Why do SAHM's say that working moms are bad moms?

Maree - posted on 01/28/2012

kelly i agree with you.



meme...i am curious to know how i am being judgmental in my comments but it is not judgmental for you to say the things you did??? such as saying "i" or "only" ("i" need to work...and "only" a mummy). Is that not the same as me saying "I" do not understand why women want to work??? Or "I" think there is a problem if a baby WANTS to be in daycare rather than its mother??? Cause "I"...don't see the difference. If only "you" could see that "you" are being judgmental and in a way putting down stay at home mums like kelly says and implying that being ONLY a mummy is not as good as what you do!!!



Look in the mirror people !!!!! Or open your eyes and read your owns posts because you are hypocrites !!

Kelly - posted on 01/28/2012

Meme, All of the Pros of Daycare that you listed can be provided by a stay at home parent, with the sole exception of "allowing the parent to work outside the home."

I understand that not ALL parents are able to provide those things for their children, due to work, multiple children, etc, but many, even most, parents are able to, thus they are not pro's that can ONLY be provided by daycare. Daycare is a great option for many parents, but your posts sound like you think that all stay at home moms lack independence, lack motivation, are of little to no value to society, and never leave the house without their kids.



When you say "I could not be a sahm. I'm too independent." you imply that sahm's are somehow NOT independent, yet many are. I certainly am. Sure, I share my husband's financial income, but I am not "dependent" on him, or on his income. Just because a woman does not currently have an income does not mean she is not able to have one if she needs it. Most of us just don't need it and find we have better things to do with our time than slave away for needless dollars.



Stay at home moms also have goals, and they are not "only mom" they are themselves, as well as moms, just like you. Like you, I LOVE getting out of the house without my kids, but I don't need a job to do that. I LOVE having adult conversations about topics outside of motherhood, but again, don't need a job or a career for that--I just need adult friends.



Why would a sahm dress up? Well, to go out. I dress up for trips to the mall, I dress up for formal dinners with my husband, I dress up for brunches with my friends, I dress up for committee meetings for the volunteer boards I sit on, I dress up for lots of reasons. But, I do NOT dress up to go to work, even when i am working, so not everyone needs a job to have a reason to dress up, You may, but not everyone.







I have never heard of nannies watching several kids at once, and I certainly would not hire one who did that. My child should be her ONLY priority--who's house would the nanny live at? I certainly wouldn't want her bringing a bunch of kids into my house. I don't know why you would be upset about a nanny requiring you to purchase food, why would you make her buy the food? We provided all of J's food and food for our nanny. All meals were cooked fresh from ingredients in our pantry--I prefer this because I can be assured J is getting only the best ingredients. Also, why would you not pay the nanny for vacation and sick time? We get vacation and sick time at our job, right (at least, i do, I think most people do)? Why shouldn't she. It is a job, just like ours. Our nanny was an employee (aren't they all), she was held to high standards, and if she had fallen short, she would have been fired. We did pay alot more than daycare, I think we paid around $1800 / month plus boarding and meals, but I felt it was worth it because J got the experience of having a stay at home mom without me having to stay at home all the time, though I did work from home 90% of the time.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 01/27/2012

I did stay home with my first child for the first 18 months and I never ever dressd up. What for? So I could get pooed on or slobbered on or maybe even puked on? LOL I had no were to go dressed up. I was also a single mom then and was broke, barely had a pot to pee in. I also didn't shed much weight being home, quite the contrary, I gained MORE. When I went back to school I was revived. The individual inside me was reborn! I had another reason for life other than "only" being a Mommy. Like I said before though, before any SAHM's take offense, I am talking for me and perhaps other working Moms. I have no problem with a SAHM, that is a job too, just not for me!!



My Mom was a single working Mom and I learnt to be strong and work my butt off from her. She was wonder Mom in the working Mom category.



I spent 4 years in school and finally got my career on a roll and I could never ever give it up. I worked "way" to hard for it. My daughter sees that you don't give up on your dreams, especially once you suceed at them! That is an important, valuable lesson in my home. You work for what you want in life and you hang on to it tight once you have it. Just because I got married later didn't mean I should stop working once I had my son. I didn't see that in my birthing papers nor did I see that clause in my marriage papers...



A career is important in society for many reasons but the biggest one is so that you are not reliant on someone else. "I" believe in independance and to instill it in my kids. Perhaps because I was a single Mom to start and know how damn hard it is if you lose the relationship you are in. I, personally, would never ever want to feel stuck because of financial means. My step-mother went through that for 18 years! She was a SAHM and a wonderful one at that but she couldn't stand my Dad and his habits. She couldn't do anything about it but live with it or go on welfare! I never ever want that for my children, which is why independance, a career, in my view is very important! Otherwise I could teach my daughter to just get through grade school, have a baby or two, marry a nice, well made man that has enough income to support her and their kids and that's it.. Again, it does work for some but not in my home. I know many many SAHM's that "wish" they weren't at home, they "wish" they had a career to fall on but they don't because they chose early not to.



I have many more reasons why "I" would not choose private care personel. Where I live what I described "is" the norm. It is the norm in NS, Canada. I met with many and I know people that use them. My concerns are there are not enough that are certified, you were lucky. Many do not have more than 1 or 2 other children and often they are their own. So they often are treated with priority to someone elses child. Many, ALL that I met with do not claim it on their taxes, therefore they do not babysit children in the Governments eyes, meaning you would have a hell of a time if something unfortunate happened to your child. Many, ALL that I met want to be paid when they go on vacation OR are sick but they have no back up, meaning YOU must take the same time as them off AND pay them. Many, ALL that I met want you to supply all the food for your child, that means my son would not be getting homemade meals "everyday", all depending on what I could send him. However, I agree, there are some good ones out there but they are far and inbetween.



If I decided to SAHM I would be financially comfortable BUT I wouldn't be able to afford a bunch of activities nor would I want to be on the go at all times.



However, I was speaking in my "world" so to speak. I have said many times not only in this post but my others too that there is nothing wrong with a SAHM, it is just not for me. I am too independant. Yes "some" SAHM can do a great job and ensure their kids are sitll getting the things they need and yes some "working" moms suck. But that is not a working issue, it is a MOM (person) issue.



I think it is great that what you have done has worked wonderfully for you and your child(ren). I am sorry if I sounded as if the things I had listed was not something a SAHM can do, they can for sure. I guess I am going by my experience and what I know, from what I have done and what I have seen. Like I said I know many SAHM's and few, very few do any of the things you mentioned. I also know many working moms and they are just crappy as people, let alone a mom.



Simply put, for me I LOVE to get out of my house without the kidlets. I LOVE the interaction I get at work and I LOVE the feeling of a Daycare (but I treat them as an Employee and put them through hard standardships). However, I also have a wonderful employer and can even work from home on days I want to but I haven't done this in a long while, too hard with a 15 month old. ;) Rather my husband and I decided he would change his shift to nights, this way there is a parent home 24/7 BUT there are not kids home 24/7, so that is very very nice too! Don't get me wrong, my kids are my life. I wouldn't have struggled for 2 years to have my son at the age of 35 and 12 years after my daughter if they weren't my top priority. I just LOVE me too...



Here is an interesting bit of information:

One of the biggest debates going on right now is whether it is better for kids to be raised at home by a stay home parent or whether kids progress better in a daycare environment. Some parents say there is no substitute for having Mom (or Dad) at home during the first years of a child’s life. Others believe that daycare provides a more structured environment where children can learn socialization skills and have friends to interact with outside the home. Of course, for many parents, working outside the home is not so much a choice as an economic necessity. But if you are lucky enough to have a choice in the matter and are considering your options, here are some things to think about.



Pros of Daycare

•Learning- Kids often can get a head start by going to day care, as they are introduced to subject matter including basic language, math and art skills that will come in handy as they prepare for kindergarten.

•Socialization- kids can learn valuable socialization skills by interacting with kids in their age group including communication, negotiation, sharing and a sense of independence. And since toddlers quickly become used to the classroom type setting, the transition to kindergarten later usually happens much more smoothly.

•Activities- often day care providers provide structured activities including swimming, art, and even field trips to the zoo, park or fire department or museum

•Lets parent work outside the home- for some parents, a career is a key part of their mental well being or an economic necessity. Sending the kids to daycare can be a way of keeping your career on the fast track and can provide the economic resources you need to bring your child up in the best environment possible. So if the thought of watching Barney the Dinosuar reruns makes you crazy, this may be a better choice!



Pros of Parent at Home

•Parental bonding- taking care of kids at home can enhance a loving, bonding relationship. Parent and child alike can benefit from teaching your child about life and instilling your values.

•Putting things in perspective- sometimes taking a break from the “work” world can provide experience and perspective you just can’t get when you’re doing the office grind. These first few years go by fast so if you want to maximize your time with your child, now is the time to do it.

•Economic benefits- there is no doubt about the fact that daycare is expensive. You may find that staying home saves money in the long run, as you can reduce your expenditures on items such as commuting, professional wardrobe and dry cleaning costs. So spend some time figuring out the true cost of working including taxes, automobile or travel expenses, commute time, business wardrobe and the cost of daycare itself. You may be surprised to learn that staying at home may actually save money vs. working outside the home.



So while you are contemplating which option is best for you, remember that if you think ahead and work with your child, both staying at home and sending your child to quality daycare can provide a healthful, supportive, learning experience for a child. And since every couple and every situation is different, use your judgment to create the best situation, and remember you can always change course if needed.



Interesting thing for me is that - all the SAHM stuff I still get to do, so I have the best of both worlds I guess. The most important thing is that you do what feels good for you and your family and that is it, not for anyone else to decide or judge!



I am a very pratical person as well, so perhaps this also contributes to my choice.



Oh and PLEASE remember that I also HAVE a 13 year old! So, many things a SAHM wants to do daily, like all the activities you listed Kelly, I couldn't do.. My son gets up at 6:30am, lunch at 11am, 2 hour nap at 12:00pm and then my daughter is home at 2:30pm..... doesn't leave me much time in between... ;)

Kelly - posted on 01/27/2012

I do feel like Kel was very judgmental toward working moms, but I also see a lot of judgment toward sahm's too.



I do both--I am mostly a sahm, but I do freelance work periodically, and right now, I'm swamped, which is why I'm on this board. However, it was not always like this. When J was little I worked full time--just because I WANTED to.



I loved my job, I struggled with caring for J--I didn't interact with him well, I sucked at the housekeeping, and I constantly felt like I was running myself ragged without ever accomplishing anything. (I did finally get the hang of it).



THat said, J has never been in Daycare. Meme, not all private care professionals are as you described--our nanny had a degree in early childhood development, and she was certified in infant, child, and adult CPR and First Aid. No, she was not government regulated, but she watched J in our home, so I knew the environment, and she did file her income taxes. I trust her very much, and I am very happy with the care J received.



As for social interaction, daycare is not the only place to get it. J was involved in several reading and music groups, toddler sports, he went to the park regularly, and was a member of a playgroup where he socialized with kids of his age.



Even after I cut back on work and decided to stay at home, he continued to have all of that social interaction--at least 4 to 6 social activities per week. Just because a mom does not send her child to daycare does not mean the child never gets to socialize. I also taught him the basic required academics for school and he is now at the top of his class (He is 7 now).



I still enjoy dressing in adult, feminine clothing, not sure why a woman would not just because she was a sahm. I don't think having a career is all that important in today's society, I'm not sure how it matters to society, but I can see how having a career can be important to an individual. I would hope that a woman chooses to pursue a career, learn a trade, or stay at home to please herself, not to please society.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 01/27/2012

Kel, your blindless to your own judgemental comments never ceases to astond me. I'm itching to comment about why some men may work outside of the home, but I'm too polite to state possible reasons. I would like to know if you're insinuating that women should only aspire to be moms and hausfraus. It's also rather insensitive of you to imply that women who don't want to be just mommy and so and so's wife are harming their children and that single moms should just stick it out until they find a man who will be fine with them being SAHMs. I also find it rude to tell other moms that there is a problem with their children if their children don't mind being with other people.



Meme, I don't get wear grown up clothes when I work. I wear elastic or draw string scub pants and a top. But they are rather stylish. My MIL makes my tops so I can choose my own patterns for my tops. But I do love wearing comfy clothes and getting out of the house.



Just like your children, my daughters enjoy being around other people as well. This doesn't mean that there is something wrong with them, it means that they know that mommy loves them and will be back for them. It gives my children extra reasurance to know that they can count on me

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 01/27/2012

Quote: Kel: He would have ALWAYS preffered to be with me and that is how it should be...if i small child WANTS to be in daycare (like a 2 year old or younger)then i think that maybe there is a problem...why would a baby prefer to be with people other than it's parents unless it is more comfortable with those other people???To me,a baby being more comfortable with OTHER people is a HUGE problem.



Answer 1: MEME: My son LOVES Daycare because he gets to interact with other babies (toddlers) his age, I couldn't provide this for him as my other child is 13 years old! So, unless I had had twins, it is impossible. My son smiles when we pull up "outside" the building of where the Daycare is, he knows he is getting ready to have FUN for the day! My son kisses "me" when I drop him off and asks to get down so he can go join the other babies (toddlers). Not sure why you would think that just because they "love" Daycare they are "more" comfortable with other people. My son is just comfortable "around" other people, he isn't shy or nervous about others, including new people. My son LOVES being home but by Sunday night he is ready to go play at Daycare again for the next week! He starts to get bored, even though we do everything with him under the sun, he simply likes interaction with other children.



Quote: Kel: Ok,i get that 3,4 and 5 year olds may like daycare but i highly doubt they like it as babies or toddlers...they simply get used it it because what choice do they have ???



Answer 2: MEME: If my son didn't like Daycare he would have a choice because I DON"T HAVE to work! I am financial able to stay home if required, I CHOOSE not too! I LOVE who I am as an individual and as a mother. I believe I am installing good qualities into my children. They will grow up knowing a career and being an individual is IMPORTANT in today's society! And again, my son and my daughter (when she was small) LOVE(D) Daycare, see answer 1 for clarification. I LOVE getting up every morning and getting ready in my ADULT, WOMANLY clothing. I look DAMN hot and feel great about myself! I didn't when I stayed home but that is just me, it isn't how everyone feels. Some SAHM mom's are very content being home and that is great for THEM!



Quote: Kel: if i small child WANTS to be in daycare (like a 2 year old or younger)then i think that maybe there is a problem...why would a baby prefer to be with people other than it's parents unless it is more comfortable with those other people???



Answer 3: MEME: You repeated yourself, see answer 1.



Quote: Kel: I do,however..get annoyed when women "claim" that their BABY loves daycare..i say "claim" because there is no way they could know that for sure and sometimes i think it's an excuse so they don't have to deal with judgment from people who call them selfish...



Answer 4: MEME: Oh I know and you repeated yourself again, see answer 1, 2 and 3. I could care less if anyone "wants" to judge me, however I WILL speak up and tell them how I feel just as they stood up to judge me! I don't claim, I KNOW! ;)



Quote: Kel: As we all know,stress can cause a lot of health problems...if babies really are stressed in daycare then are they being set up for a lifetime of stress related issues and potentially depression,anxiety,cancer...the list goes on. i would want to be very very sure that having that job is worth it if i believe in that study even a little bit...



Answer 5: MEME: I would like to see the study that says such a thing! It is new to me and I have been around for awhile... My daughter doesn't have Cancer or depression or anxiety and she was in Daycare for 10 YEARS! My god she should be sick by now, wouldn't you think??? Actually quite the contrary. She has aspirations of becoming a makeup artist, teacher, veternarian and a writer! She WANTS to go to College. She is 13! I have instilled something good into her working mind I think...



There you go, those are YOUR words! A bit Judgemental? I think so... You could have and should have stopped at I have no problem with either but I don't know if I could put my kid in a Daycare!!! If that is your concern. You need to re-read your posts before posting and ask yourself if someone worte that in reply to something you said, how would it make you feel?? Would you want to stand up and speak as you are right now?

Maree - posted on 01/27/2012

can you point out EXACTLY where i judged or said someone was a crap mother cause they work? I said i don't understand it...just like others on here have said they don't understand why women want to saty home !!!

I stated that i saw a study on daycare kids stress levels and that I...repeat I !!!!! do not want to take the risk. I also said i AM NOT career orientated and did not like MY job.Yes there are some good daycares but not everyone is able to have their child in one of those therefore many children are having to go to crappy ones.I have the right to state that the person who claims that 8 week old NEWBORNS should be in daycare really IMO has no clue...i said that it would be a boring world if we were all exactly the same as each other and parented the same!!!

I think some of you are so bloody sensitive that you feel the need to snap at EVERYTHING or put things in YOUR OWN head...things i DID NOT SAY !!!

For goodness sakes,can you not see that there are so many judgmental comments on here...from MOST of you...please don't say it is all me...maybe you need to read your posts back. Every day i thank the lord i am heterosexual because i would seriously want to neck myself if i had to live with a woman...maybe thats why men want to work !!!

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 01/26/2012

Thank you Meme! For the post as well as the information about child care in Canada.



Kel, yet again another exhibit where you judge other women based on your beliefs alone. Didn't your mother ever teach you that if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all? Like Meme I get annoyed when one person ASSUMES that her beliefs and choices are right for everyone.



I'm a SAHM now but, before I came to Canada from the US I WORKED MY ASS OFF because I was a single mom. My older daughter was in IN HOME daycare where there were no more than 8 children and there were times when she would cry because she had to LEAVE her daycare. My baby had to be in day care for just over a month when I went back to work. She was at the same in home day care my older daughter was in and while I can't tell if she loved it or not, I believe it did her some good to be around other people. BTW my 2nd in home day care (The first one wasn't convienant when my older daughter started school) was 4 houses down from my parents' and I was allowed to pay by the hour because my girls were only there part time.



Also let me reassure you Kel that neither of my girls have EVER confused their care givers for mommy. Hell, my 7 year old has no contact with her father and had my dad as a father figure for the first nearly 7 years of her life and she KNOWS that my dad is her grandpa.



Honestly I can't understand why some women want to stay at home all day. I miss working, having other topics to talk about besides my children, diapers and breast feeding at White Spot and feeling like I contribute. I even miss some of the more colourful and irrate residents I would take care of. No my career as a care aide isn't fun and enjoyable all the time. It can be risky and sometimes even depressing because people you start to care for die on a regular basis. But I loved doing it and I loved showing my older daughter that you can have a career and be a FANTASTIC mommy at the same time.



I know that either situation isn't ideal for EVERY mom and I would never suggest that what I do is right for everyone. And I'm definitely not about to judge people I don't even know for making decisions I don't make simply because I may not have liked one job.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 01/26/2012

Actually, the Daycare my son goes to only has "4" babies in the baby room, so too bad you couldn't find a "good" daycare!! I love my career and worked damn hard for it!!



I hope you get more annoyed because you are very rude, ignorant and abnoxious!



Both my children love(d) Daycare! My son gets great big smiles when we pull up outside of it, he "knows" where he is!



You know what annoys me? People like YOU! You see I have no problem with a SAHM, that is their choice but I , for me, LOVE my career! I LOVE that my children are being cared for by professionals! I don't know what kind of Daycare you were ever at but I have had my daughter in 3 different ones and they were ALL wonderful! She is 13 now and she has had no dire affects and she is more socialable then what she may have been without Daycare! She transitioned to school very easily, she wasn't hanging onto my leg or having anxiety her first days...



I can come and go from my sons Daycare at anytime, so I KNOW they take care of him very well! I looked into private care too and there was no way I was going that route, they don't claim it on their taxes which means they don't work according to the Government, which means they could "do" anything to a child and there is nothing you could do about it to prove it.. Here, in Canada, a Daycare is regulated and visited regularly by Government and every single Daycare worked "must" be trained in Early Childhood Development, First Aid and CPR.



A baby liking to be with other people is not a problem, it teaches them to be social and learn about themselves as they learn about others... Some times a Daycare can be overstimulating but so can a home! If you have a couple dogs, cats, are a loud person, have a TV, a phone, don't have quiet time and that list goes on too... You need to check out several Daycares before choosing one, I don't know if you ever did this but it surely doesn't sound like it.



Even if I didn't work, I would still have my children in Daycare, I have seen the positive outcomes a Daycare has on my children... My kids are never the first dropped off and they are never the last picked up, my husband and I make sure of that.



I don't know where you got your information but you can get depression from many things, I have never heard it related to a baby being in Daycare! Perhaps if it was a crappy, cheap one that wasn't regulated but that isn't the case with many. Most parents look into several Daycares before choosing one, I know I did. I have never heard of them being more likely to get Cancer, that is ludicrus! How ridiculous a statement, christ you eat something these days and someone, somewhere says you can get Cancer!



I am unsure what education you have but you most definitely have not done much research! As a 36 year old mother, I appreciate a Daycare and what they have to offer my children... The Daycare my son goes to and all 3 of the ones my daughter went, they teach them age appropriate things and it is very gratifying to see him learn all these new things, that I am not trained to do, nor do I have the patience to do it EVERYDAY! They feed ONLY homemade food for lunch and they must post their menu weekly, so you always know what your kids are eating. I was able to give them "my" schedule for my boy and they follow it to a tee! I know because I drop in at different times sometimes and see it with my own eyes!



I don't pay almost $1000/month for a crappy Daycare nor do I trust a Daycare with my children "just because"!



I think you need to do some more research! Lots of it!

Maree - posted on 01/26/2012

I will never understand why women WANT to work outside the home and leave their little babies with strangers,grandparents or whoever...one thing is for sure...they DO NOT need to be in daycare at 8 weeks old,to me that is utter crap.



Ok,i get that 3,4 and 5 year olds may like daycare but i highly doubt they like it as babies or toddlers...they simply get used it it because what choice do they have ???



They learn to trust their carers and many times see them as parents in a way because they spend so much time with them.



However, i never particularly liked my job and i never saw it as a "career" or something i'd be running back to...EVER,so i am going to feel differently to a career orientated woman.



I had my first baby at 20 and needed to work part time but i would have preffered to be with my son...i didn't want to express milk at work,i didn't want my baby staying with my mother and when he was a little older...i sure as hell didn't want him in daycare with 30 snotty kids who were herded around like cattle.It was only 1 or 2 days a week so i accepted it...and so did he. He would have ALWAYS preffered to be with me and that is how it should be...if i small child WANTS to be in daycare (like a 2 year old or younger)then i think that maybe there is a problem...why would a baby prefer to be with people other than it's parents unless it is more comfortable with those other people???To me,a baby being more comfortable with OTHER people is a HUGE problem.



I saw a study on a news program a while back which did scientific tests on babies and kids up to 4 years old. The outcome was that the stress levels were extremely high in daycare (full time) babies and kids. If they were in part time it was lower and kids that were cared for at home had little to no stress level at all.



I know some people will "claim" that their kids are not stressed but the parents of the kids on this particular study were completely shocked...and some were devastated at finding out how stressed their children were...they had no idea!!!



So i would not want to risk it...i don't have to work,i don't want to work...i won't be working so it doesn't affect me or my kids.



I have no issue with working mums if they need to work OR if they want to work. It makes no difference to me at all and i do not believe that they are better or worse mums. I just don't understand why they want to,but that is what makes me different to another person...that's a good thing.It would be a boring old world if everyone was exactly the same !!!



I do,however..get annoyed when women "claim" that their BABY loves daycare..i say "claim" because there is no way they could know that for sure and sometimes i think it's an excuse so they don't have to deal with judgment from people who call them selfish...if it is done FOR the baby then it can't be selfish can it ???



As we all know,stress can cause a lot of health problems...if babies really are stressed in daycare then are they being set up for a lifetime of stress related issues and potentially depression,anxiety,cancer...the list goes on. i would want to be very very sure that having that job is worth it if i believe in that study even a little bit...

Julieann - posted on 01/26/2012

I honestly think alot of the turmoil is frustration, because so many women feel they no longer have a choice. Many women want to stay home, but can't afford to. Some want to work but face too much pressure from husband/family to be at home.

Venting frustration on eachother is maybe an unfortunate consequence.

I really wish we could just all support all of us moms, period.

Because it's a hard job, either way, let's not beat eachother up, but prop eachother up.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 01/25/2012

You hit the nail on the head Cori!! Exactly!!

Cori - posted on 01/25/2012

They are ignorant and only believe that what "they" think and believe is the right way only. It just shows right there a perfect example of how stupid she is or they are who say it.

you can stay at home and be a horrible mom, you can work and be a horrible mother, its not about your "status" its about YOU!

Cori - posted on 01/25/2012

They are ignorant and only believe that what "they" think and believe is the right way only. It just shows right there a perfect example of how stupid she is or they are who say it.

Ebere - posted on 01/24/2012

Meme I agree that a mom's first priority is her kid(s) but i don't agree with people who say working moms are bad moms..there are valid reasons sometimes for a mom to work..I'm lucky that hubby makes enought to at least keep us comfortable so I don't really have to work, but there are others who don't have it that easy and need to work to make ends meet so as to provide the basics for the kids. I could've been a single mom, and then I would've had to work..women should stay @ home and nurture their kids,when a woman has nurtured her kids to a certain age, she could get a job to keep busy,but if she has to work to make a living for her family, then its out of her hands and shouldn't be judged.. That's what I'm all about

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 01/24/2012

Not sure what side you are on there Ebere. You said a Mm tht works that doesn't need to is leaving their kid to nuture themselves but now you are saying some SAHMs don't get it done properly??? What exactly are you saying?

Ebere - posted on 01/24/2012

Very wrong..some SAHMs don't even get it done properly..you start to wonder what the point of Staying at home was

Susana - posted on 01/24/2012

OMG, I'm not leaving my daughter "to nurture herself"!!!!! UGH.



So, please explain why "it's not a a good idea." Why is okay for a mother to work if she HAS to, but not okay if she wants to? By your logic, the kids will end up screwed up if the mother's not with them 24/7, so the reason shouldn't matter, right? They're going to end up emotionally stunted criminals no matter what because their mother worked.

Ebere - posted on 01/24/2012

Our first priority as moms, would be our kids..in my opinion, a mom with kids who are still young is supposed to be @ home nurturing her kids, but working moms shouldn't be judged by anyone because some moms can't help it. They have to work to live..but for moms who aren't exactly lacking and still feel the need to go out and work, leaving young kids to nurture themselves,..not really a good idea

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 01/24/2012

Katie - Susana as well as myself are talking about ourselves! Not a general population of working moms... We are bored and depressed when at home all the time, that's what it means. The statement of why you work if you don't financially need to is choosing yourself over your kids IS a generalized statement to ALL those working moms that do not need to financially. It is very ignorant because obviously, unless you have been in that position you are not educated to state such a thing. Ignorance does not mean you are rude, it means you are not educated in that matter - you are ignorant to the situation, is what it means. However, such a statement is rude and insensitive. You may as well say we are losers and shouldn't have had children. Quite the contrary, we love our children and do what we think is best examples for them. We also enjoy working and being a Mom, our kids are not losing, they are gaining! This is also a debate forum, if we didn't get some satisfaction from revealing our opinions then we wouldn't be a part of COM.... And it is true, I did NOT grow up wanting to "only" be a Mom, I had dreams, aspirations, wants, desires, interests and many more.. Being a Mom does NOT mean you have to give your individual self worth away to your children...

Susana - posted on 01/24/2012

Katie, I did NOT say being a SAHM is boring and depressing, I said *I* would be bored and depressed, as in ME PERSONALLY.



And regarding your comment about why we care what other people in an online forum think ... Why are you here on CoM? Is it not to seek out advice and opinions and offer up the same? Have discussions with other moms? So clearly, you do care what other people have to say or you wouldn't be here. Comments that are judgmental and insensitive are not helpful to discussions, and I have no problem calling people out on that.

Katie - posted on 01/24/2012

I don't understand why it is insensitive to say that you don't understand why someone would work if they don't financially have too, but it isn't insensitive to say that being a stay at home mom is boring and depressing. To each their own! Why does it matter to working moms who are confident in their decisions what someone on an online forum thinks about it? I have seen a ton of comments on here that say things like "I wasn't born to be JUST a mother" and that frustrates me....But then I remember that I have never, and probably will never meet anyone on here so none of these opinions have any bearing on my decision to be a stay at home mom, the only opinions that matter to me are those of my immediate family....Take care or your kids in the way you think is best, and leave it at that. Also, just because someone doesn't agree with you or your choices doesn't make them ignorant. It just means they don't agree with them.

Susana - posted on 01/24/2012

Laurie,

Clearly you didn't read previous posts before you posted your insensitive comment. I am not "choosing anything over my children," as you put it. Yes, I may no longer need to work now that my husband is working again, but I choose to because I would be bored and depressed being home all day. You have no right to judge me because of that. My husband doesn't want to be a stay-at-home dad, and no one judges him for that decision.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 01/24/2012

Like I said, I could stay home but I choose not to. I like being an individual AND a Mommy. It makes me feel great as a person inside and out! I know it is also teaching my children that education and a career is very very important. I also LOVE getting up in the morning and prettying myself up, feeling like a woman! I stayed home for the first 18 months of my first child and the first 10 months of my 2nd and I gained more weight, wore big baggy clothes all day and felt really really depressed... Now I am back to work and feel AMAZING! I have lost 55lbs since I went back to work, my husband tells me I am sexy all the time! My children look up to me, they would probably love for me to be home all day with them but I can assure you they would NOT love to be home all day... My daughter is older now (13) so she goes to school anyhow. My 15 month old absolutely LOVES Daycare, he gets very antsy after being home for the weekend, even though we play, teach, walk, sing, dance, cuddle, laugh and play more - he is just simply bored by Sunday! He likes the other kids and he LOVES his teacher... You see those are the comments I am talking about, "That being said, there are moms out there that I don't understand. And those are the ones who are able to stay home but would rather work. I can't imagine choosing anything over my children." That pisses me off! I love my children more than life itself and in my opinion they need to learn responsibility and getting up everyday to go to work is a BIG part of life! I've said it many time on this thread already but I have no issue with any SAHM but don't you ridicule anyone for deciding to work, even if they don't have to financially! We appreciate everything we have and we NEVER EVER need for anything! Enough said!! Get over yourself Laurie! That was ignorant in the least...

Laurie - posted on 01/24/2012

I'm a SAHM and I have never ever said that. In fact I believe working moms deserve a lot of credit. I'm blessed that I get to stay home with my kids, I can't imagine how hard it is to have to leave your kids everyday. We all do what we have to to provide for our children. That being said, there are moms out there that I don't understand. And those are the ones who are able to stay home but would rather work. I can't imagine choosing anything over my children.

Brenda - posted on 01/23/2012

I've been on both sides of that fence. I was a SAHM for 3 1/2 years, after the birth of my second child. I went back to work by choice, but it was not necessarily what made me happy. Neither choice is easy. Whether you stay at home, or whether you work...it's a personal choice. I miss my time at home with my kids. But at the same time, personal issues made me feel the need to make the decision I did. I wish people on either side would just respect the decisions of others. I try to support what anyone chooses.

Carole - posted on 01/22/2012

Everybody secretly thinks they're doing it best. And they are - for them :)

Carole - posted on 01/22/2012

Everybody secretly thinks they're doing it best. And they are - for them :)

Hollyanne - posted on 01/21/2012

Not sure how I got on the working mom's board, but I am a stay at home mom ( I have to admit I did not read all 425 posts, just your original one). I would NEVER down grade a working mom. I know that they have to work to provide for their family. The only reason I stay home with our son is because I didn't make enough money at my last job to cover a day care. So it was cheaper for me to stay at home with him than work. If I had to work that I would make it work. As long as your children are healthy and happy that should be all that matters :)

Britt - posted on 01/21/2012

i dont see whats doing bestfor your family needs to be criticized.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 01/21/2012

Not sure why but I feel the need to post the life in a week as a working mom, mine anyway. First though a bit of background.



I was 22 when I had my first child and broke. I had nothing but an apt to live in. I had no choice but to use the system in order to provide for my child while I found my way to bettering myself for her well being. With that, I used the system to my advantage (what it is meant for) and I went back to school and finished my grade 12. I then went on to College and completed a few year study in Computer Sciences. This took me until she was 5 years old! It was hard, the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I breastfed her for 16 months and she started Daycare at 18 months. When she was 5 I got my first "real" job within my career choice, IT. I went from "receiving" $10 000/year to "making" $45 000/year over night! That was 7 years ago, so I make much more now...;) But that is besides the point here.... It was amazing, I was FINALLY able to take care of my little girl properly and on my own dime - nobody elses! She loved Daycare and it allowed me to get to where I am today, so it was a win win situation! However moving forward to when she was 8, I met my wonderful Husband, who too has a great, secure job, with the Government. When my daughter was 10 we decided we would love to have another child, although, I had to figure out how I was going to be able to stay home for a year and still afford to take care of my girl, myself, our home and everything else we have worked for.... I figured out a way and we got pregnant, not soon after (11 weeks) we lost the baby. Although I worked the entire time because, well I loved my career and damn it I worked hard for it! After 6 months of going through the miscarriage, due to reminance still hanging around and getting a D&C, we tried again. We got pregnant and we had our gorgeous lil' boy (15 months) now. I took the 1st year off, only because he may be my last child and it was in the cards for us. I breastfed him for 3 months but my breasts became infected and had no choice but to switch to bottles. At 10 months old, we put him in Daycare to give him 2.5 months transition time before I headed back to work. Sounds like something ANY mom would do if they had to, right? So far I am no different than any mom out there because you, I am sure, would do what you had to for your children... Here is the kicker for those SAHM mom's that don't understand why we work, I went back to work not because I had to (we could do it on my husbands salary by then) but because I am an independant person and worked very hard for my career and absolutely LOVE and NEED it for me! And My daugher watched and lived thru me working hard and I wasn't going to give it up just because her little brother was now here. She needs to understand how important an education and career is, I would not want her to have to struggle as I did! I love her and my son more than life itself. So there is some history...



Here is my schedule:

Mon - Fri: Up at 5:30am, get my 13.5 year old daughter up at 6am. Get her, her breakfast ready, make her her lunch for school that day, make sure she is on track with getting ready so she does not miss her bus at 7:15am. Wake my 15 month old at 6:15am, get him dressed, give him his morning bottle, sit and hold him and cuddle until 6:40am. He loves to cuddle! ;) Let him play while his sister eats her breakfast and talks with him. 6:40am I begin to get ready slowly, watching them both to make sure all is well and my daughter is still moving along as she needs to. 7:00am, start packing my sons bag for the day at Daycare. 7:15am feed my son his breakfast and my daughter out the door. 7:20am my husband gets home from work (he works nights, so he can be home when my daughter gets home from school and pick our son up by 4:30pm so he isn't the last kid at Daycare). He plays with our son while I finish getting ready. 7:30am he brushes our sons teeth and washes his face, 7:40am I get a cup of coffee and start my truck (it is winter right now ;) ) 7:45am my husband gets our sons coat, boots, mitts and hat on. 7:50am my son and I are out the door on our way to Daycare for him and work for me. 8:10am, we are at his Daycare. I spend 10 mins there every morning talking to his teacher about his past night (which is always good because he is such a good baby), I ask every morning what lunch is for that day, so that I know because I care. At 8:50am I arrive at work. I work all day, meanwhile answering the phone for any calls from my daughter, her teachers and my sons Daycare and from my husband. 5:00pm I leave work and am tired! I get home at 5:45pm, help finishing supper and play with our son and talk with my daughter during. After supper, I check that my daughter has completed her daily chores properly and whether she has homework, if she does I help her, then I do the dishes and I make my husbands lunch for that night. 7:00pm we bath our son, together, we play with him and cuddle him until 7:45pm. I give our son his final bottle and cuddle him more, 8:00pm brush his teeth and lay him down for bed. 8:15pm my daughter must get in the shower, 8:45pm I must get in the shower. 9:30pm my daughters bedtime. 10pm my husband leaves for work and I finish any other dialy chores required. 11pm I go to bed! On the weekends we do things with our children all day long and do our weekly chores while our son naps. On Sundays I make 2 or 3 suppers, so we can heat them up during the week... I do this to make sure my kids have something good to eat at an appropriate time throughout the week. Of course you must throw doctors appts and other appts in some of those weekdays too and grocery shopping and whatever else is required, so not everything is listed just the regular day to day routine.



I know this is how it goes for most working moms and it is not easy! However, we LOVE our children and make sure they are taken care of in every single way possible! I will never understand how anyone could ever ever think otherwise. Everything I do is with my children in mind! I wouldn't be who I am today if it wasn't for them and they wouldn't understand what it means to work for what you want or NEED if I didn't do it myself! With that said, I do not have anything against a SAHM, I am just not one that could ever do it, I could not stay home all day! I could not be with my children all day long everyday! I need, I yurn, for outside pleasures without my children. My children and my work are what defines me as a wonderful, loving, caring, responsible, independant mother and wife! It is very disrespectful for any person to every look down on any parent for working! I would die for my children and I feel I get more out of them and they get more out of me because I and they have time away from home and each other 5 days a week.



I look forward to arriving at work, grabbing a cup of coffee and not having a child crying, pulling at my leg or calling MOM, I actually have peace and quiet, except when unruly coworkers come barging into my peace and serenity time! LOL



Again, incase you missed it. I have no issue with a SAHM but I truly and utterly respect a working mom! They so rock and well that means I rock as a MOM!! Ask my daughter, she will say it from her own 13 year old mouth! It must not have affected her poorly... ;) Now it is Saturday, I had a great day with my boy, my girl and my husband, oh and I better not forget my awesome Dog! However, it has been a very long day and I am looking forward to Monday! heheheeehe

Andrea - posted on 01/21/2012

I think a working mom rocks! I am one myself. It is almost harder to work and maintain a home and a family and a relationship with your hubby when you work full time! A lot of parents that do this, do it because the book tells them to, because you can bond--and don't look at the financial situation they might be in. They get into further debt because there is only one income coming in, and lets be honest how many hours can you spend inside your house??? They stress over money and being coped up in the house with no one to talk to, and take it out on the husband (shall I go on???)...etc.



Funny! I am actually the parent that believes they need to be in school at 8 weeks old socializing and playing with other children. I don't believe I should be a SAHM until he is in kinder-elementary school and up when he needs help with homework and PTA meetings. I am a certified teacher in Pre Primary Education (Birth-8 Years Old) so I know and believe in the importance in Primary education for children. The mentality of Staying Home when they are tiny does not make sense to me. I breastfed as long as I could, and pumped while he was at school. So the "breastfeeding" excuse doesn't work. My son has been in school since he was 8 weeks old, and it was the best experience ever--and I was able to keep him home! He is very social and can be left to play alone. SInce we moved from our home, and I have been home with him...his social skills have digressed. They learn how to play well with others, and how to share. I also think that putting them in school earlier helps if you are one who goes "by the book" and decides to have your 2nd one when your child turns 2. They are much more accepting of another child, because they know that the world doesn't revolve around them.



The one who tells you that you are a bad mother for working, you can tell them this: At least I thought for myself, wanted to further my career to show my child that there is an advantage to having advanced degree(s)--blah blah, and/or knew what our family financial situation was. I didn't do what a book told me to do, and I have an amazing healthy relationship with my child, husband and friends! All those things make me an AMAZING mother!!

ROCK ON GIRLFRIEND!!!

Izetta - posted on 01/21/2012

My sister, a SAHM for many years with both of her children, has made those types of judgments on me before. It's very frustrating, because I think that, even though I work I AM a great mom and very attentive to my two children, being a SAHM is just not for me. I have a successful career and I think some of her judgmental attitude came from a place of feeling inferior because she didn't have the same type of employment opportunities that I had with an advanced degree.



But, we have worked through these issues and I have told her that staying at home was just not an option for me, as my family has depended on me as the primary breadwinner. Her husband always worked hard and made enough money for her to stay at home, so that is great for her. But, it was just not feasible for me and my family. Different strokes for different folks I guess.

Ashley - posted on 01/20/2012

this is a very popular subject... apparently. but i am sorry i do not believe if you work or not define the mother you are. there are mothers who work who are amazing mothers and other who work really suck sad to say. some mothers who stay at home all day could learn from the working mothers. i am a sahm and i applaud a working mama! its not easy, i've been there.

Susana - posted on 01/20/2012

My daughter goes to preschool at the same place she's been in daycare since she was 3 months old. She's 4 years old and knows how to read and write and do simple math. She's very kind and well-behaved, has never had a problem with sharing. I think this is partly because of her father and I, and partly because of daycare. As the saying goes, it takes a village!



Shortly after she turned 1, my husband lost his job, but we still kept her in daycare three days a week for the year and a half it took him to find another job, because she was thriving and learning so much there. Daycare is not cheap, especially here in Massachusetts because they have strict guidelines for daycare teachers, so we had to make sacrifices to keep her there part-time. So don't tell me it's all about the almighty dollar. If I had not been working when my husband got laid off, we would've gone bankrupt, lost our house and been in financial ruin. I'm very proud to have been able to provide for my family during that rough time, and to be able to raise my daughter knowing she can be a successful mother AND working woman.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 01/20/2012

Cheryl - I pay $800/month for a Daycare to watch my 15 month old and I did so for my daughter as well, she was there from 1.5 - 12 years old. Who is going to watch your child when they go to school? Umm - the Teachers?? that is a very unintelligent question. There are Daycare's for a reason and by the way my children learnt how to be socialable, my 15 month old will hold his arms up to anyone, he got this from being at Daycare! Also, he has had a rough go with getting on to table foods, since the Daycare teachers are all trained in childhood development and first-aid, he has learnt very quickly how to eat these foods, without me having to worry he was going to choke!! He has Gag Reflux... I did stay home for his 1st year and I was paid to do it! I LOVE myself and my career, kids and husband are a large factor for how positive I am about who I am.... Get over yourself! My career is NOT before my children! I do NOT send them anywhere if they are sick or not feeling up to par! They come first and this is also why I and many other Moms work. They need it to feel whole! I would not appreciate my children near as much if I was with them ALL day long and they would not get to know the world half as much if they were home ALL day long! Also, my son LOVES Daycare. When he was sick with an ear infection and was home for 10 days, he was sooo excited when we went to Daycare, once he was better! You know, I was working before I had my children, I am not going to give it up because now I have children, that is just a stupid thing to expect of anyone. If they want to then great if they don't then great! I worked very hard during my secondary education I am not going to throw it away, instead I juggle everything to make it all work as it should when you are a working Mom. I would also never ever put myself in a position where I had to depend on my husband, we are a family and we must both contribute; financially, emotionally, spiritually and to our kids! However, for this that are SAHM it is a choice and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that - you are good moms too! Until you start trying to say you are BETTER - then you are not a good person in my books!!!

Cheryl - posted on 01/20/2012

There is a difference between needing to work and not needing too. For most mothers, working part time does help. My husband would come home from work and I would wait tables to make some extra income. As long as my children had someone who loved them as much as I did, then getting some "me" time working seemed to work well. I do admire homeschooling moms as they dedicate their whole at home life to educating as well as raising their children. Something I was not courageous enough to do. I did, however, use their model for enrichment over long summers and tutoring when needed. God love all mothers!

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 01/20/2012

Well said Susana! This is exactly what I am saying as well... Not all moms require it but many do! I LOVE my career but I also LOVE more than life both of my children and they know this! ;)

Cheryl - posted on 01/20/2012

So who watches your daughter while you work?

Susana - posted on 01/20/2012

@Cheryl - It's not about "putting a job before your children," as you put it. Women who work even though they may not need to financially, do so to fulfill themselves intellectually, and help make them a better-rounded person and better wife and mother. I would not appreciate the time I have with my daughter nearly as much if I spent 24/7 with her. I love her more than anything in the world, and we have a great relationship.

Susana - posted on 01/20/2012

@Jesse - You say SAHMs "are just choosing to raise there child in the right way!!!"Excuse me, that is offensive and totally contradictory to your previous quote, "I would not say that a SAHM's or a working mum is a bad mother for either reason." I work full-time, and I am raising my daughter "the right way," thank you very much.

Cheryl - posted on 01/20/2012

Why would any mother put a job before her children unless she needed to? No mother said on her deathbed: "Gee, I wish I had put more time in at the office." Basically, it all boils down to relationship and love. Not the almighty dollar!

Kisha - posted on 01/20/2012

Some people don't get the luxury of working at night to be at home all day. With the state of the economy most two parent households could not function if both parents didn't work. Most working moms don't particularly get excited about taking their kids to daycare, but it's what they have to do in order to provide. All kudos go out to SAHMS, but working moms are good parents as well. Everyones situation is different. Let's not judge on others personal choices.

Di - posted on 01/19/2012

Its a shame we women have to be at each other all the time- stay at home vs working, breast vs bottle, cloth vs disposable, public vs private vs home school.......I'm sure the list goes on. Basically we are all just doing the best we can with our families and making the decisions that seem right for us at the time. We shouldn't feel guilty and get defensive about our choices- if others don't like it- that's their problem, not ours. So stay strong and confident because no matter which way you look at it being a mum is hard work- but worth it!

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 01/19/2012

A SAHM mom is not lazy by any means... And a working mom is not neglectful in any means... I did not grow up wanting to only raise children, so for me even if I could stay home I wouldn't. I need more than being home with my children, I need to be a part of the outside world and I need to know that I am contributing to myself as well as my children. It is very important to me as an individual to be happy with myself, otherwise I would not be a very good mom. However it all depends on the parent and what they need out of life. Neither of my children have bad attitudes and my daughter was in daycare from age 1.5 to 12, she is a very mindful, respectful and loving girl. However, I have rules and am very very strict with them and all boundaries I have in place. So, she has been taught these skills by me, her working mom. I agree it is busy when getting home after work 5 days a week, however I have a wonderful husband that is fully engaged in our children and we stand beside each other. So, busy or not our children are taken care of and played with before we have any downtime for ourselves at night. It works great for me and him. Also, my daughter has severe combined ADHD, so it has been rough but me going to work everyday has also taught her that she must earn what she wants. I have been in bad relationships before and I would never ever want her to not be equipped with the understanding that she must have a career because what if the bread maker of the family and her separated? Then she would be on her own with children and have no way to support them but through a minimum hour job. I believe in independence and it works great for us. However, I have friends that are SAHM moms and it works great for them. But, I disagree that if you work you are not able to teach your child the life skills required. That to me is very ignorant, it all depends on how structured you are and how far you are willing to go to teach them. There are lots of SAHM moms that don't teach these skills too, so it isn't only an issue with those that work! Then the weekends are all about the children and well, cleaning our home. Which both kids must partake in because it is their home too.... Neither type of mom should be frowned upon ever! In addition, there is no such thing as raising your child in the RIGHT way! Only to what YOU believe is right! That is also very ignorant to state. I have been told several times over the years how good of a girl my daughter is and like I said I WORK 40 hours a week, 5 days a week! That makes me angry when a SAHM tries to say that they are doing it in the right way! Get over yourself people, it may be right for you but that does NOT mean it is right for everyone! UGH

Jesse - posted on 01/19/2012

I have been in the position where I had to work and i think that a mother will do what ever is needed for her children, in saying that i do believe that in the first few years mums should stay home with there children, if they can! there is so much that a day care can not teach your child! but on the other hand daycare can be good for children also. when my daughter was in day care she was doing really well with ABC's talking, writing, singing and painting all learning activities so on and so on... but her attitude and behavior skills were just terrible because she just was not learning the right manners respect we did not have enough time to teach her anything or give her the attention she deserved every night was a rush of bath tea teeth story bed! wake up get dressed teeth, drop off at daycare it was not fair on her. and i really wish I could have stayed home. I think children need a balance of discipline, love cuddles and lots of one on one attention something that a day care center just cannot give any one child!



currently I am a stay at home mum and i tell yu what I am not jealous of someone who has to or wants to work instead of raising there children. I would not say that a SAHM's or a working mum is a bad mother for either reason. but if you can stay home i believe it is the right thing to do for your child. tho putting your child in child care for a few hours a week is not a bad thing it gives a hard working stay at home mum a brake and allows the child to develop social skills and meet other kids.../



one thing that makes me really angry is when working mum's say SAHM's are lazy because they are not lazy they are just choosing to raise there child in the right way!!! they are working a full time job also they might not be bringing in a income but teaching your child life skills is one of the hardest things to do but in my opinion one of the most rewarding!!!!!!!!

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 01/17/2012

I love working and need it for my own sanity.. With that said there is nothing wrong with being a SAHM either, as long as you can afford it and are not using the Gov to pay your bills, I say go for it!! ;) I was a SAHM for the 1st 3 years of my first child and it was great but I needed more for me... As already said, it is what each Mom feels is best and what works best for them! No one should be shamed for either choice. As long as your babies are top priority in the end, that is all that counts! ;)

Dana - posted on 01/16/2012

To each their own. I am a SAHM and I understand why mom want to work and that some half to work. What is good for one family, might not be for another.

Ana - posted on 01/13/2012

I have had the opportunity to be in both positions, my husband had a great job and I could affor staying home, and even though that is a hard job too I once read that children from working parents get more attention the reason being is that when the whole familiy is together hug and cuddle more an they even gave a percentage. and to a certain point that is true, when you get to stay home you have sooo much to do that you get cought up in the cleaning, washing and everything you have to do that don't have a lot of free time, besides, your best friends are Barney, Dora, Courious George.... your conversations are about poop, grocery shopping...

I really cannot say anyway is better than the other... they both have their benefits... as long as we do them with love and for our kids, we will be good mothers

Bonnie - posted on 01/13/2012

I wish I could stay at home but if I did we couldn't pay the bills!!! So, am I a bad mom for making sure my children have food, clothes and a place to live?