Almost lost the baby because of babys father&family.....

Alexa - posted on 06/25/2010 ( 91 moms have responded )

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So the babys father & his family have put putting a ridiculous amount of stress on me which has been causing me to have anxiety attacks all the time. (Denying that the baby is theirs, mid-night phone calls screaming at me for a dna test, seeing me in public and laughing at me... And this is after being very close to his family for the entire year and a half we were together, and all through high school.) The other night I went into preterm labour, (I'm about 20 weeks) I was having contractions. Luckily, the contractions stopped, and baby is okay now. I feel I should cut off contact with the father because he doesnt care if I lose the baby or not and he continues to do nothing to help this stressfull situation and right after i told him about the preterm labour he tried to start a stressful conversation. Would it be bad if I stopped contact? I want to do whats best for my baby but I'm afraid if I stop contact with him he wont want to see the baby in the future. I dont know what to do. Advice?

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Heather - posted on 06/25/2010

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I almost lost my son at 12 weeks due to stress caused by the daddy. My OBGYN even advised cutting off/reducing contact due to unneeded stress harming the baby and its developement.

I told him flat out that night "Either be supportive, I dont care if you have to fake happiness to do it, Or You can be notified when the Baby is born" He started yelling and screaming so I hung up the phone. I then proceeded to send him an email, then a certified letter (identical to the email just incase you end up in court later over custody) Documenting that the stress caused by him/his family has lead to preterm labor, for the safety of the unborn child you are eliminating contact until the child is born, then you will only allow supervised visitation until a court order is established." Prepare financially to have to go to court for child support.

If you want help with this I will be more then happy to help

Then change your phone numbers, and enclose your email address in the letter as the ONLY way he can contact you (this will provide you with proof/documentation during any custody battles) A tip my sister was given during her divorce was to always include the same friend every time you send an email, so they can vouche for you in court as well.

Also, if you do this by certified letter, and his family continues to contact you/harrass you you can then file restraining orders on every single one of them

Amber - posted on 06/25/2010

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You don't need the added stress right now, there's no rule saying you can't cut off contact now and then call him when the baby is born and give him a chance then. Tell him you are cutting off contact until the baby is born and you will call or text him when she is born or when u go into labor if you want him in the room. You need to do what is best for you and your baby and it sounds like cutting him out would be best.

Ramona - posted on 07/01/2010

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Yes...and get a restraining order. That is harassment and it's harmful to both of you. He does not need to be in the child's life. Good luck and I hope things get better...sounds like a nasty situation...

Carla - posted on 06/30/2010

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I personally would forget him change your number and ignore him compeletly, i feel for you i really do but you need to think of the innocent baby growing inside you, if the father doesn't care about you or his unborn child then that is up to him, You need to do the best you can for now, if he does decide to do the right thing then he will be there in the end for your child, i wish you all the best and hope it gets sorted out very soon TC xx

Jessica - posted on 06/29/2010

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you should definatly cut off contact. you gotta get in the habit of doing whats right for the baby, and right now those people are not good for your baby. the way you talk, he may not want to see the baby in the future no matter what you do. maybe eventually him and his family will grow up and realize they have been totally immature and ridiculous, but thats not gonna happen over night. right now what you need is a nice break. dont answer the phone for those late night screaming calls. dont go to see them. avoid the places you are mostly likely to see them as much as you can. put yourself in a much less stressful situation. if not for you, then for that little bundle of joy trying to peacefully make its way into an already plenty stressful world...

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Melissa - posted on 07/02/2010

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well it all depends on if you want him in your life or not u do not need that kind of stress either stop talking to him for good or untill u have the baby and determan weather or not its worth the stress or not to have them in u and the babys life.hope all works out for the best.

Shannon - posted on 07/02/2010

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hun do wat is best 4 the baby i almost lost my 1st 1 cause of the father wit stress. wit my 2nd 1 we broke up n i didnt have as much stress n i had a good pregnancy wit this one.. if he dont want nuttin 2 wit the baby its his lost not urs cause my kids dad dont bother wit them. if u like add me as a friend 2 here n facebook. i wish i listen the 1st time

Jennifer - posted on 07/02/2010

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since he is causing drama I would stop contact. if he doesnt want to know about the baby now he probably isn't going to care after the baby is born. I went through about the same thing and once the sperm donor got a new girlfriend he hasnt called or harrassed me at all. my son is 22 mths old and he saw my baby when he was 3 days old and thats it. and he only lives 20 min. away. I even told him i'm not gonna be the one to tell him he can't see him, he's just choosen not to. You have to think about whats best for that baby and yes not having the father around sucks for the baby but sometimes the baby is better off that way! I hope this helps and good luck to you and your baby!

Lin - posted on 07/02/2010

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If he has no regard for the baby's health, it may not be a good idea to even let him see the baby period. This negativity is not good for the baby or you, even after the baby is born.

In addition to the recommendations of setting up a separate e-mail account, new phone numbers, etc., please seek out emotional support as you make this transition into a new and wonderful phase of your life if you haven't done so already. New moms have it tough, single moms have it tougher (if that's a word), moms with psycho baby daddies have it really rough. Don't do it alone - you don't have to.

Rebecca - posted on 07/02/2010

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if he doesn't care now why would he care after the baby gets here? break it off, there are plenty of single women raising children.

Sarah - posted on 07/02/2010

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Do whats right for you and baby, they sound like bunch of retards so change your number, move house do what ever you have to to get them away, my stepson gave me high blood pressure while i was pregnant and made the Drs think i had pre eclampsia and delivered him 6 weeks early which gave him 60% chance of living which really pissed me off. so I kinda know how you feel

Emmalee - posted on 07/02/2010

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I think that the father doesn't want to be in the childs life right now or in the future, considering he doesn't even think it is his. I think the best thing to do for you kid is to not be in stress all the time. Cutting off contact is definitly the best solution. He doesn't sound like somebody who would be a fit father figure anyhow. Expecially if he doesn't even believe that your baby is his, and he ended up wanting to be in her life, and if you two get into an arguement he could just up and leave anytime and leave the baby hurt anyway. Find somebody who understands your situation and will be there for the both of you happily.

Christina - posted on 07/02/2010

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I would cut off ALL contact with this deadbeat and his family. It's obvious from what you described that they want nothing to do with this baby. The next time you see him, or his family, tell them their OUT! Change your phone number and don't give it to them. If you want to let them know when you go in to labor or when the baby is born, that is up to you! If their harassment continues, seek legal advice! Good luck and congrats on your new baby!

Katie - posted on 07/02/2010

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I would cut off contact. Losing your baby just isn't worth it. I don't have contact with my Son's "father's" family due to how very much stress they put on me. They are some of the cruelest people that I know and they don't want anything to do with my Son or I unless it's to start trouble. I'm sorry that you have to go through that. I know how you feel. Good luck!

Christina - posted on 07/02/2010

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Ignore any and al contact between this man/his family and you whilel you are pregnant. once you have the baby, grant them thier dna test and then slap them with the child support papers. any man who denies his child and goes to the trouble of hurting you so badly doesn't deserve your attention.

Amanda - posted on 07/02/2010

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I agree that you don't need the stress and to be honest i wouldn't want my baby around that type of people period. If he truly doesn't believe he's the father then what i'd do is take him to court get a paternity test and if it is his then have him sign over his parental rights.

Erica - posted on 07/02/2010

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I would cut of contact with him, obviously he and his family are not mature enough to deal with this situation, so untill baby is here and healthy I would leave dad out of it for now. He is soppost to be there for support during pregnancy not to cause you stress. And if the family wants a DNA test give it to them but not till after the baby is born. Then that will show you were definalty the bigger person in this situation when they could of been more supportive and not so hoosier fantastic.

Amanda - posted on 07/02/2010

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block their numbers!turn the other cheek when you see them in public, have nothing to do with anyone who is negative!it;s all about you and that baby now!

Katey - posted on 07/02/2010

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Cut the contact! If he wants to see the baby when he's older, give him rules and guidelines that he has to follow. You need to do whats right for you and your unborn baby. He's not helping, and if he don't care about what happens to that baby then he don't need to be in your life. That's my advice! You don't need the stress right now! That baby is number 1 and always will be.

Ashley - posted on 07/02/2010

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They aren't doing you any good, and we all know that being stressed during pregnancy is NEVER a good thing! I would say yes, cut off contact with them because first of all, they don't care about you or the child at all, from what it seems like. Tell him that, too. Second of all, don't let them control you -- you need to be doing what you know is best for you and that baby and it sounds like you know you're better off without them. What rude, heartless people! Stand up for yourself, girl, don't let them bring you down!!!

Michelle - posted on 07/02/2010

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Cut off contact with all of them immediately...your babies life is way more important then them right now. I'd say cut off contact, take care of youself, have the baby, and once your settled in then contact him.

Hannah - posted on 07/02/2010

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I has close to the same problem when I was pregnant with my daughter. I was with her dad for 2 years and I got pregnant and he freaked out. He said he wanted a paternity test and all this stuff and the whole time I was pregnant he was a complete jerk. I just cut off ties with him while I was pregnant because it was bad for me and my daughter I was sick all the time and had to be hospitalized 3 times because I had lost too much fluids. After I cut him out though and my stress leveel went down and I was actually able to enjoy being pregnant and the fact that I was about to be a mom I felt better. It took probably about two weeks I still had normal morning sickness but it was nothing compared to what I was having. When I went into labor I called her dad and told him he could come to the hospital if he wanted to but he would have to stay in the waiting room until after she was born and he did and after she was born and he did. I got the paternity test to prove to him he was the father (even though I knew 110% he was) and from then on he has been a completely different person. I truly think it is just that they arre scared it happens a little unexpectedly and they do not know how to react and so the easiest thing to do is say oh no there is no way that baby is my baby. Which may be a little childish but its life. I know how hard it is to go through though it is stressful and you wish he would be by your side than the opposite but you are better off cutting him off until you have the baby for you and the baby's sake after wards hopefully you can call him and he realizes what he has done! Good Luck!

Amanda - posted on 07/02/2010

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I know exactly how you are feeling. The baby does too stress is carried over to the baby. For your and the baby's sake I would leave them all alone. I know this will be hard, but so will having a preemie. My daughter was born at 27 weeks at 2lbs 7oz. So I know all about what stress can do.

Sheelah - posted on 07/02/2010

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Stop contact thats horrable and he doesn't deserve to be in the babys life acting like that....if it was me i would stop all contact and never ever talk to them again as right there you know there gonna continue that bull Sh^t....and could possably make the babys life hell....no kid deserves that

Veronica - posted on 07/02/2010

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Its not worth the fight - your baby is more important -- men can come and go -- children dont. Its sad the way men (and some women) are so adolescent now a days, and wont take responsibility -- but you sound like a strong woman - and you are just as important as that baby - take pride in yourself, and take charge of your life, and take care of you and your baby. It is not worth the battle - trust me.

Take care Alexa, you can do this!
Veronica

Tiara - posted on 07/02/2010

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I agree about cutting him off until the baby is born. But you need a support system! Do you have anyone close to you that you can count on? Trust me.....Cut out the stress..... and eventually you will start to feel better. At first it will bring you heartache but eventually you will start to forget and not care what they think anymore.

Melissa - posted on 07/02/2010

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I agree with many of the posts saying to get a restraining order and in addition to that look into filing a parenting plan with the court in your area as they WILL be trying to get partial custody once that little one is here. Protect yourself and your child by covering your legal bases. And if they really want a dna test, give them one but make them pay for the procedure! Now is the time to set the precedent legally so you won't have grueling battles later in your babies' life. Good luck and breathe slow!

Yolonda - posted on 07/02/2010

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Stopping contact at this time would be best. Its bad enough we stress on a daily basis but while your pregnant is not healthy for you nor the baby. Its not that your keeping him from the child bczu the baby isnt even here yet and who wants there child around all that negativity..... Feel better soon

Kelly - posted on 07/02/2010

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hi,like most people i suggest u cut contact with him 4 now,he is not a caring father to be u don nid ths kind of stress rite now and u dnt have enough energy to stand up to him so do wts best 4 u and the baby.the baby is more special than him so if it means is the end of the relationship so be it coz the life of that innocent child is at stake.good luck

Gerda - posted on 07/02/2010

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Hi, I know this might sound a bit harsh, but leave the bastard! He is not worth being a father non the less a husband, if he is not man enough to admit that he is the baby's father he is not man enough to be in either of your lifes. I say brake contact with him and his family now (better now than after the baby's born) in the future you will find a man that is man enough to accept you and your baby as his own, then you will be happy. But for the time being alone sound like the best option, you have family and friend that will support you and help you thru any crisis, rely on people you know wont drop you in any shit!

Hope you get out of there it is not good for you and baba.

Regards

Julie - posted on 07/02/2010

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cut off contact with him and his family. change your number if you have to or block his number. when the baby is born call him and let him know the baby is here and hopefully he will step up and be a man. good luck!!

Lee Ann - posted on 07/01/2010

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I agree with basically everyone else, cut off contact, you dont need any added stress......being pregnant is stressful enough without someone yelling in your face ect. hope you get this situation under control hun

Heather - posted on 07/01/2010

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ok so this is coming from a different perspective i guess, But i guess you coiuls say that im the "other woman" LOL My husband found out that his ex was pregnant 2 months after they broke up, and right after she found out that me and him were dating, so she decided to tell him. as tough as it was on me, due to our new relationship, he was there for her for whatever, no they didnt get back together, but he was at doctors appointments, baby shopping, and delivery. Like i said it was really hard on me but i dealt with it. Your ex needs to realize that no matter whether he likes it or not the baby is comming and its his responsibility, he also needs to understand that you can put a restraining order on him to keep him away from you and it also cuts off all contact. YOu need to do what it best for you and your baby and it doesnt seem like this is the whats best. If he is treating you like this now, it might get worse. If it gets to the point where you need to take out a restraining order, it will effect him seeing the baby later on. He needs to see that his actions are stupid and you need him to be supportive now more than ever.

[deleted account]

The future is already here and he still doesn't care. What makes you think things will change. He is still a little boy who is afraid to grow and man up. You are not wrong if you kick him out of the your life.

Jenna - posted on 07/01/2010

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Hun you need to do what is best for you and that baby. And if he dont want to see his baby in the future its his lose. Im not gonna tell you one way or another cause only a mother knows best :) Good luck to you and feel free to add me if you want

Autum - posted on 07/01/2010

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i do agree to everyone that said that he dont hurt to cut off the extra stress in ur life and then when the baby arrives call him and see if he was the chance to get to know his own child

Taccara - posted on 07/01/2010

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i would cut off communications w him til the baby is born especially if he doesnt care and isnt doin anything but causing stress to u n baby

Jessica - posted on 07/01/2010

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If he and his family are acting like that and treating you horribly, I would stop contact. I would be afraid if they are acting like that now how they would treat the little one once they enter this world. Not too mention being pregnant you don't need that stress, it's not good for you or the baby. I can't believe how immature some adults can be! Take care of you and that baby bean of yours!! :)

Aphia - posted on 07/01/2010

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I'm not saying to leave him but u have to put ur child and ur health first. if he doesnt care then thats his problem but ur the only one that could help this baby right now and you being stress aint helping. you cant forces him to care now or after so think about ur child and if after he wants a part of his/her life then dont refuse him.

Jac - posted on 07/01/2010

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You have to do what is the best for your baby and if that means cutting contact with him so that you can have a healthy labour and bubby comes out safely then so be it. You have to give your kids the best start and i believe this is how you can do it for your baby. If you are stressed alot the baby feels it and if you dont calm down bubby will come out and just scream all the time. You need to relax and id definelty cut contact, if hes meant to be in bubbys life then everything will work itself out in the end, you gotta have faith.

Amanda - posted on 07/01/2010

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even telling him about the labor and him showing up would make it bad for her and that baby...if mom is under stress during labor the baby can have decel (low heart rate) and if the heart rate is down too low for too long mom is going to need an emergency c-section...best thing is don't tell him about being in labor...just have your family around for a relaxing atmosphere

Amanda - posted on 07/01/2010

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you have to think about it this way...who is more important you and the baby or the father who is clearly not intersted. I can totally understand that you want the father and his family to be apart of this but if they don't want to then don't bother. If they continue to harras you in public and at night time by late night calls...call the police and place a restraining order against them. It will be some what stressful only because you would have to go to court but remember if the judge grants you the order than if they contact you once by email...phone call (with the number showing) or text message (with the number showing)....regular mail they will get locked up and trust me from personal experience all someone needs is get locked up once to understand your message to leave you alone.

Jennifer - posted on 07/01/2010

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Stop talking to him!He is an idiot and his family also.I would cut all contact and not allow him to see the baby when he or she is born.You don`t need that kind of stress in you or the babys life!

Nicole - posted on 07/01/2010

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I would stop talking to him!! It isn't worth it! My childs father and his "new gf" were doing the same thing to me harrassing me via e mail and phone calls. Then all a sudden I couldn't sleep without nightmares I wasn't hungry and I would get panic attacks and I fainted at work. I was about 6 mos! They sent me to the Dr and he put me on a really low dose of Xanax. I was really scared for my babys life! I lost all contact with him...

But heads up: The day my son was born they started harrassing me again... but this time is was about seeing my baby. I didn't get them to stop finally until recently. My son is 14 mos now.
Hope to have helped a little!!

Rosa - posted on 07/01/2010

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Sweetie if he doesn't care then let him go on about his business. Do not keep him in your life and something happen to your child because he and his family are idiots. When the time comes take a paternity test and file child support. YOu can arrange supervised visits. If he wants to sign over his parental rights let him do so because you don't need someone like that in your life or your childs.

Stephanie - posted on 07/01/2010

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I went throught the same thing almost. When I was pregnant with my first child his father broke up with me the same night about 10 min after finding out that i was. well i left it alone. i stopped contact and he eventually came around towards the end. when our son was born he was in the nicu casue i am a diabetic. we were leaving when the nurse said something bout the birth certificate. he said very loudly he wasnt gonna sign till dna was proven. i cried cause i was so embarrased. i agreed to the test, i had nothing to hide and when he came back the daddy i nailed his as to the wall with child support and supervesed visits on my terms.....hopefully all goes well and just blow it all off!!!

Alyssa - posted on 07/01/2010

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You and that baby are the most importent right know yes I think that you should limit how much you talk to them and it would not be a bad thing not to talk to them at all. You take care of you and that baby and know one eals. God bless and I hope that all gose well with your little blessing:)

Nicole - posted on 07/01/2010

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Cut him off. I have heard that there is a document that he can sign to give up all rights to the child. I wish I would have known.

Jade - posted on 07/01/2010

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if he dont care now who says he will care later ur baby comes first so dump him.

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No one is worth it when it comes to risking your unborn babys life for,cut them out aleast until this little baby is born.You dont deserve to be put into this situation and your unborn does not need it either.One scare is enough dont allow yourself to be put there again,step away from them and dont answer calls.If the dont care about you right now and what its doing to your baby then that proves what selfish people the really are.Do you need that?do you need them?
I agree with the last post,surround yourself with positive people and ones who truly care for you&your baby and enjoy this time and relax.Best of luck to you.The father stuff can wait until your healthy child is born&save and in care of family and then you can sort what needs to be sorted.

Rosamond - posted on 07/01/2010

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I would surround myself with positive and supportive people. You can offer him a chance to get to know the baby when he or she is born. You'll have to get a paternity test done anyway if you want child support unless he voluntarily signs an affidavit of paternity. And even if you don't WANT child support, you should get it anyway, for emergencies for your child or even just invest in in a college savings account.
I wouldnt worry about him not wanting to see the baby in the future. If he doesnt WANT to see his baby, then he doesnt need to be involved at all.

Rebecca - posted on 07/01/2010

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I would stop contact now. Your health and the health of your baby is what is important. I know that it may be hard to explain to your child where and why there daddy is not involved or around, my husband is active duty and we just finished a 6 1/2 month deployment. I had to explain to my 3 year old where daddy was everyday, plus deal with being pregnant with server morning sickness. Since he told you told you to get an abortion tells me that he wants nothing to do with you or the baby. Do what is best for you, then when your child is old enough, let them make the decision about daddy. Let them ask the questions of why. Hope everything goes well with the rest of your pregnancy. Keep us updated.

Jennifer - posted on 07/01/2010

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YES cut off contact if he is not old enough to be responsible! And sweetie dont worry about him being in your guys life...sounds like hed be better off staying away anyways..and girl dont u worry, its called CHILD SUPPORT!

Kylie - posted on 06/30/2010

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if he is like that now will he want to see the baby even if you do keep tlaking to him??? i think you need to do what is best for your baby and you, talk to your doctor i'm sure they will tell you to keep your stress levels down. what would be worse that the baby never or rarely sees this man or that the baby comes way to early.

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