Am I doing too much "For me?"

Jennica - posted on 02/05/2010 ( 5 moms have responded )

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My question is, how on earth can I balance my education and career aspirations with the needs of my almost 20 month old daughter? And is the level of guilt that Im feeling normal?

I am 21 years old and the lucky mommy of an AMAZING almost 20 month old little girl. This past september after Julie-Anne turned 1 I returned to school in the hopes of attaining my BSW and subsequentially furthering my ability to help support myself and my little family. Now I am fully involved in school, and am starting to investigate potential volunteer opportunities that would build up my experiance and portfolio, (and i LOVE everything about what I am doing!) but I feel so, so guilty about the time that I have to spend away from my daughter in order to fulfil my own aspirations. (and even MORE guilty when i find myself contemplating taking on more!)

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Jennica - posted on 02/05/2010

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Thanks for the comments so far... I think alot of my worry and guilt stems from how much more independant my daughter is becoming.. I'm sure alot of this is intertwined with her age and just normal growing, but I worry in the back of my mind that the reason she seems to be wanting more independant play is because shes becoming used to me not being around enough? Is this valid? or just mommy woes?

Jessica - posted on 02/05/2010

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When my oldest was 6 months old I went back to school and held a job. You are doing it for yours and her future. Just make sure to enjoy the time you have with them.when I became a single mom I had everyone out of the house by 7:30 got the youngest to her daycare, the oldest to school, and the middle one went with me to work. It hurt that I was taking my baby to daycare for me to work at another daycare to watch other peoples children( she wasn't old enough for the daycare I worked at). I just had to make sure the time we had together was special. Your doing a wonderful job, theirs people out there that say it's to hard. When she gets older she will be very proud of you.

Sarah - posted on 02/05/2010

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Im in the same boat, about to go back to school, full time job, new relationship... where is that line? Its hard to figure out but as long as the things that seperate me from my son are being done to better our futures and allow me to support him properly then I can deal with it cause it has to be done. I make sure that my son is surrounded with family as much as possible that also eases my mind, if hes not with me at least hes with his pop pop or his g. aunts ect. I still have only had a non related person watch peter ONCE in a year and half, including daycare. And it was really hard on me when i worked two jobs, wake up get him ready for daycare and pick him up after he was asleep. I made sure that I always set aside time every weekend for just us no friends family just the two of us, kind of like our date. its not like he forgot who i was. As long as your doing things for the right reasons and you make "alone time" for just the two of you I think everything will be fine. At some time you will be done with school and when she gets older she can help you volenteer.

Desirae - posted on 02/05/2010

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Always remember: It is difficult to take care of anyone if you do not take care of yourself. (So if you feel so overwhelmed that you are going to break down I think you should either get some help from friends and family or take something off of your plate for the time being.) Do what you need to do to support your family and value the time you do have with your daughter for all it is worth. Of course you are going to feel guilt, or more accurately remorse. My advise is to keep up the awesome work! I don't know how you have juggled so much so far. Maybe try to call and talk to your daughter on your breaks if it will ease the remorse. Kiss her goodnight even if she is already sleeping.Know that maybe when she is older you will be her inspiration. And know that you are doing everything you are doing to better both of your lives. Good luck with everything.

Amber - posted on 02/05/2010

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Hi, I'm 25 and have a 11 month old I work full-time and I got to school full-time, I constantly feel guilty for leaving her especially if I take a day to go to the movies but I try to make myself understand that I'm doing my best and that I'm leaving her with releatives who I love, trust and have a lot of support from. Look at it this way your not going out with guys, drinking or doing drugs, your going to school to better her life and yours so remember that next time the guilt starts building on your back that your sacrifices now are building yours and your daughters future.

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