Am I the only one who allows insecurities to possibly ruin an relationship???

Danielle - posted on 06/06/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I've been in a very loving, supportive relationship for eight years and gained two wonderful children. But there is something in the back of my mind that pops up at all the wrong times. Examples: About three years ago I was out of town, he had told me he was staying home but later I found out he went to a party and was dancing with some other girl now I know its just dancing but from a family member who was at the party said they left together also. In the past/recent I also found adultfriendfinder.com, and chats with webcam girls on his phone, I could list stuff I found all day but I just feel insecure from all of this. I just don't know how I should feel about it because I know how I feel now, I feel not good enough. I always known about his porn watching and even that is starting to get to me like my body isn't good enough!! Please HELP!!!

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Danielle - posted on 06/27/2012

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I know I'm insecure but I believe I have full rights to be, we have our ups and down in our sex life sometimes it's very active and other times I'm not in the mood but I do or try everything he wants because I don't wanna loss him over stupid stuff except I refuse giving in to a threesome mainly because I don't feel right about doing something like that. I hate the porn videos on his phone (I don't allow my computer to be used for that) the half naked girls on facebook which say like for blah blah blah and just everything else. He always tells me he loves me but refuses to ever marry me says our relationship is fine the way it is, he encourages me to lose weight (for I'm way bigger then I was before our kids) I talk but he always brushes me off like its stupid, I hate being madly in love with someone who belittles my feelings but I can't seem to help it. One part of me just feels I'm being overly insecure but then another part of me feels my feeling are being ignored. I use to be strong and indepentant but since I've been with him I lost all that.

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Laura - posted on 06/28/2012

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I agree with all the above ladies. Most importantly you have to understand that in this marriage, (regardless if you're not married legally I still think he needs to act like he is in one), you need to appreciate & value yourself & most importantly LOVE YOURSELF no matter what! We as women tend to forget that sometimes & it might be justified bc we are mothers now but we can't forget who we are; strong, fearless, & independent individuals. My prayers go out to you Danielle in hope that you find the solution to your problem and find the best way to surmount all of your troubles and find peace within yourself and your marriage!

Louise - posted on 06/07/2012

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I think you have to ask yourself, who does he come to bed with at the end of the day. You. He may watch porn, some men feel the need to, he may chat to other women, but, he lives and loves you. I would be upset about it, but if he has always done it, it would be the norm for him. If he is meeting up with these women then that is a no go for me. If he is chatting on line then hey it can do no harm but piss you off and flatter his ego.

You have to make a decision of what you are willing to put up with and what you need to confront him about. You cant carry on wondering what he is up to all the time. You need to relax and be comfortable with what he is doing, if you are not then ask him about it and tell him how you feel.

Cece - posted on 06/07/2012

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Hi.It must be very hard dealing with such kind of a man. Have you tried speaking to him about it. You should know who you are and that you are very special and no one should second rate you with someone else or any other material to fulfill his desires. These allegations sound quite true. Try speak to him and if possible get an impartial 3rd party to intervene. If he loves you there's no reason to cheat.You also don't wanna risk your health as you are a mother of two now so take all measures necessary to curb this despicable behavior

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