but has no responsibility, is only 10mins from home and I never have to bring work home - it is unbelievably satisfying right now! Sure I have taken a huge paycut but I can spend all the time I have at home with my little one! My situation might be slightly easier though as I am a teacher and can resume teaching whenever I want but for now I am happy to put my career on hold for my family - we can afford it financially so why not! I'm sure you will make the right decision for both your career and your children - once you weigh up the pros and cons (you seem to have a lot of cons in this post) you will know what is the best thing to do! Good luck!!

Evelyn - posted on 03/14/2010

201

47

19

There has to be a job closer, get the info out to all your friends that you are looking for a job locally. Some moms use Twitter to get out the info. Also look into work at home jobs. You don't owe anything to Corporate America. Many moms have left the corporate world for successful work at home jobs. Need info, just ask me!

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms