A non supportive spouse, I need advise please

Crystal - posted on 09/08/2009

A day in the life of! Girl mine knows how hard it is! Go out one day on the weekend, let him deal for just one day! Alone, with no help! He will either get over that, or maybe it's time to just go your separate ways! I do everything for our kids and I know he couldn't do it. He has had to deal very few times and I normally come home to nothing being done and the house being a mess... Try it, it can't hurt!

Sandy - posted on 08/20/2009

My daughter is 22months old and her dad does stuff all... He works as a baker and reckons thats harder then staying home with a near 2 yr old baby... I have found it easier to do things myself as if I get him to help it takes 5 times as long and isnt ever done properly or he does it different to how I usually always do and rikky is used to the way I do things. I keep saying to him that it's like I'm mother to 2 kids because he is just sooo tired and only interested in doing things for himself like bike riding...

Shannon - posted on 08/19/2009

I don't have advice for you, sorry but I know where you're coming from. Every nite I work, I ask my boyfriend to bath our son, and every nite I come home to a dirty baby in bed! And discipline is not a word in his vocabulary, so I'm on my own there too.

Sarah - posted on 08/19/2009

I'd leave the baby in his care for a weekend, after that weekend he will totally respect everything you do! I am a stay at home mom and am lucky enough to have a husband who supports me and helps out when he can and understands how hard it is. Some guys just dont think kids are that hard. I think after having the baby on his own for a few days his point of view will change drastically!!

Marilyn - posted on 08/19/2009

The biggest thing you can do is make your escape and leave him home for a whole day with a huge list of what you do all day. If he refuses to do that tell him its neccesary for your job search. I have the reverse problem my boyfriend stays home and helps me with my 6 year old and sometimes he feels as if I don't appreciate all that he does for us, which isn't true. Sometimes when we stay home we have enough time to get fustrated and don't approach the topic in the right way

Brianna - posted on 08/19/2009

OMG im in the same boat. its a hard position to be in especially if you arent working. mine says he could stay home with our son and do what i do. even if the tables were turned i dont think mine would get the picture. it sucks too because if i dont do something he wont do it either hes just LAZY. im even pregnant now & it doesnt make a difference. i just do my best with it and try not to feel "stuck" in the situation. and dont stay with him because you think you have to, just tell him how you feel. if he doesn't listen & nothing changes, give up on him and move on with your life. theres only so much you can do, and so far that's my game plan. i hope everything works out for you!

Katherine - posted on 08/19/2009

Im 25, married 15months and have a child who is 3 months. I can say he is good when he is good and bad when he is bad.. apathy isnt a good sign. Mijan *my husband says the same thing. Doesnt understand how a baby could be a full time job! Dont think having that childs dad as a husband is doing something for your sons sake. Your son will resent him if he lives with him and he is apathetic towards him as he grows up. My advise (hear me out ) i know how hard it is to seperate after ive been 15 months of being married and over 3 years invested, i can sure promise u this its harder to leave the longer u stay and right now you dont have any legal strings attached! So dont do that!!!! My advise is let the dad just be seperate from child for a while see if it makes him change (not a 5 moniute change) Im talking wake him the heck up change, some men do snap up real quick once you can show u dont need them! Even if you never get married to him, your son will visit him, and during those days it will be good for the both of them. My parents fussed n argued so i hated them married, also my dad paid me no mind when he was married to my mom, after he spent time with me, maybe a few days a week in your childs eyes is better than a full kodak moment of life living with him.

Mel - posted on 08/19/2009

Go get your hair and nails done... Stop cleaning and everything else you do.. If he fails to appreciate you and all the work you do then you need to find someone else who can... It is hard enough being a parent with a partner let alone without. At least you won't be consumed with his negativity

Paige - posted on 08/19/2009

Hang in there. Talk to him, i know you probably already have. Give him an ultamadum. See if he will stay home with bub for a 24 hour period or even a day and do everything you do. That will show him. The other thing i would say is dont just stay in a relationship for your child, that is the wrong reason. You have to do it for yourself!

Jess - posted on 08/19/2009

My husband did the same thing and I took a two week vacation without any babysitters besides him! I made sure she was teething with molars just to be a brat and left a list of instructions that he expected me to do for him! When I got home he was so glad to go back to work and we have not had a problem with him helping me since. Men are clueless and sometimes we just have to do things to make them understand that yes it is a full time job and it's even harder not ripping their throats out when they don't respect us. Good luck!

Khristine - posted on 08/19/2009

I agree with the other moms, turn the tables around, let him take care of your son for a day. You go out for a spa or have a girls day with all your girlfriends. Good Luck!!!

Jessica - posted on 08/19/2009

This seems to be a common issue in most relationships. I'm not a stay at home mom, I work full-time as does my husband of 5 years, but I still do ALL the housework, ALL the cooking, ALL the baths, etc. He comes home, changes his clothes (which stay wherever he takes them off), sits on the couch, and watches TV or plays video games for the rest of the evening. He barely even interacts with our children! He has a 9 year old from a previous relationship that would rather spend more time with me than with his own father. In my situation, it's absolutely hopeless. I could suggest threatening to leave. I did this and it didn't change a thing. I hope yours will be more likely to fight to keep you by changing his ways. It's sad that I've considered divorce due to our biggest problem being his LAZINESS!!!!

Ann - posted on 08/19/2009

I don't know if this helps you at all, but I'm married with a 7 month old baby, I had a c section and in the hospital my husband changed all of his diapers and gave him baths. When we came home it all stopped. He doesn't change diapers, he doesn't get up in the middle of the night, I do all the cleaning and laundry. He works really hard so I can stay home and take care of our son, so it doesn't bother me. Theres times when I get stressed out, but to be honest (for me anyways) its only when we argue that its stressful on me. Hes extremely supportive of me and showers me with affection and appreciation. If you have someone at least appreciating it, the work is a breeze. It's never been a real problem for me to do everything. Basically what I'm getting at, is if you get the respect and love you deserve the rest comes naturally and easily. If you can get counseling maybe? or come to some middle ground, I bet it'll get alot easier for you!

Jessica - posted on 08/19/2009

i have the same problem, im glad i aint the only 1. im sure they just don't understand how hard it is being a mum and looking after the house. im guna av to use some of these tips and see if they work

Kimberly - posted on 08/19/2009

I am going through the same thing with my 31 year old husband of 4 years... You would think at that age, he would be grown up? No. My daughter is turning one next week and the only time he has helped me with her by getting up in the night was when she was newborn...only ONE night out of a year. It seems when he gets home from work, he goes out into the backyard and starts to "build" something. I think men are afraid of their own kids. They think when they have kids that they come out ready to talk to and take to hockey games etc. It is a full time job, 24/7. Sorry, but whatever advice the other ladies have...please lemme know, beacuse I have the same problem, except it's harder when you are legal binded. It's frustrating, and to top it all off? I also have friends in the same situation. These are all men in their 30's with their first child...honey, men never grow up...even when they have kids.

Rachel - posted on 08/18/2009

You do have to put the man in your shoes before he will understand thats just the way men are! And If he is so much of a pig he wont watch the kids for a day for you to get out you have a couple more choicies.Get a night job thats hard on men.Bed time baths and all that is hard after work they are just men after all.If you cant find a job then when he gets home one day just walk out and say good luck I will be home later deal with it and if you dont get it together one day I wont come back ,bluff your ass off!! Good luck, and dont forget to withhold sex that really work and i learned that from that old hag Dr Ruth.

Melissa - posted on 08/18/2009

I feel for you...I think that perception is not uncommon for a man. They think its all fun and games to be at home with the kids. The simple fact is, it is less stressful and tiring to work a full-time job. I'd recommend doing a role swap with him and see how he goes. Unfortunately, many things around the house can be left for a weekend though and he is likely to leave it all there for you to do Monday when he returns to work. It needs to be for more than just a weekend. Ask him to take a week off work to play "mum" and you go off and do your own things for the week and make sure you don't touch anything at all around the house. He'll soon get hungry, run out of clothes to wear, and get sick of living in a messy, dirty home and here's hoping he'll get the picture. Good luck to you all. I'll hold you in my prayers.

Karin - posted on 08/18/2009

Hi. I wish you the very best luck with this situation. Ultimately it is up to you for what u want to do. I am 20 and had almost no support or help from my sons father. He is 11 months old now. And am also a full time student. Actually doing it on ur own is extremely hard and difficult work. As you definitely have learned. And to me it sounds like hes taking complete advantage you. Being a parent is about actually being a parent. He should be helping you out and trying to support you. Whether its by helping out with chores, the baby, etc etc. And he is not so before he gets used to this kind of situation i would try to have him watch the baby for the day or weekend. All by himself too so he can see exactly how hard it is. And when he does realize it he should come around. And if he doesnt i would suggest maybe thinking about being with someone else that can help support you. Or something like that. I wish u the best of luck!

Jacklyn - posted on 08/18/2009

Hi there. I've been married for 9 years and I still have to explain the same situations to my spouse. It's hard for them to understand but hang in there. You should try this....Leave him with the baby overnight (if you can handle that). Ask him kindly to wash one load of laundry, have the dishes cleaned, bottles, etc...baby bathed and a meal for you when you return home. OR, something I've done was to write down everything I do on a typical day, one by one..My list was longer than I even expected!
He has get some sort of clue as to how much you do everyday. And on some days, you need a break!

Jessica - posted on 08/18/2009

I am a stay at home mom also with 3 kids. My husband of 4 years also has no respect of me and what i do. he complains all the time that i do nothing and he does all the work. He doesnt understand how hard it is to stay home with the kids and keep the house clean and to do all the chores. I think stick it out and make him take the baby for the day and do all the chores to show him what it is that you do and its not easy. i pray it will work for you. i have done this with my husband and it didnt work he still complains everyday.

Kathleen - posted on 08/18/2009

my husband is the exact same way. we have a 2 month old plus his two kids and he never helps me, he thinks its easy and that i dont get tired. i think about leaving all the time i figure it will be easier to take care of just one by myself instead of three.

Charnetta - posted on 08/18/2009

what guy u know actually thinks that being a mom is a full time job??? they dont think like that he would have 2 actually be put in ur shoes and see what its like 2 understand where u r coming from. with most men its show and tell they have 2 experience it 1st and then they know where u coming from. but girl we all know it's the hardest full time job any one can ever have. ;-)

Charlyn - posted on 08/18/2009

Hey I am 25 and I have two sons. My fiance is gone for months at a time and this summer I had his two boys on top of mine. I never get help with the kids. When he comes home its for a week and hes gone. He dont understand that Its hard to take care of the kids, cook and clean. I have tried talking to him and it dont work. All I can say to help you is to pray. Thats what i have been doing. I also wanted to tell you not to try to make it for your your kid. If you know in your heart you dont want it to work for you do not do it. I have been though that and done that. It wont work.

Nicole - posted on 08/18/2009

I came from a similar situation, except add extra verbal and mental abuse and followed by physical threats. Recognize it as what it is. Him patronizing you and disregarding your hard work is only teaching your son that this is how you treat Mommy, and that this is what love and partnership is supposed to be. By tolerating this behavior is doing more damage to your son than leaving. Your fiance will never change. They might even tell you they will, but they won't. NEVER. Teach your son to respect Mommy. Leave him behind to do your son a favor. Things will usually get worse. How long are you going to let yourself get walked on?

Yolanda - posted on 08/18/2009

sometimes we see who people really are either after marriage or children. My mother tried to make things work because of us with our father, but at the end she was not happy. If he is not supporting you now he won't support you later, the only thing that will happen later is you could get spousal support, maybe...take your baby and move on. If he wants his family he will change, if not there is always someone else who will. Trust me I know.

Dafna - posted on 08/18/2009

Hi Natalie, Maybe what would help is if you don't have to rely on him for anything, and then he'll see that you don't need him in your lives, and then he might realize that you, as a couple don't have much holding you together. Perhaps starting a business where you might need someone to watch your son for just a couple of hours at a time, that you can pay with products or money, will free you up to not need his help. I was in that position many years ago in my marriage and we did survive it well. (it's been 27 years now!) My business is Jafra Cosmetics, International and I've been helping women in your/our situation for 28 years. When you become self-sufficient, and your mate is not needed, they quickly realize that if they are to be wanted, there needs to be a shift in relationship dynamics. It always starts with YOU! If you'd like to chat more, please let me know!

Heather - posted on 08/18/2009

This is to all of the MOTHERS THAT SAY THEY HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM & JUST "DEAL" WITH IT. I too did that and let me tell you...I was over-exhausted, over-worked, angry, and tired of feeling like I was a single parent!!!! You don't have to live that way and it's not "just life!" Life should be enjoyed. I know you enjoy takin care of your kids, but you don't have to by yourself! You should have time to spend on yourself or to actually talk to other adults-not talkin to other adults is what about drove me insane, lol. My kids father thought I did nothing all day too, being that I am a stay-at-home mom of two boys-2 yrs and 1 yr, we all know how it is! LOL It's a 24 hour job to keep up with kids & maintain a house. And might I add it's a LABOR OF LOVE! You definitely need to give all the responsibilities to the Daddies for at least half of the day. And don't give them the easier time of day either. Let them get lunch ready, get laundry started, baths, & dinner started. That's what I did and let me tell you, he just told me how much he needed me last night!!!! He said, "I really don't know how you do it, you're so organized and everything." He said he can do it, but sometimes it gets tough b/c there is so much to do. I let him take care of things when my youngest was about 4 months old. Ever since then he has respected what I do and how much work it is to do everything that I do. I write this b/c you shouldn't have to do everything yourself and life is so much easier and enjoyable when you have help raising your kids. I hope you let your children's father help more and definitely give him a dose of what us moms do EVERYDAY. Good luck ladies, I pray things get easier for you :)

Megan - posted on 08/18/2009

Im am at that stage to. We have a 3 month old and for the first month of his life my fiance was never around. I stopped doing all the cleaning but that really didnt make a difference. What made the difference was when our son would cry every time he held him .

Stacey - posted on 08/18/2009

Quoting Natalie:

A non supportive spouse, I need advise please

My fiance and I have a 9 month old son and he doesn't support anything I do or help out almost at all when it come to taking care of him. I am a stay at home mom right now and looking for a job but my fiance thinks I do nothing all day and laughs when I tell him that taking care of our son is a full time job on top of doing all the house chores. I have made so many sacrifices and he hasn't made any, he is bascially living the same life except he has 2 roomates now. I want to try to work things out for my son's sake but I don't know how much more I can take, please help!

i am in the exact same situation as you except i have 2 children and he wont move in with me because he wants to still live with his mom he seems to think that taking care of 2 kids isnt so hard compared to working either...just get him to babysit oneday he will see...but even still i dont really have a solution for you because im in the same situation as u and idk what to do either but i just wanted to let you know ur not the only one

Colette - posted on 08/18/2009

hi i am a 30year old mum of 2, i went through the same thing, but i ended up with postnatal depression after my second was born because of it. i had to in the end leave, but i did try for 2.5years, sometimes it isnt good to stay for the sake of the kids as in the end they get upset. i am much happier and am now with a very supportive man who loves my kids and we are having another baby. good luck and i hope all works out for you, if you are happy your son will be happy.

Meghan - posted on 08/17/2009

Leave him with the baby for a few hours while you run some errands, after that he will be worshipping you and your wonderful mother skills.

Kelley - posted on 08/17/2009

The truth is alot of guys are not gonna be the hands on parent we would like them to be expecially when they are babies.Men pat them on their head maybe play with them a couple of mins then pass them to you. To try to fuss and change them is not gonna work if he were gonna e the very rare diaper changing bottle feeding dad he already would have.Men seem to start the spending time bonding stage as their son gets older and able to be his little buddy. I have 4 children 6,6,7,8 one of which is completely handicapped .my husband is a good man he works makes a living for us and is faithful and loves us.As far as helping alot with the kids"he thinks he does" but not really I deal with the discipline ,bathing feeding school etc.. pretty much 97% of the time but weigh your odds is he a good man that loves you and his son? if so then be grateful !!! I had a bad one that was abusive drug addict /alcholic .I guess what I am saying "not being rude at all" but that is life men don't help like we think they should!

Andrea - posted on 08/17/2009

My husband was useless for the first year of our son's life. We had the same fights you probably are. He still got to go out with the guys on the weekends, he still went out for a beer after work, and he rarely changed a diaper, offered a bottle, or even held our son. It didn't change until I went back to work and my husband was forced to stay at home with our son while he was sick. After 2 days at home he finally began to understand how hard it really is. Don't give up yet. Many guys have no idea how to be a father until the child is old enough to speak and interact with.

Colleen - posted on 08/17/2009

I too am a stay at home mom. My husband is the same way thinks that I do nothing all day except play with the kids. We have 3 children. Taking care of our 3 kids,cooking,cleaning and doing laundry is a full time job. Its harder work than half of them do. My husband doesn't understand what a hard job it is either. You should try to get out and leave your fiance with the baby all day and let him see how much hard work it really is. Maybe he would have more respect for what you do. Hope it all works out for you.

Carrie - posted on 08/17/2009

If you can swing it, leave him with the baby a weekend - more than a few hours. I am grateful that my hubby is really supportive but I know that when I went to a bachelorette party for a close friend and was gone three days he realized what I go through. Sure he'd change a diaper here and there, feed her a bottle, but he didn't know about the baths, bedtime, finding things for her to play with, etc. I left him with instructions (how often she ate and what she ate, what to do at naptime/bedtime, what songs she liked, books she liked, suggested walking routes, etc.) His parents live 15 minutes away so if anything had gone terribly wrong he would have had support. He made it through the time without needing reinforcements but he did say to me he had no idea what I did all day with the baby. That it was a lot harder than he thought and he admitted that although he never dared to say it, he did wonder sometimes why dishes wouldn't be done or the laundry piled up. After that weekend he knew!

I think men should be reminded (preferably from the begining of the pregnancy) they are 50% responsible for makign the baby, now they are 50% responsible in raising it. Yes, working and bringing home "the bacon" is a part of it. However, if it took money to raise a baby, you could leave a suitcase of money with the kid and they'd be fine. No no, it takes much more as many of us mommies know.

Becki - posted on 08/17/2009

Its not worth it honey trust me. My sons sperm doner as I like to call it couldnt even take care of our baby when I went back to work let alone offer to let me have a break. Do yourself a favore and find a real dad for that baby and a real man for you. If he aint listening now he never will. You dont want to end up going back to work and have him not helping at all. I promise Get out while your child is young so you can show him a healthy growing up with a real father figure. Plus when you are getting his child support that will open his eyes. He dont respect you if he is unsupportive. You deserve respect for you and your son.

Alana - posted on 08/17/2009

i must be one of these women that can not stand the idea of letting a man get away with saying things like that. your post upset me a little. i was a single mom for one year until i met my now husband...and in my opinion...my house was cleaner...laundrey was always done...and never had dishes. now i have a 11 month old...a 28 year old husband...and my 6 year old as well...wow...

i try to let my husband know this...its hard...feedings...laundrey...dusting...laundrey...feedings...lol...over and over...add baths onto that and you are a busy lady. dont let him disrespect you...

my husband NOW tells me all the time that i work harder than he does...and hes a nurse...

another thing u should remember...your job never ends. my baby isaac is so attached to me...im the only one in the house that can comfort him to sleep or feed him without him being upset. i wake up thru the night..and thats one thing most men cant say...our job is 24 hours a day.

god bless you...you have a beautiful baby!

Carlie - posted on 08/17/2009

hey my daughter is 8months and i no exactly what you mean hun, sit him down and tell him if he doesnt change you are leaving him! i did that last week things are looking up lets just hope it stays that way ey! but u do seriously need to put him straight and its hard when u have children but try thinking about ur self for once and if your not happy then do what it takes to be happy becus it will rub off on your babs, thats why i sat him down last week, good luck hun x

Angela - posted on 08/17/2009

I am basically in the same boat you are. I'm currently a stay at home mom with a 4 month old daughter and an 11 year old step daughter. I recently lost my job the end of last month and have been looking for one ever since. My fiance is currently working after being unemployed for 7 months. Not only did I have to work at that time, I took care of our children, cooked, clean, and did basically everything. Now that he is working and I am not, he is starting to see how difficult it was for me to do everything. So for the past few weeks, he has helped out more than ever. I had to sit down with him and explain to him why I am not "superwoman" and that I need help raising our children even though I am now at home with our kids. Some days he still slacks off on things, but overall he has done more than ever. So I think you need to just need to sit down and explain to him that you do need help and that your lil boy needs a father, that he has to stand up and be a part of his life or he needs to go. If your not happy, then staying in the relationship is not good for you or your baby.

Margaret - posted on 08/17/2009

I had the same problem and we started struggling with money. So I got a part-time job working the weekend at night at Target. Now my husband has to watch my son while I catch a couple of hours of sleep. NOw that he watches him, he sees what I have to do all day. The key is leaving your child with him for at least half of a day so that he can see what it's like. If your worried about him taking care of your son properly, find a friend or neighbor to peek in on them and report to you. Just make sure they don't let your husband know what they are doing and tell them not to take over unless they have to. Good luck.

Connie - posted on 08/17/2009

i am in the same boat.. i feel for you because it feels like you are doing everything by yourself and whats the point in asking for help when you get told its your job.. rght down to filling a juice jug that he empties at 3 am and leaves empty on the counter... if i dont do housework for a couple days i get told that the house is a pig sty( there is like 2 books on the table) and i need to start acting like and adult an clean up.. but when i do clean the house and cook dinner and all the errands and im exhausted, he tells me that is my own fault because i didnt sleep when our daughter did.. he works an 8 hour day 4 days a week and tells me that he deserves to sit and play xbox al night after work if he wants to because he has a job and i dont.. but he never once got up in the middle of thie night and had to stay up all night with her, and then take care of the house and cook dinner and entertain guests .. omg.. he expects to beable to continue living like nothing has chnged.. i didnt get post partum when i had her, but am starting to get it now because i have no support and he tell sme that he is sick and tired of me and hates coming home because i had a bad day and my crying iritates him.. he also told me when i was still pregnant that he thought stretch marks were discusting and asked me how long i planned on carrying my baby wieght( total like 75 pounds) around after i had the baby... no whe cant figure out why i hate looking in the mirror and cry when my clothes dont fit.. how do i get him to stop being a jerk....

Nadia - posted on 08/17/2009

Hey i totally understand how u feel =) "be there done that too" My husband also thinks that i do nothing all day and thinks he should be given the special treatment of not caring for the baby since he's the one working. It was difficult at first with occasional arguments or so. But I'm starting work soon, so he has no excuse to say NO!

Jennifer - posted on 08/17/2009

lose him. sorry that is just my point. i had a non supportive spouse and he was just pretty much a baby sitter for when i had to go to work and school. that is the only thing i could get his help on. i did everything else.

Kristin - posted on 08/17/2009

What other people said is true. I am a stay at home mom to my 3 year old son, and to make matters worse I live overseas and my husband is in the military. I had a similar problem when my son was a newborn. What was said about having your fiancee stay home, and take care of the baby may be the best way for him to have his eyes opened to how hard it is to take care of a child. Make sure you take the time for yourself (so you don't go crazy). Don't give him the choice. Just give him the instructions and go take the brake you need. Hopefully a couple of hours in you shoes will make him see how hard it is.

Stephanie - posted on 08/17/2009

Why do we keep putting up with this? What happened to womens rights?

It seems like every women here, and outside of the circle has these problems... someone needs to give the "man" kind's head a shake. I'm going through this too... I just posted a rant about my situation... Why do we stay and suffer? where is our strength to leave?!?!?

Sarah - posted on 08/16/2009

Hi Natalie, I'm 27 years old. I went through that with my ex husband. He slept all day and complained about helping me with our kids. One day, I snapped at him and told him I didn't have our oldest son, Allan, by myself. That didn't change anything. Its a tough decision to make. I left because he was not helping. And he caused us to lose our place. I'm here for you.

Emy - posted on 08/16/2009

I don't understand how men think that being a stay at home mother is not a job. There's a reason a full-time live-in nanny costs an arm and a leg.

He LAUGHS when you tell him it's a job?! Ugh! Why are you with this guy? Not only is seeing a man disregard his mother like that not good for your son (who is so cute!), but there are plenty of men who will be happy to be with a mother.

Dear god, don't marry this guy unless he changes his tune BEFORE the wedding.

Jenny - posted on 08/16/2009

I feel for you Natalie...I know that you want to stay and work things out for you son....but you also have to think about it and if things dont change for you...and you become unhappy it wont be helping your son..because he will notice that his mommy is hurting..even if you try and hide it from him...our children have a way of knowing when there is something wrong..I pray that things work out for the better for you and you are able to have your fiance change for you and your son....if they dont work out...im sure you are a strong woman and you will be able to make it as a single parent!

Amanda - posted on 08/16/2009

Well, first I'd like to tell you something. I was a single Mom with my son for yrs!! My son is now 8 1/2 yrs old in mid-Sept. I took care of him for about almost 7 yrs by myself. My husband & I married shortly after he turned 7. My son is not even his and he helps out whatever he can. Fiances, more on me when it comes to my son. But our daugther (1 /2 yrs old right now), he helps out a lot. I can understand coming from the single Mom I used to be with my son. My ex has not ever once paid child support (even though he is suppose to by court order). All I can tell u in hang in there. Eventually he'll see how things are. If he doesn't....once the tables turn he'll see how it really is. If he ever takes a day off, ask him to watch the little one and do everything u do, while u head out to work or wherever. I know u may have heard this so many times. But there are a lot of single Moms out there. I still consider myself with my son a single mom because my husband knows it bothers me if he ever tries to be more his Dad than his Dad is. To me, it's not my husbands place but my ex's and mine alone for my son. He can help...but I only accept it to a point. Just me I guess. I do hope that u and ur fiance work everything out and he sees everything u do.

Lauren - posted on 08/16/2009

I know how you feel. My son is 10 months old and my husband doesn't help me out at all, and hasn't since he was born. I had to have outpatient surgery two weeks ago and instead of coming home and watching the baby so that I could sleep off the anesthesia, he came home and went straight to bed and slept until after 7 that night. By that time, the baby was ready for bed. I could barely hold my eyes open I was so tired... Not to mention the fact that I was in a considerable amount of pain and unable to take my meds because they would knock me out. He has been this way since we got married, whenever I was sick, it was no big deal to him, he still expected me to do everything I normally did, even before the baby. Now I still clean the house, do the laundry and the cooking on top of taking care of the baby, the daddy and myself all while trying to study and finish school. I seperated from him and came back... Things were good for a couple of months, but then they went right back to the same old routine with him. My advice: if you don't want to leave him, that's your decision. But DO NOT marry him until he changes... It's a lot easier to leave a fiance than it is to divorce a husband. In my experience, men like this NEVER change. I wish you luck and I hope that things get better for you and your son.