User - posted on 12/17/2012 ( 32 moms have responded )
Im sry this might be long but Ill keep as short as I can.
I need some advice please!
Me and my hubby have been married for 2 1/2 yrs, we have a 22 mo old and he works and i stay home with baby. Well he has always had anger issues and I have always felt as we can work on them and move on. But I am having such a hard time with it. He can get mad over anything no matter how small. Mind you we are also having many marital problems, this is just one of them
To show you how his anger is before we got married we live in apt and did not have assigned parking spots. People usually parked in same spots if they were available but sometimes would change when new neighbors arrived. Well the spot he usually parked in was taken one night and he stormed in cussing and yelling and pacing the floors because "they should have known that was his spot and they need to move" I stood infront of the door because he wanted to give them a peice of his mind. eventually he got me to move and stormed to their apt. and confronted them. They did graciously move but if they wouldnt of I know that he would have got in a fight.
Well these things have happened often enough (diff situations) of him blowing up, punching walls, my new car, breaking the computer, slamming doors, leaving squealing the tires, pushing the door so hard open it make hole in the wall, it just goes on.
I think before I speak and I will not let his anger affect mine, as in I am not going to act out like him, I will be better than that and wont speak for at least an hr after getting in an arguement, because I dont want to say something I am going to regret.
He of course isnt like that at all, he says really hurtful things, calling me names, saying how "crappy" of a life we have, how he hates things, etc. I used to brush them off and think I need to help his anger and not cause any more outrage so we would move on without fixing anything. I realize now that its not going to work and it really isnt helping myself or him.
This past agruement, its been since friday and ive been quite ever since because I dont know what to think, I am pretty upset. Apparently he felt I didnt take his side on something that happened to his at work and he went off. To the point I didnt feel that my son should be near him and we left (we came back that night but left for him to cool down), I felt that way before with myself ( he has never hurt me or my son EVER but has scared me with his actions) While he was yelling he said "I hate this F***ing place, Im just going to F***ing leave and you can do whatever the H*ll you want.
Mind you he doesnt respect our son in that when he is mad he will not hold back his tongue infront of him but as he is doing it I get my son away from him yelling immediately and tell my hubby to get away and stop doing that infront of our son. That is something I will not stand. For any arguement or cussing to happen infront of my baby whatso ever. (I do not [ever] cuss either)
This isnt the first time hes said things like this, and I thik of people saying "oh people say things when they are mad, but they really dont mean it". But I just keep thinking if you didnt mean it why would you let it roll off your tongue for someone to get hurt by it?
He has been diagnoses bipolar when he was young (and he was an extremely bad kid I may say, he was never disciplined, has a bad history behind him). He refused to go back to the dr after that so he doesnt take meds and will never do so.
But when these arguements happen, the next morning its like nothing ever happened, and I guess being used to me shoving it off, he thinks I will be fine as well.
This time I really am not. I need a change, our son will not grow up in the enviroment this is leading to, I just dont know what to do though. That sentence I quoted above of him yelling at me has consumed my mind and cant quite thinking about it. I mean we have a son and I am not a bad person, we dont have to live this life.
I do not want a divorce or to be seperated, but am at my wits ends. I cant deal with his anger issues any longer (we've been together for total of 5 yrs) and I am not going to anymore. But I dont know how to fix it or if he is willing to work on it.
Anyone have this same issue or have any advice. Im sry this is so long!