A doctor telling me I shouldn't have my child?

Jennifer - posted on 10/19/2009

Hey do not feel bad. I am 24 and I have 4 kids that are almost 5 to 1 month old. So I know how you feel. I get th same looks to. I have just stop careing what they thought. It is really not thier promble.

Christinia - posted on 10/19/2009

The doctor shouldn't have said anything at all to you...Your 22 and getting ready to get married...He doesn't know what he's talking about. My mom was pregnant with me at the age of 21 and wasn't married very long. So there is nothing wrong with being a mother at that age. So just forget about those people because thats just them judging. All that matters is you got a Fiance who loves you and your little girl and you guys are awesome parents. Don't worry about those other people and their opinions.

Amanda - posted on 10/19/2009

Just ignore them same spot in life except I had to become grown when I lost my family in housefire age 15 I found happiness everything the normal 30+ starts dreaming of I have early they are jealous that's all I can think of

Melissa - posted on 10/19/2009

I can't believe a doctor told you this!! Especially when you are engaged to her father!! It is no one's business unless you are homeless and cannot provide a quality life for that child. I am now 27 years old, but I had my son when I just turned 20. I am not with his father nor do I ever want to be again. But I always gave him everything he needed. Now, I am with a wonderful man who treats my son as his own. You have as many children as you want, as long as you can provide a quality life for them!!!

Amy - posted on 10/19/2009

I'm so sorry, sweetie. Try not to let it get to u! You are correct, and I'm sure your a wonderful mother. That's all that matters. I dislike people who judge. I think they only do it, b/c they are upset with their own life. Let's think of something to say to those people when they say something to u or look at ya weird. Hmm. Let me think. I'm trying to get a good comeback. I looked on the internet. Can u tell I'm bored? lol ;) These are some I found. It looks like you are not the only one. There are pages and pages of people asking for comebacks for young mother's who get the stares and the comments.
*back when I was a young mum (wish I could say I still am! ) I personally hated they comments like.. "oh you poor thing" or similar .. GRRR
I have a child, not a terminal disease!! plus I LOVE her, I want her, I love my life much better now she's here. Hated those!*
I liked that one the best. I have a child. I LOVE her, she is the best thing that ever happened to me and my family, I want and have always wanted her, and my life has never been better. I think that would shut them up quick, and if not, well tell them Thank u for worrying so much about MY life, now can u worry about yours instead. God bless u. You like that? lol

Veronica - posted on 10/19/2009

I would turn the doc in for harrassment! What a prick! But I know what you are going through, and how you feel. I was pregnant with my first at 18/19 years old - out of wed lock - I am 26 now with 5 children - one on the way . People are always giving me nasty looks, or they will ask if they are all mine - and if any are twins. Then i get the run around that i have enough and that i really shouldnt have anymore. When i had gotten preg. with my first, i got a lot of sneering. Even some of my own family members. But you know Jessica -- You need to hold your head high, and when people say something that is none of their business, just return the question with your own, "why do you want to know?" People are going to say stuff -- they are mean, rude, selfish, and some are jeolous and envious too. They want to rip you down so that they feel better about themselves - because they feel shitty about their own life and decisions. Dont ever let anyone do that. Tell them you are sorry to hear that they feel that way, and move on. Be the bigger and better person. I hope all goes well for you. Hang in there!



V

Andrea - posted on 10/19/2009

ive never had a doctor tell me that but i have had people tell me im too young to have my daughter . i get told that all the the time its stupid really because the fact that some moms are young when they have there first child but i just think of it as if you can provide for you and your baby and have a roof over there head, food in their tummies and clothes on their back then nobody should be judging you on how young you are i was 17 when i got prego and 18 when i had her i am now 21 and i get looks all the time that will never stop ..

Amy - posted on 10/19/2009

My experience with doctors, since the day I got pregnant, has been crazy. It has given me a lot of enlightenment about them. There are all different kinds, i.e. old ones who don't want u to give or do anything for your child, young ones who want to tell u everything to do and they don't even have a child, drs who believe in giving children under 1 medicine and drs who don't. I couldn't take it anymore. I just said hey, God is guiding and leading me. I will pray and ask for his guidance on what to do. SO MANY people want to tell u how to raise your child, what is best, and in your situation (too young, which you are not. come one 22, please). That doctor was a jerk with no bedside manner. He had no right to say those things to u. Don't u worry. Try to shrug off those looks from people who have nothing better to do than look at someone else's life. I know it can be hard, but hey as long as u know u are doing what is right for that little girl, that's all that matters. I consider a 16 yr old a young mother, not 22. Wow, he's a jerk! Just try to let things roll off your back. I have a nine month old son, and I know you are quite busy. So, keep your mind and energy on your girl, and don't worry what other's think or say. Next time just tell whoever says anything, "It's NONE of your business!" I hope things get better.

Sondra - posted on 10/19/2009

Jessica, don't even bother. You're doing the right thing and people are always quick to judge others over everything. I was 20 when I had my first and my obgyn was the one who was rude to me!! 1st she told me I was gaining too much weight and I needed to start exercising (before I was prego I only weighed 115lbs and I'm 5'6) then she proceded asking if I even told the father and if he was even supportive etc. I walked out in full fledge tears. I went home and called my bf at the time and just cried. Now I'm 25 and have to wonderful kids, and I hold my head up high!! I know in my heart I'm the best mom I can be. My kids are healthy and taken care of and I love getting on the floor with them and just being silly. Anyone who really knows me knows this. I don't let anything anyone says bother me, I actually make it a point that If someone looks at me funny (say in line somewhere) I will start talking to them about kids, you know 'mom to mom' sort of talk! Then they usually never say anything about my age. Actually some older moms tell me how lucky I am that I'm younger, I can handle the sleepless nights better as well as just having the energy to move around with them. Oh and one last thing, find a different doctor and write a later of complaint to explain why you're moving to a different clinic and/or doctor. Then with the new doctor come out right away and tell them what happened and that you're not looking for a lecture because you know you're doing a great job!

April - posted on 10/19/2009

Excuse my french but fuck that dr. I am 28 and have four children i had my first child when i was 16 and three more after it just cause we are young doesn't mean we don't know how to take care of them FIND A NEW DR and sew his ass for slander we go back and get proof then sew him.

Carla - posted on 10/19/2009

It's stupid really, i mean these days you have kids running around trying to get pregnant, there are loads of teen mum's that goes for under 16 year olds too, too me it doesn't matter what age you are if that's 16 y plus and as long as your ready for the responsibility and feel that you yourself are making the right decision, if you know you can be the best mum for your child then stuff everyone else and there dumb opinion, society is changing once again people will just have to live with that. I fell pregnant with my son when i was 18 years old and he was born 7 days after my 19th birthday and believe me i didnt look any where near 19 i looked like i was fresh out of primary school lol, i got funny looks and sometimes snidy comments but i put it down to jealousy lol at least when your child hits 18 or 21 years old you'll be able to go out clubbing with him : )

Louise - posted on 10/19/2009

oh my god thats really bad i cant beleive he said that to u. im 22 and have a 7 month old and compared to most people i no that is really old to have a baby lol. i cant beleive it. i would have made a complaint about that. xx

Louise - posted on 10/19/2009

oh my god thats really bad i cant beleive he said that to u. im 22 and have a 7 month old and compared to most people i no that is really old to have a baby lol. i cant beleive it. i would have made a complaint about that. xx

Christine - posted on 10/19/2009

I am so sorry you had to go through that. I would report the doctor for his unprofessional behavior. You were there for medical help. He absolutely had no right to talk to you that way, or share his personal opinions with you on the matter. 21 years old really isn't that young to have a baby. I would try (as best as you can) to let the comments slide off your shoulders and just know in your heart that you are a good mama. I would try to come up with some witty comment to fire back whenever anyone said something...

Rachel - posted on 10/19/2009

Yeah I know how you feel. I'm 20 and have a 9 month old daughter and I just married her father but before we did, I had people give me the looks as well but I also think it was cuz we also wore black lots of the time. The only person that told us to either get an abortion or put her up for adoption when I was pregnant was my father in law but he changed his mind very quickly when he saw how good of parents we where. I don't listen to other people when they criticize me about being a young mother. It shouldn't matter what how old you are but what kind of a mom you are, a loving caring mother. So I hope things get better for you and if your Dr give you a hard time maybe you should see another dr that wont be so judgmental.

Zissi - posted on 10/19/2009

Hi hunn.Wat an Ars he is.i would have asked him if hes got kids and how old his misses was.nowerdays its "normal" wen you have your first child at the age of 35 or even almost 60.for me its not normal at that age.im now 27 and have 3 children,wonder wat he would hav said to me as i was a year older than you wen i had my first.Dont take it to heart too much,your doing a good job and you love your child,thats the most important thing.we are at a grand age to have children and should be prowed of it as we get to see our kids grow and wenn they are old enough we can go back to work.you dont have to be ashamed at all to beeing a mum but the others should for saying things like that and not minding their own buisness.I always say "if you dont like it,dont look at it then"just leave them to it and carry your head up high and be prowed to be a mum.Take care and would be nice to hear wen you have your second and all the best for your wedding and further life.

Mary - posted on 10/19/2009

Wow, where are you from? I've never had anyone tell me that and I think I would have lost my temper! A health care professional of all people! I was a month short of 19 when I had my daughter. I'm 25 now, she just turned 6. I was married and had been on my own by 16 by the time I had her. We're trying for another one right now too, but how does anyone have the right to say that?? And I agree, I know ppl 10 and 20 yrs older that mistreat their children so bad. People like that should have their medical degree taken away!

Claire - posted on 10/19/2009

i had my son when i was 21 and he is nearly 2, its your life and you can do what you want, i know people that are younger than me and they have kids and they are great with them, if you want a kid then its up to you, no1 else

Sandy - posted on 10/19/2009

I was 17 when i fell pregnant with my daughter and when i went to the drs my dr asked me if I wanted an abortion, I was like WTF u have no right in asking me that if I want 1 I'll ask...

Jessica - posted on 10/18/2009

I'm 21 and had my first a few months shy of my 19th birthday. I live in a small town and the people here are less than accepting of teen mothers. I can't say I had the same experience with my doctor as you, she was actually quite excited and kept telling me how I was born to have babies lol...though my family had a different outlook on that :P. I'm now engaged and due with my second in February. I have received some very rude comments from people, and my grandmother's told me that after this one I should have my tubes tied. I think the absolute worst experience I've had was from another mother, one I did not know. She looked right at my clearly showing belly, grabbed her toddlers hand and hit me as hard as she could in the stomach with her purse. I was absolutely appalled but couldn't bring myself to say anything to her due to us both having young children in our presence...though I would have very much liked to have!

CECILIA - posted on 10/18/2009

In my opinion some ppl should just save there thoughts and not say anything at all. and at your age (22) is actually a pretty good age to have children. Your young and have the ability to run around with them during the day... imagine being 35ish ,40ish and not being able to run after your kids when playing etc.... My children are 13 months apart and im 27 years old but since i've had problems with pregnancies in the past my doctor suggested to tie my tubes which was a hard decision to make. Some docs really just want the best your you (my doc) but its always the decision you make that counts. In my situation i was high risk when having children at least I was blessed with 2 and I cant ask for more. I did tie my tubes yet i have my two angels to look after which are my inspiration each day. Yet some doctors should keep certain opinions to themselves especially if they know they will hurt someones feelings. These doctors really dont know what us as woman go thru (bad or good) in our relationship. We are the only ones to judge what to do with our lives. Unless it is something life threatning. Honestly enjoy every minute with your child and God Bless!



ps: its all about you and your family!

Thea - posted on 10/18/2009

I was married when I was 20 years old. I have always been strong in my religion, my husband as well. A lot of people thought we were to young to be marroed and then a year latter we were having our first baby. People think I am too young. I hate the nurses at the health clinic that treat me like I am stupid and don't know how to change my babies diaper. It makes me SO angery.

I am 24 married 4 years this Dec with 2 kids and a happy life. I hate it when people judge me due to my age. Back in my moms day I would be a commin case. My Grandma's day I would be considered old when I married or had my kids. What is wrong with people out there?

Kelly - posted on 10/18/2009

Everyone has their own personal opinions, I have two children myself, my first at 21 and my second at 22. I have had plenty of doctors, casually give me their personal opinion, and in most cases I didnt appreciate it. As long as you can emotionally, physically, and financially take care of your children then you are being the best mother you can. It doesnt matter how old you are when you have children, we all learn through the process of raising our kids. No baby or toddler is exactly the same as another. Just hold your head high, and ignore others ignorance. You know whether you are doing the right thing or not. You're raising your baby, not the doctor.

Christine - posted on 10/18/2009

Twelve years of school and they are still so stupid.AMAZING!!!

Lara - posted on 10/18/2009

I had my son at 21. On a visit to the dr, he explained everything to my mom and would barely talk to me. I was livid.

Also, I looked even younger than 21 so people would say mean things to my face while I was pregnant about how irresponsible it was to be a teen mom. I was married and 21. But if I was a teen what gives them the right to be so judgemental and mean?

So been there too! Good luck!

Amber - posted on 10/18/2009

i am 21 and i have another baby on the way tell them it is your life not his or hers

Ambir - posted on 10/18/2009

Thats ridiculous. Thats the ideal age in my opinion for you to be a parent. Heck, if i had my way i would have been 18 instead of 27 when i had my daughter. At your age you have so much more energy to chase after a child. That doctor is an idiot.

Casey - posted on 10/18/2009

I have never had a dr tell me this but I have had (and still have) people look at me in stores and other places. I am 27 and have a 7 year old daughter and a 14 month old daughter. I guess the fact that I look very young makes people think it gives them the right to give me odd or disapproving looks as though I am an extremely young unwed mother with 2 kids (I am engaged to my daughters father also and we have been together for years). The judgement people pass on others they don't even know boggles my mind.

Candace - posted on 10/18/2009

Yes!!! I had my first son a week or two after I turned 22. I am currently pregnant with my second son at 26. I found out I was pregnant with Ethan 4 weeks before they officially diagnosed my 1st son, Joseph, with Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy. I have had doctors that are just shocked that I am carrying my second son to term given the fact that there is a 50/50 chance he could have it too. I didn't know what the diagnosis on my son Joseph was until 4 weeks after I found out I was pregnant. The prognosis for boys with Duchenne isn't good but I would trade Joseph for anything in the world. I am having my second son regardless of what other people think. I'm sorry but I'd rather have 25 years with him than have none at all. It may be a hard long road if he does have the MD as well but once I found out I was pregnant there was no looking back. He will be tested once he's born to see if he has it but I am not having any tests done like the quad screen or the amniocentesis because the results won't change my decision. He's my child...I love him and am keeping him no matter what.

Katiko - posted on 10/18/2009

i'm 23 and have a 2 1/2 year old and am also engaged to his father and very happy. I've never had anyone tell me this but don't let miserable people try and bring you down. Yes we are young mothers but taking care of our business as we should better than some older mothers out there.As long as you know you are doing a good job that's all that matters.Keep your head up always. :) And you are right if that was me i would have filed a complaint against that doctor, he was way out of line saying something like that to you.

Jessica - posted on 10/18/2009

Hello jessica! i am right there with you! i am 22 ... soon to be 23 my daughter is 3 and i know what you are going through but i was younger when i got preg her sperm donor left me when i was 4 months pregnant with her and its just been me and her... Of course i work a 40 hour job with an odd shift for a single mother but i have my mother who will pick her up from daycare when she gets off work... when i got pregnant my mother asked if i had thought of my options, i just looked at her like she was crazy but i wouldn't trade anything for her ... and the doc was totally out of line! i mean where did he go to school ? well hope this helps to know you're not in it alone and i hope you know i am here to talk if ever you need too just message me ...

Penny - posted on 10/18/2009

I've had doctors tell me this and I've also had doctors ask me to "prove" how old I am (they need to see my ID) because I'm short and they assume I am too young and need a parent there with me. It is very annoying. I'm pregnant with my first and will be 21 when he arrives. I have also been living on my own since I was younger- I was 17 when I moved out. It is really annoying. I just found a better doctor :) Don't be afraid to change your doctor or decide to just leave when they say stuff like that...I personally use the line "That is very unprofessional of you and I no longer require your services. I am inclined to find a more competent doctor who can keep his personal opinions to himself and give me their professional opinion about __(what I am here for)___. Thanks for your time." It makes me feel better like I got my point across and I end up with a new doctor who is never rude to me.

Teresa - posted on 10/18/2009

thats sooo sad, im only 21 an i have a 2yr old an a 6month old.. i got pregnant when i was 18 an im engaged to the father, id rather get pregnant wen im young rather than have to stop my career to have kids

Sarah - posted on 10/18/2009

On my son's first field trip in kindergarten (my second child starting school) we went to a pumpkin patch / Farm. The farmers wife was probably in her mid 60's. I was 25 years old at the time, my son was born when I was 20. The old hag farmers wife was talking to the other mothers who were all in their late 30's or early 40's and she looked directly at me and then back at the mothers and then straight back to me and in a voice loud enough for everyone around her to here said "Well that just blows my mind, these mothers getting younger and younger every year, when I was young it was a shame to your family to have children in highschool and your mother and father sent you away to have the baby in secret and then give it up to parents prepared to raise it". I almost threw up. I was NOT in school when I had any of my children, I had graduated at 17 and had my first at 19 while I was MARRIED. It's catty old women that wish they were young like we are still. They are absolutely impossible to deal with so I just smiled and kissed my kid and went on with my first field trip with him. That old bag can shove it, at least I have enough energy to be fun and I will be able to enjoy my grandbabies for a long time, God willing of course.

Erin - posted on 10/18/2009

I think it's time to get a new doctor. Your doctor is someone you should be comfortable around and be able to confide in, not feel intimidated by.

Kristie - posted on 10/18/2009

Wow, I would have slapped that doctor. I am 20 and have a 5 week old baby girl. Age shouldn't matter after about 16. If you can take care of your child, then yes, you should have had your child. It's the women who neglect their babies for men or drugs or whatever that should not have had a baby. What a jerk.

Heather - posted on 10/18/2009

OMG! that doctor should be fired !!!!! Girl Keep your head up and dont listen to that SHIT! F him and anyone that says that f*up shit! Just take care of you and your kids and thats all you have to worry about!

Melanie - posted on 10/18/2009

Quoting Nicole:

i know what you mean i was 20 when i had my daughter and when i went to the hospital they wanted to run every test and ask every question bc of my age they thought i was some waste of space type person bc of my age and bc i was having complacations... *she was 8 weeks early* ..i was like i may be young but im not stupid.! i just find it rude of people when 20 30 years ago u got outta high school got married and had kids before you were mid 20;s why is it so different now a days ???

and its the people that did that (left school had kids) that now look down on us!! When my daughter was 3wks old she was in hosptial as hubby was working my mum was with me and all the docs would walk into the room and start talking to my mum! (shes 49!! )

Nikki - posted on 10/18/2009

i know what you mean i was 20 when i had my daughter and when i went to the hospital they wanted to run every test and ask every question bc of my age they thought i was some waste of space type person bc of my age and bc i was having complacations... *she was 8 weeks early* ..i was like i may be young but im not stupid.! i just find it rude of people when 20 30 years ago u got outta high school got married and had kids before you were mid 20;s why is it so different now a days ???

Lydia - posted on 10/18/2009

That is not a dr you want taking care of you or your baby. If a doctor can't realize you're there for a medical reason not a lecture, then you should switch to someone who will not judge you. Good luck to you and your baby! The perfect doctor is out there, you might just need to search a little more.

Ashley - posted on 10/18/2009

What a mean thing to have to hear, and if you lived around this area I'd recommend you to my docs. They're great... I'm 24 and have a 3 year old, 2 year old and expecting my next Christmas Day- but they didn't say anything like that to me. He actually told me "Well you can't stop now! Gotta have an even number." Lol



(That was until I told him the age, and his eyes got wide, he chuckled and said "Weelllll, you might want to after all.)



Just try to ignore things like that, even though I know it's gotta be hard. Maybe he hasn't heard about manners.

Stefanie - posted on 10/18/2009

I had my oldest when I was 20 and she was born with complications that required her to be in a Pavlik harness. Her Pediatric Orthopedic Specialist was pretty judgemental the first visit but by the end of our visits 6 months later he thought I was the most caring mother he'd seen (besides his wife of course lol) based on the fact that I kept her harness so clean. LOL! I'm 24 and have 3 living children (1 miscarriage) and get a lot of comments from people. Some are good and some are bad. Most are good though.

Hailey - posted on 10/18/2009

never had a dr say it n i was 20 pregnant with twins lol , 22 isnt too young i think its a normal age to have a child ,theres girls younger than 15 havin babies in our town iv heard that my dr had told them they r a bit young but thats just country gossip lol although i think if i knew the girls id probably say the same . you should of told him to get stuffed

Caitlin - posted on 10/18/2009

I have actually been asked how i got pregnant by a doctor. I went in for really bad cramping and heavy bleeding. I was 17 and having a miscarriage (little did I know at the time I thought it was just my period) and the doctor kicked my fiance out of the room and my best friend to tell me I was having a miscarriage. He then proceeded to ask me how I got pregnant. And I sat there thinking are you freakin serious. I couldn't believe the nerve of him! I also get dirty looks when I go out with my 19 month old daughter. Especially since I'm currently 20 weeks pregnant with my second daughter. I was on the bus on my way to my Ob's office and was getting the dirtiest looks from other passangers. Some lady actually asked me how old I was. Sometimes I seriously consider making a t-shirt that says," I'm 20 not 12 and I'm married so stop judging." It's insane. People complain because there are so many kids out there that are being put up for adoption but when they see young couples trying to raise and take responsiblity for their kids, we get dirty looks and looked down upon. It's like seriously people make up your mind.

Heather - posted on 10/18/2009

yeah i have had a few problems with doctors. Not about the age thing specifically but I think they see a young mother and automatically think we are stupid. And im totally with you, I take better care of my child than most people do. I had a doctor at the emergency room tell me that I should be with the father because thats the best thing for my son....hello you dont know me and you dont know him. I left his father for VERY GOOD reasons. The biggest reason was that I couldnt let him treat my son the way he treated me. People just dont understand these days. Not every man is the perfect father and not every young mother is dumb. Yes there are quite a few young mothers who should not have had their children because of how they treat them but give those of us that love and care for our children a break. Besides now a days.....21 years old is a little old to have the first baby isnt it????

Stephanie - posted on 10/18/2009

Quoting Aimee:

Yes! I have dealt with this much myself. I am 21 and My daughter is almost 4 weeks old. I get a lot of OMG you shouldnt be a mother. your a Sl*t because your a young mother. I'm also engaged to her father, and have been with him for 2 years. and we live together and provide everything for our daughter that she needs. :D See what rep these bad young parents give us? they give us this rep of were all this horrible parents. I know plenty of moms out there that are older than me, and they are very irresponsible for there kids GRRR.... People.

This is so right! I know mothers alot older than me that are not caring for their children the way they should and everyone wants to look down on a younger mom

Stephanie - posted on 10/18/2009

That's just absurd I am 23 and have a 4 year old daughter and a 2 year old son and I take better care of them and provide them with their needs and most of their wants and have all their lives.. Not saying a kid in high school should get pregnant, but if it happens it happens.. Age has no bearing on how you can love your child

Aimee - posted on 10/18/2009

Yes! I have dealt with this much myself. I am 21 and My daughter is almost 4 weeks old. I get a lot of OMG you shouldnt be a mother. your a Sl*t because your a young mother. I'm also engaged to her father, and have been with him for 2 years. and we live together and provide everything for our daughter that she needs. :D See what rep these bad young parents give us? they give us this rep of were all this horrible parents. I know plenty of moms out there that are older than me, and they are very irresponsible for there kids GRRR.... People.

Melissa - posted on 10/18/2009

Wow, reading the responses to Jessica's post was very eye-opening to me... I had no idea people looked down on women having babies in their early 20's... I just had my first baby at 29, and I was worried about being too old (please, no negative responses from women older than me having babies!). I was one year away from being in the "higher risk" category with respect to genetic problems for my baby... First, get a new doctor if you can! You need to feel comfortable with your doctor, and besides, any doctor who make a comment like that needs to switch to research where he can be safely away from interacting with other humans. Second, just be the best mother you can be, who cares what other people think?

Vicky - posted on 10/18/2009

omg! i have a 2yr old and i'm 26! i would make a complaint about your doctor!! thats just evil and bitchy! he has no right to say that! and you aren't too young at all!! it's not like you're 12 or anything!! weird people! you're fine being 22 and having a kid so don't worry, change doctors & def write a complaint letter! he has no idea what he's talking about. good luck ;-)