26 weeks today with first and I need advice!

Leah - posted on 01/07/2011 ( 89 moms have responded )

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I have so many thoughts running through my head lately, I mean I'm 26 weeks pregnant, that means in as little as 10 weeks I'm going to bring a little bundle of joy home from the hospital and start this crazy journey with my husband...and I'm scared. There are so many different decisions to make and...what if I make the wrong one?! Or what if I'm not a good mother, maybe Jamison won't like me... I still don't know whether I really want to commit to cloth diapering or just stick with disposables, should I go back to work or stay home, can we afford for me to stay home afterwords, what if my husband and I don't have any time to ourselves anymore? Will that even matter?

I don't know about much of anything anymore, and it's beginning to feel overwhelming and stressful. I don't have any family near as my husband is military, and the only friends I have don't have kids or think I'm being stupid (I know, some friends huh?).

I need help, advice, reassurance, anything :(

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Laura - posted on 01/07/2011

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If you are this worried it means you are already on your way to being a great mother. Trust your instincts, ask questions, accept advice but remember you are this childs mother just because someone else has already raised X many kids doesn't mean they know what your child needs. I have a 4 1/2 and a 2 year old and am 34 weeks with my 3rd and I'm still scared and worried how I'm going to do it all. It never goes away but it all works out in the end. Just take things one day at a time. You are going to do great. Good Luck and Congrats!!!!

Ange - posted on 01/07/2011

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I was the same way when I was pregnant with my little one but when he got here everything really just fell into place its the mother instinct in you that comes out in you I know I never got the instinct until I first held my baby in my arms.... and yes I still have questions and worries like you I worry if I am doing the right thing for him but as I feel he is healthy and happy so I must be doing something right.... and I have found the other mothers on here really helpful and there are also alot of different topics that you can read through and that helps as well to see what other problems that other people have come incounter with and what other moms have writen advice for.... my husband is not a military man but he is still gone to work 8 hours a day from monday to friday and saturdays at noon so we don't get any alone time except for when the little one is in bed asleep but even then lately we haven't gotten that time as my son is sick with a cold and not comfortable sleeping in his crib right now..... just stay calm you will do fine.... just relax.... if you ever need some one to talk to I will listen and help with what I can

Tina - posted on 01/13/2011

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I think every new mommy feels the same way. Just know there is no RIGHT way, you have to do what is best for you and your family. I am pregnant with my 3rd and I still ask my self if I am doing things the "right" way. My children are happy and healthy and well adjusted so I assume I am doing okay.

Lily - posted on 01/07/2011

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Just BREATHE! lol Youll be fine...everything will fall into place once you have your baby. Im also a military wife and just had my 2nd child 5 months ago(seems like just yesterday!) and of course its tough. You have to deal with all the normal worries of becoming a new mom AND deal with all the stress of military life. But as a military wife YOU have to be tough. Contact your FRG and ACS...they can probably let you know about classes or groups in your area or on base that can help you out with any questions you have now AND after the baby gets here. And as far the cloth diaprs and all that....DO IT! i absolutely love cloth diapers! Its not just prefolds that you have to pin up. Its just as easy as disposables..you just have to wash an extra load of laundry every 2 or 3 days. Just do some research on it. But if you decide youre up for it look on hyenacart.com and down at the very bottom right hand corner theres a pic of a baby hyena..click on it and itll say spot's corner..which is where people sell used items. Ive only have 1 or 2 brand new diapers...you shouldnt have to spend more then $10-$12 per diaper and sometimes you can find them for WAY cheaper. And youre not already planning on it..BREASTFEED! Itll help you bond with your baby, help you lose the baby weigh(i lost all 35lbs i gained with my son in about 3-4 months) and it will save you so much money! Its not easy for everyone..you can have trouble getting him to latch but he will get hungry enough and he WILL eat! You may not get your milk in right away(mine started pouring out before my 1st was even born lol but im just a milk cow lol) but give it time and keep trying to feed him..even if you dont think anythings coming out. The more you nurse the more milk youll have. AND it will most likely hurt..they say it wont hurt as long as theyre latched on right but my daughter latched on just fine and it was excruciating! But it does stop hurting before too long. And i didnt have any pain at all with my 2nd.

Now about staying home or going back to work...Im a stay at home mom and I love it! My husbands an E-3(soon to be E-4) in the army and were doing alright without me working for now. You really just have to sit down and look at all your expenses and decide if you can afford it.

But just try to relax...stress isnt good for you or your baby..
Hopefully that was somewhat helpful...i tend to ramble on..lol good luck with everything! If you need to talk...just let me know.

Melinda - posted on 01/07/2011

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dont worry hon trust me everyone has these feelings! but when u hold ur baby for the first time its the best feeling. you will be fine im in the military and i have 3 little ones all under the age of 2. its doable! all my family is down south and im in washington so i understand. try looking up a group called mops. its like a mommy support group thats nation wide they do playdates and things like that. try to make a special date night with your husband even if its just a pizza and rented movie when the baby's asleep u need that special time together if for nothing else than to stay sane in the stressful times ahead! good luck you will be fine

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Brennis - posted on 03/11/2011

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First off, love grows, its not just there. However, your voice is the voice the little one has been hearing the most for a while. So you are the one the baby will most likely click with. Most mom’s expect to love and cherish the little bundle once it is out. To give you some reassurance I was separated from my first for the first month of her life, due to complications, for the first week I didn’t even really think about her, other than I had a child I hadn’t seen yet. Also, due to those same complications over the next year she would be sent away to family to take care of because I had to be hospitalized a week at a time about 4 times before her first birthday. She is now attached like nobody’s business.... she just turned 2.

Baby's do kind of come with a "manual" for the first 3 months all they pretty much do is: EAT, SLEEP AND POOP. Any problems with come from one of these, the frustrating part is figuring out what the problem is. Don’t expect much sleep, as the baby will want feeding every 2-3 hours, and yes for a while the relationship will be strained. Try to find a friend you feel comfortable leaving the baby with and get just an hour or two with hubby. You don’t have to leave the house just put hubby first for a little bit, it will help with stress for you too. So YES TIME WITH YOUR SPOUSE MATTERS!!!!!

Try to make as many decisions together, so that way if they are the “wrong” choice no one is blaming the other or saying “my way would have been better”. Also, the discussions will bond you together more. Although, remember this is your child, chances are good that as long as you have the welfare of the baby at heart, you won’t make a bad decision.

As for diapers, you don’t have to decide now. I originally bought a certain kind of diaper only to find out we didn’t like the brand. So trial and error are a part of parenting, just don’t go buying a yearly supply until you are sure. So remember there are some things that don’t have to be decided right now. Besides the child may take the choice out your hands, maybe it will allergic.... which is also not a big thing. I have a niece allergic to a lot of things. You will learn, and then you will adjust accordingly. You will also probably see your baby’s doctor frequently, so make sure you have one that you can talk to, and if you find out later that you don’t, don’t be afraid to change to another one.

As for the stay at home or work issue, only you can decide that. Although I know from experience that newborns are not cheap to put into daycare. So look around at prices, and decide for yourself it is worth it to stay home or go to work. If it helps make a budget it helps a lot, my hubby and I do a budget AGAIN about every few months. These are the things that you pay for monthly and see if you are negative, close, or think you can manage. Diapers are about 20 dollars a box (disposable) and in case you need formula it’s about 20 dollars a can. The diapers may last 2 weeks and the can 1 week. I am not sure what else you have or don’t have..... Also, for money saving look up a website called freecycle and see if it active in or near your city. Its people giving stuff away for free, and I usually see baby stuff.

My family is also far away, 6 hours, and yes it can be overwhelming at times. However, just make sure you get out of the house, with or without baby, it helps a lot to not feel isolated or lonely even if you don’t talk to anyone. Try to make sure you get some me time, can be just 20 minutes, each day. Try to give hubby time, maybe while baby is taking a nap. If you can SLEEP when baby is sleeping, you are both tired. Get those friends to baby-sit, and remember family is only a phone call away.

Amanda - posted on 01/14/2011

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Just breathe :-) I know it seems so stressful but the truth is there is no way to really plan for whats about to happen, but when it happens everything will work out. You wont have as much time with your husband for just you and him time, so deff enjoy it now. I have come to see though that I like the time when it is me, my husband and our daughter that is the best. Having a family is the greatest thing in the world. I can assure you that you will make mistakes and some will be bigger than others but that is all part of being a parent, we all make mistakes and I would say as long as your not doing drugs, being an alcoholic and always partying, or being abusive then you will not be a bad mom. Every mother is a great mother in their own ways and in their own childs eyes, sure your child may hate you at times when they are older because they dont like what you say or make them do but again its all part of being a parent but im sure your child will always love you unconditionally.As for your other questions that is all personal choices that will have to be made between you and your husband.Oh and just so you know you are NOT being stupid at all...Just hang in there and if you wanna talk at all add me and you can talk to me anytime and remember everything will be ok and soon you will be holding your bundle of joy and feel like the luckiest person in the world. Congrats and good luck!

Erica - posted on 01/14/2011

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First off Relax It is different for everyone you are becoming a new mom and life is going to change however there is nothing that i can think of that is more wonderful than being a mom. I would say that the worries that you are experiencing are overwhelming you and stress is not what you need right now. As far as you thinking that you are not going to be a good mother. God knows what he is doing. Just take a deep breath is is a wonderful experience and I am sure you will do just fine. Plus don't forget every women experiences mood swings hormones are going bonkers right now and the last thing you want is for your husband to get the wrong idea. you will do just fine the only thing you can do is try to give your child a better childhood than your own as far as making commitments your little bundle of joy will let you know what he is comffy with

Len - posted on 01/13/2011

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Hi Leah,
It's pretty normal to think that way because me too had experienced the same way as you. Of course, being mother takes a lot of hard times from being pregnant up to bringing up the child. Don't put a lot of pressures to yourself, just keep positive thoughts, it will help you along the way to have a better journey with you and your child. Most especially that you'll be conceiving in few months time. It's just keep your cool and just take one step of a time. Communication with your husband is the key so that he would know what matters with you and your baby. Tell your concerns to him and that I am sure he will be more understanding enough to listen and he will suggest better things with you for the success of your relationship. Just do your best and God will take the rest. God bless and enjoy your pregnancy.

Rebecca - posted on 01/13/2011

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hon, everyone mother goes through those thoughts. but once you see your bundle of job nothing else matters. I promise.
I have the same feelings what if one of my boys dont like me, what if i am not a bad mother, what with my husband and i didn't have time for each other anymore, all of that?? just stay positive, there is a site called www.justmommies.com it came helptful for me when i didn't have no one else to talk to about it all.... i wish you the best of luck. you can also add me if you want...

Cydnie - posted on 01/13/2011

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Don't worry. I think we all have had our moments where we may have doubted ourselves. I know I still do at times. Being a parent is very trying, but you will do fine. You are going to make mistakes. It is a part of life. Jamison will love you. You and you husband may not get as much alone time together, but of you both will be so full of love for your child that you will hardly notice. I think for many of us maternal instincts are natural and help us make great decisions. Like I said, you are going to make mistakes. We aren't perfect. When in doubt definitely ask questions. Your friends don't have a true understanding of your concerns, but I do believe they will support you when you feel overwhelmed once Jamison is born. You will be fine. Don't worry!

Stephanie - posted on 01/13/2011

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i was like this. My baby is now 16 weeks old and we cant remember life without her or miss the things we used to do before. .

Do as you think is right, everyones baby is different so there is never really a wrong answer xx

Becky - posted on 01/13/2011

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Leah...first and foremost: You are a completely NORMAL first-time mother!!! Every woman goes through this thought-process when they are looking at the calendar and realizing how quickly time will go before they start a journey they have no idea how to prepare for.

A lot of other moms have posted here so I won't repeat everything, but I wanted you to know that you are normal to think like this, and in my opinion - it's the moms that panic about being a good mom that make the BEST ones. The ones who are overconfident and think they can do everything are up for a few surprises. :)

Hang in there, lady...you can do this. I promise you.

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Welcome to motherhood. It's completely full of indecision and doubt, but you know what? You'll be great! Try the cloth diapers. You'll save money, and if it's too stressful, at least you tried. Your baby will LOVE you, trust me. The onl reason why you feel so helpless is because your about to engage in something where you have no control over anything. It's gets better. Soon, your baby will be here, you'll have the long sleepless nights and you'll be exhausted, but it'll all be worth it when you hold that baby.

Michelle - posted on 01/13/2011

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i remember feeling like you are now with my first baby he's now 16months old and all i can say to you is stop worrying because when your little one arrives being a mummy will come natural to you it did me. As for working i did work and after maternity leave i went back and give it a few months before deciding to stay at home with my baby there is lots of help for mums out there on advice, child care and help finacially i think once the babys here enjoy him/her and go with what you feel is right after you are his/her mummy. And after all mummy knows best and i wouldnt worry about baby liking you or not you've carried him/her for nine months your all baby will know they hear your voice every day so soon as babys born he/she will know who you are straight away x

Nicola - posted on 01/13/2011

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Enjoy being a mom everything will come to you naturally i think every first mum has things running through there mind.. Iv haven't long had my 2nd child and still now im asking for advice, wondering whether I'm doing things right.. I find going to mums and tots group help alot as you get to know people with children theirself and pick up on how other mums and dads do things... I'm sure you will be a great mum good luck and enjoy it they are not young for long xx

Stephanie - posted on 01/13/2011

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its a joy and its scary you will be a good mom as long as you have patience i would go with disposable diapers i would stay home at least for the first year. i worked full time from the time my daughter was 3 months old and i regret it. my situation however was different (she is 3 now) and time flew by and i feel like we dont have that bond we should. all my opinions of course. good luck and you are not being stupid your getting into parental mode thats what parents do they worry

Lynn - posted on 01/12/2011

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Don't stress yourself out. I was the same way with my first. When your feeling overwhelmed talk to your husband. Let him know what concerns you have. Also you can talk to your doctor or midwife if you have one. Yes you and your husband will have lil time with each other in the beginning but once your lil one is sleep through the night and is on a schedule you and your husband will have ya'll alone time. GIve yourself at least 3-4 months to go back to work, your gonna need all the rest you can get within that time frame. Now is the time for you to enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and preparing for the arrival of the baby. Your motherly instincts is gonna kick in on its own. Your baby is going to know that he has to loving parents who wouldn't trade him in for the world. Good Luck and I wish you the best. P.s your friends don't understand becausse they don't have children themselves. Its not that they don't care just hard for them to understand.

Sarah - posted on 01/12/2011

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I think the way you are feeling is normal. Your baby will love you just as much as you love your baby. Love you child, hold them, sing to them, play with them, teach them. You will be great. This experience is overwhelming. Your are not alone. i freaked out with my first too but you just know what to do whether it is asking someone else for advice or call your child doctor. Something that you should try to do is find a babysitter so you can spend time with your husband I didn't even feel like doing that until my kids were about six months but it is different for everyone. I always think if you could afford it and want to you should be a stay at home mom. I wish I could have been but I have to work to support the children. You still have time to think about it. Try and think about the good thing about bring a baby into this world and relax. The last thing you want to do is get really stressed out. Good Luck!

Nicole - posted on 01/12/2011

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My husband is also in the military and I have to handle most things myself while he is away training in the Army. I also had the sames concerns that you are wondering about. I have experienced them first hand and its not so bad. You do find time when you husband is home for just the two of you. Its not as much time as you had before the baby but it is a little. You have to make it work because it can be stressful at times. I would recommend trying to find some stress relief techniques now for when the time comes. It's not easy but it's also not as bad as it seems.

Sarah - posted on 01/12/2011

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i know exactly how you feel, my husband is in the army and its a hard lifestyle with out kids and then adding kids to the mix makes it even harder. i just had my first on Oct 25, 2010, we also don't have much family near by and i was feeling the same as you are and i cried for probably the first 2 or 3 days after we brought our son home simply because i was afraid i would do something wrong. But after i realized that everything is OK and my husband was there to help as well it just seems that things start to fall in place and things started to come naturally....not saying that it wont be hard because it is at times and you just learn to figure it out, as for getting alone time its definitely hard but its something you need to try and do once you feel comfortable with some one watching your baby.....if you need to talk feel free to get a hold of me military wives have to stick together !!!

Brianne - posted on 01/12/2011

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Don't think about anything because as soon as your baby is born you are just going to roll with it and take things as they come.

Now on the diapering thing... if you want to be "green" then do only cloth but it will be more stressful in my opinion cause you will just have that much more laundry to deal with and if environmentalists dont like me saying that I don't care... I only use disposable... a lot less to worry about but if you are strapped for cash at times I would do both. Use disposables when you can afford it and use cloth when money is tight.


AND just so you know a baby instantly falls in love with there mother and vise versa... so don't worry about if the baby likes you.... the baby will LOVE you.

And about work... thats an issue you and your spouse need to confront together and maybe pull out the finances and make a list to see if you will stay home or not. Also daycare is expensive sometimes its not worth going to work when almost your entire check will go towards day care unless someone in your family will watch your baby while you work.

And you and your husband will find time for yourselves. You could get a sitter and have a date night once a week or so. Or when the baby is sleeping (when he is older and you aren't sleep deprived) you and your hubby could have some romance/sex and reconnect.

It will all work out and will all be fine.

Breathe.

DORIANNE - posted on 01/12/2011

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Hi leah having 2 kids i understand all your worries.Looking back at the time i was pregnant i would be more calm and just enjoy pregnancy time to the full.you ll see that when baby is born most of your worries will dissapear.Most things come naturally when you re a mum.You will do fine.GOOD LUCK!!

Cassandra - posted on 01/12/2011

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My honest advice to you is that at the beginning it will seem like you have no time to spend with your husband. My daughter is about two now and we are actually expecting our 2nd child but we have found that once a month we go out on a date. Even if it is for an hour it is something that is needed. Just set a little time to the side for you and your husband so you guys can have some quiet time but if it doesnt happen do not get upset just understand that sometimes things are going to happen. Your fears will subside some once your motherly instincts kick in. You will not know everything to do but if you have a phone close by and someone who has children call them family or not. They will understand. When you are a new mom everything worries you. I cannot tell you how many times I freaked out in the beginning. As for your friends they do not understand what you are going through and maybe one day they will be able to experience it. I would say look into play groups and what not on base because they have plenty of mother groups and you will make plenty of friends with children because I am sure that on base there are many mothers that have children and are facing many of the same challenges it will help. Good luck!

Crystal - posted on 01/12/2011

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my son is 14 months old and when i had him i had all the same thoughts. . first off your child will love you he knows your voice and he knows your mommy you carried him to term. You'll have an instant bond you dnt think is real when you have him and you'll love him as much as he loves you. On the work front go over your xpenses with your husband and see if you can afford to not go back to work becasue it will be hard to go back i know! But if you can take a year off you wont regret it you can always go back to work later if needed. Diapers are on what you prefer depends on the baby too.. . you could try either or but with my son i didnt end up using them but you can save money by using cloth diapers. You and your husband r going to lose alot of alone time but not all of it. In the beginning yea your going to be more focused on getting up in the middle of the night and sleeping but as things slow down you guys will be fine. I think you'll be more concerned with sleep more than anything. lol And do what you think is right in your heart your motherly instints will kick in i promise youll make the right chioces for you and your family. You'll do great dont get too stressed about it things tend to fall together.

Halene - posted on 01/11/2011

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I'm a 25 year old stay at home military wife... what a mouthful!

Okay... first of all... CALM DOWN! Stress is not good for you OR the baby :) Take a deep breath. I was the same... military wife, first child, having a boy, husband off flying to BFE... So, I understand. Fortunately for me family was around; so, that is the unfortunate part for you. Luckily you are in the MILITARY, make friends with the wives... argh... they can be something else I understand as well :) If you can go on skype and talk to family that way... it's cheap and doesn't cost you anything except internet costs and a possible webcam, if a camera is not built into your computer.

So, what if you make the wrong decision. Well, that is the thing about motherhood, it is the hardest job in the world, I'm not going to sugar coat it for you. There is no guide to raising children. It is trial and error. I would read books on montesorri and get ideas from her... she was great! Get advice from people who have kids. Get involved with church, they seem to like people with children I have noticed.

Cloth or disposable... well, disposable is more easy, cloth can get a little messy, if you know what I mean... so double up the cloth if you are doing cloth! My mother did it with me and my siblings... and she didn't seem to mind... but, these days, people don't like the mess. It's about convenience, or protection. Cloth is the protected side, but messy. Disposable is about convenience and helping the smell of what comes out of your baby's butt :)

Well, going back to work: when, why, for how long, can I get a job or can I get my job back even! I worked for the USDA when I got pregnant up until the day I gave birth. Now, I regret quitting and would LIKE to go back. My son is 13 months old. It really depends on a few things: if you can afford to stay home, if you want to stay home, if you can get your job back, and do you want more kids? The last question is going to be addressed... so, if you don't want anymore kids... then stay home... you may not get the chance to see your son grow up... and it is AMAZING to see the day to day changes of your child.

You and your husband time... well, let's say that during the day it is you and baby time. Close to bedtime or after bed time for the little tike, that is YOUR GUYS' TIME... that is for me and my husband anyway ;) Time to yourselves does matter. You need a break from the baby sometimes! If you can get away sometimes. It is good to get rid of the stress and have a date with your husband here and there.

I understand the overwhelming and stressful part... man, I would wake up 4 times a night thinking about everything! Are you up right now? Haha... Just calm down, women have been having babies for centuries... and that's how we are here now :) friends will be friends.... either they'll understand or they won't. You can't control what or how they think. So, they won't understand the child situation until they HAVE one for themselves.

Don't worry, things will look up :)

Sincerely,
Your Friend in need in CALIFORNIA

Dawn - posted on 01/11/2011

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Try cloth diapering, keep some disposables on hand. If you don't like it, no worries. There are biodegradeable diapers out there that I feel are a nice compromise. Stay at home to start if you can afford it, or go part time. You can always go back to work if you find you have to, or if you find you want to. You won't get those early days back though, so enjoy them fully. As far as time with your husband, it isn't readily available once you have a little one around. You have to make time for each other. When you know he'll be home, and baby will be asleep, make a special dinner together and talk. Watch a movie. Just spend quality time together. If you love your child, and have his best interest at heart, you will be a good mother. You are human so you will make wrong decisions every now and then. The best way to avoid that is to make well informed decisions and make ones you feel comfortable with. All the books may say something's a bad idea, and sometimes they're right. Sometimes they aren't. You'll learn to trust your own instincts. And trust me, you will be your baby's favorite person.

Shannon - posted on 01/11/2011

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as far as having questions it's totally normal so don't feel stupid. I too had concerns I was going to "damage " my kid however the fact you even question these things means you care and you will do the best you can. And thats all anyone can expect. Yes at times it's stressful and trying, and tough but the rewards of seeing your baby do new things everyday is the most rewarding of it all. My son had colic for months and would cry for 4 hrs straight everyday but at the end of each episode he would slowly stop crying and then look at me with a huge smile as if to say "im all done and Im better now." so althought the crying was stressfuk for me the little smile at the end was worth going through the endless crying. As far as making wrong decisions there's no wrong way of doing things however you will learn quickly what works best and what totally works, and different things you do will work for you and not hubby and visa versa. ( u holding the baby a certain way may work for hubby but whe u do it the baby will fuss) so u each have to find your own method and stick to it. Cloth diapering is work and takes committment if you dont have the time then stick to disposables. Your heart will tell you if you should stay home or if you will do good with a break from baby a few hrs a day. as far as tiem to yourselves it will be natural for you to include baby in everything you do, and even if you do have time to yourself u will be so used to having baby around itll be weird to have alone time with hubby. once baby is a little older and more capable of sleeping longer, or playing independantly that;ll be when you will value the alone time and then itll be something you look forward to. The people you know and call ffriends really need to validate your concerns and support you in a better way. I think these blogs are really useful and can help u connect to some moms who really know what its like and what its all about. All I have to say is that everything you do will be just right because you are doing it out of love, and the fact you care is the first step. Once baby comes the worries will go out the window, just cherish each day, and document it ALL because it all goes by sooooo fast. I remember my son (born 5wks early) in his little incubator and me wondering if he'll ever get to come home and now he just turned two and is asking me to come sit with him and play with his cars! Amazing!!!!!n Good luck and I wish you well (get as much sleep now cuz it;ll never be the same) and cook a bunch of meals and freeze them cuz u;ll never have time to make a wonderful home cooked meal and eat it hot for at least ther first yr)

Shelby - posted on 01/11/2011

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Since you're worried it means you care and therefore will be a good Mom :) I am 21 and my daughter is 3 months now so it was really scary going into this so young and with my boyfriend with whom I had only been with for just over a year. It's all worth it and amazing :) The best advice I can give you is to not worry because your little one won't know if you do anything wrong! So you use a cloth diaper one day and a disposable the next.. he will never know. So you go to work then realize you want to be home. No big deal! There's a way to do everything. My Fiance works LONG hours and that sucks but its what we need right now and it's amazing to be here with my Daughter all day long. Just do what's right for you.

Good luck! Even though once you're a Mom you don't need luck because you'll have your instinct and intuition :)

Jody - posted on 01/11/2011

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Honey, I was the same way!!! Prob. WORSE....LOL! I was only 21 when I had my baby boy! So you can imagine that one! Trust me when I say this, ok. You know how you hear everyone say that it will all come naturally to you, well most of it actually does! And trust me that baby will LOVE YOU! And you won't make the wrong decision! Just go with your heart! That's all it takes. I will give you one CRITICAL piece of advice tho. SLEEP WHEN YOUR BABY NAPS OR SLEEPS! You are gonna be EXHAUSTED! So get as much naps/sleep as you can! Don't go and think ok, I have to get this done and this and this....STOP! You will need energy to do anything, so get your rest! Another thing, I thought the same thing about should I use cloth diapers or disposable ones....... I have used dispoable ones since I started! Those are the best kinds to use, I think anyways. Cuz, you don't have to worry about keeping them clean or anything like that, you can just change and go. And yes, you and your husband will have time to urselves still. Not as much as b4, but you will have time, and yes it matters, cuz you still need time with your husband. I stayed home after I had Gavin, cuz I wanted to be there through everything, but now and then, I go out on my own like out with friends or to eat or shopping or something like that. But it is totally up to you. But I would suggest staying home since your husband is in the millitary. But like I said that is up to you. Also, make some new friends with kids or something like that close by, that way you can have someone there who went through the same things and can give you some advice. And remember too, that all of us Mom's are still here to help you on here as much as we can! But you are gonna be ok. I PROMISE! It will change your life entirely, but TRUST me, it is totally worth every second! My son is about to be 2 years old now, and I still love every second, even though he is in those TERRIBLE TWOS ALREADY.....AAAHHHHHH!.........LOL. I believe it or not, I still can't believe I am a Mommy! LOL. It really is worth it! Sometimes it may feel like OMG, I don't know if I can handle this or if I can do this anymore or something like that, but you will get through it, and it will make you so much stronger! And all the emotions you are feeling is totally normal! I don't personally know you, but I can tell you this just by your concerns and emotions you showed in your paragraph, that you are gonna be an EXCELLENT Mom! Good Luck with your Labor, and GO WITH THE EPIDURAL...LOL. If you need me or got a question you want to ask me personally just click on my pic. and message me. TTYL. Hope this was helpful.

Anastasia - posted on 01/11/2011

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Welcom to motherhood! It is a constant worry-fest! I am a military wife as well. My kids, my husband, and I have become tight knit and reliable on each other because we have no family around. It can be hard not having family around, but it really does help you to be stronger and more independent. You will do wonderfully as a mom, after all you have already started acting like one...constantly worrying! Guilt and worry are parts of parenting, no matter how old your children are. Good luck!

Tammika - posted on 01/11/2011

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What u are feeling is perfectly normal. This is going to be the biggest change you've ever made...and it's permanent. I was reading somewhere that people who worry the most about how they will do as a new parent often become the best parents. When I had my first, it was a little hard adjusting at first but I soon came to realize that God made this person for me to take care of because He knew I could do it. And you can too. Before you know it your baby will fit in as if he has always been there. You'll do great, try not to worry so much.

Shaylee - posted on 01/11/2011

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I am a mother of 2 beautiful boys. I felt the exact way when I had my first. But it will all come naturally. I tend to think (and have seen with some of my close friends go through it) that the more you stress and think too far into thing as far as being a mother goes, the more things tend to go wrong. Just have fun and take each day as it comes.
Time is defiantly a major factor in a lot of stressed mother... have a set routine so that you know what you have time for during the day. I was introduced to a book "The New Contented Little Baby Book" written by Gina Ford. Her Routine is a life saver. Had my kids sleeping through the night within 2 weeks.
When it comes to spending time with hubby, just remember... there is always time. A lot of mothers make the mistake of forgetting about their relationship or marriage when they have a baby. Have date night either once a week, fortnight or month. Spend that little bit of quality time with one another. If my Aunty and Uncle can do it with 4 kids... ANYONE CAN DO IT!!!
The core of your family is you and hubby... so if you and hubby aren't right, then it'll take affect on your family then your family won't be right...

Shelina - posted on 01/11/2011

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we all feel that way with our first i was 19 and still in schol with my oldest just relax and injoy ur new jouny in life and things will work out and u always have friends here

Dara - posted on 01/11/2011

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My two girls are fighting so I don't have time to read the three page thread on this. But believe you me, we as mother's are capable of much more than we think. It will all fall together. Most decisions you make concerning your little one are not permanent and if it doesn't work one way there is always multiple other ways to try and do things. Your baby will LOVE you! Just keep your head up and stay positive. Check out the Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy/Or everthing your Dr won't tell you, it's one book and it's great. It was given to me when I was pregnant with my first. Good luck to you!

Aime - posted on 01/11/2011

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The best advice anyone ever gave me, was that there is no such thing as the perfect mother. You WILL make mistakes. But you will learn from those mistakes. Honestly, no one is ever truly "prepared" to become a parent. If we all waited until we were really prepared we'd never have children! It is the most amazing, and the most emotional journey you can possibly embark upon. But it is the most fullfilling. You will cry, you will laugh, you will get frustrated, you will become a walking zombie. You may find yourself staring at your sleeping husband one night while you're awake with a crying baby and just lose it completely and wake him up just because! You WILL do fine! And you will do what's best for your baby from the day you give birth to him. It's frightening becoming a parent, but once you get him in your arms for the very first time, all those fears will be out the door. Until the day comes to come home of course lol. You may have mixed emotions when the day comes, fear and excitement, but after a few days it settles down and you will get the hang of it. And someday you'll look back and laugh! “Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” -Elizabeth Stone

Good luck to you, and enjoy your baby!!!!

Lorena - posted on 01/11/2011

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First of all just remember to take a deep breath!! You will do fine, and just know that having concerns is a part of the process!!! My advice to you is to just relax and take each day as it comes. Some will be full of questions and second guissing....but the other days you'll see you're a natural. It's hard to explain it, but once that little one is in your life you will automatically bond with the baby and know exactly what to do!!! It's a learning process and you will do just fine!!!

Sandy - posted on 01/11/2011

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Try to stop worrying so much, we all went through it. For awhile until your little one is sleeping all night all you will want to do is sleep, you will be woke up like clock work. I know what you mean when you say you don't have family near by, all of my family lives south of the state and I live north. My husband is a truck driver and we have three kids, so yeah I have most of the work on myself. Everything will be fine, your baby will love you. Just wait until you hold him for the first time, you will never forget it.

Gail - posted on 01/11/2011

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relax honey. but you have every right to be scared.. i def was. once i did have my daughter it came naturally and i am sure you will feel the same. only thing i do regrett is being so stressed out before i had her.. much like yu are.. that i did not enjoy every moment of being pregnent.. so take a deap breath lie down with your feet up and relax. we are women and once you go through labor you eill realize we can do anything!!! good luck to you and your new family and hopefully we will see apic of jaimison.. oh and he will love you to death. he hears you every day. i always talked to my daughterbefore birth and when she came out she looked into my eyes and competely relaxed with me it was beautiful!!! you will be amazing leah!!!

Chelsea - posted on 01/11/2011

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Don't stress, u will be a great mother n ofcourse ur baby will love u. I went tho a perfect precgnancy but wint thru hell with my girl's dad. U can do this. Just remember that NOONE knows ur baby better that u n ur partner. Just follow ur head, u do know wot to do.

Andrea - posted on 01/11/2011

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trust your instincts - they are generally right! dont plan too much, each child is different and when you meet your child you will know what is best, i origionally planned so much from a natual birth to towelling nappies to going back to work, and i landed up with a c section, disposibles and now working from home and loveing it! take things as they come and dont take too much advise, it can be confusing, do what works for you and what fits in with your family lifestyle! dont stress, enjoy your last 10 weeks! wishing you and your husband a fun journey ahead! have fun - it shouldnt feel like a chore!!

Sarah - posted on 01/10/2011

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Okay take a deep breath! Now relax you will be fine. I have 2 babies now but my first was very scary, that is natural. Whatever you decide to do is the right decision. Every baby is different and only their parents truly know what that child really needs. You will figure things out as they come and tackle them that way. Take each thing as it comes or you will overwhelm yourself and have a harder time.Your baby will love you and you will love your baby. You and your husband can have dates once you are comfortable with a sitter watching the baby for a few hours. But you will slowly see that you don't need that much time to yourselves. You will enjoy family time. Everything will come in waves. Needing time or not as the baby grows. You will do fine so enjoy every moment it goes by fast :)

Monique - posted on 01/10/2011

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sleep when your baby sleeps and dont be scared to ask and take help when you need it. honestly u will want to be up and about showing off you little one... just sleep!! and get as much as you can

Brandi - posted on 01/10/2011

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Having a baby can be a really scary thing but just know that you are not alone and that things will be ok. Sometimes will be more stressful than others but if you want to be a good mother and you do all you can for your child you will be. You are a comfort to that sweet bundle.. he/she knows your voice, smell and touch and will have a special bond with you so yes your baby will love you, thats for sure. As for work, diapering and any other issue just try what you've planned and if it does not feel right or you get to overwhelmed then try something new and NEVER feel like you've failed your baby or yourself for not sticking to a plan because plans change. You just need to figure out what works for your family and stick with that.

Congratulations and Good Luck :)

Sarah - posted on 01/10/2011

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haveing a baby is overwellming and scary but the best thing to do is just take it one day at a time and do what u think feels right at the time

Tia - posted on 01/10/2011

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im 22 years old with a almost 15 month old daughter. i was the same way u were but once she was out everything came into place. u know what u should once it comes down to it, just gotta have a little faith in yourself.
you wont make a wrong choice because every choice is a choice you will have thought through im sure. you will be a good mother, most mothers are :)! Jamison im assuming is your baby, well if so, im sure Jamison will love his momma n dadda :) they feel a bond with you already being in your belly for so long hearin your voice :)
I use disposables. i only use cloth when i really need to, theyre always good to have as a back-up. my daughter doesnt really fit in them properly there for i dont like them.
i stay home, i think its good to stay home for the begginin at least but ull know when u should go back to work :) financially you will find out if you really need to.
Time alone....hmmm lol well for me the first couple months were kinda hard and easy at the same time since she slept alot, now on the other hand oh boy lol she walks everywhere n gets into everythin so its harder for alone time but im sure u will find time to put in.
hope this helped :) from momma to momma

Abbey - posted on 01/10/2011

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All I have to say is chill out! When I was expecting as a young mum at 18 I was living at my parents with no space hardly room to move and with a bloke 10years older than me that I'd been with for 3months and I wasn't even sure how I felt about him,No job an no clue about babies! I had server postnatal depression with my son but now I've got my own place, have been with my boyfriend (same bloke) for 3 years, start a new job on Thursday an have a nursery for my son to go in and don't think there's a word to describe how much I love him!!! Seriously chill out, everything will fall into place, when u feel ready to go back work, go...doesn't matter what nappies u use people used to use newspapers for gods sake and there's never a friend far away nance why u joined circle of moms, we have all been through ir are going through everything u are so....talk to us!!!
Much love abbey and Lucas x

Paula - posted on 01/10/2011

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everything will be ok. just try and relax. i was the same way when my son was born. being worried already is a sign you are on your way to being a great mom. as far as time with your husband goes, i always tried to catch a few minutes when my son slept. trust your instincts. also, if you need further advice you can feel free to message me. my email is paulawood33@yahoo.com if you feel you need to talk, i will try to help in any way possible.

Heather - posted on 01/10/2011

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Be Prepared to mess up your kid's life, get peed on, forget the hospital bag, find out cloth diapers are alot of work, find out that time for you and your husband only comes when you agree to let someone else babysit, forgetting what sleep really feels like... I am nearing the end of my mat leave and I can totally relate. Do I go back to work? Who would I trust with my only child? Once you go full force into motherhood and your little bundle of joy comes shooting out a place where you never thought things could come from... the world will sort itself out. Just breathe. The journey awaits you in the mess and how you deal with it as you go :)
p.s. my husband still doesn't get the honey you have to point it down thing :) And we do have together time, it's perfectly okay to leave your bundle of joy with your parents after they pass the police clearance. :) Just breathe.

Tara - posted on 01/10/2011

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Oh..I forgot. As for the time you and your husband get to spend together: you will make time. Whether it's a quiet night together after the baby has gone to bed or making dinner together or even something has little has folding laundry together and getting to talk about your day. While your baby is little, time together is actually easier. It's when they reach the separation anxiety stage, that it becomes a bit more difficult.
We have a 7 year old and a 5 year old, but we also have a baby due in July...so we're still able to find time for each other ;-) You just have to find more creative ways and times for your alone time.

But it will be okay :)

Tara - posted on 01/10/2011

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All of your fears and questions are normal. The honest truth: you won't make the right choice every time, but you will never make a choice that will really harm your child. That's all part of the learning process. No parent is perfect..we can only hope to do our very best for our children. When you aren't sure of your decisions, just ask yourself if YOU think it's the best decision? If the answer is yes, then that's what is important. No one can tell you exactly what to do because each baby is different and each experience is different (our first child, our daughter who actually turned 7 today, was a preemie..no one we knew, had even had that experience..so we had to learn on our own). But take each bit of advice and every opinion and decide what you want to use or just keep in the back of your mind for later.

As for cloth or disposable diapers, try the cloth and see if it works for you, but keep some disposables on hand. If it doesn't work for you, then switch to disposables (that way you at least know you tried what you had been considering..trying never hurts). We are expecting our 3rd this July and I really want to try cloth because it will save us a ton of money, but if it doesn't work, I will make sure I have disposables on hand (and I will feel better knowing I tried). Me going back to work after this baby is born, is also something we are having to wonder about. It would be better for me to stay home, but as the baby gets closer to arriving, we will have to determine our financial situation at that point. If you aren't sure, see how you guys do while you are off after the baby is born. Or see if part time is an option, if you are concerned about money.

Sorry for making this so long. What you are feeling, is extremely normal and every first time mom/dad has gone through it. But once your little one arrives, things will fall into place. You won't have time to worry about what decisions you may make because you will just make them..it will come naturally for the most part. And if you are ever really concerned...doctors are just a phone call away (trust me..they expect first time moms to call a lot).

Good luck to you :)

Vanessa Nathalie - posted on 01/10/2011

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dear leah
i can understand from were ur coming from with all this.. but im gonne take a couple of minute and give some advice. im at my 3 child and when the firts one came i can tell u i was more nervous then anything else.. bringin home a new firts baby can be alot of stress specialy deciding what kind of diappers to buy or if to buy diapper you must wash.. firtly let me tell u has parents nobody is perfect.. we all make mistake and no one is to hold it back on us with dont come with manuel into how to be a parent..we learn with experience..now daycare is always something good for the child at a good age like 1 years cause there mostly vacinated so there if no scared.. and going back to work will keep you from doing the exact same things everyday..u will have a routine but it will be good and even if you dont work ( in your schedual one day you off) you can make time for urself or ur husband ...now when it come to spendin time with ur husband i think u should teach ur child that there is mommy time with baby and there is daddy time with mommy.. cause if u attach to much the child to always being on you the time will never come.. and this doesnt make us bad or terrible parent.. it just shows whos boss..so i hope my advice can be of some help for you and may God keep your husband safe..
take good care
vanessa

Lorraine - posted on 01/09/2011

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I completely understand what you are going through. Being a military wife myself, I was over whelmed with stressed about everything. My family was states away and could not come see me or my beautiful belly. I didn't know if I was going to be able to work or not and so on. Just don't worry so much about the wrong decision because the one you make is the one you felt at the time was the best. The best part of life is that we get to test the whole concept of trial and error! You can find out what is best for you by testing it out! Oh and that little baby of yours will love you beyond belief!! How about for diapers buy some disposables and see how much your little one goes through. See if you would have the time to be constantly washing those and if your awake enough to even do so. For staying home, see how your funds do with the time alloted by your current employer and see how things go. Most bases offer a class that is called Budgeting for baby. They help you calculate all expenses and at the end they give you a ton of baby stuff! I got a huge box! There is also a visiting nurse program depending on the base your located near to. They will actually come to your home and see you and the baby. Check weight and even give help on breastfeeding if your thinking about that as well. Another thing is the Fleet and Family Center (that's what it's called for the Navy, don't know about the other branches), they also come to your home and help with different aspects of raising a child and it's another person you can air your concerns to. They would be able to steer you in whatever direction you need if you need help.

Of course in the beginning, you and your hubby will not have time to yourselves but the more time your family has to get situated you can make time! Let me know if you need any help with advice or maybe anythings that the military offers and your not aware of. Just remember that all of us go through those stresses and be ready for lots more!

Callie - posted on 01/09/2011

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Leah, like everyone else said those fear are totally normal. My husband is AF and we moved when I was 3 months pregnant. I bet your husband works with at least 1 person who has a baby (or is due) that will be close in age to your baby. Maybe you can get him to introduce you to the other mommies. Have a little work party for the families (that's how I met a few mommies here- our husbands work in the same shop). Also our base has a playgroup that meets 2x a day 7 days a week for ages 0-5. If you contact AFRG they should be able to tell you about any programs for children on base. Our base library also does stuff too but its usually for older kids. Our base (McConnell Wichita,KS) doesn't have a hospital so my experience is with a civi hospital but where I delivered they had a (free) program for new mommies that met 1x a week so you could get advice (from a nurse) and socialize with other new moms. MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) is another moms group. It's a christian based organization that meets 1x a week and I believe all chapters provide free on site childcare during the meeting. They have speakers and do craft stuff. You can look them up online. Good Luck you'll do great. It's an adventure! Just think all your single friends will be asking you for advice when they get pregnant. Let me know if you there is anything I can help you with.

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