Why do SAHM's say that working moms are bad moms?

Cecilia - posted on 07/31/2010

I have been a SAHM for 5 years in total, first 2 years with my first son, then 3 years in a row when I had my second son and then my daughter (only 18 months between them). I can honestly tell you that I would go totally NUTS to be at home all the time. I work 90% at the moment (living in Sweden where part-time job is a legal right when having children under 8 years of age) and yes, sometimes it feels a bit much but I actually enjoy going to work most of the time. At work, I am only me, not someone's wife or mom, and I like it a lot. I could be working less for pure survival but I don't want to! I love my children with all my heart but I am a MUCH better mom when working than when I am at home all the time. And I have really tried that bit with being at home. I like to meat adults and talk about work etc and not only things about the kids.

Natasha Nikky - posted on 07/31/2010

I am a working mom, wife and student. My husband and I toyed with the idea of me staying at home. But financially we just cant do it at this time. I would love to stay at home with my kids, but it just cant be done. It breaks my heart for me to have to leave my 2 year old little girl every morning because I have to work. I try hard to be a good mother no matter what the situation is. I think that when a person judges another person without knowing their actual circumstances, they are just an unhappy individual. Do whats best for your situation. Your kids will know whether you are a good mother or not, and their opinion is the only one that counts!! :)

Irene - posted on 07/31/2010

every parent only wants the best for their child/children. being a stay at home parent is not always an easy decision to make. some can afford to stay at home because they are financially well off or in other cases, it's more practical for 1 parent to look after the child instead of paying a childminder/nursery. i guess, for as long as we know that we are doing our best and the family is happy, it doesn't really matter if you choose to be a working mom.

a friend posted this in her profile, maybe this says it all...

"people take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness... Just because they're not on your road doesn't mean they've gotten lost" - J. Brown Jr.

Amanda - posted on 07/31/2010

I am in a different category - a working mum, but fortunate to be able to work from home, so also a stay at home mum, with very flexible hours - i am very lucky.
No matter what choices we make, someone will put us down. Whatever we decide to do, we all want the best for our kids.

Working mums - you make sure that your kids are well looked after while you are at work - yes, you do. You make the most of the time that you have with your kids - yes, you do. You are in a situation where you HAVE TO WORK - yes, you are.

Stay at home mums - you are indeed fortunate to be able to have this option as a viable one.

I am from a family of 6 kids. My mum was a SAHM, and quite frankly, i do not remember spending any time with her at all, it was all about tennis with friends, and housework, with the added bonus of her wishing she could be working instead of stuck at home and always griping that money was tight.
My dad worked - but every moment he was at home was spent with us, and i have great memories of doing things with him. I had more quality time with him than with my mum.

The quality of the time we spend with our kids is much more important than quantity...

We are even in my family, 2 SAHM's, 2 working mums and me. None of the kids have suffered from the choices their parents made. They are all healthy and happy - and very well loved.
The decisions made by each of these mums were based on economics, not what they really wanted to do. If you are paying a mortgage, or a single mum (we have one of each), then you have to work - and the day care places were very carefully selected.

Whatever your situation, if you love your kids and are trying to do the best that you can for them, you are a GOOD MUM.

When you made your decision, i am sure you all carefully considered every available option, so stop feeling guilty, and stop worrying about what other people think - you are doing the best you can.

Judee Ann - posted on 07/31/2010

I'm a working mom, and I don't think I'm a bad parent. My daughter will need a lot of things in the future. At the moment, her life's pretty simple because she's still a child, 7 actually. But when she gets older, she'll need things as a teenager and pretty soon, she'll be going to college.



There are stay at home moms and working moms. No one should be allowed to say that she's a good mom because she stays with her child 24/7 and no one should also be allowed to say that she's a better mom because she works and have all the money in the world to spend for her child. It's a matter of choice.



I'm proud being a working mom, and I don't feel bad when they say SAHMs are better because as far as I'm concerned, I'm also doing my responsibility as a parent. It's just that I do it differently. And yes, most women who stays with their kids all the time are privileged.

Victoria - posted on 07/30/2010

I'm a single mother of two lil boys almost 5 and 3, I don't have a choice if i want to work or not although I do perfer to work because im a worker I am not a person to sit at home all day watching dora or blues clues all day, Like children need mental stimulation so do adults and by being with other adults I get that. Anyway I don't get it why some SAHM take the caregiver role so seriously and insist on homeschooling their children, The way I look at it your not a certified teacher, you havent gone through YEARS of schooling so how can you find yourselves capable of teaching your children the knowledge they need in a world where not only a proper K-12 education is needed but many years of collage is also needed just for a basic entry job. As well your depriving your children of the social skills they need to survive in this dog eat dog world we live in, I hate to say but I hear from some ecentric SAHM's that the reason why they don't want their children to go to "outside" school is because their afraid of what they might learn but thats horse s*** regardless of where, they will learn things that you may not like and thats too bad but thats all part of your children growing up.My boys go to daycare and they love it, they learn things everyday their making friends and learning the social skills they need to help make them well rounded men one day. Do I feel bad about how early they have to get up absolutly but its teaching them that although it may not be something they enjoy doing if it has to be done it will be done. Now lets say my oldest comes home and says or does something that I don't approve of and he learned it at daycare then I act like an ADULT and talk to him and explain the right and wrong things to do I don't just sheild him from the world.But as for someone to say that a working mom doesnt love her children because she leaves them to work thats nonsense, I love my boys more then life it self but I have no other choice but to work, we live in a homeless shelter and since I don't want to be in this situation for much longer im going to do WHATEVER it takes to get my family in our own place and off of welfare, my older son has said to me that he doesn't want me to work but I explain to him that I HAVE to work and thats what makes the evenings and weekends so amazing

Francine - posted on 07/30/2010

None of my SAHM friends have ever made me feel bad for working. I actually think it makes me appreciate my daughter more since I can't spend every minute of my day with her. I just happen to also be a divorced parent and have no choice.When I did; the thought of staying home full time never crossed my mind. maybe part-tme but finacially it wasn't possible. I think that some mom's need to work for various reason. My question is why don't people give working dad's a hard time? Why does it always fall on the mom's shoulders?

Gina - posted on 07/30/2010

I think they are just insecure and probably a bit jealous that they don't have a life outside of the home. I'm glad to be a working mom. I wouldn't have it any other way!

Darcel - posted on 07/30/2010

Honestly alot of people say mean things online (this site, yahoo groups, blogs, etc) that they would never ever say in to your face or to a friends face. So take web post with a grain of salt. As for the SAHM vs. Working Mom debate, there is not a "vs." or "debate."

Every family is different and each mom must do what she can to support her family. So if a SAHM where to tell me how "bad" of a parent I was my working for food & shelter, I would polietly tell her that she needs to mind her own business and keep her opinion to herself.

Tanya - posted on 07/30/2010

I know alot of stay at home moms who know how to be a mother and alot of working moms who know what to do not to take their time and money for granted with their children. You have to be creative and motivated to make it work for you and the children. I also know alot of stay at home moms/women who call themselves mothers and really they are just breeders using their time at home to act like they are 16 and dysfunctional rather than make something of themselves and their children. Their children are their money trees and ways to get people to do things for them. They don't want to work or be mothers. Bad mothers are these.
There are also the mothers that are out there working their butts off but not making the effort to make times with their children special. It's hard, but there is always a way. I also think a key factor in every child's life is their father. What is his role in making things work with the children? They have to know that their role is important too...it's just mutual respect and the children learning that parents can make it work for their sake whether or not they are together.

Laura - posted on 07/30/2010

I still get to breastfeed. Still going strong at ten months!

Iva - posted on 07/30/2010

I'm sure there are people who have plenty to say about that one! But you know what? It is your family and your business - not theirs.

Rock on, Laura!

Laura - posted on 07/30/2010

What about moms that go to work and have stay at home dads? That is my situation. And if anyone doesn't like it they can go pound sand!

Iva - posted on 07/30/2010

I've had the privilege of being on both sides of that fence. When my children were very young, I stayed home because what I would have made with a part time job would have been consumed with childcare expenses. We got a lot of flack from people, too!

When both of my kids were old enough to be in school, I stopped homeschooling them and went to work in the school system. Four years later, I'm still in the school system, currently going to school for my Bachelors in Education so I can teach. Everyone - my two kids, my husband - ME - are happy, healthy and content; and the extra income has enabled us to relax a bit and buy the things that never quite made the budget when I was staying home (haircuts, back to school supplies, summer camp, extra curriculars, etc)

There is no such thing as a "good" mom or a "bad" mom. We need to stop beating each other up over such a trivial thing - we are all on the same team! We all have the same goals!

Christa - posted on 07/30/2010

Working is not a choice for most mom's, it is a necessity. If you love and support your child, then you are a great mom. Never let somebody else define what you are supposed to do or not do. It is really no body's business.

Melissa - posted on 07/30/2010

I think some women just think that their way is the right way. And I think some women are insecure about their life choices. If they tell us we're bad parents, then they by default are good parents, even if that may actually not be the case.

Personally, I think the SAHM thing makes sense if you couldn't make enough money to cover the daycare, after taxes. I think it can be economically risky, though, to become completely dependent on a man - what happens if he dies, or leaves you, and you have been out of the workforce for years and nobody wants to hire you? That would scare the crap out of me. and frankly, I feel like my daughter does well in daycare - she is very social and she has a blast there. I don't think I'd always have the energy to entertain her 24/7 like they do. I feel like I'm a better parent to her because it isn't my only job.

If someone insults your parenting, unless it is an issue of safety (i.e. you're allowing your child to play in the street or stick a fork into an outlet), you can ignore them. If they make snotty comments about working moms, I think they deserve snotty comments about SAHMs - I bet you could come up with a few. I usually take the high road, though. :-)

Julie - posted on 07/30/2010

It seems parenting (and pregnancy) are times when people see no wrong in judging people or over-offering advice "you aren't a good parent unless......." I work. Could we afford it if I didn't? Maybe, maybe not but right now that's how it is. I wouldn't listen to anyone telling you you're a bad parent merely because you have a job. You're helping to provide for them. There are a lot worse things that I'd put under the category of a bad parent.

Kendra - posted on 07/29/2010

i can relate to both sides and its unfortunate that so many women are divided on these differences in what makes you a good mom. it is enough of a struggle to find a job that will give you enough hours and a reasonable pay rate to cover rent, utilites, child care, transportation, food, diapers, etc... if you can find a way that works so that you and your kids are taken care of, then you are on point and F*ck anyone who feels the right to judge HOW you make it work. if you're making it work it doesn't matter how; you're a good mom. people love to judge other people, especially women, especially moms, haha.
i didn't plan on getting pregnant, so financially it has been quite a struggle and is taking and going to take a lot of time and hard work to get the financial stability that some of these rude women have. i'm a single parent so obviously being a FT-SAHM isn't even an option whether i want to or not doesn't matter. i'm not going to rush off into a relationship with a man simply to fill the father/provider role so that i can stay at home, what kind of example would i be setting? but i have to say it is incredibly difficult to find a job with enough hours to even cover childcare much less anything else. so sahms aren't the only ones with rude ignorant comments. its not as simple as just going to an interview and getting hired. your 1 income has to cover everything + daycare, and if you can't afford daycare (like me and many others) and you don't have a partner to swap schedules with, then you have to work with the schedules of whatever family/friends/neighbors who are willing to babysit cheaply, which alters your availability and therefore you are less likely to find a job that fits your specific schedule while still paying you enough to cover transportation and childcare to be able to work in the first place. there are many puzzle pieces that have to come together just right to make it work as a parent (especially a single parent). its not always about your preference or your choice, you do what you have to do in whatever way that works for your unique circumstances. i get comments from sahms for working (even though i only get 18hrs a week). i get comments from working moms for not working FT (i'd love to find a way for that to be an option). and i hear comments from people (although none directly to my face so far) about getting government assistance.
for working moms: there is nothing wrong with wanting to be more than just mommy. nothing wrong with wanting to relieve the stress that comes with being broke all the time. not all of us are selfish women who don't want to spend time with our babies. and not all of us have a choice anyway.
for stay at home moms: nothing is wrong with wanting to devote the majority of your time and energy into being a "homemaker". not all of us are pampered or lazy. not all of us have the option to get paid enough to pay whoever is watching the kids. again, not always a choice.
for moms with government assistance: nothing is wrong with temporarily accepting whatever help is being offered if you legitimately need it. not all of us are lazy, corrupt, abusers of the system.

people want to have something to use to put you down so it doesn't matter what route you take, people are gonna make judgements. F#ck em..

Karon - posted on 07/29/2010

I find that SAHM's on public boards / blogs tend to be a bit more judgemental than the SAHM's I know personally. I have 2 friends in particular from college who are SAHM's; I cannot fathom that either of them would EVER say that parent who work out of the home are bad parents, and they would never, ever say that I am a bad mom. Honestly, one of the best moms I know is a fabulous mother of 3 boys who is a doctor and has an active social life. She and her husband are amazing parents, and neither of them stay home.

Renee - posted on 07/29/2010

i wouldn't take any of it to heart. some people say things to make themselves feel better. i work part time and it is bloody hard, i would love the luxury of staying home with my son and using my mum to watch him so i could have "me" time, but i only have her to watch my son two days during the week and my husband watches him on the weekends when i work. Some mums also do whatever they need to do to stay sane and a happier mum is a better mum!

Malissa - posted on 07/29/2010

well thats just stupid. some mothers have to work, some mothers like to work and some just need to. the way things are now days thats just the way it is. it teaches our children that you have to work for things you want and also responsibility. let me guess these people are lucky enough to have a husband/ unbroken family in which they can stay home?? well like i said theyre lucky. apparently im not lucky... im a bad mom!!! well that got me fired--i say dont listen at all its ignorance. besides whats a SAHM?

Shadan - posted on 07/29/2010

dear liz, i have simple reply to people like that which usualy don't even bother to let them know my opinion about them i rather have them living as a fool for as long as they live. after all it is the opinion of my children that it counts. i think these people are not capable of what we do therefor they resent it. yes it is fantastic if they had a father who works and makes thing happening for them and yes i would not be working if things was happening for my kids. but that is not the case most of the time. we are women who take charge and make things happening not for us but for our kids. regardless of what they say my son made a comment that is worth the world to moms that hear that from their kids. "if i am going to be born again i would want no other mom then you" :) ignore woman like her and persist in your ways. our kids are worth it.

Shanae - posted on 07/29/2010

I totally agree with you. My kids are 10,7, and 7 months (as of the 28th!) and I recently went back to work from family leave when he was 4 mos old and got laid off one and half month later. I am now appealing unemployment because I was denied. Its been 2 mos and I havent seen or heard a thing from EDD. I am currently looking for a job and renewing the license in my occupation which can take a couple of weeks due to the payment being late ( cause I didnt have the money at the time) So I have been on both sides and each one is hard but being a mom is rewarding in itself and only those who can look past themselves and lift others up for doing a good job whether it be working to take care of their family or staying home to take of their families can see that. I say whoever you are and where ever you are.......IF YOUR A MOMMY AND LOVE IT WITH EVERY BREATH YOU TAKE THAN YOU MUST BE DOING SOMETHING RIGHT!

Emily - posted on 07/29/2010

i agree that if at all possible children definitely benefit from having a stay at home mom but to say that a working mom is a bad mom is ridiculous! who are these other moms that they can judge everyone else? the absolute only way i could ever see that being a true statement would be if a mom were using work as an excuse to get out of being a mom on a regular basis or if she were so involved with work she ignored her parental duties. obviously then she is acting more as a woman who just happened to have a baby rather than a mom and the child will suffer from it. but for a mom who has to... or even just likes to work but is still there for her children every chance she gets, i would say that is simply an extension of her love for her children. if we are the models for our children of how to life their lives and we are giving them a good example of how to be a hard working member of society, someone who takes care of themselves, and still can balance a home life to the best of their ability, i ask you, what better mom can there be?

Dana - posted on 07/29/2010

I've had people tell me the same thing and question how much I love my children because I choose to work instead of staying home.

The reality is, I love my children more than anything, and they feel the same (well.....as much as a 2 and 4 year-old can express that sentiment). I've always wanted to be a mother and a professional. I slaved through 8 semesters of serious science to become a Biologist and chickened-out on applying to med school my Senior year.

In my personal experiences, the people who have made those comments have been those who've never tried both. For 12 weeks last summer, I was a SAHM after my company laid off 40% of us. My kids remained in day care a few days/week so I could find a new job, but I learned what it was like to be home with them the majority of the time. I wasn't very good at it. I believe they receive more attention to their educational and social needs than I would have been able to provide because of having other things to get done around the house.

It's like religion and politics. People have strong convictions, but most don't really know why they believe what they do - just that it's been engrained into them.

When I was diagnosed with cancer after the birth of my daughter, work was a salvation for me. It kept me focused on a normal life and not the severity of my diagnosis. We don't have family close by (closest is 300 miles), so had I been a SAHM, it would have been impossible to do it all. Work and day care made it easier and more bearable to get through 5 long months of chemo.

Brigette - posted on 07/29/2010

Working outside the home doesn't make you a bad mother! Not providing decent housing, food, clothing,and schooling, makes you a bad mother...I stayed home with my daughter for a year, and I loved each and every moment of it, however, being a single parent, I had to go to work! To me, that's the reality of it all...some women are fortunate not to have to work, however, the rest of us.....bills+rent+growing children+car note and insurance=NEED TO WORK!!!

Sarah - posted on 07/29/2010

It's breasfeeding vs formula, sahm vs working moms, public vs private schools, so much judgement we put on each other....when really we're all just doing the best we can and hoping we're not screwing up too badly. it's a shame women can't unite more. we are our own worst enemies....

Nicole - posted on 07/29/2010

i think people need to mind there own business not everyone has the same life and income and we are not bad moms i have stayed home for 5 years and we struggled and were poor because of it now my son is in preschol and i have a part time job not wat i excatly wanted or like but i had to times are tuff and thats it as long as u are with ur children at least one shift out of the day. :)

Lynn - posted on 07/29/2010

I am always questioning this one. My mother was a stay at home mom, and I am a working mom. I think both sides have their ups and downs. There have been times when I definitely considered quitting or at least going part time. Work doesn't allow for a lot of flexibility as far as sick children, sick parents/babysitters. Things happen and sometimes it all comes crumbling down, other times things run very smoothly, just depends. When I was considering quitting, my hubby gave me the go ahead and said we will make it work, but I feel like 1- I need to be an adult and get out of the house and do adult work at least a few days a week to keep my sanity. 2- I didn't want to place that burden on my family. I keep going and I was lucky enough to get a 4 day 10 hr work week (working Saturdays) so that I can be home with my daughter 2 full days during the week, my hubby has her on Saturdays, and my Mom has her the other 3 days of the week. It's a struggle and my income probably barely covers my gas money & groceries, but I know how lucky I am. Trying to swing 3 year old preschool will be a challenging thing, seeing if my work will move one of my days off, we'll see. I think that SAHMs need to live our life for a few weeks and see if they can handle it. I know myself well enough that I don't think I could handle theirs, so I don't try it. :)

Oh one more thing... Libraries- please QUIT having story time on Monday mornings - not all of us are home during the week!!

Veronique - posted on 07/29/2010

That's just really ignorant women. I'm not priviliged to be able to stay home with my 2 precious little girls. I was on mat leave for a total of 2years and i loved every single moment and i still wish i could take care of my girls instead of paying someone to do it. Althought i love my daycare worker and she takes care of them like her own. I would say to just ignore those ignorant people who've said that to you.
If ever someone told me that to my face i would tell them to go.......... Well you know! lol

Anne - posted on 07/29/2010

I work at an after school program/daycare and I can guarantee you that we are not 'raising' anyone's children. We provide a safe/loving environment for the kids while their parents are working and we are located in a neighborhood that is considered high risk. We have structured play time and classes which helps to give the children discipline. None of our children feel neglected by thier parents AT ALL. I don't worry about what my kids think either. My own mother worked long hours to provide for me and it instilled in me a great work ethic. I also treasured the time we spent together that much more than if she was around 24/7. Do I wish that I had more time with my kids? Of course. But how can I feel guilty when I see how happy and healthy and well rounded they are?

Angie - posted on 07/29/2010

reading the comments below, it seems that us working gals have basically the same reasoning: we have to! In my family's situation, I do work where I get paid a salary,and have health insurance benefits and my husband works for himself so his earnings can and do fluctuate wildly. We have worked it out so that for the most part one of us is able to be with our children. I have to say though that I can feel the nasty looks from the other mothers when I am able o pick my boys up from school on Fridays (like they're saying "oh theres that lady whose husband is always the one with the kids). I also really think 1/2 of them are jealous that I get to get out of the house!

Besides the "this is what works for our family", I also believe that I am teaching my children both equality of the sexes and a good work ethic. I do not want my sons to grow up thinking that the man works, the woman cleans.

Bottom line: you need to do what is right for you and your family. What works for you and your household and creates the most stable, happy home you can is the BEST place for your children! Keep your head up and know that you're just fine even if you do leave the house to go to work!

Heather - posted on 07/29/2010

some people are just ignorant, and also not living in the 21st century! it is impossible for women to not work too to support their families. and to your friend that told you pretty much the same thing... welll she obviously isnt that good of a friend to you to say something that rude.

Michelle - posted on 07/28/2010

I can relate 100% to this. I work 40-60hrs a week. I NEVER see my son. I HATE every damn second of it, but at least he's taken care of! My ex friend had the nerve to do the same exact thing. She said I would be a bad mom for having to work. Im sorry.. A bad mom in my eyes are the ones who neglect their child (Im at work, supporting him, I would LOVE AND KILL TO BE WITH HIM!) abuse their children, and the ones who don't keep their kids first in their life.

She on the other hand, works & gets cash under the table, lives off unemployment, and collects anything she can from the state. Seeing Im such a bad mom, I wish I could stop supporting her a$$ as well!!!

Kristy - posted on 07/28/2010

Wow, I really don't know what I would say if someone said anything like that to me. I know a couple stay at home moms and I don't think either of them feel that way though. I know one of my friends would love to work outside the home, but with her husbands schedule she couldn't afford to pay for daycare if she did. I make more money then my husband does, and there is no way that we could make it without either of our incomes. My little girl gets plenty of time with each of us- and I really think in the end it will come down to quality of time, not the quantity. My parents both worked out of town when i was a kid but we had the best time every weekend- that was our time. As an adult I don't sit back and think man my parents were horrible, they were always gone. Instead I think of all the fun times we had when we were together. I would never think of my parents as bad parents.

Esme - posted on 07/28/2010

I work , have to, no question about it. Most of the SAHM's that can afford to be critical are those living in areas where the cost of living is very low and / or they have a spouse who does the money earning for them. I live in BC , Canada, the cost of living in my small community is better than some but worse than most. I could never afford to own a house in Vancouver, I live on Vancouver Island and pay my mortgage on every payday. For my 1/3 acre and small house it cost $286,000 . In Vancouver it would be worth $2 million. I am a divorced parent and trust me I work because I have to. Rent is more expensive currently than my mortgage, so although I'd like to be SAHM the bank forbids it. And I won't marry again just for money, so that lets the whole 'sugar daddy' thing out - lol.

Emily - posted on 07/28/2010

Wow, I *wish* the only reason I was working was to get my kids more "stuff." I work and we still live paycheck to paycheck. Not to get my kids more stuff, but to be able to survive.

Becca - posted on 07/28/2010

Why can't all mothers just be supportive and encourage each other, motherhood is hard enough with out people wasting time judging others, I work part both because I need to financially and I find my work to be very rewarding.Do not let anyone make you feel guilty about working. Take pride in your self as a mother and at work.Next time some one makes it their business ask them" who would teach everyone or nurse you back to health if we all stayed home?"

Belle - posted on 07/28/2010

Personally..I think children of working mums grow up with the realization of reality. They are more considerate, willing to work for their treats/pocket money and don't have the ridiculous expectations of those whom come from wealthy families whom can afford to have a SAHP (parent). I could go on, but I'm generalizing which is bound to offend someone.=)

Emma - posted on 07/28/2010

I think as a child, I would have prefer to hang out with kids my age then my mum....

Christina - posted on 07/28/2010

I know what you mean! My own sister who married her husband because he has money stays at home with her son. Of course I mentioned to her about something that happened to one of my two kids at their preschool/daycare and she had the nerve to tell me to my face that I should just find a rich man so I can stay at home and raise my kids! I told her just because I work doesn't mean I don't raise my kids!

Emma - posted on 07/28/2010

I agree

Lenka - posted on 07/28/2010

I think there are always people who are willing to judge other people for doing things differently. If the same mothers were working, they'd be telling SAHMs to get off their butts and get a job. It may be part of their personality to find fault in others and justify their own choices in comparison.

The majority of SAHMs that I know are grateful for the opportunity to spend time with their own kids, and generally also supportive of me as a working mum - recognizing that both choices have elements of sacrifice and satisfaction.

Its annoying to encounter those who think there is a "right way" and a "wrong way" to parent - and the internet is a lovely anonymous place for people to make such proclamations. Don't let it upset you.

Dawn - posted on 07/28/2010

Cara, We have decided it is best for me to stay home, this does mean that money is tight, however, we feel that giving our kids time and one parent that is always there (my husband is military, therefore not always home) is more important than giving them the best "stuff" You do not HAVE to have 2 incomes and many of us live just fine on one income. My kids don't have all the latest and greatest but they are heathy and happy. There are 2 very valid sides to this agrument and I stand by my view that NEITHER one is wrong. I also stand by our choice for me to stay home while our kids are at this age. I personally would never give up quality time with them to give them "stuff" JMO..

Cara - posted on 07/28/2010

I kind of look at it has now a day. you have to have a 2 income household to make it. my husband and i both work but not because i have to work but because i have chosen to work. i would stay home but i want my son to have the best of every thing and why should we suffer for money when we can both work and live well. i work for my familys busness and my husband owns a busness and works a full time job managing a resurant. so just dont listen to people.

Emma - posted on 07/28/2010

That pisses me off. If someone told me that I was a bad mum for working I would tell them F@#K off. It doesn't matter if the parents stay home or work, they can still be bad. I know I'm not the greatest mum but I'm trying my best and make sure my boys know that I love them....

Emily - posted on 07/28/2010

That's a terrible thing to say! I am a single working mom, and my child has all the love and care he could possibly want. He is my whole world, and does not suffer in the slightest from having me work during the day. He goes to a wonderful daycare where he gets individual care- the woman and her husband are like grandparents to him, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I might not be able to be with him every waking second of the day, but I never miss anything- I get constant visits at work and phone calls from him almost every day, and I know he is getting the best care available to him since I need to provide for the two of us. Never let anyone put you down for working to provide for your family. It takes compassion, courage, strength, and amazing juggling skills to make it work, but you can do it, and your kids will love you and respect you more because of it.

Dawn - posted on 07/28/2010

I have been both a working mom and am now a stay at home mom. I do not understand why any mom would put down another mom based soley on if they work or stay home. A good mom will be a good a mom no matter what the circumstances. There is no right or wrong way when it comes to the work vs stay home dilema. So what's with all the haters?? On BOTH ends??

Jenny - posted on 07/28/2010

Currently, I am a working mom. I'm planning on leaving my job when I give birth to my son in December...a difficult decision to make, but, if I don't leave my job, literally half of my income will be going to child care anyway. So, in the end, it just doesn't make sense for me to continue to work. I'm looking for something I can make money at from home. I enjoy my job for the most part, and will miss it to an extent. I don't consider this decision to be a luxury, I used to think that way as well. I assumed that "They" had husbands with amazing jobs and they could just afford it. I'm finding that isn't always the case. We're going to be living a little differently so that this can happen. But, I believe it's the best thing for my family. I'm excited about the opportunity to be home with my kids...don't think of it as an us or them situation. We're all moms, and we all work very hard to take care of our families....some of us by not being there as much as we'd like. But, let's remember that we're all moms just the same, and we need to support each other.

Shelly - posted on 07/28/2010

Deanna Jersett, I am glad that you have found a way to make working and being a SAHM mom work for you. However, if you are going to condemn others for saying that they think that people are jealous of situations, you might want to take a bit of the condescension out of your tone.



I love my children dearly. I want nothing but the best for them. However, I also want them to know that many people care for them and love them as much as I do. I am blessed in the fact that my daughters stay with their grandmother during the day. However, until she moved in with us, my older daughter did have to go to a daycare.



I work, and I choose to work for many reasons. First and foremost, I work because I love my country. This reason is why I joined the service. I take great umbrage to you implying that I have no feelings for my children because I am not finding a way to be able to stay at home with them. I joined in my very early twenties and did not want to wait til retirement to have children with the man I love and have devoted my life to. I am also trying to instill in my children patriotism and caring for things larger than just oneself.



On top of that, being a SAHM would not have let me work in a technical scientific field. I love science and have taught my daughters (and continue to teach them) that if you love it, then no field is out of your reach.



I agree with so many other ladies with the thought that whether you are a SAHM or a WOHM, it is the hardest yet most rewarding thing you can be a part of. Every person that has a child has a unique situation and only they know the best course for thier family. I wish everyone peace and contentment and a life full of joy and love.