Anyone else feel "friendless" once you have a baby?

[deleted account] ( 109 moms have responded )

I am 21 years old, married to the man I have been with for 4 1/2 years. We have a 2 1/2 month old daughter. All my "friends" we all around throughout my whole pregnancy but once I had her its like they dont want to be seen out in public with me. I sit at home and dont get anyone wanting to hang out. My daughter is my world and I wouldn't change it. Just wanted to see if anyone else was in the same boat? Maybe we can talk and vent some!

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Lauren - posted on 05/13/2010

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Wow! reading over everyone's replies felt like I was reading something I could have wrote. I am sad to see that so many mommies struggle with the same thing as me. I am 24 years old with my 8 month old daughter. My husband and I moved to Colorado and I became pregnant 4 months later. It is hard enough trying to make new friends when you move somewhere new, let alone when you are pregnant. I tried really hard to make friends with the people that I worked with, but I just couldn't "connect" with anyone. The one person I thought I had made good friends with eventually stopped putting forth the effort to hang out and I got tired of putting forth all the effort. I just felt like we couldn't relate anymore. She didn't understand that I couldn't satay out late or run around all over the place with my daughter. I do have a lot of good friends, but all of them live in different states and it is just not the same. Plus all of my family lives in a different state too. I have been to one play group so we will see how that works out. I go to school online so I can get an education and stay home to watch my daughter, but I don't get a lot of social interaction as a result. I know how depressing it can be.

Jesika - posted on 05/13/2010

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I had my son at 21, but by that time I had already lost most of my high school "friendships" and found out that good friends are few and far between. I had discovered that it's much better to have a few true good friends than a lot of fickle friends who are only there when it's convenient for them. The few good friends I had when I had my son seven years ago are still my friends today. It might be hard at first, but the people who can't be bothered to be there for you once you have a kid aren't your true friends. The ones continue to be there no matter what are the ones who are worth holding on to, and you'll find that it's better to have a few true friends than a lot of fake ones. It also helps to find other mothers, who are in the same situation you are in. Check and see if any of the moms who responded here live in this area and see if any of them want to start a play group!

[deleted account]

yes im going through the same thing allthough i have 2 kids, one is 4 and the other is 4 months. no one wants to hang since i had Kendyl because i have a routine for her. It really sucks

Rose - posted on 05/13/2010

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Im 20, married and i have a 5 month old son, and only one friend left, but she lives to far to visit often. so i completely kno what your talking about. i just signed up with a "mommy and me" program to visit other moms and there little babies, i havent gone yet but it might be a good way to make friends that have children =)

Trisha - posted on 05/13/2010

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Like everyone else I am in the same boat (but actually it has effected my huband even worse!) I think what makes it even harder is that I don't ahve any friends with kids and my daughter is still to young to do any type of group social thing so we can meet people...someday!

Anelia - posted on 05/13/2010

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I have the same problem. I am 26 married with a 4 month old son and none of my so called friends are around, a few came over to see the baby once and others keep saying they are coming to see him but its yet to happen. I love my son and my husband and i wouldnt change my life at all, I think situations like this let you know who your real friends are. If they are not there for the most important things in your life then they are not really your friends. I am looking forward to taking the baby to the park in the summer where i can meet other moms who are probably going through the same thing we are.

Tammee - posted on 05/13/2010

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Lol... I only know this one too well! I was 19 with my first and all my friends after bub was born had no interest in me what so ever. I felt alone and lost touch with many friends. I am now 27 and about to have my third, all my friends have just started having babies and are slowly getting the rude shock of how hard and lonely it really can be! Many of my friends have since come back and are now complaining to me how hard it is and how easy I had it... LOL! I was hoping they might actually get a reality check but I was wrong....

[deleted account]

I am 29 and feel the same! I have a 4 year old and a one year old. They are the best thing that has ever happened in my life! (I was also told from doctors I wouldn't be able to have children) The friends I did have before marriage and babies are just not interested. My heart goes out to you! xxx

Corrina - posted on 05/12/2010

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yeah i know what its like but started going to a playgroup and meet some new people my baby now 2years and i going back to uni so hopefully i will meet some more peolpe there as well!!!!

Brittany - posted on 05/12/2010

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i am turning 22 on sunday and i am also married. i have a two and a half year old and our new baby boy is coming in 2 weeks. i know exactly how you feel. if you ever need someone to talk to then you can find me on face book. my name is Brittany Butche. its always good to meet new friends, especially young moms like us who can relate to us.

Casey - posted on 05/12/2010

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i think the friends with kids are more understanding and ya can go do things together with the kids where as non mums can be a little selfish as they only have them selves to worry about' when my baby was born i joined a group through plunket which had about 8 mums and our babys were all the same age we would catch up every two weeks and let the babys play while we had a cupa and a chat which was just great, maybe try get involved with other mums once your friends start to have children of their own theyll call on you for the advice

Sarah - posted on 05/12/2010

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I'm 25 and I feel like my friends bailed on me as well. They all ensured me that they would never do that, but it happened. Now that they are starting to have their own families, they want my advice, want to hang out, etc. As much as I'd love to, I'm not so sure that I want them in my life again after they ditched me.
I'm a SAHM and full time student. I have met a lot of new people, but not very many parents. My favorite is 'why can't you just get a babysitter and come out?' Um, we're on one low income, babysitters and going out are not free. We're pretty much the youngest around here so while I can take my kids to the local parks, there's no one near my kids' ages (4 and 2)

Brandy - posted on 05/12/2010

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My Husband also works 3 shift and is never home, I have 4 boys I am soon to be 25. I am a college student and I also was sitched by my friends.. I sit at home with my kids 24-7 when im not in class..

Rheta - posted on 05/12/2010

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I was there! I lived 3,000 miles from my family and felt like the most isolated person in the world! 1st- It WILL get better :)
2nd, now that your daughter is getting a little older, look into mom and tot classes in your area, go to the library, and try to just enjoy it being the 2 of you. It may seem early to get your daughter into a swimming or music class, but these are great ways to meet other moms! I dont know if your nursing but, the La Leche Leauge meeting in my area were a LIFESAVER! I met Moms I am still friends with, talked about my concerns and all the babies got to play together! My daughter is and I are still friends with many of the women from our Leauge and I am so GRATEFUL for their support and friendship. At one point i said "mothering can be the lonliest, most isolating job in the world" Now i am amazed at how many new friends we have made since she was born 2 years ago. even if you dont have the $ to enroll in classes, Im sure your daughter would still enjoy swinging at the park or looking at books in the library. Don't give up...you are NOT alone! So many of us have been there!

Christina - posted on 05/11/2010

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If there are any young mommy's living in or close to Tampa, FL who feel friendless, let me know!!! I have an amazing 18 month old and a fantastic husband and 0 friends. I would love some company, adult conversation, playdates, and a friend who knows what I'm going through!!!

Rachel - posted on 05/09/2010

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i feel exactly the same all of my friends are off doin there own things.i have a lovely fiancee and two beautiful kids and i also wouldnt change them for the world but feel very isolated from my friends. it feels as if they only ring or txt me when they want somethingx

Chantelle - posted on 05/09/2010

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i am very much in the same boat, i'm 23 and have 2 beautiful (though challenging girls) 2yrs 11 months and 5 1/2 months, before i was preggers i met with mates everey weekend but as soon as i got preggers they fell away not interested, though mines a more extreme case because i dont talk to anyone of my biological family because of it (all 50+ of them) but i figure i have my now hubby, my precious girls and his family, i dont need anyone else, they are the ones missing out on watching my babies grow, they are the best to ever happen to me and i wouldnt change it if my life depended on it.

Heather - posted on 05/08/2010

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im 20 and it has happened to me. i have nobody left. they are all too busy partying. and its messed up because i have friends that have children and they are the ones out there drinkin and i could go do that but thats not what being a mother is about. going out sometimes is ok but these girls are out every weekend and days out of the week. Maybe its just me but i would rather stay home with my 5 month old.

Jenn - posted on 05/08/2010

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Being pregnant and having a child seems to "weed out" all of the people who don't really matter. I feel the same way!

Starla - posted on 05/07/2010

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yah i was the same way i have a 5yrold 4yrold and 3yrold and my four yesr old has autsimn and evryone acts like there kid is goin to get it and my friends kids r older so they really dont want young ones hangin around so i stay at home all the time

CJ - posted on 05/07/2010

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I know how you feel, it's hard to do the same things you did before with a baby in tow. Do you have any friends who also have kids? I find that I am more comfortable now hanging out with other mothers. And they are more for hanging out with me than my kidless friends. Not all of my friends without kids are this way, I have one who LOVES hanging out with me and my daughter, but she is a very busy media arts major and I don't get to see her often. So, I spend about 95% of my time at home, just me and my 15 month old. And ALOT of time online. I love my little girl, and would never want a life without her, but it would be nice to get out more.

Christina - posted on 05/07/2010

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I'm 21 also and my son is 10 months and I know how you feel, when my friends do call they either want me to go do something that I would never go do now that I have a baby or they want me to get a baby sitter just to go to the mall. People without kids just dont understand the schedule you have once you are a parent. I have been lucky that i have a couple friends that have kids and one friend who has a baby on the way. :)

Veronique - posted on 05/07/2010

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I'm 25 years old and had my first daughet when i was 24 years old and it's not the friends that didn't want to go out with me it me that didn't want to go out woth them. I was happy at home with my daughter and husband and i didn't want to be bothered by anyone. But i out grew that and now i have 2 littles girls and i enjoy going out with my friends and kids.

Nicole - posted on 05/06/2010

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Darn, had a reply written out and then it told me "error"

I'm 22 and I feel the same way. I'm a stay at home mom and a house wife and I love my family so much. They are amazing. I work 2 days a week (on weekends) so I don't get much opportnity to meet other women. Only time is when I take my 19 month old daughter to the park.
Wish I had some great friends with kids around my daughters age and just hang out. I'm very social and so is my daughter. We get out a lot to parks and shopping. When you have a child and you start to mature you have less opportunites to make friends. We're not in school anymore when making friends was super easy. Now it takes a deep connection to start a strong friendship.
I'm glad it's not just me with this problem. So surprised to see this topic tonight. :) lol

Nicole - posted on 05/06/2010

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22 here.
I feel the same. I'm not much of a partier and I I only work 2 days a week (not in college or n e thing) so I don't really have the opportunity to meet other women. The only time I do is when I take my baby girl to the park. I've always had a lot of friends, but since becoming a mom and house wife I just don't have as much in common with a lot of my friends any more.
And I'm super social, and I love just hanging out with people I can be myself around. Totally wish I had a best friend with a daughter or son close in age to hang out with. Being a stay at home mom gets lonely sometimes.
But like you, wouldn't change it for the world. My life is so fantastic.

Katherine - posted on 05/06/2010

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I CAN TOTALLY RELATE to all of you. Most of my friends actually had kids before my boyfriend and I had ours. Which is the weird part. We didn't bail on them but once I got pregnant they started dropping off. One friend because she was jealous others because I was taking care of my self and not partying. We're 23 so partying wasn't that new to us anyways. Half the friends I invited to my shower never showed up or called and I haven't heard from most of them since. Other friends started trying to tell me what to do and how to do it. Once I had my daughter and she was healthy and gorgeus. I realized that all those people weren't worth my time anyways. That day surprised me cause people came to see me in the hospital that I hadn't expected.
Now though since my daughter is 8 months old and I've only gone out once pretty much everyone else has dropped me. I love my daughter so much it hurts but I am incrediable lonely. My boyfriend thinks I should take some kind of class just to get out and meet people cause he feels bad that I'm lonely. I get to stay home too so I have very little adult contact and some of our "friends" told my BF that it was wrong of him to let me quit working. I was WTH but instead of fighting I just quit talking to them too. I'm glad to know in this I'm not alone but I am still lonely here in EC Wisconsin =(

Ashley - posted on 05/06/2010

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absolutely. It has been almost 10 months and I am just now starting to feel like i ahve friends!

Jonquil - posted on 05/06/2010

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Well, it's kind of hard for single, non-parent friends to hang out with you once you have a LO. There's a lot of reasons for this but most of them can be explained by remembering how you felt when you hung out with one of your friends that just had a baby.

You gotta get out of the house and start meeting other moms. It's like a new parent requirement if you want to get social again. Take your LO to the park. It's ok if she or he can't really play on the equipment yet. It's still a means of getting yourself around other parents. Pay attention when you go out and try striking up conversations with other parents that you may run in to. Your baby can actually help out a lot with this. My son usually breaks the ice for me by running up to another child around his age or playing the stare game with them. This opens up the door for me to start a conversation with that child's parent and even initiate a play date ("wow, our kids seem to really like each other... maybe we could let them play together some time?"). Things change a lot when you become a parent. As your LO gets older, you may find yourself hanging back from people that you used to be buddies with just because you don't like the effect their behavior may have on your LO while drawing closer to other people that reflect your own changing parental tastes.

Anyways, just know that what you're going through is completely normal. By the time your LO hits 2, you'll have a whole new life built up that centers on your family and probably looks nothing like the life you used to have. Some people take this to mean it's more boring but it's not. I have more fun now than I ever did. It's just different.

Christina - posted on 05/06/2010

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I became friendless soon after I became pregnant. I thought my friends would stick around and hang out and keep me company, but I guess having a baby shows you who your true friends are. I would love to find another young mom to hangout and hopefully workout with and to find Logan a play buddy too.

Kacee - posted on 05/06/2010

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I feel the exact same way, and I'm 23. In my community, all the mom's are a little older. They started careers and then had kids, and I've tried going to "play groups" in the community but none of the mom's are my age and they really want nothing to do with me. I even overheard two mom's talking about me at the pool asking why I was even there? I should be at the mall or something. And let me tell you how bad that hurt because I am deathly afraid of water and can't swim and I MADE myself go to that pool to try to find friends. Even today writing about it makes me feel sad and lonely. And my husband works 2 hours away so he stays there during the week and comes home saturday morning and leave sunday night until we can find a home there. I am very lonely.

Jennifer - posted on 05/06/2010

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Before I had my first daughter I had so many "friends",my phone never stop ringing, now its only family asking about the girls.My friends and me did not have that many things in common no more. I had my first daughter at 19 and got married the same year.Slowly the friends went away we were in different places they were party turning 21 n I was having my second child and loved being a wife n mom.Someday were very lonly was always by myself with the kids why he worked..I had to learn to get friends that were in the same case as me (i'm still trying) its hard.Now I,m a single parent.I have friends not many..all have kids, now its hard to jugle eveything by myself..but every day all I can do is try to do my best everyday and put one foot in front of the other..it hard though... anyone else in the same boat???

Sarah - posted on 05/06/2010

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I went through this for 2 years. I felt like none of my friends were at the same point in their lives that I was in mine. I no longer had any interest in partying and my career was on the back burner. The best thing that I did was join a MOPS group at a church. It is for stay at home moms with children under 5. They provide childcare so that you can connect with other moms in your area. You learn Christ centered parenting skills, and have a chance to connect with other moms that are in the same spot in life as you are. In my group there were moms ranging in age from 20 to 34 and we found that no matter our ages we all had alot in common. I made some lasting friendships that I am so thankful for now. There was a small fee, but at the church where I joined the group they had scholarships and would help you out if the fee was a financial hardship.

Sarah - posted on 05/06/2010

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I know where you are coming from! I did have my "best friend" after my pregnancy and it ended up she slept with my husband and he left me... threw it all I have really had a rough time becomeing close to people and the only people I am really close to now is my family. It's never easy I found that in my fiance having him as my closest friend and dependant is all I need other than that my true cirlce of support who I mostly listen to is my mother and grandmother. I hope this can help you in some way.

Kytama - posted on 05/06/2010

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I was 22 when I had my first. I lost a lot of friends too, but it didn't bother me. After she went to daycare I just made some new friends, young mothers who I met at daycare and other baby-activities.
It hurts to lose friends, but it's also an opportunity to make some new friends!

Ashley - posted on 05/06/2010

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ill be 22 in july and i have a 19 month old and definatley since ive had him i havent seen much of most of my friends...its just different now like they will stop over for a few minutes but are always in a rush to go! thats fine though i love my little man, and hes great company, but some adult talk would be nice every once in awhile..

Zara - posted on 05/06/2010

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Yep had the same problem. I am 23 and most of my friends were so excited for me to have my kids then once I did we quit talking. I think its just they are still in a different world so it was hard for them to be in mine. But slowly I am meeting other moms and talking with them a little. It has also been hard for me because I just moved away from what friends I did have left so now I do the same as you sit with my kids all day which i'm so happy I am able to do but would love other moms to interact with a little more! Too bad I don't live close to any of the moms on here. But with my son in preschool now I sure hope to find lots of other moms to hang out with!! Good Luck to you!

Zara Nichols
Helping Moms Work From Home
www.4AHappyLife.com

Stephanie - posted on 05/06/2010

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Sorry to hear that you are going through the same things I am. The life of a Mother and wife can get pretty lonely. It's hard when you talk to someone that cant talk back.lol My daughter is 2 now and can talk pretty good but it still gets lonely. Try finding some other Mom's from your area for playgroups, I know your daughter is still to young to "play" but it's mainly for the mothers until they are a little older.

Leanna - posted on 05/06/2010

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im 20 and yes its exactly like that i feel as if i have no friends, i have people i talk to online and on the phone but no one wants to come over or do anything anymore and my daughter is 2! i have only one person that i see and that is someone i met recently, her daughter is 3 and when our girls get together, we cant seem to separate them which i think is adorable but in turn ive become closer to this little girls mother because our kids became friends, a good way to find some "new friends" is go to like a mommy and me class or a park and find people who have kids that are around the same age as your kid schedule a play date and you would be surprised on how close you can get to someone just for the common intrest you have being your kids

Kelley - posted on 05/05/2010

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I'm completely with you, I work come home and sleep. I don't even think I remember what a bar looks like.. Or even how to conversate with friends anymore. They just don't exist.

Joanna - posted on 05/05/2010

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I've had a very similar problem but my husband has helped me get new friends...try finding people with kids or at least kids in their lives. They're a lot more understanding.

Charlene - posted on 05/04/2010

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I had a lot of friends bail on me when I had my daughter. I was 19 when I had her. Now I'm 23 with 2 children and I wouldn't change it. The only friends that still talk to me have children themselves. The way I saw, the ones who bailed weren't real friends.

Erin - posted on 05/04/2010

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I have no family and where I live and the friends I do have work all day so aren't available. To be honest I turned to social networking like facebook to keep contacts and feel conected. It's so hard to spend all day talking to a baby that cannot talk back. It can be depressingly quiet.. Look into baby groups or baby excercise classes in you area to connect with other moms. It can be such an exciting yet lonely time, you'll have to make the effort to reach out. I hope you have luck finding something/someone in your area to keep you sane :P

Jennifer - posted on 05/03/2010

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Youre not alone! Ill be 25 in August... and i got pregnant at 19. I was a popular girl who had great friends, so i thought. Once i got pregnant and couldnt "party" anymore they all left me dangling in the wind! Since then ive been a lonely momma. Yes, im married and have a wonderful daughter, but sometimes id like to get away and hang out with people my age that i dont see on a daily basis. you know??!!?? I havent got any friends at all that im not related to...it sucks!!! Ill admit that im very depressed bc i really have no one to talk to or hang with.

Michelle - posted on 05/03/2010

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I think all new moms have that feeling sometime in their lives. But like we all said, I would would never ever change having my daughter for anything. Ever.

Becca - posted on 05/03/2010

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i am 20 and have an 8 month old, and all the friends i had left after i graduated high school pretty much disappeared when i got pregnant, though they did all come to the baby shower. they never make any kind of effort to talk or hang out with me and when i try to arrange something or even just talk they never get back to me so i just gave up. i do have 1 friend left who also has a child but i only see her maybe once or twice a month because she works and is in nursing school so im alone most of the time with my daughter.

[deleted account]

I had 3 friends that were around up until after I had my first child. It has dropped down to the 1. We go out maybe once or twice a month. I've noticed that once I got married and had my kids that I've kind of shut myself off to my friends as well...not sure why or what I was thinking when I did it but I did. It could be because I live an hour away from everyone but I have tried to contact my 2 other friends to go shopping and hang out but I never get a response from them.

Linda - posted on 05/01/2010

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i feel exactly the same i have 2 young children an a lovely partner, but yes i did loose contact as soon as i had my son luckily enough ive made some new friends 1 who i class as a true friend could tell her anything i met her on netmums shes a star xxx

Elysia - posted on 05/01/2010

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it is very hard, ive been lucky enough to have formed a group of friends who all have children one actually had her little boy the same day as mine. But my friends that i had befored that dont have children has been a little more challenging in keeping the friendship as it was before. I found that i pulled away more from them. Im now 23 my son is 13months and number 2 is due in 10weeks so it can be hard running a family and trying to keep up with your child free friends. I would suggest attending a playgroup or something similiar in your area to meet other ppl who may be feeling the same as you and looking for some company. Its nice to have ppl in the same situation as u and to understand where u r coming from.

*Lisa* - posted on 04/30/2010

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I found that even though I lost some friends (simply because of our different lifestyles - we can't really relate anymore) I gained some better ones :)

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