sibbling rivalries

Lakeisha - posted on 02/24/2010 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My 9 year old daughter shares a room with my 7 year older. They are constantly argueing and i am at my wit's end. I have two other daughters who share a room, but i don't want to switch them. I don't want my 9 year old and my 7 year old to think its okay to not like each other. What can I do? Is this normal? Is going to effect their relationships later in life? Someone please help.

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My 12 and 9 year old daughters do the same thing. CATS and DOGS!!! My plan is to split the room over the summer so they can have some space. I'm getting inexpensive loft beds, putting them on separate walls with dressers underneath and hanging a curtain to divide the room. Everyone needs some time to themselves. Currently I plan a day a week where one of them goes somewhere (grandmas, friend's house, on an outing with Daddy) so they can have time apart. Usually that gives us a peaceful evening. I know they have to work on getting along, but at this age, when everything is such a big deal emotionally, I need the break.

Deborah - posted on 04/05/2010

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I think sometimes we could all feel we dont like a family member when they maybe irritate us, but we still love them. So maybe let your children know its ok to be irritated, but its what we do about it that matters. Talk about how words can hurt feelings, and try to help them resolve any issues together.
My eldest two now 23 and 27 used to fight very badly and I felt really out of control.
When your children fight, do they make up themselves? I do hope so.
As you have guessed they argue more probably, to do with sharing space, so as you are unable to give them their own space, help them make boundaries within the shared room and rules so they can feel they have their own space.
This is what I did and it seemed to work, even though they still argue as adults they are very close. Its just that they each have such very different views on everything.
If we were to met someone we differed from so much normally we would avoid them, but in a family we cant, and there is friction. Its normal so dont worry,
I hope you can solve this soon as I understand the frustration of daily battles.
Good luck

Jenifer - posted on 03/04/2010

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I know this can be a very stressful time for you and your daughters, but this is not uncommon. I don't have two girls, but I do have a daughter who is 10, and a son who is 9, and when they were little, they were the best of friends. At around 5 years old they started fighting with each other, and still do off and on. As to affecting their relationship later in life, I used to fight the same way with my brother TJ, and now we are quite close (It helps that I like his wife, and he likes my husband :-)) but as long as you try to help them get-along, I think everything will be alright. Good Luck and God Bless.

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