Working full-time guilt - anyone feel it?

Lissy - posted on 03/05/2013

I'm right there with you, Ruth. My husband had cancer and though we had insurance, our bills were sky high. In order to purchase a home and move forward in life we needed to pay his bills off quickly so I took a part-time job. In short order we realized that my part-time job was barely covering the cost of childcare and gas. So, I took on a full-time job as well. I work an upwards of 50-60 hours per week, and the guilt can be overwhelming at times. I've made it through by making special plans for the time that I am home. I also talk to my children about why I'm working so much, what our goals are, how close we are to them, and I allow them to dream along with us as we reach for those goals.
As time goes by, your guilt won't be as bad because whether you're with your little one or not, you're doing what is best for him. Everyone's life circumstances are different, and I'm sure that your child will be well adjusted and thankful that he had a mama who didn't let him go without having his needs met.

Brandie - posted on 03/04/2013

I feel this. I had to go back to work 3 weeks after having my daughter as my ex would not get a job and we had no money coming in. I felt like a horrible parent, especially because I would come home from work and she would be sleeping already and I would have to be gone before she woke up the next morning ( I was a night manager for a subway near my home, and also the only one who could bake the bread and make the morning things come together for the whole day). I would be up with her for her feedings ( I was unable to breast feed due to the fact I was not able to produce enough milk for her) but other then that the time I had with her was limited except for my days off which where fully hers. I still feel guilty now, three years later. I work two jobs now, I am a single mom with no financial or custodial assistance from her dad, so I have to make enough money to support her and the things she wants to do, and be there for her at all times. I feel guilty because I work my day job, a 9 hour shift while she is at daycare, then spend the next few hours with her before bed time then go to my second job. But I make every moment with her count. The weekends I have off and the few hours between jobs. She's an awesome kid, and never complains about it, which is amazing. And I know that I am doing good for her, and she also enjoys the time we spend together that much more :)

Lori - posted on 03/04/2013

Hi there, I know how you feel I use to have to work out of the home too but for the last 5 years I have worked literally from home with a great team of moms. You can learn about us very easily.
Www.thebusinessthatchangedourlives.com/Lori
Please make sure you put the /Lori after the web address or it will take you somewhere else. I know you will be surprised there's a legit at home business out there. Hope I can help
Lori

Sandra - posted on 02/18/2013

Don't feel guilty. Just check out the SAHM community. Most of their posts are how miserable they are. They aren't enjoying their kids and their husbands treat them like crap. At least you can say how much I miss my kids, unlike the sahms who say they can't wait for a break (basically to get away from their kids).

Heather - posted on 02/17/2013

Plese don't feel bad for this. You are doing the best thing for your family financially. It seems hard at first but eventually you two will fall into a routine. Your son will make lots of new friends at daycare or form a special bond with whomever he will be staying with. I love my job and I make great money and it makes my time with my two sons seem even more precious. Plus, they think it's super cool that I build trucks for Ford Motor Co! Hang in there and never, ever let anyone make you feel bad for your decision to work.

Mary - posted on 02/14/2013

Ruth, regarding your previous question; I've been working from home for almost 2 yrs. now and make sure to calendar my time while the kids are in school and around activities. That's why I know I'll be doing this for the rest of my life, :) It gives me time freedom to enjoy life on my/my family's terms. Feel free to message me and we can discuss it further.

Mary - posted on 02/14/2013

Ruth, How old is your baby now? How much more time will you have with him at home?

Kim - posted on 02/14/2013

Yes I feel guilty all the time! But you have to do what's right for your family and if your son is in good care then the guilt is really only your mind giving you a hard time - he probably enjoys the change.

Natasha - posted on 02/08/2013

I gave birth to youngest 6 months ago and am going back to work full time as of this Tuesday. The only this was we couldn't find a babysitter for full time during the day so I have no other choice but to work nights while my fiance works days. LO only has a babysitter for 2 hours a week but im still feeling a little guilty as well that I wont be there to put him back to sleep during the night time, Its hard but hard work pays off and they will love you for it ♥

Ruth - posted on 02/08/2013

Thanks for your comment Mary! What's your business? Do you find it difficult to work from home with your kiddies there?

Mary - posted on 02/08/2013

Yeeeesss! I remember going back after my 1st and crying while on the train, the whole commute! IF you are on the train, use that time to organize, pay bills, write lists, read, etc. That can be YOUR time so that when you are home you can enjoy your child. The time goes by so quickly; It's important that you enjoy the journey!!
I have my own business and am able to stay home and work a real blessing! I would love to show you what I do.

Ruth - posted on 02/07/2013

to be honest...since Ive joined circle of moms (only did this week) and spoke to other full time working moms I have a whole new perspective on it and I am already starting to feel better about the situation so thank you all for your help

Michelle - posted on 02/06/2013

Hi Ruth, I am in the same boat as you. My little girl is 16 weeks old and she will be going to Daycare in four weeks time so i can go back to work full time. My partner and i feel really bad and guilty about this but due to finances this is necessary. I already start crying just thinking about it, however i know it will be good for her as she is going to be an only child and this experience will make her a social, active little girl. I wish you all the best with going back to work.

Ruth - posted on 02/06/2013

Thanks Amy :)

Amy - posted on 02/06/2013

Hi Ruth,

You should'nt feel bad about going back to work, you should feel excited becuase you are supporting you and your beautiful child. When your little one grows up they will understand why you had too. If you are or were a single mom then you would have to go back full time regardless.

If you feel that going back full time is too much then switch to part time after. Leaving your baby is a very hard thing to do but at the end of the day it makes it so worth it when you have worked a full day and then spend your time with your little one.

You shouldnt make an choices you dont feel are right for you and your baby. If you are really that uncomfortable then maybe go back part time to make the transition smoother and then move to full time when you both are comfortable enough to leave each other for longer periods. I know it is hard I went back to work full time when my baby was 9 months and the first couple of weeks are the hardest but now it has just become a routine.

I wish you all the best and hope everything works out! Good luck!

Ruth - posted on 02/05/2013

I think I am imaging it will be worse than what it is because I havent actually started back work yet as I'm still on maternity leave. As silly as it sounds, I just don't want my boy thinking I have abandoned him or forget who I am as I will be at work 5 days out of 7! I know that may sound ridiculous...or did any of you have these same thoughts before you went back to work?

Ruth - posted on 02/05/2013

thank you colette :)

Colette - posted on 02/05/2013

I went back full time and felt incredibly guilty! Like you, I didn't have a choice financially but we were lucky to find a good nursery two days a week which my daughter absolutely loved. It's hard to leave them but it does get easier and you appreciate the time you do have together more. Good luck, I'll be thinking of you!

Ruth - posted on 02/05/2013

thanks for the comments ladies

Amy - posted on 02/05/2013

I do work full time as a retail store manager so I work a flexible schedule that includes weekends. I've always had to work full time even when my eventually ex was working full time too. People never know the whole situation and shouldn't offer input or advice. It's a wonderful opportunity if a mom is able to stay home but I do not feel guilty. It's just as much my responsibility to provide for my kids as my eventually ex's.

Stacey - posted on 02/05/2013

I don't get why people assume that. Especially now in this economy. Not to mention even if that were the case it's none of anyone elses's business. I have a friend from high school that took a shot at me any chance she got that she's a stay at home mom and home schools her kids etc. which is great but as a single mom that's clearly not an option and always irritated me she would comment on something with a remark like: that's why staying at home with your kids is ideal. Well that's a great thing if you aren't the only income to your household!!

Stacey - posted on 02/05/2013

Yes, I think most moms do. It'll get easier when you see that you working full time is helping care for your child and getting your child everything he needs. When my daughter was a baby I missed a lot of her first year because I was working two jobs and they were both serving jobs. It was extremely tough but I needed money because I had left my husband who was verbally abusive. I was too proud to go get food stamps and was determined to do it without having to rely on public assistance. After awhile I decided my daughter and son were more important than my pride, especially after getting in a very bad accident because I fell asleep driving. My kids were in the car at the time as well. By the grace of God all of us walked away with no serious injuries. I realized that I needed to suck it up and drop a job because I could have seriously hurt my children because of my exhaustion. (Or worse) I still worked full time but no longer worked 16 hour days and wasn't working 7 days a week anymore. Just make the most of the time you can spend with your son. One thing my mother did that really helped me was if she had a 'first' she wouldn't tell me. When my daughter took her first steps I was at work, my mom didn't tell me so when I saw her take some steps it was me experiencing her first steps. I didn't know she had already taken some so it was just as special to me as if it really were her first steps. You could request his care giver to do the same with you.

Ruth - posted on 02/05/2013

Do you work full time if you don't mind me asking?
I guess I just think people assume because my husband is working that I shouldn't need to, I really shouldn't worry what other people think and realise I'm doing what I need to do for my family.

Amy - posted on 02/05/2013

I don't feel guilty I have to provide for my kids, if I don't no one else will. My soon to be ex lost his job in April and if I don't put food on the table then who will? Would I rather be home with them absolutely but at this point I can't so I do what I have to. I make sure that when we are together it's quality time, I play with them, and try to plan activities on my days off. My daughter just want into daycare in Sept, she's almost 3 and she absolutely loves it because they are constantly able to do fun things with her.