Am I crazy or is the toddler?

Libby - posted on 07/22/2013 ( 10 moms have responded )

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So history first. My step daughter is 2. She is a meth baby. 2 yr old meth babies have problems with depression, anxiety, abandonment, and VIOLENCE. Drs have assured me the violence no matter what I do will always get worse. To add, my husband- her dad is a binge alcoholic.

So I have always thought annie's problems were from the meth. Now I'm starting to think she has psychopathic tendencies. Am I a horrible mother foe thinking this?!

Annie throws the normal awful tantrums like any already deemed "difficult" child- but this is more. She does things that aren't normal. She observes other peoples behaviors. She will litterally sit still for an hour and watch people then when other adults are around she mimics those behaviors. When its just me around she doesn't. She says thing and looks at me like no 2 yr old should. I told her once "I'm on to your game little girl and you're not fooling me" and she said "so what, I dont care" and my life has never been the same since.

She feels no remorse, no compassion, I have only seen fear in her 3 or 4 times. She manipulates everyone! She barely plays with other kids. Ive never seen a toddler scream for 5 hrs but she does. There's no consequence bad enough for her to stop. Theres no amount of apology or affection or positive attention to calm her down. She doesnt care what you do...except that shes not like that with anyone except me. She will stop with other people. But only the people she can manipulate. If you tell her you know her game and you're not playing it anymore- literally in those grown up words she's done pretending and you get the real side of her.

Only one person seems to understand what I mean when I say im afraid of what she's capable of.

In the midst of all of this my own child who is 4 suffers. I never have time for her because im always "dealing" with annie- which in turn she acts out.

I just want to grab my 4 yr pick up and run away! Im losing it I swear! Between the alcoholism and the awful toddler and absolutely no outlet or social life what so ever! Im gonna freakin crack!

Please somebody tell me im not crazy??! I dont know what to do anymore! But I CANT LIVE LIKE THIS ONE MORE DAY! ITS KILLING ME! As if my endless bizarre undefined health problems werent already doing that just fine on there own!

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Jodi - posted on 07/22/2013

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Oh, boy. There is so much in your post that does NOT add up.

1. "She will litterally sit still for an hour and watch people then when other adults are around she mimics those behaviors. When its just me around she doesn't. "

Totally normal. They are new faces and people - there is novelty. With you, you are nothing new.

2. "I told her once "I'm on to your game little girl and you're not fooling me" and she said "so what, I dont care" and my life has never been the same since. "

Really? Your TWO YEAR OLD said "so what, I dont care"? Um, I don't think so.....

3. "She feels no remorse, no compassion, I have only seen fear in her 3 or 4 times."

Many children don't have a sense of fear. That's normal. Remorse and compassion are also the emotions of much older children.

4. "Theres no amount of apology or affection or positive attention to calm her down."

Have you considered ignoring her?

5. "except that shes not like that with anyone except me. She will stop with other people.".

I'm starting to understand why. You clearly hate her.

6. " Drs have assured me the violence no matter what I do will always get worse."

Actually, doctors can't assure you of this, because there is no research that identifies this definitively. Based on the studies that have been conducted it could often be the environment they are raised in will contribute to this. The studies are inconclusive so there is no way a doctor could have "assured" you. In fact, the conclusion is that more research needs to be done in this area. I'd be getting second or third opinions.

Maurisa - posted on 07/23/2013

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I really feel for you and being a meth baby is a whole other ball game. I suggest you get her evaluated by a specialist, one with experience with meth children, AND demand your husband gets treatment for his alcoholism. As seen in the show Intervention, if your husband cannot successfully finish treatment, then leave him.

April - posted on 07/30/2013

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You need to find the best family therapist in your area and go now. I can tell that you resent this little girl and have no idea what to do with her. You are in a hard situation but you are the adult and it is absolutely necessary that you get help. She is 2 and a baby who needs love and care and someone can help.

Lena - posted on 07/25/2013

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Get out NOW! You have a child of your own to worry about that shouldn't be around a binge alcoholic or violence and you're afraid I'm sure your child is too. Just pack up your stuff and go.

Melissa - posted on 07/22/2013

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I can understand where you are coming from. I believe what you are saying. It sounds like she needs to be in therapy... and fast.

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Jessibell - posted on 08/03/2013

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I would consult with your doctor who can refer you to mental health assistance so that they can check out your daughter and give you a professional opinion.

I can tell you love you daughter, but I wouldn't want anything bad to happen to you or her so please seek professional medical help before it is too late.

Tara - posted on 07/28/2013

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I have to agree with Jodi here, some things dont add up. You are showing us in your post that you dislike this girl which she picks up on. Have you tried ignoring her or even asking her why shes mad? Understanding her thinking can help a lot. Get to know her, she may not be all that bad.
Your husband needs help, and you need to find a way to convince him to seek it. When both parents are on the same team, things are a lot easier.

Heather - posted on 07/26/2013

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Do you love the little girl? That is the only way to reach her. 2 year olds want boundaries, but they also need a feeling of security, they need to feel like you will love them, no matter what. Be the person she can count on for unconditional love. You will never regret it.

Niki - posted on 07/23/2013

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As bad as it sounds from your statement written above I agree with Jodi. I dont mean to be mean, I understand you are tired and dont have time for all this beacuse your biological daughter is being pushed aside and you want to pack and move away but that is not okay. Its like marriage. You agree that you will stick together no matter what (except abuse of course), and since in marraige you always have to look to work out the problems you need to do the same here. This girl is TWO years old. From what it sounds like she never had real parents. Never had love that she needed growing up, and shes been on this planet Only two years. Its sad. You must be willing to work things out and help her out with what you can. Include her with your daughter in daily activities. If you are stay at home mom find a way to bond with her. Ignore her little 'attention seeking' time when she acts up and believe me you will see a change. I do it for my son sometimes. Slowely she will start behaving like a normal toddler. Good luck to you and your family.

Melissa - posted on 07/22/2013

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I can understand where you are coming from. I believe what you are saying. It sounds like she needs to be in therapy... and fast.

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