3 year old pacifier troubles!!!!! =(

Shannon - posted on 09/01/2009 ( 23 moms have responded )

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My daughter is 3 years old and still wants her pacifier at night time when she goes to sleep. Last night was the first night she didn't have one. She went to sleep just fine, but woke up many times throughout the night crying for it and then woke up at 6:45 this morning and said she couldn't go back to sleep because she wanted her pacifier. My husband and I made an agreement awhile back that we wouldn't take her pacifier away from her until she no longer wanted it. We feel like it is the same as a child wanting a specific toy or blanket because it comforts them. I have always been told not to take away comforting toys, blankets, etc because it can be psychologically damaging to a child. I am not sure what to do here. I get a lot of comments made to me from family members that she is too old to be sucking on a pacifier, but I am torn as to whether or not I want to start the process of weaning her off the pacifier. My Mom said that I had a pacifier when I was her age and I eventually just gave it up on my own. Any thoughts?

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Melissa - posted on 09/03/2009

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My daughter was 3 when we tackled the whole pacifier thing. My dentist gave me the idea...He told me to take her pacifiers and snip off just the end. It gives it a different feel. If she still wants it after that then every few days you snip off a little more. He told me that one of his girls kept hers until it was just the handle. I have to say, it worked like a charm for my daughter. She was mad at first but it didn't last long and after a few days she didn't want anything to do with it.

Casey - posted on 09/02/2009

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Quoting Jamie:

No casey I dont know about every child but do know that a child at 4 yrs old unless mental disabled is fully capable of self soothing


Wow. just wow.  I was just trying to put across my view of dummies and my own personal beliefs as you did.  Wow. what a nasty thing to imply. I am intitled to raise my child as i see fit, and was just trying to share my experiences about my own daughters attachment. As to help the mother who asked to make her own decision. I am speechless. Please don't reply to me. I really don't want to hear it.

Ashleigh - posted on 09/04/2009

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If you really are set on taking away your going to have a couple of bad nights. My son is two and his teeth show signs of pacy for sure,but thats the least of my problems we have been pacy free for two and half months now! We had our share of rough nights for sure and still have the ocasional, but its one less thing we have to worry about now! I felt really bad the whole time if that makes your feel better!

Stefanie - posted on 09/04/2009

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First, you are NOT damaging her teeth. If you read actual studies there is no damage from proper pacifier use until AFTER the permanent teeth start coming in (5-7 years old). It is only when children have them ALL day for YEARS that damage starts to occur and speech is inhibited. So don't worry about that.

My oldest had her binkie until she was 3 yo as well. When she was 3 she fell asleep one night without it (she forgot to ask for it and we forgot to give it to her) and that is when we realized that she didn't need it anymore. She slept fine all night. The next night she asked for it and we told her that they are all gone and that she's a big girl now. She's now 4 and still remembers her binkie and thinks that it is extremely important that her new baby sister has hers (lol) b/c she remembers how comforting it was for her.

If she's not ready yet then give it to her at night and try again in a few months. Eventually she'll sleep well without it.

[deleted account]

you know what. Your not damaging her teeth at all, i saw that in one post and ...>.< no. lol half the time kids these days get braces either way so i don't see the point.



I think its kinda cruel to take away something that gives them comfort that isn't a big deal if she has it. So what if she has a pacifier? sure it might not look that great that a three year old suckin on one..but.....if it gives her comfort. I...i don't see the problem. It's not like shes gunna go into highschool and take it to a sleep over or to college.

but i mean..if she does. i...don't see the issue. Ofcourse I still sleep with my baby blanket lol and my husband still has his.



Anyways, though i do understand the pressure to get rid of that certain thing ...and force em to learn to cope on their own ..ect ect.



My husband's mom had the same issues with my husband and she took him to toys r us and let him pick out whatever toy he wanted. Didn't matter about the price(he was four..so it wasn't like he was after a 200-500 dollar toy)



anyways she before hand paid for the toy he wanted and then told the lady to ask Adam, for the three pacifiers and thats what the toy cost.

So he reallllllly wanted the toy he got, i forget what it was. but he handed her his pacifiers and took his toy and went on about it. Apparently he asked for his pacifiers later and his mom just said, "Remember, You paid for your toy with them...so maybe you should just go play with your toy instead?". He was alright afterwards about that and just went about his business and never mentioned it again.



However, i still say. let her have the damned things lol Buuuut...i mean we all have to choose what we think is best for our child..and I think its awesome that your really concerned about her comfort and all of that.

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LISA - posted on 09/04/2009

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my sister said she cut the tip off and then slowly started trimming mor and more off then it was done no more passy

[deleted account]

annnd it cut off half of what i said at the bottem.

basically i just said, good luck with what ever route you take ^.^

Stefanie - posted on 09/04/2009

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You need to do what is best for you and your child. My daughter was a binkie baby who moved onto thumb sucking and weaned herself on her own. Somethings that were suggested may work. I had a friend in the same situation and they had a discussion about the pacifier and tied it to a balloon and then her daughter got to let the balloon go into the air. I would maybe suggest a rewards system for every night she doesn't use it. That seems to work in our house for things like potty training, baths, teeth brushing etc. We use a calendar with her favorite character and put stickers on it. You can also take her to the store to pick out a new thing to help her have comfort or something to soothe her like a new soft blanket, stuffed animal or like a glow worm. Good luck with this and don't think that something is wrong because your daughter still wants the security of the pacifier. You're a great mom!!

Ema - posted on 09/04/2009

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have you tried saying santa needs it for another child? it's an odd suggestion but i know a few people have used it and it works

Amanda - posted on 09/04/2009

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I hope this doesn't come across as mean, but don't you think you need to limit dependancy in your child? I always thought of my job as being to make my kids independant enough so they learn to do for themselves. I know that as a mom it's hard to make the push your kids need out of the nest, but you still have to if they're every going to fly and survive.

When you let the binky habit go on too long it kind of sends the message that her strength lies in outside influences. I'm sure she will get along just fine without her binky, even if she complains for a week. Ultimately, she's really dependant on her parents right?

Of course, kids have different stages at different ages, but it's up to you to teach her how to monitor her urges. Good luck!

Melissa - posted on 09/04/2009

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im am the QUEEN of breaking children of things...bottles, pacifiers, (my sons potty training went VERY well, ill let you know about my daughters lol) recently sippy cups. my daughter LOVED her "sucky" and it will only be damaging for a few days until shes use to it. its more damaging to the parent(s) that have to do it to her. do whatever you have to do, cut the nipples off them, throw them in the trash. key is not to have any in the house that you can cave and give to her. it WILL take a few nights but shell get use to it :) plus pacifiers really arent that good for someones mouth to suck on them for so long...something about the way the roof of the mouth forms. good luck, i hope it goes well :)

Beth - posted on 09/02/2009

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I had the same problem. My oldest child loved her pacifier. She would scream and pull her hair out when I would try to take it away so finally I just gave up. I tried the binki fairy (twice) which never worked out. So the night before her 3 year check up I told her that she had to get all her pacifiers and give them to the doctor because the rules are that when kids are 3 they can't have their binki any more. That way it was the doctor's rules. I also let her doctor know what was going on before we arrived. I had my daughter hand the bag of pacifiers to the doctor who went along with the whole thing. My daughter never asked for it again and slept just fine. This was the only thing that worked for me. At that age they really want to please people and follow rules so saying that it was the doctor's rules worked for me. Good luck, I know how hard this can be.

Jamie - posted on 09/02/2009

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This is why I never used pacifiers. I was able to sooth my child without one. And even if I did I would take them away at the age of one or so. I can't stand seeing a child who is at preschool age walking around with a pacifier in their mouth. I beleive they are an easy out for a parent that doesn't want to take the time to do what needs to be done, its easier for most people to shove a pacifier in their babies mouth to make them stop crying or to make them go to sleep. Just my opinion though.

Erica - posted on 09/01/2009

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all we did was cut it , cut a little bit off the tip then a week or so later cut a little bit more off , trust me we did this and as soon as the first cut was done it lost the suction to it, and after about a week he didnt ask for it nore if he saw it want it and that was it no fighting or anything, now he still does have a security blanket that he has had since he was lik 6 months old and he is now 3 but i said i would let him keep that but def not the pacifier

Kylie - posted on 09/01/2009

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wow, seems a little heated in here...please let us remember we're trying to give advice to help not scare the lady into doing things our way ,...which ever way that is.
Hello Shannon,
3 of my 4 kids had dummies each child was different and came off when they were ready ..my oldest son was the hardest and he gave it up because i made him at 2 and a half ..the reason i made him do this apart from his teeth was because of a night he would scream for it and i mean scream it was becoming more then a soothing aide and i was worried that it would become the ONLY way he could sleep through the night as he would go to sleep without it..Another one of my sons the youngest 21 mths just gave up his dummie in the last 3weeks..he was alot easier because i started to put him to sleep without it and then when he woke up for it i would come into his room and judge whether he really needed it or if he could sooth himself to sleep...it is hard for the first couple of nights but now he is settling down now..my advice to you is judge it if she can go to sleep without it great then slowly tell her she doesn't need it anymore and gradually get rid of it the longer you wait the more it will be a part of her routine to sleep and the harder it will get.Every child is different the same as you were different to your daughter and to everyone elses children, while there is nothing wrong with my kids teeth i always used the orthodontic and yes i have had them checked...also another way i'm not sure if this will work with dummies though is my dad got my boys to give up the bottle by getting them to get their bottle putting them on his knee having a" man to runt"talk and saying they were to big andnow nd if they wanted to do big boy things with pop they should chuck it in the bin ..their choice..and they actually did...hope that helps..

Amanda - posted on 09/01/2009

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My daughter started using a pacifier about a week after she was born and became extremely attached to it. It was her best friend and was the only thing that could settle her down for naps or bedtime. When she was two and a half my husband and I decided that it was time for her to quit using her pacifier. Her pediatrician advised us when she turned two that the sooner we take it the better. All pediatricians have their own views, but mine told me that when they turn four is about the time that a pacifier can begin to seriously influence their bite. Though not all children may experience this, I can say from first hand experience with my friend's child, (who doesn't turn four until November) that her bite is extremely altered from her binky that she still uses to this day. But back to my daughter.. though the first three nights without it were heart wrenching while I watched her mourn her nunny and I rocked her in the middle of the night, it was amazing how quickly she forgot about it. Almost immediately she began carrying a stuffed animal around and has been attached to it ever since. I would recommend taking the pacifier, but giving your child something in return to comfort her. I wish you the best of luck in this endeavor.

Jamie - posted on 09/01/2009

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No casey I dont know about every child but do know that a child at 4 yrs old unless mental disabled is fully capable of self soothing

Casey - posted on 09/01/2009

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As i said, she gave it away at four. And of course she has had her bite checked i wouldn't presume to say something that i had no factual evidence on. Besides, she didn't get all her teeth through till three years old and didn't get her first tooth till fourteen months. i have also spoken with my doctor on top of the dentist to get extra advice as i was worried about it and she told me that there was no harm in it and to let children grow up at their own pace. Also 3 and four year olds are better at self soothing, but each child is different and has different attachments to different things. I would hope that you wouldn't as presumptuous as to assume that you know the situation of every individual child and their needs when it comes to self soothing.

Kelly - posted on 09/01/2009

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I would suggest letting her have it at bedtime only.....untill she is ready to give it up...my cousin had her binky till after her 4th birthday....she put it under her pillow when she woke up and then would take it out at night before she went to sleep.... one night when she went to bed she gave it to her mom and told her that another baby that didn't have one could have it.....and she never asked for it again......she is now 14 and her teeth are fine.....just know that she will not have it forever.....

Jamie - posted on 09/01/2009

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Quoting Casey:

i have to disagree, my daughters teeth are fine. We got rid of hers just after her fourth birthday. It was her choice and she got a present for doing (see other converstations re this) it. she could either have the dummy or the present, and feel she was old enough to be talked to. As long as you limit it to bedtime only. Its a soother, a comfort, and some children are more sensitive to needing these comforters. Would you take a way your own comforters because someone else said to? Have it in your head that she wont have it when she goes to school. talk to her often about when she is a big girl and doesn't need a dummy anymore that when she goes to school she wont need her dummy anymore coz she'll be such a big girl! shes 3 not 7. leave it alone for awhile, the're only babies for so long, give them a break!



Have you seen her adult teeth? have you had her bite checked by a dentist and orthodotist? probably not, so you cant say at this point it had no affect on her teeth.



 



Second 4 yrs old is not a baby, 4 yrs old is a child. 3yrs old is a toddler. Soothers are for babies. babies who can not self soothe. a 3 and 4 yr old are capable of self soothing. If a child needs something for comfort a blanket or stuffed animal is a much better choice, and its not something you ever have to wean them off of and its not bad for thier health.

Jeanine - posted on 09/01/2009

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Hi I had the same problem my daughter had her "nummy" till she was well over 3 . It was around Christmas time . We tried saying to her we were going to leave her nummy out for Santa to take with him to a baby that didn't have one ... she liked that idea lol . It takes a week or so but they get used to sleeping without it .. If nothings working just do what u feel is best for your child . Just let it only be a bed time thing so she will get used to going all day without it . That would be my advice . Good luck

Casey - posted on 09/01/2009

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i have to disagree, my daughters teeth are fine. We got rid of hers just after her fourth birthday. It was her choice and she got a present for doing (see other converstations re this) it. she could either have the dummy or the present, and feel she was old enough to be talked to. As long as you limit it to bedtime only. Its a soother, a comfort, and some children are more sensitive to needing these comforters. Would you take a way your own comforters because someone else said to? Have it in your head that she wont have it when she goes to school. talk to her often about when she is a big girl and doesn't need a dummy anymore that when she goes to school she wont need her dummy anymore coz she'll be such a big girl! shes 3 not 7. leave it alone for awhile, the're only babies for so long, give them a break!

Jamie - posted on 09/01/2009

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2 words trash can. You are still treating this child as a baby. She does not need a pacifier. Your damaging her teeth by allowing it even if it is only at bedtime. Trade it in for a special blanket or stuffed animal. She has proven she is capable of falling asleep without it, so she can self soothe which is the main purpose of pacifiers.

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