9 week old baby will only be good in our arms!!!

Lizzie - posted on 11/05/2008 ( 33 moms have responded )

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My daughter is 9 weeks old and only loves to be held. The second I put her down she cries!!! I really want her to sleep in her crib day and night but she hates it!!! During the day she loves to be held also....What can i do, can anyone please help me. Also for anyother moms who have fussy babies get a pilates ball ( those big blue ones) and bounce on it with her in your arms! It saved my life and I'm out 24-7!!!

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Samantha - posted on 11/11/2008

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My daughter did this to and it took my husband and me alot to figure something out but we did so don't worry. My daughter hated her crib and only wanted to be in our arms all the time.I ended up calling a programe here in my town to find out what I could do it turned out some babies are scared of their crib because it's very open not like their mothers womb so try to find a smaller place for your daughter. We have a really nice graco stroller for newborns all the way up and it's very comfortable so one day we desided to try her in it for a nap and have a blanket rapped around her to, it worked she slept so well because of the high wall of the stroller made her feel comfortable again. I know it may sound silly but at first bring her stroller into the room with you put it right next to the bed for the first little bit and let her sleep that way. Then when she's gotten comfortable with that there are these new sleeping mats/beds their not very big just a bit longer then a change mat, they go right into your bed or anywhere else it has walls to it as well but not as high as the stroller of course which is good cause then your introducing her to more open space bit by bit, use that for a little bit untill again she is comfortable with it then one day put her in it and in her crib eventually she should get use to it. It's alot of work but the pay off is great, lol. Well best of luck with your little one

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Dawn - posted on 11/11/2008

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my 5 month old was the same way when he was an infant. he wouldn't sleep by himself either. so to get some sleep i just put him on the couch with me and kinda sleep sitting up so i wouldn't drop him. he would sleep for longer stretches that way. but be careful not to do this for long or she will want it for years. slowly I started putting him in his crib and now he will sleep by himself. as far as not being able to put her down during the day i recomend a snuggly or a sling for bigger babies. just tuck her in and your free to get stuff done!! once my son was old enough for the johnny jump up and the exer saucer he stopped being so fussy because he has something fun to do. hang in there it won't last forever. just enjoy it...my 3 year old won't snuggle anymore:(

Barbara - posted on 11/08/2008

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That being said, (meaning what Molli said,) keep in mind that the majority of the world would never leave a baby to sleep alone. There are accidents that can happen in a crib, too.

Molli Mullen - posted on 11/08/2008

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Hi,



I understand that there are many different theories on raising children. However I have been reading a lot of posts about parents sleeping with their infants. As a former child protective services social worker, and an individual who is married to a pediatrician who specializes in child abuse i must caution that we have seenmany instances of infant deaths related to co-sleeping. The American Academy of Pediatrics does NOT recomend this practice, they recomend a seperate bassinette for the infant next to the parents bed for the first 6 months. My husband and I have both been involved with many cases where parents have rolled over and smothered their children during sleep, and drugs and/or alcohol were not a factor. While I respect that each parent will make their own decisions when it comes to child rearing, I encourage every parent to speak to their pediatrician about safe sleeping habits, including what is appropriate to have and not to have in the crib with the infant. Placing items such as blankets, stuffed animals, pillows etc in the crib can be extrememly dangerous. I wish you the best of luck Lizzie.

Shannon - posted on 11/07/2008

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My son never slept in a crib. When he got old enough to sleep on his own, all I did was go lay with him when he went to sleep and when he got up I'd walk him back to bed. Eventually he learned that if he needed us we were still there and that it was alright to sleep on his own. Plus, if you breast feed, it sure helps you get some much needed sleep too! I know I gave a few suggestions about smell earlier, but it is really up to you and what you think is best for yoru daughter as well as for you. My daugher is almost 2 and she still sleeps with us. She did use a crib for the first couple of months, but then she didn't like it anymore. I think my kids slept better and I know I did!

Ashley - posted on 11/07/2008

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I want to comment to Lizzie about baby sleeping in bed with you. I think it's perfectly normal to have them sleep with u if that's how they will sleep. My son never slept in his crib until he was about 9-10 months! And he'd still wake up in the middle of the night/early morn and I'd bring him in the bed with me to get him back to sleep. If you're comfortable doing it, keep doing it. Research shows they feel secure sleeping with you and it's safe as long as you havent been drinking or taking drugs. And they actually sleep better. And now my son is almost 1 and a half and he sleeps just fine on his own in his crib for naps and in there as soon as he falls asleep at night. If he wakes up in the middle of the night, I will bring him in my bed because I want him to know he can come in there whenever. Plus, he's still teething and I think it helps him with sleeping being close to us when he's in pain because I don't like to give medicine unless absolutely necessary. Hope this helps.

--Ash

Trina - posted on 11/07/2008

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i agree with lots that has been said. you can't spoil a 9 week old. sweet little thing! but i understand you gotta get some you time. something that helped when my daughter included putting her on the floor with a baby board book, you know they black white and red ones? i would get her fixed on that, and that gave me, if only a few, minutes to myself to do whatever it was that i needed to get done. she will grow up and she will be doing all those independent things waaay too soon, so enjoy the cuddliness of your litte one, but dont make yourself crazy. good luck!

[deleted account]

Hold her if you can, when she gets bigger use the Hip Hugger it's AWESOME! But if you're at home put her down. She'll realize your the boss sooner or later.

She needs to know she can be okay by herself.

You need a break sometime!

Jenni - posted on 11/07/2008

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That is ridiculous to say that Lizzie spoiled her 9 week old baby. She is nine weeks old! I had all kinds of sleep issues with my daughter for the first six months, I tried all sorts of things (a hotsling, co-sleeping, transitioning to the crib), but I think with my daughter, she just needed to get a bit older. Now she is a fantastic sleeper. I wish you luck, because I know it is difficult to go without sleep.

Rose - posted on 11/07/2008

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Babies are creatures of habit...just be careful what habits you teach. Now that I've said that I also believe with her being soo little yet I would hold her, it's hard going from the transition in the womb to the world. Have you tried swaddeling? Try "The Happiest Baby on the Block", it's amazing and it really does work. Maybe try some of these techniques without her in your arms.



As far as night goes, don't allow her to sleep in your bed, thats a habit that is really hard to break for babies/kids...avoid it at all costs. Babies need sleep, eventually she will learn to sleep in her bed but it will be a hard frustrating process for you I am sad to say.

Crystal - posted on 11/07/2008

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Dont worry your not alone!!! My baby is 1 month an 3 weeks an i got no idea what to do with himeither. unfortunatly i dont have time to just sit there an hold him, so im afraid he does some crying but even at this young age he learns to self sooth an his crying has decreased an he spends more an more time by himself. its good for them to learn to be by themselves, it does not hurt them. I put him in his crib at night for bed an he stays in it till morning wether he likes it or not. he fusses abit but he;s well fed,an doesnt have a messy diaper he soon sleeps. In the day his naps are in the swing, He does nap in my arms sometimes when we've both had ahard day, an thats ok. It helps us both out. Manly tho, do whats best for your sanity an her health. She'll be ok no matter what.

Shannon - posted on 11/07/2008

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Do you breast feed? Sometimes putting something close to them helps. l slept with my son and daughter both beside me. With my son, I was able to get him to sleep on his own by putting something in the crib w/a bit of breast milk on it...I know it sounds gross, but I was told to try that by someone else and it worked. He stayed asleep longer too. Scent is comforting to a baby. Now, with my daughter....she's almost 20 months old and still won't sleepl on her own. She wakes up and wants me to come running. She's driving me crazy. Night time is the only time I have to get things done that I need to get done before I go to bed and she interupts every 15 min or so. As for holding her....like everyone said, she'll out grow that. At her age it isn't a big deal. When she is able to ride in a walker or crawl around, that is when you probably don't want to hold her as much, but still spend time wiht her. My son was always content as long as he could see where I was and be in the same room I was in. My daughter is content as long as someone, even her brother, is with her.

Mara - posted on 11/07/2008

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Everyone has their advice to offer, but I'm in the same boat. I've stressed over this in the beginning since our little girl, Ellia, has never been a "mellow baby". My belief is that there are some babies who are great self-soothers and others who take awhile to develop this skill. Our babies are in the latter group. For us, Ellia naps in the swing usually twice a day. We've tried to get her to nap in the bassinet or crib and she wakes up the second I lay her down. In her swing, she'll sleep at least an hour, sometimes 2.5 hours. So, for now, that's what works. She also sleeps with me at night...while I'd love for her to sleep in the crib, it's just not going to happen anytime soon. And I'm just accepting that fact and I'm happier for it. I know that eventually, as she grows and is better able to soothe herself, she will be able to sleep in the crib. But right now, we need to do what we can to comfort our babies. As others have said, they were in our bellies for 9 months and the only thing they really know that is safe and comforting is mom. I believe that when we nurture and comfort our babies as much as they need, then they will become more confident, happier, well-adjusted babies. It's not easy, but I know it will be worth all the hard work and effort! Good luck...and remember to give yourself a break once in awhile. It's so refreshing and allows you to come back and give all that more to your baby girl!

Helle - posted on 11/07/2008

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Hi Lizzie,

I have an 11m old boy and he was the same, I believe that when they are that small they can never have too much love, you want them to be secure, and not feel abandoned at this age!

Maybe try to find something that smells like you and place it between you two, the first few sleeps, and then try to put her down with the item (sweater, blanket, etc) if this doesnt work, then just keep doing what ever works.

Regarding her sleeping in your bed, what kind of cot do you have? If you have a cot with bars, you could pull her bed right next to yours, and just keep your hand on her, so she feels your warmth, not 100% comfortable, but atleast better for your husband? It will get better once they are a little older...bet you are tired of hearing that hahaha...maybe try to examine what it is you do before you put her to bed. Try to keep actions the same, bath bottle/breast, bed...helps her keep track of whats happening around her, increasing the feeling of safety.

When you put her down, is it 'cold' where you put her, maybe try to buy a heating pad and turn it on low before you put her down so its nice and cozy like being in your arms...so many ideas/options...Good luck!

Season - posted on 11/07/2008

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I went through something very similar with my youngest daughter. She had severe acid reflux, a herniated stomach caused by all the screaming, and a twisted intestine. The best advice I was given from our pediatrician (who is amazing), was to locate a snuggler blanket or wrap, and get a heart beat animal. Wrap up the child in a tight snuggle, and put them in a swing with the heart beat animal. I didn't think it would help, but if you are consistant it pays off. My daughter was broke of the having to be held 24/7 in less than a week. I started off with the heart beat animal while holding her, then 2 days later I wrapped her in the snuggle, and then 2 days later started putting her in the swing. It worked like a charm.

Kerrie - posted on 11/07/2008

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I have read in several books that it is impossible to spoil a baby under the age of 4 months. She is just more comfortable in your arms. It could be a number of things that she is reacting to when you put her down. I know its hard to get anything done now but eventually she will become more indipendant and want to explore her world on her own. Until then a baby sling or front carrier will be your life savior.

[deleted account]

You've spoiled her!!! I know it would be hard but just let her cry it out for alittle, crying never hurts a baby, its good for them from time to time, but any baby would want to held 24-7, you kinda have to train them. Let her cry it out alittle and see how she does, otherwise your going to be holding her all the time and your gonna go nuts, I did it with my oldest son.

Sarah - posted on 11/06/2008

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I think that at 9 weeks, you should not stress yet! Like everyone else said, the sling will be a lifesaver, as far as nighttime, let her sleep with you if that is the only way she will get sleep, or try a bassinet next to your bed, that way you can be touching her while she falls asleep, or if she fusses without having to get up every 30 min. Trust me, it is short term!!! Don't be worried that she will never sleep alone, but she is still so little she is trying to figure out her own little schedule and what is comfy for her. I wish you luck, just hang in there, it will get easier!

[deleted account]

I love your legwarmers in the pictures.

Do you swaddle her? Try the Swaddleme wraps. they are awesome!

To reply to a PP's recommendation of a HotSling, they are cheaply made and overpriced. They have about $10 (retail) worth of material and about 10 minutes of work put into them, if made by hand, and I'm betting they are slapped together on a machine. They are pretty on the outside, but your baby is up against the "wrong side" of the fabric on the inside, so that's not very pretty.

I feel a sling is essential for every mom, especially those with "high maintenance" babies like yours sounds to be.

Here's my standard input on baby carriers, copied straight from another post on here.

first off, before you buy a Snugli or a Bjorn, read this: www.continuum-concept.org/reading/spinal...

with that in mind, if you still want something like a Bjorn, but safe, try the Ergo (you'll have to google it) baby carrier.

However, I prefer Pouch slings. I prefer them so much that I can't imagine life without mine and needed pockets and stuff on one but couldn't find the right design, so I made my own and now I sell them at www.dreamslingshop.com

My kids are 14 months apart, so similar (but closer) to your spacing. I can still carry my 2 y/o in it if I have to, but usually just put my 15 mo/old in it. Both of my kids have loved the slings their whole lives. You can see pics of kids of all sizes happily in DreamSlings on my website.

you also might consider joining the community "Baby wearers" on here to pick the brains of a more targeted group.

Thebabywearer.com is a GREAT resource for anything you could want to know about baby carriers.

of course, I'd love to tell you that the DreamSling is the best thing ever and you have to have one, but everyone out there has a different favorite and it all depends on you and your kid and your likes and dislikes. The DreamSling is for moms who want to be truly hands-free, without the need to lug a kid (or two) plus a purse or diaper bag. it eliminates both of those. Some women can't live without their purses!

not sure if you live in a big city or small town, but lots of big cities have babywearing clubs that you can go to and try on a few different kinds before you buy. Some cities even have babywearing stores where you can do the same. www.thebabywearer.com has lists of those groups, I think.

Good Luck!

Jodie - posted on 11/06/2008

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my lil one done that and i was always holding her never had time till my mum said juts leave her to cry and i did for few weeks and then she was sleeping very good 6pm till 8am :) every day till she was 2 hahah and now she dont sleep my other 3 dont either and im working on them now grrr sleeping is the worse i think never have *my* time any more good luck :)

Micheal - posted on 11/06/2008

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You can try putting one of your shirts or something that smells like you into the crib with her. That sometimes will give them enough security to fall asleep.

Barbara - posted on 11/06/2008

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We sleep with our son in our bed and we all get LOTS of SLEEP. I don't know how people do it any other way, it's just so much easier. And we carried him when he slept or just sat and held him during the day. Now he's almost 9 mos. and we can lay him down to sleep on a mat in the living room and that's fine with him. I think that knowing that we are always there for him has made him MORE independent, rather than less so. And he's the easiest kid to deal with, I can take him anywhere and do anything with him in tow, and he never cries or fusses. I owe it all to the "attachment parenting" ideals.

Kate - posted on 11/06/2008

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awww Lizzie. I don't think you can give enough affection when they're this itty bitty. When she's 6 months old and developing the ability to self-soothe you should be able to put her down more. As for the crib issue, I've been seeing this sooo much in these communities. If you want your baby to sleep in the crib you have GOT to make it happen. Spend time in the bedroom with her when it's not bedtime. Put her in her crib and stay in the room....keep interacting with her at first (talk, play, etc) and then slowly just be silent but in the room, and then (hopefully) not in the room at all. It will help her become comfortable with her own bed her own room and not being in your arms 24/7!

Rachel - posted on 11/06/2008

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Hi,
I also used a backpack for my now 5 month old son! Partially because I just never wanted to put him down and partial because I read that babies carried in sling or backpacks 3 or more hours a day had reduced incidences of colic. I wanted to make sure we did everything possible to avoid colic!! (thankfully we seem to have!) In any case the backpack worn as a front pack allowed me to get a lot of things done during the day. We also experienced alot of trouble with him sleeping at night until some one suggested swaddling at night, we hadn't thought we needed to since it was summer and quite warm. Being all snuggled up in a swaddle really helped our son feel secure I think. We found after a little while though that blankets didn't really hold him in and we purchased some kiddapotamus swaddlers, one of the best products ever! Once we started swaddling he starting sleeping! Now he sleeps through the night 7:30pm -5:30 - 6 ish am!! Hold your daughter and give her what she needs now and it should help to create a secure and happy baby later on! You cannot spoil them at this age!!

Jennie - posted on 11/05/2008

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I was able to get mine to sleep through the night by wrapping them tight in a blanket, I also put stuffed animals around so she didn't feel like there was nothing around her... Sometimes you will have to let her cry, its really hard!! but if you know she's not hungry, doesn't need a diaper change and hasn't had a nap for a while she needs it and to learn to soothe herself...Good luck!

Jen - posted on 11/05/2008

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my daughter did that when she was about that age too. I think they grow out of it once they learn to roll over and become a little more independent. I agree with using the sling. We didn't at that young, but we do it now with the backpack when our 11 month old gets in a hold me mood. My daughter also didn't want to sleep in her crib during the day. She got used to sleeping in the swing or in our arms in the lazy boy. We had to teach her that naps occur in the crib before she started day care at 4 months. You just have to keep putting them in the crib so they get used to it. We would even let our daughter sleep in the boppy because it was a comfort thing. Now she just needs a blankie to suck on or a stuffed animal to suck on and she's fine. Just keep trying with the crib and she'll get used to it.

Lizzie - posted on 11/05/2008

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One more thing what do i do at night? She only will sleep in bed with us...( from like 10-4) if shes in her crib, boucy seat, or anything else she is up in 30 minutes....

Tashia - posted on 11/05/2008

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hey sorry to hear about your struggle.... when she is in your arms is she sat up??does she cry if she was lid down in your arms...she may have acid reflux...both my kids had it they had to be put on medication...but if you have a bouncy chair put her in it in the night time to see if she will sleep...i hope this helps...

Alexis - posted on 11/05/2008

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I had the same problem with my daughter, mainly because I held her so much. What I did was swaddled her up and put her in a swing if i need to something. Once I finished my chores in my arms she went. Now she 11 months, and she is up and moving and I cant get her to stay in my arms now.

Allison - posted on 11/05/2008

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I use a baby sling (see target.com - Hot Sling) My daughter loves it, it holds her close, and I had two free arms. When she gets older she can sit straight up and see out, or sit on your hip, and when she falls asleep, you slide it into a cradle position. As for the sleeping in a crib...good luck. Each child is different. I had one that I had to put his car seat in the crib and he would sleep in that, another would sleep in a boppy in the crib.

Cassie - posted on 11/05/2008

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Getting a sling or carrier will be your life saver...both of my have loved the Baby B'Jorn....I also have a hotsling, but my son doesn't like it as much as the B'Jorn...she will be close to you like she wants but you will be hands free to get things done....enjoy it while you can...it goes so fast!

Rachael - posted on 11/05/2008

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Hold her. Get a sling or a carrier and hold her as much as you can. Trust me, soon enough she will be all over the place, rolling and crawling and you will want to hold and cuddle and she will want nothing to do with it! She has been carried in your belly for 10 months so being held is what she is used to and it comforts her. I have been there, i know how hard it can get but it is better for them in the long run, the more secure she is now, the easier she will be later. I found that when I held my son, he never felt neglected or lost because I was all he knew and that made him an easy baby as he got older. He is now six months and is the happiest baby I have ever seen! GL and remember it will get easier. Keep trying the crib and be consistent. You have to do the same thing each time so she knows what to expect and eventually she will go down no problem

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