Appropriate punishment for a 1 year old???

Beth - posted on 02/19/2009

I thought I was the only one! lol My son is almost 18 months but he has been acting like that since about 1! He has gotten better, but I do the timeouts as well he will now sit on a pillow in the corner till he is allowed to get up i am proud to say (which is like a minute) lol of course he screams and cries but he knows to stay there... He does the arching his back and crying and when he does that I lay him on the floor and walk away he usually comes to me with tears and now will say SOWWY (sorry) lol i've always told him to say you're sorry when you've been in trouble and don't do it again of course inevitably it will happen again but he gets the concept! So I guess the key here is persistence! Keep at it! I know it's frustrating, but it works. My 5 year old went through it at 3 (late terrible 2s) and he quickly learned that it was not going to fly. You're doing exactly what you should do so don't worry!

Vanessa - posted on 02/19/2009

hi there as you know every child is different and acts differently to punishment, but i'll share what i did and that was i made a time out mat,  and even tho they don't know much about what they are doing you have to try and explain to them that you don't show naught kids attention (easier said then done)  but keep i kept it up and i did give my boy a smack when it needed to be but often i just sat him there and kkept puttin him back there,he soon learnt you need to be strong and carry through otherwise they will think they are boss... you need to set boundaries.. even tho they are young they tend to follow others so my advise is just stand your ground and keep telling her what she does wrong and punish her with time out or even take toys better now then at the age of 5 if u know what i mean... but mums do know best so goodluck and i hope you find a solution

Vanessa - posted on 02/19/2009

hi there as you know every child is different and acts differently to punishment, but i'll share what i did and that was i made a time out mat,  and even tho they don't know much about what they are doing you have to try and explain to them that you don't show naught kids attention (easier said then done)  but keep i kept it up and i did give my boy a smack when it needed to be but often i just sat him there and kkept puttin him back there,he soon learnt you need to be strong and carry through otherwise they will think they are boss... you need to set boundaries.. even tho they are young they tend to follow others so my advise is just stand your ground and keep telling her what she does wrong and punish her with time out or even take toys better now then at the age of 5 if u know what i mean... but mums do know best so goodluck and i hope you find a solution

Jessica - posted on 02/19/2009

at her age she doesnt have a great memory of why she went to timeout,so while you remember sending her there she doesnt. this is why consistency and persistence is needed. my 2 year old is going through a similar phase i send him to timeout for 1 minutre per year of age,so 2 mins. this works and he comes out and will say sorry.

Sarah - posted on 02/19/2009

Myself and my husband always had a strict rutine and disciplin in our house,  my son Jack started doing the same thing at that age also and we found the best thing was to ignore his tantrums and he was also put in time out. He soon realised that no ment he couldnt have it... no matter how loud he screamed.  It is very testing as a parent (i found) but now he is almost 4 and listens to (almost) everything i tell him.  We still have the naughty step but all we have to do is give him a warning and he will stop straight away.  Also we have reward charts with stickers and when he has filled them we ask him what he would like to do and go on a family day out or he can have a toy of his choice.  I found this really helpful from a young age because the good behaviour was rewarded with space stickers (somthing he really likes).... he was soon trying his hardest to get all of his stickers on the chart.

Kristy - posted on 02/18/2009

Stephanie, thank you for your imput... I see what you mean about no response... I have noticed when I move her hand away and tell her no, she will smile and do it again, not really paying attention to what she is doing but looking at me to see what I will do.  I will definetly start working on not giving her the reaction she is looking for.  Calmly with no emotion will have to become my new mantra!! LOL

Thanks again!

Stephanie - posted on 02/18/2009

At this age they are looking for a responce, whether it is positive or negative. When you put her in time out, pick her up facing away from you and holding her out from your arms. This gives her no responce and lets her know it is unwanted. Place her in a quiet safe place, whether it is a playpen, or a room free of stuff for her to play with. Close the door. No reaction means she is going to be angry. Keep her there for a minute as she is a year old (My 3 yr old stays in time out for 3 mins) and when time out is done, pick her up and calmly with no emotion tell her, we don't hit or we don't act like this in the store for example. I bet you that as soon as she is out of time out she will go right back over and do the same thing. But if you show persistance and that you aren't going to give her a reaction, such as even if it is pausing from dinner to yell no to her that is still a responce. After a few tries, and believe me my stubborn son can try his little heart out, but eventually he knows that I am not going to give him that attenton for bad behavior. Punishment should come as soon as the undesired act is performed and if you show no rise out of it eventually they will get it and move onto another tactic to try to get a rise out of it. I try to get on their level and teach them in a way they'll understand and are getting good positive reinforcement for the smallest of tasks, because it's huge to them. Hope this helps.... - a proud mom of a 3 and 1 yr old who sit still in busy restaurants and are often complimented on their good behavior. It's hard work but you're her best teacher.

Jennifer - posted on 02/18/2009

Consistency is the answer no matter which way you try and discipline her. My son is almost one and I have to glass tables in the living room that he goes after probably ten times a day. First I tell him no and pull him away and tell him "this is not yours" I give him one of his toys and say "this is yours, you can play with this". If he returns, which he usually does, I tell him no again and pull him away. The third time I spank him on his little hand. I don't believe that I should have to move all my things to higher places and rearrange my home to avoid discipling my child. He needs to learn that there are things that he cannot touch. If it is chemicals or anything that can be harmful than yes you should move it. I haven't started time out yet because I feel he is to young and won't remember why he is in time out yet. Your doing a good job as long as your not giving in. Give in to her a few times and your her sucker for life lol. I have seen it happen so many times and I refuse to deal with it! Good luck!

Kristy - posted on 02/18/2009

Thanks ladies!  I guess I am frustrated cause she really is too young to understand the reasons, all she gets is the "no".   I try and avoid confrontation as much as possible by making sure she can only reach the things I want her to,  but inevitably she finds things she shouldn't play with.   I didn't put locks on the kitchen cabinets since there is nothing toxic/dangerous.  (I simply moved the dangerous items up higher!)  Up until now she was pretty good and just left them alone... she knows she isn't allowed... but now, every day she tests me at least once with that.

Anyways, thanks again for the encouragement...  I feel by your suggestions that I am on the right track and it's just going to take more patience!

Kelly - posted on 02/17/2009

I'm going through the same thing at the moment. It's a difficult age because they don't have an understanding of why they shouldn't be doing some things. I generally try to use to phrases "No! Ouch!" if whatever he is doing is likely to hurt him, and "No! Yucky" if he is about to put something undesirable in his mouth (although sometimes there is no other appropriate response other then a simple"No"). If my son does not stop what he is doing on his own, I will remove him or the object from the situation and distract him with something else. Occasionally my son will start crying when I do this, and when this occurs I give him a cuddle and comfort him (reinforcing that I'm angry at the behaviour, but I still love him) and then distract him with something else when he is ready. The key is to be consistent. Other then that, at this age it is easier to encourage the good behaviour, by giving them lots of praise and attention when they do something good.

Amanda - posted on 02/17/2009

Time out works if she is doing what ever she was doing again take the object away and put it up until tomorrow. If she has a favorite toy take it away. Until she earns it back by being good and listens to mom. Make sure your house is kid proof. My husband gets mad at our boys because they like his computer stuff and love to touch it but it's his own fault because he left it out. One and two year olds are soooooooooo curious. As for your daughter demanding things. She is definitley old enough to start learning please and thank you. No please no thank you no toy, juice snack whatever. She is very ready to learn that there are consequences to what she says and does.

Kelsey - posted on 02/17/2009

My daughter started into the "I know I'm disobeying" phase at 9 months! Her big deal was the dog's food and water bowl. I know alot of parents just keep their kids out of things they don't want them in, but I wanted to start a foundation of having my child look to me for boundaries and actually have the option to just obey. I think having your kiddo learn this early is actually a huge blessing. Some day you won't be able to put a child lock on everything you don't want your kids in! Equip them to look ahead and decide for a better outcome.

We did this. When our daughter went to play in the dogs water bowl (for example), we simply told her "no"-- with eye contact and a stern voice. She was 9 months old. You could immediately see the wheels turning in her head. She knew what we meant. We gave her three chances. We just used the word "no" if it was a repeat offense. If it was something new she was doing, we took the time to try to explain to her why it wasn't a good idea. She may not understand your theory but she'll hear the tone in your voice and know that you care about her. If after the third time we asked her to obey by simply saying "no", she persisted (at this point you know that your child is deliberately disobeying, realizing she's understood what you've asked)... we flicked her on the hand. She usually cried with a tone that said "I knew you were going to do that", " I should have chose to listen and obey". Our daughter is now 2 and she knows that no means no means no means no. However many times you say it.. it always means "no". When she's older you can shorten the amount of chances she gets. She'll need less time to think it through. Our 2-year-old still tests us, but she rarely needs the second chance, because she knows we are serious about our request for her obedience.

I think the key is eye contact and following through on what you say. Two very big things. I hear parents all the time "threaten" their kids and go on to let them "appeal" and/or do it anyway, with just another threat or look of disbelief to back it up. It's annoying and the kids are learning what? Also, I've see the extreme, where parents spank, flick or whatever else at the first sign of a desire to disobey. I think this results in rebellion. Kids already know that they have an option to obey or disobey (it's built in and called free will), but as they are developing their decision making skills, its always nice to make sure they understand WHY you want them to obey. Talk to your kids! Even a 1-year-old needs to hear the tone in your voice that says "I'm trying to protect you" or " You might not understand this yourself, yet, but trust me to know what's best for you". Communication skills are not limited to words and stern looks. Your daughter can get alot from the tone of your voice and you stickin to your guns when you ask something of her.

Now that our daughter is two, we ask her to look at our eyes and tell her we would like her to listen AND obey. This helps her to focus on what the issue at hand is and realize that she has heard our request (and isn't still just thinking of what she wants in her head) and that she gets to make the decision.

Most adults would be good doing this. Focus on the problem (not the emotion surrounding it) and realize that you have two options or more. All that lead to different consequences (good or bad, healthy, productive, selfish etc). 1 year old is certainly not to young to start learning this! It's a hard and long lesson. Stick to it!

I know that when our daughter is closer to being a teenager, we'll hopefully have shown her that disobedience usually brings a consequence and we'll be able to trust her to decide how many chances she'll get in life.

Courtneay - posted on 02/17/2009

what i do with my son is just let him scream and cry about it. i know its a little annoying to do that, but your also the parent and they're the child and when you say no, the answer is no. and when my son gets too out of hand i pop his hands or also do the timeout thing, but i put him in a chair secluded from everything and hold him there...or else he'll justget up and continue doing what he wants! now my son is going to be 2 this june, so were going through the terrible two's stage, but he was still a little wild at age 1. just remember, your the boss. and no matter how bad she wants it or wants to get into it, dont give in!!!!!

Jeri - posted on 02/17/2009

i read thats its considered terrible twos bc the storm happens at 1.5 and 2.5 years so im sure she is rocking the toddler attitude.

keep up taking her away or taking away the object and hold her hand, look in her eyes and say no.  also show a face that is stern or sad.  you can explain why and she wont understand the words but shell likely understand the tone.  kids learn from repeitition so she wont learn immediately.  and punishing her in a time out may be too soon bc she wont be reflecting and learning about what she did shell just be forgetting why shes crying.  also, if possible, put the object out of sight when shes not looking (maybe when you put her down for a nap so she cant see where youre going with it). 

find something else for her to play with.  my son loves a big ball, a stack of plastic cups, sockem boppers or even an oven mit...no matter how mad i get at him for turning off the computer or pulling the plug guards out i cant help but laugh when he stands up and reaches his whole arm into a sockem bopper. 

good luck!

ps dont give her opportunities to explore places/things youre not cool with...make sure there are locks on cabinets and close bathroom doors, tape over tv buttons and put remotes and drinks out of reach (and sight if possible)   some people give their kids colorful fakes but i know my son wants the real thing so we have an extra remote and old cell phones and sometimes i let him use the real ones bc he cant really hurt the tv or my crazy industrial motorola phone.