anyone else feel like a single mom, even though they're not???

Shannon - posted on 04/02/2010

No, you are not the olny one that feels this way... I think a lot of moms feel this same way... I know I do. I have 4 kids and my husband hardly changes a diaper unless I get mad and say something. He works 40 hours a week and I understand that when he gets home from work he is tired. So I try not to get crabby about, but I take care of the kids 24/7 and I don't ever get a break... You just have to make time for yourself. Anyway you can.

Shana - posted on 04/02/2010

no your not alone.... i actually left my husband for this reason.... if i am feeling like im doing it alone then i will do it alone.... at least my expectations wont be too high huh?

Melissa - posted on 04/02/2010

totally not alone here. ive been going thru the same shit for 8 years, with 2 kids... he just doesnt get it. it pisses me off sooo much! then i feel guilty for NOT wanting to be that kind of mom who does everything, but i know that i shouldnt feel guilty cuz were not living in the 40's anymore! i work, go to school and raise the kids. i dont WANT to run around trying to get them dressed every 10 min. after they strip down :) but i do... cuz im "mommy". just wish he'd feel the same kind of responsibility... *sigh*... maybe it will hit him in a few years? by then itll be too late tho. its really down heartening... but i just keep thinking how lucky i am to at least have healthy children who have both their parents to go thru the ups and downs together. the more he slacks- just let yourself be that much greater... :)

Danielle - posted on 04/02/2010

I think the best way to make him aware is to leave him at home with your son for a few hours. just so he'll understand what it's like to have to deal with everything

Amanda - posted on 04/02/2010

Natalie,



My two boys are 5 & 7 and I stay at home with them. By the time my husband gets up for work or comes home from work, he is too tired to do anything or to busy. Granted he does help out on his days off, but the kids are pretty much in my hands 24/7. It can be quite a challenge at times, but the way I look at it he is out supporting us and giving us a roof over our heads. I do feel like a single mom a lot and it gets frustrating but its worth it in the long run for me.



Amanda Lee Arellano

Jarae - posted on 04/02/2010

I totally feel they same way i live with my daughters father but he only spends time with her when he has the time . he sits and plays video games or is watching tv and if she starts to cry or needs a diaper change he yells for me instead of just doing it . or hell go in the other room and shut the door or just turn up the tv .But i think its just the mother in us that puts us in that position , i think its normal . but somedays you just need a break and some guys dont get that. help out !!!!

Anna - posted on 04/02/2010

Your definitely not alone here. My husband works in the mine interstate and is away for 2 weeks at a time and is home for 3 days he wants to relax, which i can understand. But up until recently he wouldn't do much with our 8 month old daughter. He'd play with her for half an hour and then get board. He went 3 months without giving her a bath himself and he has only ever watched her without me twice.

But for the past month or so he has been really making a effort with her. He plays with her for hours and he feeds her and baths her. He has definitely changed with her and i love it. Lets hope it lasts a while.

So maybe you might have this happen to you?

Alisha - posted on 04/02/2010

i left my sons father after 20 months of being a mother... i honestly felt like i was a single mum, he didnt help at all! it depressing and it leads to some very serious relationship problems. he had a better relationship with his xbox than with me or his son. and physical contact was a forced CHORE to him.

Aloura - posted on 04/02/2010

my husband does it too and we have a 5 month old and we have been married just over a year.. yes he is in the military but, i have to light a fire under his ass all the time to step up... see if you can find some kind of daddy boot camp thing that he has to go to... maybe that will help...

Jessica - posted on 04/02/2010

I have this problem too, but part of it is my fault. My husband raised his partially blind nephew before he met me, so I knew I wanted to start a family with him. But when our daughter came into our lives I became very controling and didn't even allow him to take her anywhere alone. I was so scared he was going to make a mistake or drop her. So now she's almost two and I'm almost begging him to do more things with her but he keeps looking at me for instruction or I have to tell him somthing needs to be done. So this was my fault.

Ana - posted on 04/01/2010

yes i do feel like that as well....i work full time...grad student full time...and of course a full time mom....my son always asks me for things even if his dad is 2 feet away from us....my escape is to leave the house do some shopping or stay the night at my moms house which I am thankful that I am able to do

Dayna - posted on 04/01/2010

yes... especially at night. I understand that I'm on maternity leave right now, so I should take care of our baby all the time on my own but I need rest too.. he should be able to wake up in the middle of the night and feed/change her. Men always tell their girls that they will be there for them and they say they wanna help...well they should otherwise it feels like they let you down and you cant count on them.

Jayme - posted on 04/01/2010

I feel the same way too. Even though I'm at stay at home mother of two under the age of 4. my fiance has 2 days off a week and sometimes I dont feel like doing anything either. But sitting down and ignoring the kids too. Its like he comes home and gets on the game and blocks out everyone untill one of us gets in his way. I think thats the only reason why I got a computer. But it doesn't help any. We talked about him helping out more and it would last for two or three days and then its back to the same thing again. Two nights out of the week I spend a total of 13 hours straight with my kids. If it wasn't for me I don't think my house would be clean and the kids wouldn't get fed and bathed. Maybe men aren't program the same way women are. It seems the only time he helps me is when I blow up at him and say can I have some parenting help please. Then he would say "what do you want me to do?" If it wasn't for me I think he might end up losing the kids somewhere by not paying attention. I just hope our men will get it together and realize we work as hard as they do and deserve a little me time as well and not have to pay attention to every detail. Although there are some really great men out there who take care of there kids as well as us moms. I think ours just got lost along the way. good luck.

Dara - posted on 04/01/2010

That literally is what I could write about my life, exactly...really, except we have two little girls. I hate having to ask and totally feel like I shouldn't so I don't most of the time when I probably should. I just read some article on CNN.com about how the male mind is totally different from ours. Check it out if you can. I think we just need to start asking...or we get a whole lot of nothing!

Vanessa - posted on 04/01/2010

hope this helps :)

Vanessa - posted on 04/01/2010

No honey you aren't, I know exactly how you feel, does it ever feel like your taking care of 2 babies instead the one you actually gave birth to?? Cause our thing was, my fiance works night so I get it he needs his sleep, whatever that is fine but he expected me to, make all his appointments for him (and remind him when to go), all the grocery shopping, all the housework (dishes, laundry, cooking, cleaning... ect.) all the errands, plus all that with a 2 year old screaming your name 24/7 or not letting you put her down when all you want to do is have 2 second by yourself! I agree I would do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING for my daughter in a heart beat, but sometimes we need some us time. the only way to get through to him is to set him down (nowhere near a tv,or anything else he could try to tune you out with ;) ) and explain to him using small words that you need help and that this is the 1920 where the women stay home and the men walk all over them, maybe startout by giving him outside tasks like something you think he would like,then sneak in some inside work ;)

Heather - posted on 04/01/2010

No you are not the only one who feels like this. I go through the same thing with my boyfriend and we have two kids together. I know he is gone for like two weeks at a time but when he's home all he wants to do is sleep watch tv, or play his X Box. I always confront him about it and he just kinda blows it off. So I finally started getting in front of the tv and telling him look you are home I do this on my own all the time the least you could do is help when your home. I told him the other day if I'm gonna feel like a single mom, then I would rather just be a single mom. Really got him thinking and he did get a little better but we'll see how long it lasts. Just do what you can and talk to him about it, if you have to unplug the tv.(i've done that before too). Oh and lastly men can be lazy and will be lazy if you let them. So be strong and put your foot down.

Kim - posted on 04/01/2010

i have tryed this but he goes into hims own shell and doesnt talk to me, it isnt like i ask alot from him i just wish he would take all hte kids and give me so my time, some time it really makes you wonder if he reallly wonts to be here.

Jessica - posted on 04/01/2010

I feel like that A LOT! My husband hasn't really helped out much with our daughter. I know how you feel. I just sat him down though and explained how I felt. Once he realized that he has changed and is really starting to be a better father and husband.

Norma - posted on 04/01/2010

wow my husband is only home 4 monthsw out of a year he is a welder and is forever travling and i have two kids a boy and a girl its tought but i pick up both roles and i know my kids better then he does so i get to play the upper hand in minipulating him when he is home it makes him feel bad and he speands loads of time with his kids and does everything with them. but u shouldn't have to force anyone to take care of there off spring.

Anna - posted on 04/01/2010

Sometimes I do and Sometimes I dont... and Sometimes I wish I was haha jk. But i understand what your saying my hubby took a while before he started helping more with our little one! I had to push it a lot and be patient because it wasnt worth starting big fights over. And still I feel like I have to ask him to do half the things he should know to do before being told. He is getting better I do have to say because I push him into doing more for example ill leave her with him for a good hour and if she crys he has to figure out how to make her happy and the more he has to do this the more it comes natural.. Good Luck and remember your not alone!

Amanda - posted on 04/01/2010

Def not the only one. I guess for us having children is more like a job that you cant call in sick for and for men its a novelty..they pick and choose when they feel up to putting in the time. My husband is very helpful with our daughter and he loves her to death but hes not the first to get up and just do...hes usually more then willing when I ask for help but I guess they just view it as the moms responsibility to take full time control...

Diana - posted on 04/01/2010

i know what you mean...i feel the exact same way. I guess they just don't have that motherly instinct to do whatever it takes for our baby. Honestly, I don't even like leaving my son with his father because I worry about if he will tend to him when he's crying or pay enough attention to him. It's almost as if his dad does what he wants to do and the baby just needs to deal with it-whereas me, I do what my son feels like doing, you know? He definately comes first! My husband also works a lot of ours and owning his own business has given me the opportunity to stay at home so I kind of try not to let it bother me. He does work all day and sometimes 16 hour days if not more. I will say he was home for a couple of days and it's seriously the first time he just took our son out of his exersaucer to hold him. That meant so much to me, but he does say when he gets older and can do things because right now he just isn't as good with him so there is hope. I have said "I feel like a single mom" numerous times and have even thought I'd be better off single because I wouldn't have the expectation of getting help and therefore the disappointment and let down when it doesn't happen. I've been handling it better by not expecting anything and so when his dad steps in a little more it's a bonus!

Dana - posted on 04/01/2010

No sweetheat u r not my fiance is the same way right down to the sports an games . An me i feel like no matter what im doing if my son need me i got to be there but not my man. I feel the same way and don't understand y man r like that .

Angela - posted on 04/01/2010

you're definitly not alone...my fiance is a great man, and good with the kids like you said, when he wants to...i always ask him, why is it ok for me to take the girls with me everywhere and you never ever take them anywhere alone?...its like i do and do and do...and he never understands why im tired...i come home and the baby has a filthy face from whatever she ate from lunch and half the food is on the floor...so i just say a prayer for strength on my way home that when i walk in the door maybe only half the toybox will be emptied out on the floor and not the whole thing...loll...men need to be forced to do some things and thats why we're the stronger species...lol...cause we have to train them...aggghhh...what can we do...just keep loving them and move on!

Susan - posted on 04/01/2010

It isnt just you hun! i think every young mom feels like this at some point. My fiance doesnt help and when i ask him to or ask him to cleam since ive been up all night or something he gets mad. My son is only 6 weeks old so i havent gotton back to work yet. Im working a side job next week and that leaves my son with my fiance. Im kinda interested in seeing what happens when i get home. I suggest you dont give your fiance a choice and say you really need a few hours with just your friends so he needs to watch your son. That way he knows what it is like and i think he will never not do anything you ask him to because then he knows what you deal with all day.

Kim - posted on 04/01/2010

i know just how you feel ,my partner doesnt help very moch he is more interested in his sports, football,go carting,motor bikes and helping every one elese other then his own family, so iam a stay at home home of 6 soon to be 7 on mu own.

Soky - posted on 04/01/2010

I just feel like a single mom because my fiance works 9 to 5 and sometimes gets home late so it gets darker and we dont have much time to go play outside as a family. But I have had to speak with him about his games and playing it too much. That I almost left him because it has gotten in the way of raising our daughter. I limit him to how many hours he can play and when because we do need family time together. But lately he has been working a lot so he comes home and knock out sometimes.

Mal - posted on 04/01/2010

Me too!!! My Fiance would rather be outside in the garage working on cars than inside witnessing our daughters firsts and helping me with her.

I practically have to force him to even spend a little time with her.

I have started (when i get a bit overwhelmed and think he needs to spend time with her) going down the street and leaving her with him which makes him have time with her and helps me as i get to clear my head.

It has been working well so far as he is slowly spending a bit more time with her and helping me out (without an argument)

But i agree i dont understand how most males are able to put their children aside and go about "their" lives as they want and us mothers have to do all the work without alot of assistance in our lives.

Laura - posted on 04/01/2010

mine is the same way and i just got so sick of it all that i have now left him. there is no excuse for a father to get away with not doing anything just because he has a job. Taking care of a child or in my case three is a 24/7 job sick or not. we don't just get to say , hey, don't feel like it today. I finally decided after 10 years that what i was doing at home with my husband i could be doing without him. Best of Luck to you:)

Becca - posted on 04/01/2010

I totally understand how you're feeling. My husband used to be just terrible.I finally started making myself unavailable on a daily basis and he got a little better. The real turning point was a month or two ago when my son started to get separation/stranger anxiety and my husband wasn't able to comfort him.That really made what I'd been saying about him needed to spend more time sink in.

Nichole - posted on 04/01/2010

i have the same problem my fiance helps some time but he just wants to watch tv and play video games dont get me wrong he dose help but its always a fight to get him to do anything

Irina - posted on 04/01/2010

O yeah being in Germany and my husband in the military sure does make it feel like i'm a single parent of 2 sometimes I feel like i'm not even married LOL.

TANISHA - posted on 04/01/2010

I really enoyed reading everyones posts!!! We all have the same issue. I partly blame myself for my husband not helping all the time. When we had our daughter, I NEEDED to do everything because I felt that only I could do it right. So my husband got used to it. Now that we have another baby and my daughter is not 2 yet...I cry, scream, and beg for help. I do find that none of those methods work. I have to say EXACTLY what I need to get help: Please wash the baby's bottles, Please feed the baby, Please take the baby a bath, Watch the kids, I'm going to the store...If I am not specific, I don't get what I need/want. Try to be as specific as possible. Tell him exactly what you need and remain patient...

Brandee - posted on 04/01/2010

I have been married since Oct. 2003 and we had our first child in July 2008.. I don't think my husbands life has changed one bit since Brandon was born.. When he wants to go out with friends, he does; When he wants to watch TV, he does; etc..etc..etc.. We moved in with his parents on Jan. 22, 2010 and I asked him last night how many times he has done bath time.. We concluded it was one time because I was very sick and in bed all day.. If I go to run errands, Brandon goes with me rather than staying home with Dada.. My husband does play with our son, but that's about it.. When it comes to the not so fun stuff, then it is always my turn.. We need to find a balance closer to 50/50!!

Sarah - posted on 04/01/2010

I am a stay at home mom to 5.My oldest is in school which leaves me with my 4 boys four and under being the youngest is 4 months.I understand how all of you feel.I very rarely get any help from my hubby.OH I love him very much but do not get the help needed that would be nice to have.I find he helps when he wants something.But thats about it.He`ll help if he wants his mother to come over for a visit.I cook the meals clean the rooms wash the floors do the laundry put all 7 of our cleaned clothes away and do the dishes and put them away.He takes the garbage out once a week.Man if it was that easy to do I would just take the garbage out too.But this is real life here.We married and said we would be there for each other always but doesnt that include helping each other in the home.I find I am the only one who changes the young ones washes them when needed and tend to there needs.I have told him if he were not here I could do this on my own if we were not together.What`s the difference I do everything on my own as it is. I know he wouldn`t be able to do what I do for 12 hrs let alone 24hrs.Wish it were different.I`ve tried talking to him and he`ll help for a day or 2 and then things are back to the way they were.Men just don`t get it.Think they need a class to take before they decide to take on the real world to teach them what it means to be in a live-in relationship or married to someone!!!!!!!!!

Stephanie - posted on 04/01/2010

ME TOO!!! It seems as though when you need them the most they are just not feeling like helping out. It seems as though I have "the talk" about all these issues at least once a month. It has been going on for two years now. Good luck, if you find out a way that works better, post it PLEASE!

Amanda - posted on 04/01/2010

Im right there with you. and mine always acts like he's the only full-time employed person in the house. I work full time too!!!! ... and I make more money. Its so complicated and I wont get into it. Just know that you're not alone.

Erin - posted on 04/01/2010

our baby girl is 6 months old and teething. after dealing with a fussy child, the last thing i want is for my husband to come in, kick his shoes off and ask "what have you been doing all day?".

Mikaela - posted on 04/01/2010

Dn't worry hunny, i feel the same! I've been dating my guy for 10 months. And I'm the one who has bought my song EVERYTHING. My man has only gotten him 2 outfits and thats it. I've boughten a crib, change table, dresser, HALF his clothes. And now that my son is here, he would rather snowboard, or hang out with friends then come to a doctors appointment or drive us to an appointment.

Valerie - posted on 04/01/2010

I'm also a military wife so for thhe first 5 months I literally did it alone, but you cant be as mad at him if he's not there! Your''s is right in front of you! Women have a stronger pull towards their children- dads can love then with all their heart and iit still doesn't compare. You simply care too much to let your little one cry too much while waiting for the dad to get up. That's because you're a good mom. I think we all go through that though, the men just dont enjoy parenthood as much as we do and even if we dont, we know it has to get done and that's that. Too bad they dont see it that way :(

Kaitlyn - posted on 04/01/2010

no youre not the only one, i was a work from home mom with a part time job for an hour a night and a couple hours sat/sun morning so between being a mom and taking care of my daughter, my work from home job, and my night/wknd job i was losing my mind. by far the hardest thing is raising my daughter. my husband would complain when he got home from work that i asked him to do something like change a diaper or give our daughter dinner (which i had just cooked, while cleaning, working, and being a mom! lol) he would say "i just worked a 10 hour day blah blah blah im so tired" ..well i work a 22 hour a day job just from being a mommy! when my husband was laid off, i started working more and he was home with her all day. he quickly realized how much i actually do around the house when i was gone and he had to take over. now as soon as he comes home he grabs our now 23 month old daughter, changes her diaper, feeds her dinner, plays with her and gives me some mommy time. it took some time but he definitely realized how hard i work!

i hope your fiance starts helping you more!!

Monica - posted on 04/01/2010

haha yeah well i LOVE being single, because their dad wants to see them so he takes them sometimes and it gives me a break!! If we were still together, i'd NEVER get a break so complete AND i'd also still have to be taking care of him and finding his damn socks and everything else he's too lazy to look for himself!! If you don't get along, it's way better to be alone and happy!!! Sorry, this is my life and i am very happy with it lol. Good luck, maybe go to a councellor to make him see you need more help and breaks too!!!

Jill - posted on 04/01/2010

I have an absolutely wonderful husband who helps a lot but, I feel the same way sometimes. I am really convinced a mother's love really is like no other. It's hard to explain but it's just different.

Samantha - posted on 04/01/2010

I did when my son was born, but my husband wanted to have another baby after he was born and i wasn't ready yet, so i told him he had to step up to the plate and when my daughter was born he did just that! Tell him he needs to do more, before the bonding time is gone and he has not bonded with his child. It's not something that happens over night, you have to earn your child's love and trust and that is what the first year is all about. I still have to ask my husband to do things, but that's just how men are they can't read your mind like we can read theirs.

Amanda - posted on 04/01/2010

you are def not the only one. i have the same problem with my fiance. he did really good when our son was first born but then after a few months everything was left for me to do. i was the only one getting up at night and doing all the feedings and all the baths and then on top all of that i did all the house work chores to. lately i have been having to get on him to even pick up after himself. i have to ask him to do everything. i just dont understand men at times.

Janita - posted on 04/01/2010

Believe me...I can relate to this feeling. We are together and he is in our son's life, but financially, I'm the one that buys him just about EVERYTHING he needs. If I'm not getting him something, my mom is. It's frustrating. He might buy a pack of pampers sometimes, or some wipes, but he's getting older now, and needs more things more often. But mommas are always Superwomen, right?

Brenda - posted on 04/01/2010

yeah im with u on that while i was preggrz i got little to no help keeping the house clean and doing the dishes and washin i had to do it all we have a front loader washin machine and its on the floor and he would bitch and whing and sware at me coz id ask him to get the washing out of the machine for me coz i couldnt bend down that far with my big belly in the way and it hasnt gotten much better now he just bitches when i hand OUR son over to him and get him to feed him while i cook dinner it sux id prob b better off if i was a single parent u know

Veronique - posted on 04/01/2010

I'm with you on that one! Don't get me wrong when he does do things it's great but i do most of the work. Right now i'm on mat leave so i get my oldest daughter ready for daycare ( dressing, breakfast ect ect ) then i get my youngest in her car seat in put both of them in the car. I also do the bath time and bed time. Every now and then he will feed the oldest which is not that hard she's 21 months so she feeds her self. So yeah i feel like a single mom sometimes but like i said i;m on mat leave so for now i let it fly but when i go back to work full time he will have to help out..............

Amanda - posted on 04/01/2010

i know how that is. my sons father doesnt do anything for him even when we were together. im married to someone else now bt he is in the army so i dont really get much help . its hard bt i know that i do the best i can for my son, guys just dont realize how hard it is for moms to do it by theirselfs. there are alot of single moms out there and i give props to thm !