Lisa - posted on 09/17/2009 ( 25 moms have responded )
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My 9 yr old is a good kid, polite away from home, lots of friends but at home it's stomping, talking back and constantly arguing with his sister and me. Durning the week dad is gone so it's just the kids and me. any ideas for dealing with the attitude
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Jobelle - posted on 03/22/2013
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The best teacher of how to misbehave or act and speak inappropriately is by watching mom or dad misbehave or act and speak inappropriately. Remember, what children see and experience in the home is what their normal is. So, if they see mom and dad yelling, they will yell. If they get spanked, they will likely use hitting to express their anger or frustration. If they hear, “What?” instead of “Pardon?” that is what they will use. How can we expect any different? Although not always simple, parents need to look at parenting as a life lesson in personal growth. I always say that children can make open and willing parents into the best human beings in the world because they have the opportunity to practice being their best selves every single day of the year. Looking at parenting this way makes it easier to catch oneself more often and start demonstrating good behavior by modeling it.
Veronica - posted on 10/30/2011
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Hallelujah! I'm so relieved that I am not alone. My son started copping an attitude the minute he turned 9. I didn't know what to do. I finally started taking things away (DS, Wii, etc.) and he is doing better. Getting his karate instructor on board helped too.
Pamala - posted on 10/04/2011
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My almost 8 yr old acts this way and his sister a year younger is following suit. I like the comment about checking attitude, and I realize I have to check my own too because there is no sense in "arguing" with them.
PAULINE - posted on 08/01/2011
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I've done the video tapping thing...and they thght it was the funniest thing ever!
Schmoopy - posted on 05/09/2011
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Lisa, your son is going through a profound change right now. Nine is a year of big changes and realizations. Often that awakening is painful, so it makes sense that he's acting out. If you understand more about why he's feeling this way, it might make it easier to approach him from a more empathetic point of view.
Read this - it's a great article on the 9-year change:
http://library.adoption.com/articles/wal...
Andrea - posted on 05/09/2011
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my 9 year old stepson is doing the same thing, I have been frustrated for months now as to what to do about him. He gets these reports from school saying what a sweet, well liked boy he is...then come home time, he bullies his younger brother constantly, fights all the time, talks back, gives attitude, slams doors, doesn't listen...and puts up a fight if you ask him to do anything, wants it all his way or the highway. We've had to do a lot of work with him, he's a constant bed wetter too, I thought maybe the bullying was a result of that...his siblings who are all younger don't wet the bed...but maybe it is just a hormonal 9 year old phase? We've been giving him a warning on his behaviour and 9 minutes of time out. he's also lost all of his toys but 4...I watch too much super nanny!! But nothing really seems to sink in with him, it's like he can't control himself. Glad to know we are not alone
Sam - posted on 05/08/2011
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im so so glad i have seen this site !! i too thought i was going crazy i have 2 sons 7 and 10 and its my 10 year old who i seem to vbattle with hes a lovely boy but i felt because i became a single mum due to a sad seperation from his dad he changed then we had to move back to england and i just lost my dad his grandad so alot of change but its hard because you want to not have them behave and be disrespectful and i feel im always on at him lately for this which makes me sad and tired !! but im glad to see not the only one good luck ladies x:)
Misty - posted on 03/26/2011
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my 11 yr old son is a very smart child that gets good grades but his attitude is not good at all, he has an attitude w/me the most since i am the stay at home mom... he has 2 younger siblings that trys to mimik him but they will stop when told but my 11 yr old will keep on and on, and there r times when it is from sun up to sun down w/him , u basically have to watch him , which i know he is adhd but i know he can control some things that he does, he is a very bright boy but his attitude i do not get,,,,, I have been praying every day that it will get better.....
Misty - posted on 03/26/2011
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my 11 yr old son is a very smart child that gets good grades but his attitude is not good at all, he has an attitude w/me the most since i am the stay at home mom... he has 2 younger siblings that trys to mimik him but they will stop when told but my 11 yr old will keep on and on, and there r times when it is from sun up to sun down w/him , u basically have to watch him , which i know he is adhd but i know he can control some things that he does, he is a very bright boy but his attitude i do not get,,,,, I have been praying every day that it will get better.....
Jessica - posted on 03/16/2011
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My 9 year old is the sweetest things, when he wants to be. Other times he will argue and throw his little attitude around with anyone, including teachers, grandparents, his father and I. We took him to a head doctor for a few moths; she said that the biggest mistake that I make is allowing him to argue with me. So when he starts to open his mouth to dispute my order or comment, I cut him off before he has a chance. It really frustrates him when he can't get under my skin or when he can’t win.
Mrs Zarina M - posted on 03/14/2011
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My daughter is 6 yrs with the same attitude. When Dad is around she is so well behaved. I think they are are just using the power technique to manipulate us but in short it is just away of asking for more affection. If I get annoyed, she rebels more so when i try to I just agree at times result is amazing. These kids are always testing us.
Dawn - posted on 05/25/2010
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Don't react to his attitude. If he gets a rise out of you then he will keep doing it. My 9 year old daughter acts the same way and when she doesn't get anything from it, she gets mad and stomps off to her room. Then she comes back with a better attitude.
Lisa - posted on 05/18/2010
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9 year old daughter here that is going on 19!! I guess the hormones really do something to that little body of theirs!!
Rachael - posted on 03/21/2010
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Same here too Denise...when does it stop?
Denise - posted on 03/18/2010
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WOW! are you talking about my son. Same situation here.
Lakeisha - posted on 02/24/2010
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i am so glad i came across this site. My 9 year old daughter is driving me crazy with her attitude. Where did this come from? I have a 11 year old daughter and she skipped this phase. I was hoping her little sister would too. no such luck.
Susanne - posted on 01/13/2010
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Yep mines the same lol I have a 11 year old and a 9 year old and they are both like it. My nine year old is much worse though, he used to get violent not with me but with his brothers but i cured that by buying him a punchbag now he goes to his room and beats his frustration out on that. But i still get a load of cheek off him for the silliest of things. Hopefully it will get better soon as it rarely happens with his brother who is 11 he will just argue calmly until the cows come home to get his own way instead.
Lynn - posted on 01/02/2010
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i am so glad i am not alone my 9 year old daughter is the same although she took it one step further and became violent with it hitting me she seems to be calming down a bit now and i am convinced its hormonal with her i tell her about her attitude when she is in that frame of mind and sometimes this works i have also vidoed her and made her watch it back she was horrified which seemed to help in calming her a little
Lynn - posted on 12/19/2009
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OMG i was starting to think it was just me!! Me sweet polite little boy has turned into a moody, lazy, cheeky lil imp!! He will argue black is white, will not take a telling, continually does things he knows he shouldnt....and when i ask him why...he just shrugs his shoulders and say "don't know"!!! It's sooo frustrating! Its like a constant battle every day with him pushing my patience to the limit until i snap...then he promises not to do it again, apologises, then does the same the next day!! And like your son...he's the perfect child with everyone else!! His attitude towards myself and my partner is disgusting....no respect at all! I didnt bring him up like this!
I even got to the point where i took him to see the health visitor and she told me this was very common in boys of this age and it'll pass...its just his body changing! When does it pass though...i want my son back!
When he's not like this, he's the most loving caring son you could ever ask for and he's fantastic with his little brother. Here's hoping it will pass!
Shanacqua - posted on 12/09/2009
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I really thought I was the only one that was going through this with their 9yr old. My daughter dosen't talk back to me, but it's others that catches her rath. She is the most out going child I have ever seen. She's starting to calm down a little since I gave her more responsiblities and have her more involved with different events. I think they sometimes need a reality check and no that everything cannot go their way and we as parents need to enforce and mean it....
Yashica - posted on 12/06/2009
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Girl I have the same problem with my 9 yr old
Joan - posted on 12/06/2009
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I agree with Erica, I have seen this attitude. I have been forced to check my own attitude that he sees (with friends, hubby and irritating ppl in stores, other cars, etc.). I have worked on his attitude by making him responsible and accountable when possible. I state his comment and then the appropriate comment, and ask him which one will get him what he wants. It would be easy to mock him or degrade him, so I cautiously pick my words and tone. We have talked about tone and setting for 3 years so the stage is set and he has heard this ... "which one is gonna get u what u want" since he was probably 6 years old. We have fun with it too. Tween years are arriving or have arrived, so we have a long road ahead of us!! We can do it!!
KOREA - posted on 12/04/2009
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MY 9 YR OLD IS THE SAME EXACT WAY ASIDE FROM THE STOMPING AND ARGUING... MY DAUGHTERS A PRETTY GOOD KID BUT LATELY THE ATTITUDE SHE KEEPS SHOWING WHEN SHE CANT HAVE SOMETHING OR GETS TOLD TO DO SOMETHING THAT SHE DOESN'T REALLY WANNA DO IS WEARING ME DOWN.... ANY BODY HAVE ANY IDEAS ON HOW TO DEAL WITH THIS SITTU... I KNOW SHE IS GETTING OLDER BUT THE ATTITUDE IS GETTING UNBEARABLE....
Erica - posted on 10/04/2009
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I started looking at my 9 year old and saying attitude check and he has to take inventory of his attitude and change it. Of course I started out a few years ago and pointing out when his attitude was not appropriate. Now when I say attitude check or check that attitude he stops for a few and readjusts his attitude. In a way I have made him responsible for his actions and attitude and the responses he gets.
Teresa - posted on 09/17/2009
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Oh my!My nine year old gets like this,too!I think she does it for a reaction.How about videotaping him when he acts like that.I plan on trying this with my daughter,so she can see just how everyone sees her....which is like a three year old throwing a tantrum.I'm hoping it will shame her into behaving better.But so far,I can't catch her in the act with my camera!
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