A.D.D

Nicole - posted on 11/11/2009

i forgot to mention like i said about the bedroom its one thing at a time...with everything!!...even the dishes. first plates ..then all the bowls then the silverware..then the pots and so on...it takes away the frustration of where to start and what am i to do next. its like that with all chores.... same with school work put the subjects she takes in abc order and then dwn the list she does them. add children are just overly frustrated because everything is too much. it may not be too much to you but really to them it seems like the world is caving in with loads of boring things to do and no where to start. its where alot of the attitude problems lie because the frustration turns to anger.... its why the meds help so much because they cause the mind to slow down and recreate the lost balance. its why its important to right fit your daughter with the proper ones....and talk to her about how she is. ADD shouldnt be blown up as a big deal. but it needs to be deal enough to show her there is a problem and this is the cause of the problem and she needs to participate to fix this problem ...they can only help fix what they know they have.

Nicole - posted on 11/11/2009

tickets when i was on that it was like if i could finish my homework no atttide i would earn one. chores were one other ticket and it was like everything i did that i cooperated for no attitude i got a ticket. and the prices my mom set were like really high ...like 50 would earn me like 5 dollars cash or something of equal value that i wanted.

i had that problem ...i was the angry one and i fought endlessly with both my mom and sister. it didn't help that we would get into such brutal and sometimes physical arguments between me and my sister.

my mom has shed her tears over it...but you cant cry or feel bad about punishing her.your actions and words need to get through to her with out breaking any type of motivation she may have for anything.

in my adult life i find writing things on a white board help me remember to do the chores in my apartment o.0 and even then i sometimes forget. as a child my mom would constantly remind me to the point where i complained she nagged too much to my psych. but eventally the nagging is what will get what you want done.

as for your husband not being there....my dad was never there all the raising wass my mother. my dad worked second shift and was never home worked over time all the time and he was abusive mentally and psychically to a certain degree. all my mom had was the help of the school and my doctor became her best friend.

i would seek out a pediactric if you can or a new doctor one that you can find that is more knowledgeable with ADD children. it seems like from what you said that you know you need a med switch but the doctor wont? if you are noticing no change then you need to make that change. she is your daughter and you know her more and better then the doctor. i lucked out because the doctors in the childrens clinic i went to they were very knowledgeable about add and spotted it after i grew out of the whole excess energy lil kid stage.

as far as clean bedrooms mine.... my psych told my mother if her room is so messy maybe she doesnt know where to start and it frusterates her? which was the truth and when i would start cleaning i would get side tracked by a toy then i would play and cause my mom to get frusterated. so it came down to my mom would help me clean. and it went in order. first i was given the task ..to pick up all clothes...then all trash .... one thing out of the pile at a time. it made it easier and it gets done faster cause your cleaning in an more organized manner. it didnt help that when i was younger either when i would get mad at my mom id throw all the clothes out of their proper drawers and on to the floor.

for activities i was involved in fall soccer, swimming in the summer ice skating in the winter and in church i was in choir youth troop ...i was kept busy in community service programs like hot meals at the salvation army . when i got older my time was consumed more by skating , student council, band camp, marching band, drama, newspaper french club. if you cant find a sport try gettign her involved wiht community ...i got so many youth achievement community awards through school because of it all as well not to mention ...it looks good for college=) it depends on the community and if your school participates in community out reach programs but even in the summer i still did the community service.

as for your younger one being punished for the olders actions...it happens though it was my older sister suffering on my behalf. i will agree that she shouldnt have gone to the festival but its not right to make your 8yr old miss out on a once a year oppertunity . in that event had it been me or my mom i would have gone ..but not before getting told that i was in serious trouble but because i was going didnt mean that for what ever i did i was off scott free. i would have lost something else. i never lost holidays though my father tried taking away birthdays because he would get mad and my mom would argue that. but we lost other things. things we liked to do....

like if i didnt do my home work i wasnt allowed to go to join my friends on my skating team that night. or for every 5 min i made my mom late to an event she would make us late to something we really wanted to get to. its hard and its not easy.

i hope this has been some help ....if you want to talk or have questions feel free to contact me. i was on the child end of it and i may be the one experiencing the parenting end of it soon ...more than likely i will seeing both my other half and i are add/adhd

don't get down in the dumps. the attitude will get better eventually just enjoy the good days when they come. try to get her meds changed. every day has to be a new day dont wake up dreading what happened yesterday or what could happen today. its a new day start it with a clean plate.

Jennifer - posted on 11/10/2009

Manda, connie, & Nicole: ty 4 advice. My community is so small, 2200, we don't have groups here. You have to travel at least an hr., which I would if my insurance would pay for counselors or psych. dr's. That's a huge problem right now. Like I stated earlier the cost to see her psych is too much for us right now so we have to take her to a local dr. & pay cash for the visit. Her pedi dr. does not deal w/ ADD. She needs her meds changed & I am looking 4 a dr. right now who can do that. She WAS evaluated & diagnosed w/ A.D.D., but her current med (Vivanse) is not working. If I could afford for her to see a counselor I too think that would make a big difference, but $1,000 a month is too much right now & we don't qualify for any type of assistance. So right now I'm on my own. It's really hard since my husband works evenings, he only sees kids on weekends, & it's so hard for me to cope by myself. It's kinda like I get so angry with her for the way she talks to her younger sister & me, but at the same time once I scold her I feel horrible & sometimes cry later that night. I feel like she's growing apart from me & there's nothing I can do. I have no help. It's an argue everyday for her to read her books so she can test @ school (that's why she's failing reading). I make her read but can't make her test. As 4 school, she is pulled out to get xtra help w/ reading & math. She attends tutorials & summer school every year, none of seems to help. She is punished right now for her grades but I'm constantly reminding her to go to her room & read her book she's grounded. She just doesn't listen. I have had pure hell w/ her the last few months that I decided if she did better with school & attitude I would buy her a laptop for christmas (she really wants one) & she was so happy when I told her, but she she's not improving. I don't ever bring up she has A.D.D., she does. She uses that as an excuse & it's not one.

I do keep her busy. We just finished cheer & come Feb. will be softball. There's nothing here for in between.

I have tried posting like chore schedules & never works out. So when we clean I just write down a list for both girls. I guess maybe if she did homework & bookreading & no attitude for that day I could try coupons, tickets or something. (I tried that 4 chores b 4) & cash them in or something. ANY IDEAS! ...Since they can't keep rooms & bathroom clean I did post rules by each door that they are not to leave rooms unless everything is picked up & put away. So far that has worked.

I have just got to get her attitude & listening under control. She's not terrible, but every day it's something. Me & my husband have been constantly aguing over this. He thinks I give in too much, & yes maybe sometimes I do, but he doesn't know how hard it is to deal w/ her 24/7 alone w/ no help. For. ex. He got upset cuz I took her & her sister to a fall festival @ church on halloween.( We don't go trick er treating). But to me it's not fair for my youngest to miss out on halloween because her sister is in trouble. I have no babysitter & he was at work. I feel my 8 yr. old is the one paying for my 11 yr. olds behavior. I'm at my wits end. I hope I find a dr. tomorrow.

Nicole - posted on 11/10/2009

Quoting Connie:


First, contact your state board of education and get your guide to assist you in developing a IEP (individual education plan) for your child at school. This will be difficult, and if possible, bring an advocate with you. It is an extremely overwhelming process, and schools don't like spending their money. DO NOT settle for a 504-plan; insist on IEP - it is important so if in the future you need other services, you won't have such a hassel. Make your request for a multifaceted exam in writing (see educational board booklet), so you have a record of your request - send a copy to the superintendent as well. That will for sure get the ball rolling.

i had this too for in school.....but i will for warn you ...if you are not on meds you will not qualify.  also  your child has to be deemed  in need of it by the school psychologist they bring in or  it wont happen.....

IEP in my school district meant you got more time to complete your work and tests. and could qualifiy to be placed in a classroom wiht 2 teachers for 20 students wiht small class sizes. and it forced teacher to spend extra time on subjects if you needed the help they could not just pass it off.

i only qualifiy for the intergraded classes ( those wiht 2 teachers) because i am also hearing impared in my right ear.   had that not been the case i would have only been allowed the extra time to finish my tests in the library with a specified teacher.

Nicole - posted on 11/10/2009

i grew up with ADD and was seeing a psychologist/therapist from 3rd grade till sophmore yr 2 x a month. i was on concerta time release which for me worked better then ritilin. seeing a psych is costly but im surprised you are gettign her meds with out the evaluations o_0. cause 90% of all the ADD meds are Narcotics and controlled by the state in which you live and require being evaluated every so often. there are various rewards programs you can start i have been through at least 16 differnt good and bad consequence rewards i guess you can put it. its really how involded are you going to get with your child meds alone will not work.

for me as far as school went. my mother would put my papers my writing utensils and erasers at the table and all i would need to do was sit there. and she would turn it into a game when i was younger then as i got older i earned things like tickets and so many would get me something small.

as classic ADD person living with it being through it ...seeing the psych was the best thing for me along with my mothers involvement. i can now controll it with out the meds but i will admit its harder in situations like college and the work place if i am doing something like a desk job.

but don't think it was easy. my mom constaly reminds me i was not an easy child...and i will admit looking back i did give alot of problems. and my grades were poor till i started cooperating and realized that i did need the meds to help me.

the meds are all different for every one. concerta is known to decrease appetite but for me it didnt effect that one bit. i have known aderall to turn people into zombie like states but in others it works...its about finding the right medication for you.
as far as meds went i went from 10 mg of ritilin 2x a day to 30 mg a day then to concerta 26mg time release till i was in highschool at 72 mg concerta
when i finally decided enough was enough...because of a doctor switch in my sophmore year they had me on all kinds of crap.
focilin 10 mg for home work after concerta would wear off 10 mg clonidine to sleep at night cause ADD in some cases will cause slight insominia.
then i had my regular dose of 72mg of concerta

my boyfreinds nephew in on aderall and wisperdol for his ADHD so it depends on really who you are. if the meds are not working thats when you need to see the pediactric they can perscribe it and evaluate. i was in the doctors office every 3 months to see if i needed a dose change. it wasnt till i hit highschool that i started seeing a shink for it cause i was too old to see the peditrician. so ontop of my reg doc i saw 3-4 other doctors/psychologists

even had an EEG, blood test, cat scans, and numerous other testing. worth it ..yes i think so.

Connie - posted on 11/10/2009

Manda's ideas are great - here are a few more.
My 11 year old has Bi-polar, Adhd, ODD, and a depressive disorder. We went through Daytrona (he had an allergice reaction) and Concerta (caused him to lose 8 lbs.) before we got to Adderol 30mg, am, with a 5mg booster after school to help with homework.

First, contact your state board of education and get your guide to assist you in developing a IEP (individual education plan) for your child at school. This will be difficult, and if possible, bring an advocate with you. It is an extremely overwhelming process, and schools don't like spending their money. DO NOT settle for a 504-plan; insist on IEP - it is important so if in the future you need other services, you won't have such a hassel. Make your request for a multifaceted exam in writing (see educational board booklet), so you have a record of your request - send a copy to the superintendent as well. That will for sure get the ball rolling.

Next, check out CHADD online. It is an awesome support group for those with children that have ADHD, and are unfamiliar with the diagnosis - and since it's online, it is at your convenience.

Next - home management. It will get much, much harder before it gets easier (in my experience, anyway). First, family meeting. A rigid, detailed schedule needs to be created. From wake-up to bedtime, set your expectations. You'll probably make several before you find one that works for everyone. Next to the schedule, set rewards and punishments. You want both to get progressively more severe as they go. For example, if your child complete's his homework w/o trouble one day, ice cream treat after dinner. If your child does it three days in a row, you go out for ice cream....do what works for your family, and be 100% sure you can follow through. Same for consequences - one hassel during homework, go to bed 5 minutes early. Several hassels, go to bed an hour early, etc. Post your schedule and rules in the kitchen - can't argue with paper. Make sure your child has some say, giving them a sense of control. At worst, compromise.

Attitude comes with the territory. You have to choose your battle. I learned this the hard way - when my son rolls his eyes, it sets my skin on fire, but it's not worth the heated arguement in the long run. However, set your limits as well. In my house, we do not take the Lord's name in vain, and when he say "Oh, my God!" it is NOT tolerated at all.

Everyone - you, hubby, grandma/pa, aunts/uncles, cousins, friends, neighbors, babysitters - absolutely have to follow the same schedule and decided-on consequences. 11 year olds are transistioning from black-and-white developmental thinking stage to an abstract stage - if dad says it's okay, but you don't, then it becomes "not fair!" and the battle begins not just with your child, but with you and dad, too.

I'm also always available if you need me :) Just message me. Good luck!

Manda - posted on 11/10/2009

I know what your going threw. Three of my daughters have adhd. Look into your community and see what programs there are for you. A lot are income based but have some programs that would be availibul for you. Also getting her with some one, a counselor, mentor, etc that she can talk to regularly just her. Also get her into something to keep her challenged. Being challenged but doing something she likes will help a lot. Like we tried dancing with our girls and they liked it but it didn't last long some of the girls weren't as friendly. Also my oldest is playing violin with her school. It helps that she can get away and pratice just by herself. I'd be glad to talk regularly with you and trade ideas. I've been doing this for 8 years. Try a homework contract I'll send you a example of what we did it helped us a lot. Also not making a huge deal about the add will help it will make her feel as something is wrong with her witch adds to the attitude. If your not satified with her counselor talk to them and if you don't feel like your getting anywhere talk to others, try to find one that works with children and has experience in behavioral issues. I have a few appointments but will check with you soon.