what to do when your son does not listen to you and is constantly getting introuble?

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Dionne - posted on 07/08/2009

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I have a daycare in my home and I have one little boy in particular that always "acts up" when MOM either drops him off or picks him up. I'm talking spitting on her, kicking and screaming and just not listening to her at all... However, at my house, he knows that kind of behavior is not tolerated in any way shape or form. It's in your tone and intention. You'll never have to spank him. I find that his mom "pleads and begs" with him, where I do not. Be strong and keep at it, don;t let him wear you down and get your family to "back you up". So if you dont tolerate a certain behavior, then you make sure that they are following through with the same behavior modification, whatever method it might be. ie: spanking, time-out, or taking a favorite item. I know that it is very hard to keep it up but trust me in the long run you will see the necessary changes and you'll all be much happier. Where is DAD?

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Claudell - posted on 07/12/2009

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I have a 5year old an she like to have her way sometime but talk to her and let her know that she a big girl that not way to act .if she act good she can get what she want but with she dont she cant get what she want . but one then u can do is to pray for your child.an put it in the hand on lord and let him work it out for u .just pray pray pray for your child an give them some love an tell your chil our day u love them.

Tanika - posted on 07/11/2009

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My two year old son began to engage in behaviours like this in response ignoring the undesirable behaviours and over praising the good is a very positive way in changing behaviours , but this does come at a price mums your child will push your tolerance levels but key issue is to not respond at all.There are a lot of books on behaviours and one i read is alternatives to punishment it only promotes positive ways in changing challenging behaviours.

Dulce - posted on 07/09/2009

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Quoting Dionne:

I have a daycare in my home and I have one little boy in particular that always "acts up" when MOM either drops him off or picks him up. I'm talking spitting on her, kicking and screaming and just not listening to her at all... However, at my house, he knows that kind of behavior is not tolerated in any way shape or form. It's in your tone and intention. You'll never have to spank him. I find that his mom "pleads and begs" with him, where I do not. Be strong and keep at it, don;t let him wear you down and get your family to "back you up". So if you dont tolerate a certain behavior, then you make sure that they are following through with the same behavior modification, whatever method it might be. ie: spanking, time-out, or taking a favorite item. I know that it is very hard to keep it up but trust me in the long run you will see the necessary changes and you'll all be much happier. Where is DAD?


To Dionne Pari, I have a question about that how do you change it? The tolerated behavior? I sometimes feel like it's too late, my son is only 2 but I also feel like he acts up because he can't speak clearly and get out what he's tryin to say.

Teddey - posted on 07/09/2009

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Wow, I really needed to read all of this! My son has the same behaviors mentioned and although his dad isn't incarcerated they have never met. He left when I told him I was pregnant. I too have wondered if temper is genetic because although I never had an incident with his father, he did have a history of domestics. My son is 5 but as tall as 7 or more and is very strong and when he gets physical it's nothing to laugh about. It broke my heart to have to put a 4 yr old in behavior management. But my motivation is that he will be over 6 ft tall sooner that I'd like to imagine and if I don't get him to respect me now, what will I do then? The last thing I want to see is him get in serious trouble because of his temper and strength. I have used some of the advice that was shared with Michelle and I am always looking for more. Thanks

Dionne - posted on 07/09/2009

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Michelle,
I completely understand about the issues with "dad"... I think you are absolutely right on in thinking that is where the misbehavior is stemming from. He probably does not have the words to explain why he's frustrated or so upset.. kids just FEEL feelings and ACT on them. rather than try to voice them because they don't truly know what it is that makes them feel the way they do.. It is a long process. Stickers work for some kids, and you may want to try it but I think taking away an item might work better for your boy... and maybe talk to him a little more about whats going on with dad, reassure him .. In no way shape or form should you ever "bad mouth dad" in front of him. This is tricky because i know how frustrated you are with the situation, but trust me you will be the bad guy no matter what you do. ( I have personal experience with this same kind of situation. My parents went through the same thing.) You are not alone, communication is the key and get "Help"...

MICHELLE - posted on 07/09/2009

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Quoting Dionne:

I have a daycare in my home and I have one little boy in particular that always "acts up" when MOM either drops him off or picks him up. I'm talking spitting on her, kicking and screaming and just not listening to her at all... However, at my house, he knows that kind of behavior is not tolerated in any way shape or form. It's in your tone and intention. You'll never have to spank him. I find that his mom "pleads and begs" with him, where I do not. Be strong and keep at it, don;t let him wear you down and get your family to "back you up". So if you dont tolerate a certain behavior, then you make sure that they are following through with the same behavior modification, whatever method it might be. ie: spanking, time-out, or taking a favorite item. I know that it is very hard to keep it up but trust me in the long run you will see the necessary changes and you'll all be much happier. Where is DAD?  WELL I HAVE AND STILL DO ALL OF THAT IT IS HARD AT TIMES BECAUSE I AM SO TIRED AFTER WORK BUT I DO HAVE TO FOLLOW THROUGH WITH THE TIME OUT  AND TAKING HIS PSP AWAY. I HAVE HIM IN SPORTS SO I HOPE THAT HELPS HIM UNDERSTAND WHY HE HAS TO FOLLOW RULES AND BE MORE RESPECTFUL. I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY HE DOESN'T LISTEN AT TIMES, I ALWAYS TELL HIM YOU MUST LIKE GETTING INTROUBLE. AS FOR RIGHT NOW HIS FATHER IS OUT OF THE PICTURE, CURRENTLY INCARCERATED AND WE ARE GOING THROUGH A CUSTODY BATTLE, I DON'T WANT MY SON TO SEE HIM BECAUSE HE IS NOT A POSITIVE ROMODEL AS A MAN OR FATHER, SOMETIMES I THINK THAT HAS A LOT TO DO WITH MY SON MISBEHAVING.


 

MICHELLE - posted on 07/09/2009

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Quoting Dionne:

I have a daycare in my home and I have one little boy in particular that always "acts up" when MOM either drops him off or picks him up. I'm talking spitting on her, kicking and screaming and just not listening to her at all... However, at my house, he knows that kind of behavior is not tolerated in any way shape or form. It's in your tone and intention. You'll never have to spank him. I find that his mom "pleads and begs" with him, where I do not. Be strong and keep at it, don;t let him wear you down and get your family to "back you up". So if you dont tolerate a certain behavior, then you make sure that they are following through with the same behavior modification, whatever method it might be. ie: spanking, time-out, or taking a favorite item. I know that it is very hard to keep it up but trust me in the long run you will see the necessary changes and you'll all be much happier. Where is DAD? 



THANK YOU DIONNE I WILL TAKE YOUR ADVICE!!

Claire - posted on 07/08/2009

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I've been having similar problems with my little one, he's almost 3. My friend told use to use stickers and reward everything good, no matter how small it is, it has helped. Its funny how quickly they figure it out. I used a wall chart so he could chose his own sticker and put it on, praising him as we did it, reinforcing the good behaviour. Also I find he can be worse at the end of the day when we're both tired, so I make sure to be home early and keep things to a minimum in the evenings. Hope this helps, and remember you're not alone it's something we all go through.

Stephanie - posted on 07/08/2009

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I completely agree with Dionne. I've babysat kids before that really act out when their parents are around, but are pretty content when alone with me. Kids are smart and they know who they can push the limits with. Believe me if he's already use to misbehaving it might take awhile to learn that you mean business. Usually I'll just take our son by his arms so he looks me in the eye, tell him what he should/shouldn't do, then he'll have to go to his room until he has a better attitude. I know it's not always that simple with some kids, but it works for me.

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