Roseanne - posted on 11/21/2009 ( 10 moms have responded )
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Has anyone else here been alone through most of the pregnancy and then the birth and all of a sudden your baby's daddy is back on the seen?
my partner is from canada and he had to get a visa to live in the UK i spent alot of time alon and he werent there for the birth now he is home our daughter is 5 months and i hate to say but i hate hmi for not being there
what should i do?
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Laura - posted on 11/21/2009
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yes good..see what happens and keep comms going with him about how you feel.. let him be the dad that you say he is being, i think you've got a good one!! just try to let go and look forward
Emma - posted on 11/21/2009
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my partner left me at 5months preg n came back when our daughter was 14months old. it was hard to forgive him n try not to hate him for what he did for me but hes sucha good daddy and we have a great relationship now
Roseanne - posted on 11/21/2009
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Quoting Amie:
I think a couple of you are misunderstanding what the OP is trying to say. Some of you are replying with, "Oh well, give him the boot since he chose that in the first place", but she DID state that he needed to get a visa in order to be with her and the baby. If I am correct, that doesn't seem like he just up and left because he didn't want the hassles of being a father.
Rose Keene, I know you have been independent for awhile now, but he is the father and you are lucky to have someone who wants to take part in your child's life. Not many fathers do, especially ones who aren't married to the mother. It takes some getting used to, having someone else there taking some charge and making decisions along side with you, but it's definitely worth it. Trust me. Just open up and let him in. You won't regret it.
Thank you Amie thats exactly what i ment he loves us both to much to just up and leave me and my partner arn't married yet but will be soon i have took your advice and told him how i feel its best to live in th epresent and not dwell on the past
Amie - posted on 11/21/2009
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I think a couple of you are misunderstanding what the OP is trying to say. Some of you are replying with, "Oh well, give him the boot since he chose that in the first place", but she DID state that he needed to get a visa in order to be with her and the baby. If I am correct, that doesn't seem like he just up and left because he didn't want the hassles of being a father.
Rose Keene, I know you have been independent for awhile now, but he is the father and you are lucky to have someone who wants to take part in your child's life. Not many fathers do, especially ones who aren't married to the mother. It takes some getting used to, having someone else there taking some charge and making decisions along side with you, but it's definitely worth it. Trust me. Just open up and let him in. You won't regret it.
Lydia - posted on 11/21/2009
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Dont beat yourself up - you have been through alot and without the support of your partner. You have every right to be upset at the situation - but then so does he. Imagine how it must feel to be trapped in another country when your child enters the world - I would have been devastated if I had to wait 4 months to see my daughter after she was born. Try to let go of the past and focus on the present and what you both want for the future there is nothing that will change what has happened but you are together now and have every opportunity to be a very happy family if you make the choice to be one. I wish you all the best x xx
Roseanne - posted on 11/21/2009
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Quoting Lydia:
He left you alone by choice - or was it a necessary evil to get a visa to be with you permanently? Either way you need to address your feelings and discuss the whole situation with him. He may be just as unhappy with the way things played out as you are if it wasnt just his choice to not be there, If you hate him even though he was doing everything he needed to to be by yourside in the long run then you definately need to find a way to get over it - however that may be - because its not fair to blame him for something beyond his control...also remember that your hormones are still out of whack from the pregnancy and there is the fatigue factor so it can be much harder to be rational about things that upset you too...
It was necessary it took till our daughter was 4 mnths before they accepted the visa i have spoke to him a bout it which turned to an arguement which he then says he is here now and or daughter is happy like him so i guess is just upsetting the fact our 1st child which he missed a majority of things with and my hormones are to blame aswell
Roseanne - posted on 11/21/2009
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Quoting Lydia:
He left you alone by choice - or was it a necessary evil to get a visa to be with you permanently? Either way you need to address your feelings and discuss the whole situation with him. He may be just as unhappy with the way things played out as you are if it wasnt just his choice to not be there, If you hate him even though he was doing everything he needed to to be by yourside in the long run then you definately need to find a way to get over it - however that may be - because its not fair to blame him for something beyond his control...also remember that your hormones are still out of whack from the pregnancy and there is the fatigue factor so it can be much harder to be rational about things that upset you too...
It was necessary it took till our daughter was 4 mnths before they accepted the visa i have spoke to him a bout it which turned to an arguement which he then says he is here now and or daughter is happy like him so i guess is just upsetting the fact our 1st child which he missed a majority of things with and my hormones are to blame aswell
Roseanne - posted on 11/21/2009
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Quoting Dionne:
Dont take this the wrong way but you dont need a part time daddy in your childs life. My daughters dad was like that and now she is at the age of keep asking about her daddy. You need to ask your partner what is more important. Believe me huni being a single parent is hard work but youve got your family. Ive been on my own since i was 7 months pregnant with my daughter. Huni its his loss
i Know what u mean my partner was always there just not with me as we never split etc i did everything with the help of my mam she is the best friend i could have now that he is home i just cant standc him being around cause i was independant on my own but i do love him and he is brilliant with our daughter (5 mnths)
Lydia - posted on 11/21/2009
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He left you alone by choice - or was it a necessary evil to get a visa to be with you permanently? Either way you need to address your feelings and discuss the whole situation with him. He may be just as unhappy with the way things played out as you are if it wasnt just his choice to not be there, If you hate him even though he was doing everything he needed to to be by yourside in the long run then you definately need to find a way to get over it - however that may be - because its not fair to blame him for something beyond his control...also remember that your hormones are still out of whack from the pregnancy and there is the fatigue factor so it can be much harder to be rational about things that upset you too...
Dionne - posted on 11/21/2009
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Dont take this the wrong way but you dont need a part time daddy in your childs life. My daughters dad was like that and now she is at the age of keep asking about her daddy. You need to ask your partner what is more important. Believe me huni being a single parent is hard work but youve got your family. Ive been on my own since i was 7 months pregnant with my daughter. Huni its his loss
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