Advice: Husband with anger issues...

Stacy - posted on 12/17/2012 ( 32 moms have responded )

616

0

87

Im sry this might be long but Ill keep as short as I can.

I need some advice please!
Me and my hubby have been married for 2 1/2 yrs, we have a 22 mo old and he works and i stay home with baby. Well he has always had anger issues and I have always felt as we can work on them and move on. But I am having such a hard time with it. He can get mad over anything no matter how small. Mind you we are also having many marital problems, this is just one of them
To show you how his anger is before we got married we live in apt and did not have assigned parking spots. People usually parked in same spots if they were available but sometimes would change when new neighbors arrived. Well the spot he usually parked in was taken one night and he stormed in cussing and yelling and pacing the floors because "they should have known that was his spot and they need to move" I stood infront of the door because he wanted to give them a peice of his mind. eventually he got me to move and stormed to their apt. and confronted them. They did graciously move but if they wouldnt of I know that he would have got in a fight.

Well these things have happened often enough (diff situations) of him blowing up, punching walls, my new car, breaking the computer, slamming doors, leaving squealing the tires, pushing the door so hard open it make hole in the wall, it just goes on.

I think before I speak and I will not let his anger affect mine, as in I am not going to act out like him, I will be better than that and wont speak for at least an hr after getting in an arguement, because I dont want to say something I am going to regret.

He of course isnt like that at all, he says really hurtful things, calling me names, saying how "crappy" of a life we have, how he hates things, etc. I used to brush them off and think I need to help his anger and not cause any more outrage so we would move on without fixing anything. I realize now that its not going to work and it really isnt helping myself or him.

This past agruement, its been since friday and ive been quite ever since because I dont know what to think, I am pretty upset. Apparently he felt I didnt take his side on something that happened to his at work and he went off. To the point I didnt feel that my son should be near him and we left (we came back that night but left for him to cool down), I felt that way before with myself ( he has never hurt me or my son EVER but has scared me with his actions) While he was yelling he said "I hate this F***ing place, Im just going to F***ing leave and you can do whatever the H*ll you want.

Mind you he doesnt respect our son in that when he is mad he will not hold back his tongue infront of him but as he is doing it I get my son away from him yelling immediately and tell my hubby to get away and stop doing that infront of our son. That is something I will not stand. For any arguement or cussing to happen infront of my baby whatso ever. (I do not [ever] cuss either)

This isnt the first time hes said things like this, and I thik of people saying "oh people say things when they are mad, but they really dont mean it". But I just keep thinking if you didnt mean it why would you let it roll off your tongue for someone to get hurt by it?

He has been diagnoses bipolar when he was young (and he was an extremely bad kid I may say, he was never disciplined, has a bad history behind him). He refused to go back to the dr after that so he doesnt take meds and will never do so.
But when these arguements happen, the next morning its like nothing ever happened, and I guess being used to me shoving it off, he thinks I will be fine as well.

This time I really am not. I need a change, our son will not grow up in the enviroment this is leading to, I just dont know what to do though. That sentence I quoted above of him yelling at me has consumed my mind and cant quite thinking about it. I mean we have a son and I am not a bad person, we dont have to live this life.
I do not want a divorce or to be seperated, but am at my wits ends. I cant deal with his anger issues any longer (we've been together for total of 5 yrs) and I am not going to anymore. But I dont know how to fix it or if he is willing to work on it.

Anyone have this same issue or have any advice. Im sry this is so long!

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Eva - posted on 12/19/2012

23

0

5

My mom left my father when I was 3; he had major rage issues (mad about the stupidest little things, all the time). She had me and my little brother (age 2 at the time) and had to "sneak" off the farm, because he wouldn't let her go with both of us kids. He knew if she left with both of us, she'd have no reason to come back.

Now I'm 30 and can tell you that leaving my father was one of the best things my mother did for us children. And the sooner the better, because I have memories of them fighting, and all the yelling he did. He never hit her, but he threatened her, and when he yelled he could shake the roof. She moved us in with her sister and it was such a lovely change to a stress-free, cozy environment. Yes, she could provide us with less. We all shared a large basement room, and my mom slept on a pull-out chair while we had our own bunk bed (the very first while after we left, all we had were sleeping bags on the floor.)

If you're strong enough for it, it's better to be a role model for your children as a woman who can stand on her own, and knows what she deserves and what her children deserve. Your husband may have his own "good reasons" for being as angry as he is; you are not responsible for fixing him. And if there is any "fixing" this, it will probably be found in leaving him and seeing if he's capable of turning himself around when he sees how serious you are.

I hope things do work out for you both, Stacy. No one wants to leave their husband (we don't marry them because we thought it wouldn't work!) Just wanted you to hear a different type of advice. As an FYI, as a "child of divorce" I've been with my husband for 9 years (3 married) and we have 2 children. I don't talk to my father any more - about 4 years ago I realized he was never going to stop being angry and belligerent and me and his future grand-babies would be better off without.

Heather - posted on 02/04/2013

2

0

0

I decided to read this post because it sounded like a difficult situation, and I wondered "what would I do?" I think it is good of you to have hope and to talk to your husband.
In any healthy marriage, there are struggles. Divorce is such an easy and frequent "solution" to any struggle. Some struggles are more extreme than others, and in some rare situations the problem is really and truly a legitimate reason for divorce.
It is best to be open, communicate, and be honest with each other. Neither lashing out or bottling in are going to help. My marriage is not perfect, and we've only been married three years, but I find that as both parties think less of their selves and reach out to love and serve the other, the marriage is so much more enjoyable and happy.
I actually have occasions when my anger slips, and I believe I inherited some anxiety/depression tendencies from my grandparent. During those times, I feel like there is no way I can just let go of the anger. Sometimes my husband will just say "I think it would be best for everyone if you go take a walk." Of course in the moment it sounds like an insult and its the last thing I want to hear, but he's right! Besides, exercise is a great outlet for me to release that tension and feel overall better emotionally. In a way I can sypmathize with your husband, but there is no excuse for letting it get the better of you, and anger management solutions should be sought if it frequently does get the better of you.
Another thing, no matter how good the man, there will always be differences, and there will always be things that shock us or annoy us. I think that my husband is a very good man and a loving husband and father. But despite that, there are things that can really bug me! For example, my husband can sleep through anything, and no matter how serious a reason for waking him up, he simply can't be coherent (like when our daughter had a temp of 104, he just rolled over and said "that's not very high, she'll be fine." Or when my daughter was choking and I thought we needed to do the heimlich and he slept through it all). At first I couldn't believe it, but after three years, I'm getting used to it and don't hold him accountable or take it personally :)
Marriage is defiinitely worth working towards, and it really does take a lot of selfless work.

Heavenly Father gave us families for a reason, and I think that as long as your son sees examples of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities (from "The family, a proclamation to the world"), then he will be just fine.
Anger and Pornogrophy are definitely destructive things for any family, and they should be seen to and eliminated. It is not going to be easy, and it certainly isn't going to be overnight, but it is possible. And especially with the help of faith and Christ's atonement, anything is possible. However, it will take the effort and desire of both you and your husband.
As long as he is willing to work at it, and as long as you feel safe, then pray for love, and give it an honest chance. I wish you the best and hope this year is filled with success for you and your family!!

Rodann - posted on 02/05/2013

10

24

1

Stacy I also have an husband with anger issues. We have three children together ages 6, 4, and 3. We have been together for 11 years now. Our relationship started off great for the first 3-4 years. He started acting aggressive once we moved in together my son was 1 and half at this time. At this time it was only verbal abuse. But over the littlest thing. Like (why did you take a bath already before I got here. Where were you today). Even though I didn't go anywhere. Then I ended up getting preganat with my second child. Then he started drinking all the time. Going to work and then going out. Not coming home until after 2 am. He would expect me to know when he was coming and have his food on the table. I never thought it would come to him hitting me either. But it did. It will go from you getting hurt by things he threw against the wall to you actually getting hit. The first time he hit me I was seven months with my second child. Then when I went to the floor I got kicked in the stomach. I tired to leave that night but I couldn't because I couldn't make it to the front door from my room with my son. Once I finally made it to the door my son gets snatch out of my hands and get put on the couch. As I am getting dragged by hair across the living room and beening force to go to my room. I got beat for three days straight before I could get away. Why not call someone we didn't own a phone. I couldn't get the windows or back door they had bars. I was a prisoner. I was forced to stay in this marriage though. Still getting abuse in front of my children. I was like you I kept them out of the same room. But you know what. They can still hear. And they are so smart. They can see what's going on. They see the bruises and tears. They get the nightmares. I got so fed up and tired of it I got even. Cause the next time he touched me I hit him back. When he had to go to work the next day. His brother told him it is about time she started treating you how treat her. And laughed at him. His brother told him he better get his shit together. And he had never laid a finger on me again. Now my kids don't let him forget what he has done. They are constantly reminding him that he better treat me right or we will be leaving this time. And he just breaks down to tears. My husband has not laid an hand or yelled out of rage in four years.

Grace - posted on 01/27/2013

4

0

1

I would sit him down and try and talk to him give him an ultimatimatim tell him either controll ur anger issues or ur going to walk away and leave him. my last realtionship he had anger issues he got mad over the stupidest things lil things and after two months i left him I left him and explained to him he needed to get help. Hes bi polar as well, i told him go to anger mangament get help if he wanted me back. My ex begs me back everyday and i told him prove to me you have changed and if you cant then i cant be in your life. He told me hes going to a shrenk and getting help cause he sees thats im right and needs to fix him self. IF you maybe leave him for a bit he will do something about his problem because its only going to get worse. How about trying marriage councling. You have to do whats best for you and that child being you have a small child he shouldnt have to see any of the anger that comes out of your husband.

Stacy - posted on 01/26/2013

616

0

87

Thanks you Jonathan. We are both trying to be a great couple and I am so glad that even at our lowest point we still have love for one another, and it helps us pull through and come back on top. After all was said and done e said he was willing to give up anything tat made me unhappy and do anything to make me happy, which I feel like I am really blessed to have that. I also hope things never turn back, its been a very rocky past 2 yrs and maybe now we can just look ahead and keep that in the past!.
I know this is a "mom" website, but its great to also hear from a mans point of view and also have support from the other gender, you should tell all your friends to join, and be part of the community

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

32 Comments

View replies by

Pamela - posted on 02/04/2013

3

0

2

Ive been thru similar, only i got physically hurt. Now, im the one struggling with anger issues. Ur kids have to come first. Id start off telling him u want a temporary separation. Go to ur moms, or a close relative. Tell him in that time, if he is able to seek marital counseling, work things thru with u, and start respecting u and yall s son, then u will come back. If not, all i can say is, it only gets worse, hon. U want ur son raised right, and not be scared, u look after him before u worry about a grown man throwing fits cuz he wont take meds. Im sorry, but theres no excuse for that kind of behavior unless someone has threatened ur family, or is hurting u.

Jonathan - posted on 02/04/2013

10

0

0

Heather you are a very rare breed indeed. You are a true woman. Not many women today have the love and understanding that you have shown here. I want to thank you for encouraging Stacy with your kind words. I struggled with anger issues off and on for 7 years of my marriage and Have finally come to true repentance. My wife originally wanted to give me a chance to prove myself, but now she is talking about divorce :( Could you please pray for us that the Lord may change her heart and cause our marriage to stand firm? I would really appreciate it. God bless you sister.

Krissy - posted on 02/04/2013

19

0

6

I can tell you from experience with several horrible relationships (fortunately not with my son) but it is only a matter of time before he hits you, or your son. And the mental damage he is doing to you and your son now will harm him for life, those are brain connections you can’t fix or take away. He hears that negativity, and that is so damaging for any developing child of any age. You tell him to either fix himself or get out of your lives. Because it is in the best interest of the child and your mental health. Tell him to see a counselor, a doctor, someone to help him, otherwise be done. Any man who doesn't love you enough to do better for you and your son doesn't deserve to have you in his life. Its hard doing it alone, but it is so much healthier for a child to be raised in an environment full of love and positivity. Don’t just stay with him because people judge about divorces. Do whets best for your son. Period. I wish you the best of luck.

Jonathan - posted on 01/26/2013

10

0

0

You are a wonderful woman and a great wife to your husband stacy! Not many women out there are like that. Keep up the good work. I must say I am very glad to see that your husband is working on his anger issues and is also willing to deal with his pornography addiction. I hope things continue to get better for both of you. Many Blessings.

Stacy - posted on 01/26/2013

616

0

87

Thank you all soo much. You all have really been helpful and im glad to say that thinks are looking way up! Just a few days ago, while he was at work I found a stash of porn (which I do not like at all! I feel as marriage is between me him and God, he knows this) so I am furious and when he gets home im really upset and I dont talk to him until our baby went to sleep. Well it ended up us having an arguement and my sleeping on the couch. The next day I was really distraught because I felt I went to far with my words and he might think I want to leave him. well to help get the stress off my back I wrote him a note, and while writing that note, something clicked and I realized that I just needed to open up and be vulnerable to him (with my emotions) I hadnt been because of his anger, I was to worried he'd blow up, but I realized to help him better understand how I am being hurt by everything and to be able to improve our relationship my guard needs to drop. (something so simple, but so hard for me to do!) It was long and had alot of thoughts and emotions Ive really hid from him over this period, and to what I looked for in our relationship. Well when our son fell asleep that night I gave him the note as I cleaned up and we sat down to discuss.
Prayers were answered and I had a break through! He did not get mad, he stayed calm and collective, he really listened and I think it just really made him realize that I was quickly falling away from him and he had to stop it. Well after a good long talk, its like we have a spark between us again! I havent felt this good for a long time! There has been no tension since, no yelling, no disrespect, nada. It was just like a light switch turning on, that quickly, but I am soo thankful and do hope and pray still that it stays and only gets better. God has really strengthened our relationship. And sending you all to help me has really been a blessing. Thanks to everyone again for your support and I will also pray for those who are going through this and even for those who already have, to find the right path for them.

Chelsea - posted on 01/25/2013

17

0

1

Honey, i know exactly how you feel. My boyfriend, father of my child, was born with a.d.d and a.d.h.d and he has really really bad anger problem to where if our child is crying and screaming he gets loud and just says STOP!!!!! and of course a baby isnt going to stop crying by him screaming stop. he hates getting up in the mornings with her, so its mostly me. and when i ask him to do little things like make a bottle or bring up laundry there is always an excuse. Try asking him about maybe going to anger management, thats what i suggested and he is trying to go. I know it may be hard but maybe try giving him a break take your baby and go to your familys for a week give him space and let him know how you feel. Just let him know its not good for around the baby you dont want your child to be around that maybe that will help calm him down and see how it is without you and his child.

Jonathan - posted on 01/25/2013

10

0

0

It is clear that you are a very patient loving and forgiving wife. And that is to your credit. But it seems your husband is trampling on that love and mercy. That is unnacceptable! When after time and time and again he hurts you with his words and actions and says sorry but goes and does it again - it is very clearl that he isnt truly sorry and is taking advatage of your patience. I hope you find a way out of this situation and become strong enough not to tolerate this anymore from him. Does he profess to be a believer in Christ? Because if he does he is showing some real signs of not genuinely being converted. Yes Christians may struggle with anger but they dont justify it and stay proud and continue on that path days weeks months and years unchallenged and unconcerned. I hope that things turn around for you and become better :) May the Lord Richly Bless you. I will leave you with the wise and convicting words of Preacher Charles Haddon Spurgeon: Nay, man, God will not forgive your lusts while you are still revelling in the bed of your uncleanness. And do you imagine he will forgive your drunken feasts while you are still sitting at the glutton's table! Shall he forgive your profanity when your tongue is still quivering with an oath? Think you that God shall forgive your daily transgressions when you repeat them again, and again, and again, wilfully plunging into the mire? He will wash thee, man, but he will not wash thee for the sake of permitting thee to plunge in again and defile thyself once more. "Well," do I hear you say, "I do feel that such a change as that has taken place in me." I am glad to hear it, my dear sir; but I must ask you a further question. Divine transformation is not merely in act but in the very soul; the new man not only does not sin as he used to do, but he does not want to sin as he used to do. The flesh-pots of Egypt sometimes send up a sweet smell in his nostrils, and when he passes by another man's house, where the leek, and garlic, and onion are steaming in the air, he half wishes to go back again to his Egyptian bondage, but in a moment he checks himself, saying, "No, no; the heavenly manna is better than this; the water out of the rock is sweeter than the waters of the Nile, and I cannot return to my old slavery under my old tyrant." There may be insinuations of Satan, but his soul rejects them, and agonizes to cast them out. His very heart longs to be free from every sin, and if he could be perfect he would. There is not one sin he would spare. If you want to give him pleasure, you need not ask him to go to your haunt of debauchery; it would be the greatest pain to him you could imagine. It is not only his customs and manners, but his nature that is changed. You have not put new leaves on the tree, but there is a new root to it. It is not merely new branches, but there is a new trunk altogether, and new sap, and there will be new fruit as the result of this newness. A glorious transformation is wrought by a gracious God.

Sarah - posted on 01/25/2013

61

0

4

i can relate to your feelings stacy..on the other hand my case is like this my husband is really hot headed many times even just for small things..we are moving on our 11th yr this yr..and actually i discover his behavior on day 2 of our mariage..he is yelling at me when he ask for something and im freaking and terrified coz he doesnt to this before we got married..many times i patiently ignore it and cry on the corner to ease my pain..and there comes a time that cant hols on anymore ..and i honestly and frankly told him that i dont really like that what he is doing..yelling and being hot headed always considering we are only together during weekends coz he work in the city..we are both first born in the family thats why we are both hard enough feeling bossy at times..but the good things is that my husband knows how to say sorry but ...when its reapeatedly over and over gain.. i feel exhausted to give forgiveness..bec..he keeps on doing that to me.

.my father told me that its the natural of husband to be like that when he talk coz he got that trait from my mother in law ..they are kind a dryness when talking as if they are mad..but they are not..but..upto now i still dont know what to do to lessen his hot headed..even if i go extra mile with my dutiers as the fulltymwife and mom and im always praying to God for him to be more calm in evry stresful events......

here, the worst is that he hit me already :( which makes me feel so bad.. :( he hit me like:garsp/pull my hands very hard and it leaves dark mark..sometyms kick me in the legs coz..at times i want to ask for help from my parents coz i cant take it anymore his attitude(hot headed) we live with the same compound but seperate house....but still i forgive him again....

the latest event that we where into is that he get mad at me when i object to come with him to go to my in-laws for overnight coz..we have a house on our own..before when we have no chils we just have our adopted child 2yrs ago..thats why almost our weekends and holidays spend them in mother in law house..its only for me at first but...i realize we dont have privacy considering we are meeting every weekends..coz he only got home every weekend coz he work in the city and if i allow him or us to go to in-laws every often we eneded up no privacy..coz his mother wanted to stay with us even on our sleep..where is our privacy isnt it????my mother in-laws most of the time attending to my husband needs from clothing to cup of coffee etc..where is my role as a wife isnt it...?

you know its really hard for me both his anger,,moods..and also his being mamas boy...your not alone ms stacy..we have alsmost same situation most probably but mine is kind a over..and u know what 3 weeks ago i end up not talking to him for a week coz i got fed up! im always hoping and praying all of this will have to passed..and maybe..later on we can bond together with privacy coz my mother in law is moving abroad to visit my sis in law..maybe by then we can focus on our own lives...my mother in law is very kins but on the other side she is very attached to her children she dont want them to go out of her skirt..feeling me as a wife sometyms bypass with the roles as a wife to her son...

hope we can see sunshine to our gloomy day..Godbless us..pls keep me posted..

Jocelyn - posted on 01/25/2013

73

4

5

Stacy,

A lot of what you posted about your husband is like a flashback for mine. My husband also grew up with no discipline and a gross amount of self-absorption. He was raised with a sense of entitlement and could not see things from other people's perspectives which led to many instances such as the one you mentioned about the parking lot. My husband did not know how to coexist with anybody; he is the center and people have to live around him. If given an option of two routes, he chooses the one that would be most aggravating for him; for some reason he puts himself in situations to ignite his anger. He doesn't ask for anything, he doesn't say "excuse me", because clearly anything on his mind I am expected to know. He is fluent in road rage, complained daily about his crappy life (which was hurtful to me, being a part of his life), and had an explosive temper over the most menial inconsequential things.

I am an analytical person. I search for causes and solutions. In my husband's case, 15+ years of drug and alcohol abuse (aka having too much fun as a teen) had taken its toll on his body. Drugs and alcohol temporarily increase the brain's serotonin levels (the chemical that causes the feeling of happiness), and by continuing to artificially boost serotonin levels, the body loses the ability to create its own serotonin. So he was never happy. He has a good heart, he recognizes his anger issues and wants to change, but you can't change the chemicals in your brain just by wanting to be happy.

For years I told him to go to the doctor; he would agree just to end the fight but would postpone it and never went. Once I asked him everyday until he went, but he wasn't genuinely interested in it and it didn't work. It got so miserable I could not be happy around him. If he saw me happy he would start to berate me and he wouldn't stop until I was in tears. Not because he's a hateful horrible person, because as soon as he saw my tears it was like lifting a mask off his face and he would instantly apologize with his own crying heart at my feet. Anyway, the point I'm getting to, is that I asked for a divorce. The next day he went to the doctor and disclosed all of his issues. He got on a prescription to help his body create serotonin again and the difference is night and day. If he drinks alcohol or a lot of caffeinated drinks then it definitely decreases the efficacy of his prescription and it's back to crazy road rage, complaining, explosively angry dude, but if he takes the prescription and drinks healthy then he's a completely different person.

Every person is unique, so your husband is not exactly like mine, but the right prescription could be the solution to his anger issues. He needs to go willingly and he needs to be honest with the doctor. I asked, told, begged, bargained, and forced my husband to go for years with no results. If he did go, it was to placate me and he would downplay his issues like I was blowing things out of proportion. When I finally stopped asking for him to go to the doctor and started asking for a divorce, that's when he finally sought help. I would not bring up divorce as a bargaining chip though; in my case, I had had enough, and I wanted a divorce. I had no idea it would be the catalyst he needed to get his gears in motion.

Good luck to you. It sounds like he wants to change, which is a great step in the right direction.

Jonathan - posted on 01/21/2013

10

0

0

Stacy I am very glad to see that your husband is prgressively making some changes. Obviously he loves you and wants to work things out. I rejoice at any sign of improvment or growth and I am glad he has such a loving wife that is able to see that change however imperfect it may be and is willing to stand by him and work with him on it. Keep up the good work sister! I hoipe he responds well if and when you suggest the counselling to him. Many blessings to you and yours.

Stacy - posted on 01/20/2013

616

0

87

Thank you Jonathan,it is really great to hear from a mans perspective that went through this and beat it. It shows me there is something to hope for and I know we can get there if we really put our heads together. I will take your advice to heart, and I have already started standing up to him(more than I ever have in the past) and I do see some of a difference. We havent tried marraige counseling yet but it is def. on my list of things we have to do. I feel like it would be a real eye opener for him and probably ofr me as well.

Thanks again for all the good advice!

Jonathan - posted on 01/20/2013

10

0

0

Stacy, I have bipolar disorer and struggled for 7 years with sinful anger towards my wife and children. It finally led to my getting arrested and my wife getting a restraining order against me. And its seems that even though she was willing to let me change and prove myself (she didnt want a divorce) she has changed drastically as a person and is talking about divorce. The fact of the matter is that I repented and have changed my ways and I don't struggle with anger anymore and have become a very loving and considerate person. I hope your husband can change before things get worse than they are. It sounds like his anger is REALLY bad and has affected you and your son very much. I would suggest that you may consider threatening to seperate from him and live elsewhere until he is able to take repsonsibility for his illness and get on some form of treatment. It would also be wise to require him to go through some sort of marriage counselling with you. I am very glad you love your husband and are unwilling to get a divorce. It takes alot of love, mercy, grace, and strength to stand by your man like that. But dont allow him to continue this abuse unchallenged. It is in the best interest of you and your child that you live somewhere else until he is willing to show meaningful and lasting change in his life. If he really loves you and your son he will change. God bless you Stacy.

Sofia - posted on 01/16/2013

263

12

80

Stacy: You dont have to explain everything that has happened. The bottom line is this: a man who LOVES and CHERISHES his wife and child will WANT to protect them, will WANT to treat them right, will WANT to do right by them, WITHOUT you even asking.
Honey, please open your eyes and realize you are wasting your time. Just leave.

Sofia - posted on 01/16/2013

263

12

80

I'm not saying that this is the best advice for you, I can only tell you what i did with my ex who also had/and continues to have, anger issues ; RUN! Run like heck the opposite way!
Yes we all stay because of the child, because our feeling of committment, because we made a promise to God that we would stay in good or in bad, etc etc. I know all the reasons, I said them to myself for 7 yrs. He did not change and neither will your husband.
Save yourself, your sanity, your life, and in consequence, you are saving your child's life as well.
good luck. hope you make the right choice.

Stacy - posted on 01/16/2013

616

0

87

things have improved slightly since my last post.. I wrote him a note syaing somethings I just needed to get off my chest, but he actually listened and I have seen him step forward trying to be a better husband. We have def. had our stuggles and still do but throug it all we both want it to work, little by little I do think we can get there, I a little impatient but pushing through and tryin to keep strong. Its just so frustrating, but as long as we are safe and I feel that we are, we are going to keep praying and doing what we can to improve this

Emma - posted on 01/15/2013

3

0

0

Stacey - I hope things are ok at home. My heart goes out to you and your son. You know in your heart what's best for you and your baby and its not always the easiest of choices.
Keep us updated.

Stacy - posted on 01/08/2013

616

0

87

So things are about the same. I want to ask your thoughts. He said something to me yesterday that completely threw me back and Im not sure if I am taking it out of hand or if I am fair to be feeling this way. So my son was asleep in his room and we were in the bedroom doing our own things, he had his earbuds in listening to music and I was playin a video game. All of a sudden (I still dont know what it was) I heard a big noise coming from another part of the house, we had the baby monitor on so I know it wasnt my son or anything in his room, but I grabbed his leg and said "I just heard something get the gun and go check now". He didnt hear me of course so I said it again and my tone was serious and low because if it were someone breaking in I didnt want to draw attention (I know Im a big baby when its dark out side, lol I cant help but to get scared) apparently he thought I was being rude or seomthing, Im not sure and he snapped, he sat up real fast and mocking my tone execpt his was hateful and said "You get the gun and you go check yourself". He got up and did check (thankfully it wasnt anything) but casually opened he door and walked through the house. He came back and acted like everything was fine and dandy, and I am sitting there like what???
Ya know I look for the man of the house to protect the house and give me a feeling of protection that at any little thing hes going to be there. And he just threw it out the window. I did just sit there in shock, but really I wanted to take that gun and throw it out the window and leave But I didnt I slept on the couch that night ad havent talked to him. Im thinkin Im going to start a fund for myself when he makes me mad that I will have the means to leave for a while to let him get a taste of what it would be like.
I just feel he doesnt respect, he doesnt care, doesnt love,just nothing towards me. I just want so bad for things to come to a close and for it to be better again, but Im having such a hard time getting these negative thoughts out of my mind and things like this happening makes everything worse

Sun - posted on 12/19/2012

4

0

1

Yes keep us updated, since I'm going throught something similar I would like to know that there is still hope or not in my marriage. Good luck!

Stacy - posted on 12/19/2012

616

0

87

I want him to change and i guess because of that I feel like he will change. I talked to him, not through everything, but just started the neverending conversation of this. He said he wants things to get better as do I and I mentioned counciling, but he isnt reallt thrilled with it. I am going to be making calls asap to find someone, and force him to go. We both agreed that we really dont want divorce or seperation, and will try to make things better before we come to that point.
You are right we do not need to wait around for things to get worse. Through this time that we try to make it better, I will just pray that it does only get better, but if things dont, I can say that I will be smart and get away from something that wont change. im just going to let him try to change, just give him the chance, but if things fall back I am done.
Sheilka I do agree, and honesty is best, I do need to hear. thank all of you, Ill tyr to keep this updated!

Sheilka - posted on 12/18/2012

11

0

0

Honey....you need to make him seek help or else one day he will snap and it ain't gonna be the wall or the car that he will punch....then what? You can't wait for the situation to get worse to seek help....if it was me I would get out of the relationship not only for my sake but also for my child's sake... I think my child deserves better....you are really acting out of fear....just put it in God's hand and take control of the situation...good luck! ;) if you really think he has potential to change then try seeking help together...by what you wrote...I don't think he respect you or tour son....he has no care for his family and he will not change....sorry to be so honest but I'm going by what you wrote....hope all works out for the best!

Stacy - posted on 12/18/2012

616

0

87

thank you Daisy, its very reassuring!

Sun I am really sorry, I do hope that things will get better for you too! I think that if I had a place to go to stay at least for a night I probably would of by now, but I dont, but I think that sometimes time apart can help in certain situations, hopefully yours will realize what he is doing and want to change to keep you and both of yours baby in his life. Sometimes I think it takes a good feeling of loneliness to realize the wrongs weve placed in our lives

Sun - posted on 12/17/2012

4

0

1

I just found out I'm pregnant and my husband still verbally abuse me and feels like it's ok. So I left him tonight. Maybe that would make him think. He loves his beer and smokes more than keeping his family happy. Smh

Daisy Leanne - posted on 12/17/2012

4

0

1

yes just keep praying and dont get discouraged, God has his plans and he will touch your husbands heart in such away that it will change him, dont know when that can happen but it will. it might not be a quick change but it will take time, dont give up!


<< Ecclesiastes 3 >>
King James Version
1To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
2A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

3A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

4A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

5A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

6A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

7A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

8A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

9What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboureth? 10I have seen the travail, which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it.

11He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.

12I know that there is no good in them, but for a man to rejoice, and to do good in his life. 13And also that every man should eat and drink, and enjoy the good of all his labour, it is the gift of God. 14I know that, whatsoever God doeth, it shall be for ever: nothing can be put to it, nor any thing taken from it: and God doeth it, that men should fear before him. 15That which hath been is now; and that which is to be hath already been; and God requireth that which is past.

Stacy - posted on 12/17/2012

616

0

87

Im not really afraid of him hitting me directly just out of rage him breaking something and with me being there, me getting hurt as a result. Like him breaking glass and throwing it at a wall and it come flyin at me from the wall. If that makes sense.
Yes I have worked and worked and worked so hard on my sweet son on changing my habits for the better and only bringing him around good influences. I think even with us not being close and my son picking up on that, I dont want him to know or think that is normal, because like you said later on in life he will do the same. I tell my hubby to go to the other room and we will discuss matters later, but when he gets mad with our son there or not he starts and if he cant control that, I just feel that hes just not giving it his all to change. I thought both of us was working hard on changing our relationship for the better but Im not sure anymore.

And Daisy yes I believe, God is great and I believe he can move mountains, I am praying and trying my best. I know he can fix this, I believe it. I need to quit worrying and put it in his hands. Ive got to keep working on our relationship but let go of what I cant change.
Thank you both

Cleaver - posted on 12/17/2012

580

0

89

i am in the same boat as you.i have given my husband til the end of the month to either change or get help. i have enough witnesses to his verbal abuse that if he tried to get full custody he wouldn't although i would rather he stay in their lives. I am not sure what to do he is trying but its not working.
that's what you have to do give him a time limit and follow through if you don't follow through he'll never believe you. let me tell you something if you have feared that he'd hit you he probably will end up doing it. if it just stays like this then your child will be scared of him (is that what you want?)and your son will have just as much respect towards other women as your husband has for you. (again is that what you want?)

Daisy Leanne - posted on 12/17/2012

4

0

1

when theres nothing else you could do, reach out to God, do it, have faith, You cant change him and obviously he cant change on his own. he cant control himself and God can help him, he ccan strenghten him and give him self control. i dont know if your a believer or not but I am and i am totally sure that God will help you two but you need to reach out to him and talk to him asking him to reveal himself to you, have faith. God is real, and hes a good God

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms