Anyone feeling tied down?

Stephanie - posted on 05/15/2010 ( 166 moms have responded )

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Don't get me wrong I LOVE my daughter, she is the best thing i have ever done! But lately i'm feeling tied down. I still want the life of a 22 year old woman. I'm missing drinks with my friends, laughs at the bars, romantic dinners with my boyfriend, SATURDAY nights!

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Cara - posted on 05/19/2010

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i no exactly how u feel, i'm now 22 and i had to drop out of a college course to have my daughter ( now 8months) and i hope to get bk into it next year, but i've lost contact with most of my friends as they r busy working on their final year, and when ever we do get to meet up all they talk about is how drunk they got the other week, and can't understand y i can't stay up til 3am, its not easy to do nefing during the week (as many people probly find aswel) as my bf works and has to be out of the house by half 6 :( but bcoz of ur post and peoples answers i'm hopinh to change all these things for the better, sorry this wasn't really helpful for you but i just wanted to say how good it was to hear these ideas :) thank you

Erin - posted on 05/19/2010

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EVERYDAY!!! lol!
Not easy being a mum and a wife! I have 3 kids under 8 and it's never ending cleaning, organising, working, cooking, studying! The last time my hubby and I went somewhere alone was my father's funeral 6 years ago!! I love being a mum (most of the time!) But it is hard when all of my friends are enjoying lifes pleasures! So i enjoy the little things! It's also harder too when we live away from everyone so I have had to do it all on my own for 8 years! The last time someone babysat for us was when i went into labour with my youngest child 2 years ago!! Chin up! Sooooo many of us are all in the same boat! And to tell you the truth i cant wait for the day they've all moved out of home! and daddy and i can pick up and go away! :)

Rachel - posted on 05/19/2010

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Embrace every moment, Every laugh, every challenge, every minute of every second with your child. Karma will reward you I promise.. Just tell yourself you are beautiful the way you are! You gave up your freedom when you made a carbon copy of yourself. You have this one chance to do it right. I know... I come from a broken family. And I envy families that have held it together. Sent there kids to college and spent quality time with each other. And still love each other today in Adulthood. They are what family is all about. Love, patience, and surrender. You can make time for yourself and do it the right way... not the cowardly way by self loathing. Be brave and love yourself.

Candy - posted on 05/19/2010

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I sometimes feel a tad overwhelmed and wish life was a little simpler. But at the end of the day my daughter makes me laugh more then I ever used to. I am lucky in one respect that where I live is way away from all my family and friends so really I don't feel too bad. It is awful when I see people have invited me to birthdays etc and I can't attend though

Amanda - posted on 05/19/2010

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i got a babysitter it is great she lives on my st. and she is great my husband and i put all 3 kids to bed and then go out have dinner together! i dont know what i would do with out her!!!

[deleted account]

Sometimes I miss these things, then I remember that I never really liked them in the first place, lol. We take our 10 mth old daughter EVERYWHERE with the exception of to a bar. Really, I've only left her with a sitter (my MIL) once and that was because we were going to the casino.
It's nice for me to get out, but I notice that it's also nice for her. She sleeps 10x better when we've taken her somewhere and she LOVES to watch people. She just sits quietly in a restaurant or something and takes in everything, the food and people, etc. As we were leaving a restaurant once a woman commented to me, "I didn't even know she was here until she had a little coughing fit." Some babies will surprise you!

Angie - posted on 05/19/2010

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yes don't fell bad. i do to. i have a stay at home job so the only time i leave is to go to wal-mart

Sammy - posted on 05/19/2010

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i no how u feel. i got a 4 year old 2 year old and 8month dont get help from any1.but wot i would give for a night out love my kids to bit. we are not asking for much to have 1 night out every now and then

Kristina - posted on 05/19/2010

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I am twenty two and just had my third. I never got to enjoy saturday nights. So its not that I miss them, I wish I was able to party so that I can miss them.

Michelle - posted on 05/18/2010

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You need to get some friends that are 'mommies' too. You can have drinks with your friends at home, just don't get out of control. You can laugh ... why does it have to be at a bar? You can have a romantic dinner anywhere (maybe get a sitter). Last but not least SATURDAY nights? What's up with that? You also refer to your daughter as a 'THING' ... hmmmm

Karen - posted on 05/18/2010

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I feel the same. I have a 20 month old and a 2 month old. I haven't seen my closest friends in over a year. I have a girls night planned for Saturday and that is the first time since my oldest was born that I am going somewhere fun just for me with no kids. My husband and I used to be so active, hiking and camping and just heading off to the beach and those days are long gone. It's one of those things I struggle with. I don't know how those women have social lives with their friends, dates with their husbands, work full time, go to the gym, spend enough time with their kids and not die from exhaustion. By the time I get the girls in bed at night I am ready to collapse. But I really miss my friends. I don't even get to have the nice long girl gabs on the phone anymore because someone always needs my attention. I love my beautiful babies but I'd like just a little piece of my life back to be just mine.

Mickki - posted on 05/18/2010

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It's important to have some sociable with people with bigger vocabularies. lol. I find that getting out twice a month helps. Have at least one set day for yourself and one that you get when there's practical time. Even having your own down time rather than being with a group can make you feel like you got quality time away. Get up a hobby that's easy to pick up and drop.

Tasha - posted on 05/18/2010

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I think every mom goes through this phase at one point and time. i have 3 girls and boy do i sometimes just want to go out with friends and just hang out. Unfortunately finding a sitter is hard and the Husband works alot so im stuck in the house with kids 24/7. I love them very much and wouldnt take them back for anything in the world.

Adelle - posted on 05/18/2010

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trust me i totally know how you feel.. i was a mom just b4 my 17th b-day and my 2nd came along when i was 20. im now almost 26 with two beautiful children. its sooo hard at first adjusting to the fact that your not number 1 anymore, now the only thing that seems to matter are your children and its gonna be like that for the rest of your life.. but just remember YOU have your whole life ahead of you, there will be plenty of you time i promise!! you have to get yourself out there with or without the kid. just remember its always better to take your kids with you as much as you can the more you get them out there the sooner they will learn how to behave in public there will be many errors and humiliating moments in between but it will payoff in the long run. go to the park, the movies, bike ride, bbq with friends, there is still a ton of stuff to do just different stuff now. make a monthy girl time tell your hubby to make a monthly guy day and stick to it and dont get mad at eachother for doing it its a give and take thing. ive been with my hubby for 11years and am glad to see him go on hunting trips for the weekend, my mom takes the kids and i do as i please, the times will come even though some times it feels like forever. hang in there and work some stuff out it will get easier :)

Jessica Ann - posted on 05/18/2010

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Oh my...I feel ya girl, well I did. My daughter is 16 months now but when she was first born I was like oh my goodness what have I done, I'm too yooung for this!! But, I made a couple of mistakes and was threatened that I would lose her and it changed the way I felt. I now treasure EVERY moment I get to spend with my daughter and am glad that someone gave me that wakeup call. I want you to know that just because you feel like that sometimes doesn't mean you're not a good mother because I used to think that and then I realized I was being way too hard on myself. I hope things get better and work out for you.

Kymberly - posted on 05/18/2010

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I just turned 20 in January and my daughter is almost 8 months old. My husband works and I stay home. I resent him sometimes for being able to get out of the house for 9 hours a day but when it comes down to it, I would never give up the one on one time that I get to spend with my daughter. It's such a short period of time in your life and I'm gonna enjoy EVERY minute of it. Just remember to spoil yourself every once in a while and DON'T feel guilty. You need YOU time too.

Nikkole - posted on 05/18/2010

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Hi. i get that way some times. My friends have kids too, but they go with their dad every other weekend so they get to go out. Im with my lil girl dad so i dont get that. But we do make time for just us! we go out every month and are lil girl start over night with a family or a friend and they love to watch so that helps. you need to make time for just you bc if you dont you are going to go nuts and never get out of the mood you are in .

Megan - posted on 05/18/2010

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I do agree with Christi in most ways. I can understand how a mom can feel tied down, and it usually happens if you put yourself last for too long. If I go too long without ANY me time, I do feel tied down and stressed. I try to make it a priority to take 10 minutes out of the day for me. Even just taking a hot shower or bath after putting baby to bed can make you feel better and less tied down.

Aimie - posted on 05/18/2010

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I know how you feel. Its important to take "me" time when you can. A happy mommy makes a happy baby!

Melissa - posted on 05/18/2010

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I agree with Becky Tanner, I know it seems like a long time but by the time people in our generation is thinking about having children we are already experience. We will be on our way to enjoying ourselves, and yes by then we will be able to aford it. If you can't wait so long maybe you can look into getting a baby sitter for the night, or leave your baby with family or friend that you trust with your kids.

Christi - posted on 05/18/2010

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I can say I have honestly never felt this way. I got pregnant at 19 and had my son at 20 and he is the greatest joy in my life. My husband and I don't go out but for our anniversary, birthdays, mother's/father's day and maybe a movie every now and then, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I love our son soooo much and I love how we interact as a family. We still find time to be by ourselves in the evenings and we really enjoy a family cuddle. The friends I have kept have children as well, so they don't miss any of it either. I see them during the day and then nighttime is family time. If you wanted to have a carefree life without all the responisbilites of being a mother, then children probably weren't your best option. But you also have to realize that you don't have to sacrifice those things, just learn how to balance them and do them in moderation.

Terry-ann - posted on 05/18/2010

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what i suggest u do is ask grandma to watch the baby for a couple of hours and take a night off.it will do u more good than harm.

[deleted account]

I know what you mean. I have a newborn daughter that I have to take care of all by myself. I don't have time to do anything anymore. I barely have time for myself and I'm only 19. I guess things get easier when they get older and you get the hang of things. Make the best of your situation, if you can't go out for fun then bring the fun to you. I'm sure it would be just as fun to have friends over for drinks or to hang out.

Megan - posted on 05/18/2010

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I can completely understand how you are feeling. I definitely agree somewhat with what Amy said near the top- with us younger moms, most of us did not plan on having children so young, or being in the situation we are in. I don't necessarily think it was thrust upon us, since we did make our own choices throughout the whole matter- from conception to keeping your child (which I am not putting us down for having our children, I think if you are capable of making the choice to be intimate you best be prepared for the outcome- that belongs in another conversation though, so back to my point!)

My boyfriend and I did not plan to have our son, but we love him to death. He is by far the BEST thing that has happened to me. I don't know if it matters whether or not you got to go through that party stage as a teenager or not, you are still going to feel tied down at times. With the way the economy is now, it can be escalated by ten. I am a stay at home mom when I am not in school (I am going for my Associate's Degree) so I do not have my own income. My boyfriend makes decent money, but we both have expenses, and with an infant there are way more than I think any young parent expects there to be. When I do get the opportunity to go out, I feel guilty, because I am spending my boyfriend's money.

I love my son to death, but I think I always knew I never wanted to be a full time stay at home mom. I've waitressed and bartended since I was 16, and now it gets really tough sometimes to just sit at home. Don't be afraid to take your baby out with you to run errands. My son is almost 1 and loves going new places.

Also, sometimes it's just not possible to get out of the house. When this happens I try really hard to get something done around the house. My son likes "helping" with dishes. Now that it's getting nice out, I bring him outside and do some yard work. I know when you are feeling down, the last thing you want to do is any sort of house work. It took my a long time to "stop feeling sorry for myself" and pick myself up and just do something. I feel so much better at the end of the day when I get something accomplished. I have been looking extremely hard for a job that will pay for daycare and give me a little bit of extra cash, and with the way the economy is right now, I have not had any luck. For a long time I let that get me down- and it was not good. On the nights I did get to go out, I spent too much, and during the day I did nothing except watch my son play. Granted, it's good to interact with your child, but someone needs to get the laundry and dishes done! Once I made up my mind to start doing little things around the house here and there- I started to feel a little better. You are still going to have your tied down feelings, we probably will until our children go away to college, if not longer! But there are steps we can take to try and make ourselves feel better. The best thing about it is, I tell myself that once I do something during my son's naptime whether it be dishes or an hour of yard work, or laundry- I let myself lay down until he wakes up. I love my naps, and those were the thing I missed the most. Being able to sleep when I want, but I know if I sleep whenever he does, I won't get anythign done and will just feel tired and depressed. Just do whatever works for you. I've also noticed that logging onto Circle of Moms helps me out a lot too. I can vent out my feelings, and so far have not had too many people bark at me! Just hang in there, and don't be afraid to ask for help!

Andrea - posted on 05/18/2010

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Trust me I' sooooo there... Truth is that when we become pregnant and deliver our lil ones... our life is not ours anymore... Ur old friends happen to think ur just a mom now and don't really include u..since u from now on will always have a +1... and not one that is accepted at the clubs or pubs... SUCKS... I know... :(

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Take a girls night out, wake up hungover and take care of your kid and boy howdie! You'll get over not doing that REAL quick!!! Any time I decide to drink (@ home) my 8 mos old makes THOSE nights the ones where he is fussy, doesn't go to sleep well, etc etc and I don't miss not drinking! Because THAT sucks!!! Take a night every so often for you and your boyfriend, that's important! My husband doesn't see the importance and it really bothers me!!! Make that one work somehow! Go out to the park talk to other moms...there are Cafe Sip N Plays in our area that moms take their kids and enjoy coffee while kids play...the community centers will have play dates once a week or so that offers safe indoor play where you can meet other moms...meet ppl w/kids! You'll have more fun arranging play days and bday parties for kids who appreciate the sprinkles on a cupcake over drinking w/friends and being hungover! Your kids will grow up eventually and you'll have more opportunities for nights out and what not. Drinking irresponsibly isn't all that fun! When I hear stories about ppl getting drunk and into fights, my brother passed out on the rail road tracks and blacked out... girls getting drunk and making out... ugh... I never mind missing out on all the BS! No thanks! I'll take planning my soon to be 4 year olds bday bbq w/friends who also have kids! It's crap loads more fun then when we would go out w/friends!

[deleted account]

I feel the same way, I don't have a lot of friends around me. So I never go out. It'd be nice to have a break with the girlfriends I used to go out with pre-baby. None of us are as close as we once were, and the other girlfriends I have, have moved away and live out of state. I end up going out with my mom a lot if my husband is willing to stay home with our 3 year old little girl. It's still not the same, but it gets me out of the house for a while so it's worth it. Every mom needs a break once in a while.

Jessica - posted on 05/18/2010

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I have not felt that way for I have a wonderful, incredible job that I do from home along with being a wife and mother!! It gives me something that I can do along with the day in and day out of family. I still get that feeling of accomplishment and achievement that we all long for!! I would love to share with you what I do if you might be interested!! It is easy, rewarding, and has an unlimited income potential!!! I love it because I can empower others!! You wont feel so tied down when you are being an incredible mother who is helping others to be fulfilled too!!

[deleted account]

You can still have nights out and dinners with your boyfriend.Just make it happen.I was never one for nights out to clubs etc so when i had my baby at 19 it was fine and i en joyed every moment of being with her.It was hell leaving her for week having my second child lol 16 months ago.I think all moms still need to have a good balanced life of being a mom and being a person without the kids.Not being mommy for one night but having fun with the girls and knowing your child/children are safe and being taken care of.I think for the first 4years of my first child's life i could of made more of an effort to get out more but i was so in love with being a mom i didnt think of anything else.Since having my second i need my space and a night out once in a while.I dont feel guilty for doing it now.It does me and my girls the best.Being to clingy and over protective isn't always a good thing.It was hell for my 4year old with me gone to hospital to have my daughter.I felt bad because i was the cause of that way to overprotective.

Melissa - posted on 05/18/2010

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Yea I do feel like that u jus have to make time for date night get a sitter ! I have a 9mth old almost 4 year old and 9 yr old ! We went out for drinks Sat nite I had the best time ! This is our 20's we have to enjoy them once in a while !!

Karmi - posted on 05/18/2010

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I know exactly what you mean! I'm 20 right now but will be 21 in July and don't even know what to do for my bday. What do moms do?? I don't want to be a stupid partier, but do want to have fun! I've only gone out 3 times since I had my son 15 months ago. It's hard and I hate it sometimes, because the only person I get to talk to about my feelings is my son, lol. He's the only one there. I guess my problem is after I got pregnant all my friends disappeared and were really immature. So now it's just me and my son, but thats okay. I would say make a night of the week just for yourself. Atleast where I live there is a couple of churches that do free daycare for a few hours on a certain night of the week, and it is all free!

Jayne - posted on 05/18/2010

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my baby comes EVERYWHERE, i dont go clubbing anymore but hey i dont miss it that much.
but she comes to friends places for bbq + drinks, to uni, to the movies, to lunch with the girls.....everywhere.
she's 3 months almost and i'v had one night away from her.
and she gets stir crazy if i have a whole day at home.

but yes what im trying to say is you dont have to stay home :) babies are pretty easy going (mine is anyway, i think most are?) just do what you want to and your daughter will probably work with you.

Katie - posted on 05/17/2010

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I started off in the same boat, i am only 22 my husband is 22, so we were used to going as we pleased, but now we have a 1 month old daughter, so things aren't quite like they used to be, but we have made plans to have our "me nights" (like i go to salon, or tan, or gym) and he has his nights, but then we make a promise to try to get a sitter once a night to have nights out with each other, if you have someone to help (family wise) then make those plans or find a sitter that babysits during evening so you two can go out or you can go with your friends, its normal to feel this way, its a HUGE change having a child, means you have to become totally unselfish and always do for them, but you can make plans around it and after a few months go by you will have the hang of it and it will be just like you've done it for years and most family or friends will keep the baby when they are older and can play on their own as well as sleep through the night, so just hang in there, this too shall pass..
and good luck

Tiffany - posted on 05/17/2010

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I understand that feeling and alot of the others that replied i had only been 18 for three months when i found out i was having my daughter wouldnt tried it for the world but sometimes i just want to get away. Its really hard cause her dad isnt always in his more out and it sucks cause i dont understand why he gets a life and friends and i get sippy cups and snacks.

Samantha - posted on 05/17/2010

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I'm 23 and I have a one year old. I got pregnant on our honeymoon so we didn't get much time to just be newlyweds! Our daughter stays with my mom once every six weeks and we either go out on a date or go out for a fun night of bars, but during the in between weeks i don't get to down about missing out because I remember what my life felt like when I was partying and I know that I have a much greater purpose now. My partying was real life and it wasn't accomplishing anything for the world. I now have a WONDERFUL purpose and I feel like my life has so much more meaning. Now whenever I hear about my childless peers going out every weekend I don't get jealous, I just tell myself they can't begin to understand what they are missing out on and how much more fulfilling life is now! It's not me that's missing out on life it's them! I hope that helps you! :)

Diona - posted on 05/17/2010

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Hang in there, it does get better. Don't let that get you down. Sure you might feel tied down but just remember that God placed that baby, your wonderful daughter in your life becasue he loves you and you can show her how to be just as wonderful as you are. She is your gift. You can still go on romantic dinners, laugh and hang out with friends. Your life is not over. It just began. Hang in there. Your doing a great job.

Leslie - posted on 05/17/2010

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My daughter is about to turn 1 and I am 22. I was pregnant at 21. To this day I have still not been to the bar. I never had the life that my husband of 27 had. Partying, drinking, hanging out. Even before I got pregnant, I was working at 6am so I had to go to bed early, meaning no time to even hang out late. I didn't mind it then, now it's driving me crazy. I'm not much of a drinker, but it's the actual getting out and doing something that I wish I could experience. Now I just work, come home, clean and spend time with my daughter and husband. I would love to know what a life is, since I have never truly known it. I love my daughter to death, but I would love some time to hang with the girls.

Kailey - posted on 05/17/2010

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i know how you feel. im 21 and i really miss all of that. you just need to make a designated night to where you go out with your boyfriend and friends. dont worry all will get better.

Rebekah - posted on 05/17/2010

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YES! I am 21 and I have 6 month old twins! My husband is ALWAYS at work and its nearly impossible to get out of the house with twins easily. Also, I feel bad when I leave them with my mom for a night so that my husband and I can go out because the babies dont sleep thought the night at all!

Amy - posted on 05/17/2010

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I won't let anyone watch my son other than my mom, so she tries to come up to visit us at least once a month so my hubby and I can go out for dinner and a movie. :)

Kayla - posted on 05/17/2010

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I know how u feel my kids r my whole world. But like u I feel tied down also. Don't get me wrong I have baby sitters and I do get out of the house occasionally. So I guess I just miss the spontanaity and just being able 2 do things without a weeks notice.

Kayla - posted on 05/17/2010

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I feel the same way! My daughter has become my life which is a great thing but i still am a 20 year old and sometimes i just want to act like it! =] my life went from one extreme to the other. I think the hardest part of being a young mom is loosing that care-free time. Even if i was offered a night out with all my friends i feel to guilty to go. Iknow my heart is at home. Im hoping to find a balance now that my daughter is almost 1.

Gracie - posted on 05/17/2010

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Yes!!! I know how you feel I have three kids. I had my first baby at 19 and now I'm 24 with three kids my first is now almost 5, then i have a 2yr old and a 1yr old. I missed out on everything but what i learnd is that you need to start have more friends who have kids that way when you have play dates you can also get that adult time in, or take the kids out some where that way it feels like your going out some where. As for your saturday night theres nothing wrong with leting somone that you can trust take care of your baby. Every mom needs that time away from there baby it makes you feel better and makes you a better mom.

Katie - posted on 05/17/2010

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I still have those romantice fun nights sometimes. I have great family and friends who love taking my daughter for a few hours so I can spend some time with my fiance. I NEED those nights where I can get out and not worry if I packed enough diapers and crackers to take my daughter out and about too. I love taking my daughter out and having fun but it feels so good when I don't have to worry about all the little things I need to do when I do take her out. Make sure you have one of those nights every now and again everyone needs them even if its just for an hour!!!

Amy - posted on 05/16/2010

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I'm a stay at home mom and always want to be, I love my life...but I feel the same way. I have a theory about young moms, a lot of us got pregnant by a woops and didn't actually make the decision prior to. I think the fact that it was thrust upon us and not chosen makes us long for the past, although I would never want those days back. Mostly I think I miss the freedom of not worrying about naps, potty breaks and tantrums. If I had none of those things, lol, I think it would be perfect. But I wouldn't trade in one of those drunken nights for a peaceful one to watch my daughter, being young we always have our future when they are grown to go out. We'll get our time to shine!

Shannon - posted on 05/16/2010

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I think just about every mother feels the same way. I have 3 children 8,7, and 16 months my husband works out of state and is only home about 10 days out of the month and I live in a place that I know no one and have no family, not to mention I am a stay at home mom and go to college online. Getting out for me is nearly impossible. I guess you just get used to the fact that once you have children you give up the life you used to live for something that is better. It might be boring or hard some times but when you are at home with your little one, you're not out getting into trouble.

[deleted account]

It's near impossible to meet people and most of my friends don't come around anymore since I quit smoking weed and drinking. My little man is what keeps me going. Don't forget ladies some of these emotions can be postpardum stress stuff. I've been crying a lot too.

Misty - posted on 05/16/2010

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Yes i feel the same way! Im 28 just had my son 4 months ago and since ive had him i feel like i dont have much of a life. Im so used to getting up and going all the time. Im not much of a home body and also not really into tv. So its been really hard. Ive done alot of crying and just feeling down. I dont have many close friends so it makes it even harder. Dont get me wrong i love my son to death! I wish you luck!

ALEXIA - posted on 05/16/2010

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im 23 and i have 2 kids! i work full time so my only time off is weekends. we dont have any family to watch the kids, just a sitter. we take them to her about twice a month to get out and have some fun. if you can do something like that, it may help.

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