Why do men think they do so much more??

Kali - posted on 09/06/2009 ( 1 mom has responded )

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My husband works all day Yes but I have a 17 month old little boy that gets into everything that I am with all day, house work that needs to get done, and then when my husband gets home I leave for work and then Cannon goes to bed 2 hours after I leave for work, and then Ryan gets the rest of the time to do whatever he wants but i promise you its not house work LOL And then when it comes to the weekends he thinks he is intitled to watch college football all day on sat and do nothing around the house or do any family funtions but when i want to take an hour of me time he freaks out about how he busts his ass at work and would love not have to do everything around the house. WTF Really Who does all the cooking, cleaning, and spends all her time with our child. THat would be me. Not that i dont love spending time with my son, i love him more then anything, i would do anything for him, it would just be nice to have some me time every once in awhile. Got any ideas on how i can Get my Husband to realize that I do things and work my butt of as well and would love to have some relaxe time too?? Thanks for your help!

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Shauna - posted on 09/06/2009

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Honestly, I think it's because most men do not get much experience caring for children when they are young. Most of what men have to deal with in regards to kids is to play sports with them or possibly tutor them in a school setting. Most men do not babysit, and are rarely expected to help take care of younger siblings. They also tend to subscribe to similar ideas to the stereotypes in society (ie: a man is as good as his paycheck). If he earns more than you, he may consider that simply bringing home the bacon (or more bacon than you do) entitles him to do nothing at home.



Or he may simply think that taking care of a child is EQUIVALENT to doing "nothing" at home.



My suggestion is that you take off a weekend. Tell him in advance and tell him that if he thinks that it is so easy that you would like him to try it for a bit and see how he fares.



Of course, if he simply refuses to do it, then ask him why. Why does he expect that the man should only have to do 10% of all the work, while you do 90%? All you have to do is up the "you are a wuss" factor and most men will try and compete because most men hate being either directly or indirectly called a weak-willed layabout.



I would also suggest making some clear expectations of what you want done when you are at work. Many men have absolutely no idea what needs to be done around the house (call it "male housework blindness"). Remember, when you first met the guy, he probably lived in a bachelor pad that looked so gross that you were probably fairly repulsed. The truth of the matter is that most men are not trained to have an automatic connection between dirty dishes piled to the ceiling and doing the dishes. They simply try and stack one more plate on top so that they won't have to be stuck with a full sink and be forced into doing them.



So, in the end, I suggest that you forge a compromise. If he decides that making the money is more important than doing the chores, tell him that HE can PAY YOU for his end of the housework and responsibilities, and you'll just use his money to go get yourself whatever you would like. After all, if you work for it, you ought to get paid for your job, especially if he's shirking out on HIS portion!



If you're both working outside the home, you both need to work at home too, or you will go crazy. I am sure he would probably like sex and intimacy more often. Perhaps you could mention to him that your love life and relationship in general would improve immensely if you could simply have an evening off as often as he does so you can relax and unwind. Believe me, there is no better way to ruin a sex life than being so overwhelmed with stuff that you can only think about bed as a place to sleep!

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