Baby daddy drama!

Victoria - posted on 10/22/2009

This is a tricky situation.I say let him sign over his rights,It'll be his lost not yours or hers. Some kids are better off just knowing 1 parent. No matter what you decide to do, she'll always be yours from now until the end of time and can't nobody take that from you.

Ashley - posted on 10/22/2009

wow do we share the same baby daddy? lol my sperm donar *thats all he is* has never seen my child either. wants nothing to do with her. the state "couldnt find him" when i tried for child support. so i just gave up on that all together. im facing the same issue with my daughter. i know she's going to grow up and eventually ask about him. i wouldn't push the issue with him anymore personally. she will grow up and realize he was never there for her. i kept a picture of him so when the time comes she can make that decision on her on to find him if she pleases. about contacting the other baby mommas that is completely up to you. i actually am in contact with the mother of his first 2 children and we plan to meet up sometime soon so she knows her brothers. *keep in mind i knew her before i got pregnant* so contacting them is totally depending on how you feel about the other mothers and if it's going to be just more drama. good luck girl i feel your pain!

Lakyia - posted on 10/18/2009

I too have a 3month old and her father lives with me but I tell him all the time Im still a single mother with you under my roof because he'd rather runt he streets with friends then spend a whole day with my beautiful daughter but I have lots of pride so although it hurts sometimes I just tell him the f* with him and we dnt need him I keep him out every week lol but he's out for real this time I cant take it. Another thing we have in common is when i was giving birth to my daughter he was getting his ex gf pregnant at the same time. My baby is advance and has been since she was born so I kept asking him was his gf preg. he said no when my baby was 3wks he called me and tld me she was so she then got an abortion because she a lil girl still in high school. I told her to keep it so it can be hell on him with child support but now he didnt want to be with her he wanted me back. The reason we werent together during the pregnancy is because 2wks after I told him I was pregn. I asked him did he want me to get an abortion although Im against it and I wasnt I just wanted his opinion he said YEah that was the end of that. So everytime he doesnt do something for her I say oh you didnt want her anyway so its kool. Now dont get me wrong he loves her and he would spend every dime he has on her BUT I want time!! I tell him that always. A girl on maury once said "a father is a son's first hero and a daughter's first love" I agree. LOL MAURY!! But to help you I know you want him in her life and remind him that he doesnt have to deal with you "really" if thats the case and after the courts hear he doesnt at all want to be there 4 her and wants to give up his rights they will issue a bench warrant if he doesnt show up for the court case and they will I believe do their own dna test so he fucked either way tell him to MAN UP AND DO WHAT HE NEEDS TO DO FOR THAT LL GIRL AND REGARDLESS OF HIS NEW AND OLD CHILDREN SHE"S ONE OF THEM AND NEEDS TO KNOW THEM and if his gf was a real woman she would encourage this and would not have wanted a child by a so called man of these statures. Yes contact their mothers esp. if he's there for there children why would you even set yourself up with this problem but its the past and your beautiful baby is here now.Hope I helped.

Alishia - posted on 10/17/2009

I am a single college student who also works.... so the money would be helpful... but i plan to put it in an account for my daughter for college or first car... w/e it ends up being needed for... thanks so much for ur advice.. truly helpful!!

Allison - posted on 10/17/2009

My son is 11 months old...his dad saw him for the first time on thanksgiving(my son was a month old) he saw my son when he felt like it untill the end of january(he was almost 3 months old). He asked me for "alone time" with my son after his 16 yr old gf and I had been having a huge fight bc she found out we had a kid together and after she threatend to hurt my son or kidnap him bc I had her man's kid. I told him that if he wanted to see the baby without me there than he wasn't allowed to bring him around his gf. We got into an arguement bc of it that escalated when I got home bc his gf had shit on her myspace saying that my son didnt matter and that he was nothing but a mistake that his father wishes never existed and if I didn't watch out she'd make that happen... to say the least it was the last time he saw my son till my son was rushed to children's hospital bc he had a 104 temp at almost 7 months old... he told me the only way he would see my son is if his gf was allowed to see him too... every visit that he had was in public with my mother, my fiance, and myself all there so we knew nothing would happen to my son. On July 29th I went to court and got sole physical and legal custody of my son, he now pays child support weekly, and has supervised visits if he has them at all...as of right now he isnt allowed to have visits unless they're at the court house or the pd bc since the court ordered visits started he has said he is going to get my son at any cost even if he has to kidnap him. I'm like u are with asking that he at least be apart of his life...he plays the game whenever he needs to get his parents off his ass about being a father...in the long run its honestly not worth it other than child support. if u dont need the money like shelly said put it in a bank account for your daughter. My son calls my fiance daddy and if anyone askes him where daddy is and his father is holding him he looks around for my fiance so dont worry about her father being around he isnt worth it and the court will make him take a DNA test or out right ask him in court if she is his child... as for sibilings contact their mothers if you can or want to and just let them know who your daughter is...personally I didnt know my fathers side of the family till i was 4 and still have yet to even meet over half of his family including a sister.... just keep doin what ur doin and always kno ur doin whats best for your little girl!!

Kayla - posted on 10/16/2009

Sounds like your daughter will be better off without him. Let him sign off rights and just pretend he never existed. When your baby is old enough you can tell her the story and she can decide if she wants to try to make contact with him or her siblings. Who knows- maybe you will meet that someone that will be there for the both of you and it won't seem like such a big deal! :) Good luck you!!

Shelly - posted on 10/16/2009

if he really doesnt want nothing to do with you or baby

i say fuck him. his not a man and will never be. i know its hard but you can do it just keep going at him with papers to help you with child support. that was my mistake. i wish i did. even you dont need the money. you can open a bank and put it in for the baby.  and dont tell your kid until they grow up and ask who or where is my daddy. who knows you might meet the one and he can be her dad.  my girls call my husband daddy they dont know but ill tell them some day when they ask.  just take day by day and keep your head up. and dont let no man tell you wrong   here something i find

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behaviour.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.

Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what
makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be
friends".
A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.

Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

Don't stay because you think "it will get better."
You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.
He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.

Never let a man know everything.* He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man's behaviour.* Change comes from within.

Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or in a
better job.

Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else's man.
If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.

A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is two way street.

You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage...
deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you..
a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals..
look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.

Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are,
and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.

Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man.

Share this with other women and men (just so they know)... You'll
make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepar

 

Quoting Alishia:

Baby daddy drama!

Ok. So my daughter is 3 months old.. her dad has never met her.. just seen pictures... he had 4 kids before her and now i just found out he is having ANOTHER baby with his new gf... He said he wanted to sign his rights over for my daughter b/c he didnt want any more kids.. yet now he is having another.. i am wondering if I tell my daughter about him and let ehr decide for herself what she thinks of him or just pretend like he never existed... He wont even take the DNA test that he requested when he got served with child support papers!! All i ever asked of him was to make an effort to be a part of her life and he hasnt ever tried....

Just looking for some advice/ideas.. Also... What about her siblings... do i contact their mothers and try to work something out so they know about eachother or what?! THIS IS SO FRUSTERATING...