Why do the stay at Mommies always bash us working Mommies?

Laura - posted on 11/02/2011 ( 11 moms have responded )

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There will always be controversy over whether or not you should work or stay at home when you have children. For some it's just not an option. I don't like getting a bad rep. or be ridiculed for having to go to work and have a sitter watch my daughter. There are always sacrifices to be made whether you go to work everyday or stay home. For me my daughter is my life and I work in order to save money for her college. My sister in law has not worked in years and they have no money saved for their three boys for college. So now what???

To be continued.....

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Nicola - posted on 11/04/2011

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There are pro's and con's either way.
Pro's to being a SAHM - You dont miss milestones. You have peace of mind about who they're with. You bond well.
Con's - Seperation anxiety. No 'me' time. No second wage.

Pro's to being a working mum - Second wage. 'Me' time. Childcare either helping with or avoiding seperation anxiety.
Con's - Child goes to others aswell as you. Possibility of missing milestones.

There are good and bad points to both options, at the end of the day if its right for you then dont feel you need to justify yourself. If you don't second guess yourself, then dont let them!!! :)

User - posted on 11/03/2011

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I do agree with Jeannette about children paying for their own college. I read an article when my oldest was a baby that people mistakenly try and save for their children's college but they really should be saving for is their own retirement. If you are able to save for both great!! But the kids always have other options such as scholarships, grants, student loans (which is what I did for my college along with some self-pay). But when you retire you don't have other options, you either save for it or you didn't.

Amy - posted on 11/03/2011

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I can honestly say that I have never been bashed by my sahm friends because I work. I would love to stay home but financially it just won't work. My advice to you is to avoid those who are negative about you working. Come up with a great phrase like " oh are you paying my mortgage this month? I have to go make a call " and then walk away.

It's your sil choice to stay home she's doing what she feels is right for her family. If the worst thing is her kids have to pay for their own education that's not necessarily a horrible thing, but if on the other hand they can't put food on the table to eat then she should consider contributing but you don't have a say unless it affects you some how.

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Miri - posted on 12/20/2011

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or vice versa, either way the female it always way too politicized. I prefer that she be protected and not made into political chewing gum that means respecting her privacy. Only she knows whats really best for her and her children.

Gaynor - posted on 12/18/2011

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I am a single parent who has always worked, however I worked night shifts so I was around during the day. As a single parent you have no choice but to work as there is noone else to pay the bills. I couldn't be a sahm anyway as the boredome would drive me nuts. I work day shifts now my youngest is 10 so its so much better being around for her in the evenings. BTW yes children get free education when they are 3 but I never had anyone but family look after my children. Also they have further education till the age of 19, it is not my job to pay for my childrens university life.

User - posted on 11/14/2011

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I wish I could be a stay at home mom. My husband is the stay at home parent right now. It sucks hearing stories of what she's accomplished. I would love to be there but we both can't be out of work.

Joanne - posted on 11/10/2011

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Unfortunately, the struggle will continue. My experience is those who stay at home will certainly judge you for even in my case working 2 to 3 days per week in order to provide more for our family (in addition to further enrichment outside of parenting and continuing my healthcare education). I often meet other SAHM's in the park and get discouraged at the sigh when I tell them I can't meet them the next day because I must work!

DeserRai - posted on 11/08/2011

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I knew someone like that. While I was still pregnant I was trying to decided whether I should go back to work or stay home. She told me I should quit working. When I told her I have student loans to pay off and wanted to save money to go back to school to finish my degree, she simply said "you don't need to go back to work or back to school. You're a mom now and you'll be a better one if you stay home." REALLY?! I was so surprised that she basically told me to give up everything I dreamed for. What does that show my son? In the end, I had to be a SAHM because I was BF and not matter how hard I tried, my son would not take a bottle, lol! I will say, I love being at home and love knowing he is always in the best care but I did miss working. So now I'm a WAHM :)

Michelle - posted on 11/06/2011

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I am a SAHM as I chose to be. Before I also became a single mum I used to volunteer for a charity just to get me out of the house at times and leave my children with their dad. The good thing about volunteering is I could choose when I did it so didn't have to miss out on anything my girls did. Now, as a single mum, I volunteer at my eldest 2 girls school 1 day a week and leave my baby with a friend. It gives me a day out of the house, which is something I personally need. When my baby starts full time school then I shall go back to work. I put what little I can in their bank accounts (they each have their own) but will start saving more once I am working.

My friend, who is like a sister to me, is a working mum. Her daughter is now in full time school but before was in daycare. They're still happy, they still love each other and, yes, my friend has been able to save more money than I have.

I don't think there's anything wrong with either way - stay at home or work - it's what you choose to do and what you are happy with.

I don't know where you live but now in the UK children start full time school from 3 years old and can leave at 16 if they wish or continue with a free education until 18. Therefore, with my eldest being 9 now and my youngest being 1, by the time I start back to work I will still have 7 years to save before she starts college (if she chooses to do so). It's amazing what you can save in that amount of time :-)

Claudia - posted on 11/06/2011

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I would never do such a bashing. I use to work before I had my 2 boys, and My husband and I decided that I would quit after we had children. It was very hard for me to quit, but I did. It is not easy to be at home 24/7 and I miss going to work. Sometimes I wonder if I shoud go back. If you feel in your heart that you are doing the right thing, then you are! Not everyone can deal with this stay home job. I am not sure if I am! Just do not listen to the bashing. God created every one unique, and you are problably doing your best.

Jeannette - posted on 11/02/2011

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Wow, that is an interesting contrast to what I experienced. When I was a stay at home mom, I was made to feel less than for not having a career. I stayed home for almost 4 years with scarcely anyone to talk to during the day. I have been working outside of the home full time since my youngest was 3 and I cannot imagine being able to quit. I get excited for those families who have figured out how to live without Mom's income, but we are not that family. I do not miss staying at home so much, but I would like to only work part time now that the kids are almost completely grown.
As for the college...I think kids should pay their own way. I had to pay mine the first time and this time! My husband and I paid for my oldest daughter's first semester, and she had a really really good time! Two years later, she is finally buckled down and on the right track, but she is paying now. People I know, who make more than we do, make their kids work/pay for their higher education. After all, it's their future; we took care of their past.

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