Advice on ways to help ease the fighting between my husband and I

Caitlin - posted on 11/01/2009 ( 13 moms have responded )

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it seems like ever since we found out we are expecting again and that it's another girl, my husband has been very distant towards this baby. It makes me nervous because I'm afraid he won't love her or play with her as much as he does out older daughter. He was very involved with my first daughter all through the doctor's appointments and even loved to feel her kick, with this baby though, he doesn't seem to care. Like at all. All we have done basically is argue. He always wants to go off with just me and him and I don't like always leaving our older daughter with everyone else. I understand that he wants some alone time with me, but everytime I want to go somewhere with the three of us (my husband, older daughter and I) He doesn't really ever want to go. He'd rather sit and play World of Warcraft or X-Box 360. He is almost always critizing me because we disipline our daughter differently. He's always yelling at her and that's not my approach. I'm just so stressed and so tired of the fighting. I want to be able to go through a week without one arguement and that hasn't seemed possible. I've tried talking with him, I've tried explaining the way I feel and I've tried compromising. Where once a week my brother watches our daughter so him and I can go for a walk or my brother takes my daughter for a walk to my dads. I'm just really sick of fighting. Anyone have any advice???

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Laura - posted on 11/02/2009

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hi caitlin, men do like to sulk don't they? lol, why don't you suggest maybe that once a week or whatever u will have a night just the 2 of u, but on a different day a week, that the xbox stays away and you have a family day. Even if you can't get a babysitter, just cook a nice dinner, and watch a film or something together? With the sex part, I had a low placenta with my 3rd so it was a no go, and me any my fiance had a bit of fun experimenting with a bit of variety! Maybe suggest that? good luck

Cassi - posted on 11/02/2009

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Have you ever watched the movie Fireproof? My husband and I watched that because our marrige has been on the rocks for a year now, and after watching it with him he went out and bought the book from the movie "The Love Dare" We have both been reading the book. The book is wrote by Christians and is very religious, and it is useful for a husband or a wife. The first dare in the book is to not say anything negative for one day. If you get the urge to say something negative, bite your tongue. This book is saving my marrige I think, so I highly recommend it.
As far as the new baby goes, I bet when he see's that little girl she'll melt his heart!

Caitlin - posted on 11/01/2009

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Hey everyone thanks so much for your replies! I had a talk with my hubby yesterday morning when he got home. I guess I didn't realize how left out he felt, he said I wasn't spending enough time with him. So this week. My dad is taking Karizma on Tuesday, my hubby's day off and then my mom is going to my aunt's for the day and taking my 1st daughter with her. So I'm going to try harder now that I know it's because I make him feel left out. Which looking back I guess I do sometimes without meaning to. Thank you again for your replies and advice!

Rebekah - posted on 11/01/2009

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hay caitlin how old is your 1st lil girl? it would be stressful if his hours got cut back just as a lil bundle on the way, my hubby was like that, but he had to look for different work , now he dose long hours like 12 hours days 3 days 3 nyts and he taken over tym to get ahead of the bills and when he get home he buggerd and wants to play the ps3 he dosent reall want to look after his lil girl much but i throught to my self 1 day after we had a big fight he needs tym to relax he dose go out when he wants but now our lil gurl geting older he doen a lil bit more with her , but you and ur hubby have been together for a long time? as the other girls said to buck up or ship out he might change his mind about how he treats you ur 24 weeks pregant you dont need the stress but i no if he ships off ur going to be stressing more i feel your pain , my sister partner dose the same thing when she was pregant she told him shape up or piss off he changed on the spot , maybe ur hubby will to , maybe when you have dinner with him go out dont do it at home where the xbox or game is then you can talk ( well try) good luck with dinner oxox

Ashling - posted on 11/01/2009

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caitlin, my partner is the very same, sometimes i feel like a single mother with a lodger in the house who gives me a hand with the finances! i do seriously think to myself i may be happier without him here, although it would be extremely tough!( financially) a decision has to be made for me and my children! to be happy or miserable because he doesn't seem to care, ive tried talking, doesn't work! what to do?

Caitlin - posted on 11/01/2009

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i've tried so many times to talk to him. He like listens for a few days and then goes right back to his games. he use to be really good about balancing family and games. But lately it's just gone downhill. So now he's either playing games or sleeping. He usually has two days off and I told him I understand that you want a day to urself so pick one day and that's your video game day. And the other is suppose to be family time. But lately he's been playing games all the time. I know he's stressing because he's worried that with a new baby on the way and his hours getting cut he's worried he won't be able to support us, but it doesn't seem fair that he pushes me away. And lately when I try and talk to him about it, he says i'm over reacting. Or he gets mad because I cry when we start to argue. it's like he's totally shut off his emotions.

Jackie - posted on 11/01/2009

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i think your hubby is a little too much involved with his games and not with his family.... he seems to be a little immature... wanting treats throwing tantrums.... i dont know, maybe when your dad takes your daughter maybe you can really talk to him then and explain things... and try and sort it all out.... maybe suggest goin to see someone to talk to to help you both through this rough patch... good luck....

Caitlin - posted on 11/01/2009

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My husband works at a call center 3rd shift. His hours got cut. i use to work there so I know how stressful it can get yet he works 3rd when like every other night it's not busy so he gets to play video games at work. His hours are not long, he works like 5-6 hour shifts when he's use to 10 hour shifts. We actually got along better when he worked the 10 hour shifts. Sometimes he talks back and sometimes he grunts. It depends on when I start talking to him. The other day I tried talking to him about Christmas plans when he was playing World of Warcraft and he yelled at me because he got lost. I'm 20 and he's 22. We've been married for two years but I've known him since I was 13. We dated off and on throughout high school. I'm always trying to include him in stuff that my daughter and I do, like go to the park. He has his own little things he does with her. like he puts her to bed and they watch fairly odd parents together and he lets her sit in his lap sometimes while he plays games. he spends time with her but not us as a family. And when he does he thinks he deserves a treat. He's like a two year old. i'm 24 weeks pregnant so i'm feeling a lot of pressure in my lower belly so it hurts to have sex and my husband gets mad because i can't have sex with him. My dad is suppose to take our daughter overnight on my husbands next day off which is tuesday. him and i are suppose to have a nice dinner and then watch some movies. do you think that will help?

Jackie - posted on 11/01/2009

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anyone got a solution to giving the ultimatum and actually getting out?? i think giving it is the only thing that might just wake hubby up.... its the end of the rope... you dont need the stress and your children born and unborn dont either....

Ashling - posted on 11/01/2009

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i agree with you jackie, i think they need an ultimatum sometimes to wake them up and see how much we actually do for them! they are really like kids themselves!

Jackie - posted on 11/01/2009

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i have 2 children, a 4yr daughter and a 2yr son, and partner was very involved in pregnancy but as soon as babies arrived he lost interest.... and all he wanted to do was pick at me bout everything! the house the toy the clothes the washing... i was cleaning everyday and it wasnt enough.... all we do now if fight, i cannot even muster up a smile or a happy thought when he is home... :( i just think that men are not capable to deal with kids and a partner/wife/gf... i sympathise with you... and understand you.... maybe you and hubby need to reconnect? spend some time alone with each other? or put it to him that you cannot take it anymore and that he better pull his head out and do something bout the situation or you leave... its not a nice thing but sometimes its the only thing you can do.... i did the between kids and it worked but seems to have worn off and i need to do it again or just leave... think of your children.... :)

Ashling - posted on 11/01/2009

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caitlin hi, im in exactly the same situation as you are, im expexcting my 2nd also but my partner did not have any interest at all in my first pregnancy, we have a 5yr old son, this time this one is going to be a girl but he still has no interest whatsoever , which upsets me sometimes cause you really want them to be there for you. we wouldn't argue as much as you do because ive giving up arguing with him at this stage. like you ive tried talking to him but it ends up in an argument again, i think my problem is which im not sure if its the same for you, my partner is from a different cultural backround to what im from and what i would expect from a man, don't get me wrong hes really good around the house and always does things when i ask him to, it just seems hes lacking the support factor that i need so badly!

Rebekah - posted on 11/01/2009

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hello my hubby and i fight more we had our kid, and i understand abot the xbox bout my hubby is the ps3 lol but found that lil things like the house untidy or washing not done would make him mad , but found out that where he working is getting really bizzy and he getting very tied , dose your husband work long hours ? or in a stressful place? and when u talk to him dose he talk back or just grunt ? sounds like you two need to go away for holiday for the weekend befor new bubs comes to reconet with each other leve ya lil girl with some1 u trust ( i hate leveing my lil gurl to but adults need to to reconet sometimes) maybe you and your hubby need tym togther ,maybe he feels left out now? myt hubby didnt come to a midwife appoinments for our 1st so i wouldnt feel to bad about that, how old are you both n how long you been married?

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