Babys Daddy, Or the babys Bio?

Erica - posted on 01/12/2011

I am not with my son's father. He refuses to have anything to do with Blake. He asked questions about his father and I dont know what to say. He kows why we aren't together. I told him that when he was older if he wanted to get in touch then he can.

Serena - posted on 01/12/2011

I am happily married(for the most part;D) to the same man for almost 10 years now. We have a absolutely beautiful little 2 year old daughter. While we have our ups and downs like any other couple, I think we are pretty happy. But I did wait to have her until I was sure we could make things work, mostly b/c of the fact that my parents divorced and that was really hard on all of us. And now both of his sisters are single or dating after a marriage, so I really count myself lucky to have found him!! It wasn't love at first sight by any means, I just knew I liked him, but he was dating someone else at the time, though obviously that didn't last! My Dad just told me that they still loved me but that they just couldn't be together without hurting each other. My Mom sorta went off into her midlife crisis, and got back into the wrong crowd and ended up in a really bad situation. So, if you can't be together then explain it to the best of your ability in terms they can get and don't whatever you do, talk bad about the other person!!!

Leigh - posted on 01/12/2011

I am not with my daughters father, I left him when I was 7 months pregnant after I found out he was cheating on me again! He has not bothered with her since she was born and has never paid a penny towards her. But it is much better this way we me and my daughter are much better off this way!

Lyndsay - posted on 01/12/2011

I'm not with my daughter's bio father anymore and everything has worked out for the best. She is now 2 years old and he hasn't been in her life since she was 2 months old. He and I weren't togther very long when I found out I was pregant and I didn't see his true colors come out until I was about half way through my pregancy. He was such a horrible person but I got such a great blessing out of the relationship. I love my daughter so much and my fiance has been the only father my daughter knows. He has been great guy to take care of a child that biologically isn't his and they love each other very much!

Rachel - posted on 01/12/2011

Hi Christina :) I personally am with the birth father of my first born daughter Ana and we are happily expecting a boy this March! :) I believe we are truly in love and we have an amazing family bond and we had a great friendship first. I believe everything happens for a reason and i myself have a lot of health issues where i was told i probably wouldnt be able to have children.. I have miscarried before with my ex-someone whom i thought i loved and now looking back and having learned so much about the true meaning of love- i believe it was just lust. so perhaps i couldnt carry that child for a reason..? who knows. I dont think any child brought into the world is an accident or less important than another regardless of the parents status ie:together or not together. Everything and everyone has a purpose here and yours might be to be an amazing mom and honour more than one man with the gift of life :) My daughter is just as happy as many kids whom i know dont have their biological parents involved -mom or dad. Also there are many times where the birth father just wasnt ready, and maybe later in life when the child is old enough to search them out or contact them (even take their relationship from visits to the *father-child level*) then he might be ready. its true that many times, the mother knows best and finds a better suited father-figure for their child and theres nothing to be afraid of :) Just because they werent there to create the beautiful human being- doesnt mean they dont appreciate the beauty of life :) Many times the new father-figure is the better choice for the job, while the biological father may need time to adjust to the thought of having a child. A majority of birth fathers rely on the genetic portion to keep them in touch with their child (believing that they are the right person for the job simply becasue they were there when the child was created and the child is a part of him) but you have to look at it from the man stepping ins point of view- he has taken on a child he has no legal commitment to simply because he appreciates what a beautiful honour it is to be seen as a father or father figure. he has stepped up to nurture and provide whatever the child might need, and that takes a great man. he doesnt have a child through chance, its basically through choice, so there is a different level of respect and appreciation there for any bond he may have with the child or children. Every time he is called *daddy* or even if he is looked at as the *step-dad* he still knows he has a roll as a parental figure to someone that will surely appreciate it later on in life :) As for the babys life- i think it can enrinch the childs life as long as the man involved loves you and shows the same caring and compassion to the child :) blood or not- love is love ♥ *never forget it*

Amanda - posted on 01/12/2011

That is all the courts is good at. THEY don't know what IS best for any child. The parents are the only people that realy know what IS good for the child. I hate having to deal with the court systems. They can't even enforce parenting time.

Jenny - posted on 01/12/2011

I am not with my baby's father anymore. I left him all most 2 1/2 years ago. We were married at the time and now we are divorced. My daughter is now almost 4 1/2 and she sees her dad about 3 days a week. We have joint custody at the moment until we go back to court in Feb. to see what the judge decides what is best for her not us as parents.

Kristy - posted on 01/12/2011

I am with my daughters father :) we've been together for over 2 years, and have 2 beautiful girls, one is 15months the other is 2months. Its hard at times but we get through it because we love each other :)

Meridith - posted on 01/12/2011

wow hearing everyones story really gives me hope on the future!!! thanks ladies

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 01/12/2011

@ Meridith. It'll take some time, but if the man's worth it he should accept you and your 3 kids. If he doesn't he wasn't man enough for you. I admit I was worried at first to mention my daughter. But then I figured she's not going anywhere. If the guy doesn't like being a father to my daughter, he can go somewhere.
Besides it's best sometimes to be able to give your child or children one on one time as needed.

Meridith - posted on 01/12/2011

im not with my oldest 2 father and my 6 month olds father left me when i was about 5 months prego... he ran and got married to a woman after a month of knowing her. i worry at times how will i date later and if anyone will except my 3 kids. but for now i am happy with it just being me and my kids for now. i guess

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 01/12/2011

I'm with the father of my 2nd child we're engaged, The baby was a complete suprise and she's due in March. My fiancè's been like another father to my first daughter. He's taught her how to swim and draw and all the other stuff. As I've stated before my 1st daughter's father has pretty much been gone since I had her

Jeni - posted on 01/12/2011

I am not with my daughters father. . That would have been a huge mistake to stay with him and honestly we have been better off without him. . It wasnt love I was 19. . He was 28 so it was definately lust. . He sees her from time to time pays his child support every now and then. . And the only thing thats changed is that she actually has a father figure in her life. . My amazing fiance stepped up tp the plate. . And picked up the slack. . I am definately happier now than I was before. . And my daughter is a growing little girl who will one day understand what I went thru and the complications me and her father had. .

Amanda - posted on 01/12/2011

I haven't been with my daughter's biofather since 10/2001 and I've been loving every minute of not being with him. Though I wish he was more active in her life but my husband of 3 years is more active in her life which I wouldn't change the world for that.

Bex - posted on 01/12/2011

Hey Lovely Ladies, I am no longer with Alfie's dad.. Thank god. We are now both very happy and content in our lives. Alfie's dad has nothing to do with him which suits us just fine. It turned out he was on hard core drugs, he was lovely when we first got to together then he changed almost over night. He didnt do anything for me when I was pregnant apart from accussing me of cheating and that the baby wasnt his, so a very horrible emotional pregnancy, Would love to say the first few weeks were better but they werent.
I am now with a lovely man called Terry who is amazing with Alfie and Alfie thinks the world of him. He knows he isnt his dad but still, he is always there for him and me. Exactly what you need in a relationship. Alfie looks up to him and I am glad he has some male role model that I can trust and be proud if he turns out like Terry and not his Bio dad.
The saying it takes anyone to make a baby, but a man to be a dad... Is very true x

Shannon - posted on 01/11/2011

I met my husband online we dated for a year lived together for a yr got engaged and planned the wedding for the following april. That may we found out we were pregnant (after a yr of trying we were told we couldnt have kids) and we were due in feb the next yr (2mths b4 we were to be married) so we bumped the wedding up to that October. September I was in school full time October we got married ?November we bought a house and December 31st my son was born 5 weeks early (3mths 3 huge things in our lives happened) !!!!!! And its brought us closer together. We are now expecting our second child (also a boy) in April. Our son just turned 2. We fell in love and took it slow we respected each other and valued communication and trust.

Marie - posted on 01/11/2011

Gilda i feel i'm in the same situation..not engaged, but my 'new' man loves my 4 children like they're his own...which makes me love him so much more!

Gilda - posted on 01/11/2011

I am not with the father of either one of my children. My oldest child's "donor" left the day I said I was pregnant. My youngest child's "donor" likes to play head games and come in and out of his life. I am now engaged to a wonderful man who has taken on the roll of daddy! He loves both my children like they were his. He doesn't have any children of his own but if you ask him he has 2! Things turned out the way they did for a reason. I couldn't be happier!

Marie - posted on 01/11/2011

i had all four of my precious children with one man, and a few months ago we broke up..in the beginning he barely made an effort to see them, actually for a whole month he didn't bother, not even to call, and none of the kids asked about him (why we broke up...not a nice person) but lately he's been coming around more..my twins (2 in a month) i swear almost forgot who he was...my older 2 are 5 and almost 4, they know daddy loves them and i'd never say otherwise...i think we're way better off now, we have more opportunity and the love in our home is craazy!

Maleah - posted on 01/11/2011

I am married to my first born (and second born)'s father.. After we had the first one, things got a little rocky for about a month, during that time I moved with the baby to my parents house so that we could have the time that we needed, my husband was also doing training in a different state at the time so I would have been at my parents house anyways.. But everything worked out well and a few months later I ended up pregnant with our second child..
We love each other deeply.. We are each others rocks..

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 01/11/2011

I'm not even sure what it was with my daughter's father and I. We got married in 2002, he found out he was being deployed in 2003. We had our daughter in 2004 and got divorced mid 2005. The divorce was because he was carrying on an affair with a much older woman the whole time we were together then they both blamed me for their indescretion.
When my daughter asks now why her dad and I aren't together it's really hard to explain because I don't really want to tell her- who'd want to? But some things that she's telling me now about her visits with her dad and step mom have me wondering.

Melissa - posted on 01/11/2011

am not w/ my baby daddy since i was 2 months pg we was 2gether for 3yrs i was always doin more than he was i broke up w/ him and i love my daughter my new bf except her and love her am happy when the time reach i will just be honest w/ her he wasnt ready

Nicole - posted on 01/11/2011

I am still with my children's father. We've been together for 13 years (highschool sweethearts) and married for 6 years. He is a wonderful, fully involved father and I couldn't ask for anyone better. But my closest, dearest friend had a different story. The guy she married ended up becoming a horrible, abusive drunk shortly after she had their daughter. He refused to fix the brakes on her car so she couldn't leave the house during the day. After 2 1/2 years she got the courage to leave him, move out of town and go back to school. She has a great job, her daughter is doing amazing and I've never seen her so happy. Things worked out differently but were both happy and content with our lives right now!

Maricela - posted on 01/11/2011

I can honestly say in my situation it was lust. My son's father and I barely new each other before I got pregnant. We attempted to make things work which in the long run made things worse. When my son was 6 months we split and are better off without each other and my son seems to be happier. My son is now a healthy 17 months and sees his father and brothers every weekend.

Thalia - posted on 01/11/2011

The sad thing about it is I have never talked bad about my son's father or anything, he has never asked really. Once he told my mom his father is dead.... without ever being told of his father (which he isn't dead as far as I know) but he proudly says that he has a great grandpa and uncle and one day God is going to send him a great dad. Its a bit painful that at the tender age of 6 he would understand and accept all that, sometimes I wish his dad would have at least made an honest effort to be apart of my son's life, even if we didn't work out. He never honestly stepped up, I don't think he ever really wanted to.

Rachael - posted on 01/11/2011

I am not with his father. I have not been with him since my boy was 5 weeks old. I was beaten and abused and used for a year. Then I had just had enough, I had always tried to fight back, but never got really far. He had almost hurt the baby (by accident) So I went nuts! Anyways, that was that. he begged me to be with him for a long time. I walked away and never looked back. My sons dad was not there for the first year and a half or so. Since then he has. He has not grown up much. he does not hit the girl he is with, but he is mean as hell. I still am paying for walking out on him. It was lust if you call it one of those, but I would call it pure stupidity. Hey, at least I got an awesome boy out of it. He does not like his dad to much... He finally stopped flipping out when I took him there. He is a momma's boy!!

Thalia - posted on 01/11/2011

I'm not with my son's father. I did try to make it work for 2 yrs after our son was born, but that was the problem. I was the only proactive person in the relationship. For me it was love, I was with him since I was 18 and he was my 1st. Seemed otherwise for him. When I was about 22 I started realizing that it wasn't working. It was more like I was raising 2 children and my son didn't like spending time with his dad' family. Fearful and determined I'll left him and life changed. I'm happy and I've learned who I am. Its allowed me to learn my son and raise him upright. Life is all about my baby and being a single mom has been a wonderful experience.

Shelina - posted on 01/11/2011

i am still with nmy oldest father we have been to gether for 9 yrs and my son is 8 he was my highschool sweet heart i had my son at 19 then we had my dautgher when i was 22 and we have another baby on the way im 27 we r due in april

Tonia - posted on 01/11/2011

I'm still with my first borns father and we're planning our wedding at the moment so very much in love :)

Holly - posted on 01/11/2011

I had my son in 2006. I was with his father for a long time but he was having alcohol and drug problems so I finally left him. I moved out of state for a while. He did get off the drugs but still drinks some. We got back together about 6 months after I left and then i ended up kicking him out again about for months later. we were seperated for about 8 months when we got back together. we got pregnant again about 3 months after getting back to gether and married about 3 months after i got pregnant. we will have been married for a year next month and i do love him dearly. i always loved him just couldn't be with him for a while.

Leasia - posted on 01/11/2011

I am not with my child's biological father anymore, and we do not have anything to do with him. What is sad is that given time I'm sure he would have been a great Dad. But sometimes you say and do things that you can never take back no matter how much you wish you could. I was very surprised by his reaction to my being pregnant, and thought it best to just leave off. I have married to the man my son calls Dad, and we have 2 more girls, with another son on the way. I do not feel it was a mistake to get married to someone else, and no one who sees my husband with my first son would believe that he isn't his. They adore each other, and my son is excited that he's finally getting a baby brother.
I would say that if we'd stuck around, I'd probably still be single with a man who resented the situation, however much he might have adored his own child. I have talked to him about having another Dad out there, so that he knows from early on, but he is only 5 so his understanding of the concept is limited. I simply plan on telling him, sometimes a man is just not ready to be a Dad, but God provided a Dad when you needed it.

Summer - posted on 01/11/2011

I am not with my son bio dad because it was his choice to be with his other family, my son is back and forth and i hate it but i just keep praying that it will all stop soon enough

Crystal - posted on 01/11/2011

I am happily married to my 2yo's father for 3 years. i feel so grateful because we don't have to deal with switching off, court, making arrangements and things like this. We were in love before we got pregnant, and everyone THINKS we got married just because we were pregnant, but we already had the date set before we even found out. we were freaked, and not ready, but it all turned our for the best. and i couldn't imagine being without him, or having to be a mommy all by myself, idk how so many women do it, but more power to em!

Jaime - posted on 01/10/2011

Im not with my sons father we broke up when I was pregnant with my son and then I meet someone else when my son was 2months old and now my sons 2 and Im still with my partner and its the best thing that has happened to me. he loves my son as if he was his own blood and I don't regret anything. as for my sons father he has lost out on so much and I dont care because its his loss at the end of the day my sons happy and loves my partner and thats all that matters

Alexis - posted on 01/10/2011

I know how that is too. My friend has the issue with a X druggy Bf/dad, and the kids always lose. It was love for me, what it was for him, IDK.

Heather - posted on 01/10/2011

I am not with the father of my first and only child. It was love, we were together for about 3 years before I got pregnant, I loved him very much but he has a hard time being faithful if everything didn't revolve around him. When I got pregnant I didn't spend every spare minute with him and we started drifting apart. After my son was born he went through a period where he got quite heavily into drugs, he has stopped that now but does live in transition housing above a homeless shelter and for that reason the rules of his house prevent him from having my son come over there. I have just moved out of my parents house on my own and don't trust him and so don't want him at my new place unless I know he's going to come around frequently (in the past year he has only seen his son twice). It is very difficult because my son remembers him and wants to see him a lot. He used to call at least 3 times a week to talk to him and I've just recently told him that's not fair because he kept promising my son he would see him and never does. Last week we got in a big fight about the fact that I didn't want him to come to my place and he doesn't want his son to visit at his parent's house as his new girlfriend of a month is living there. We haven't heard from him since. I know I made the right decision about not being with him but the hardest part is the sad look in my son's eyes when he asks if he is going to see daddy or if daddy is coming over and I have to say no. If anyone has any suggestions on how to handle that part they would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks for listening, it helps to put this into words :)

Alexis - posted on 01/10/2011

Couldn't Agree More Trish!

Trish - posted on 01/10/2011

My son has no Father...Just a wonderful, loving, would die for him Mother!!!

Alexis - posted on 01/10/2011

I am not with my Daughters "sperm donor" (called that because he never stepped up) My daughter met him once when she was 5 wks old, she knows something is missing. And it hurts me when she hears others use the word "daddy" she has used it with her godfather, because she hears their kids use it to him. As well as a couple of other friends that are guys hearing their kids say it. And my dad, as well.
I am the 1st person in my family to have a child out of wedlock (not fun) and though I have had friends that I grew up with that didn't have a mom, or dad (both parents) in the house. I know it would be easier on me if I had her father in my life and hers. (meaning had we been together)
THIS BEING SAID... I will not lie to my child about her father when she asks, and if that means I use poor language then so be it. He deserves nothing and will NOT get a good review from me. If he hadn't wanted it that way then he should have been a MAN! I also took into account all the HORRID TIMES that I have been through, wrote them down. And when she is old enough to understand she will get that to read!
Harsh? Maybe! But he is A POS MF who can go to you know where for all I care. Yep that is in the noted she will see! Like I said when she is old enough to understand...
Even if one day he does end up in her life, I want her to know why and not have him try to lie to her like he did to other about what happened.

Kimberly - posted on 01/10/2011

I met my husband 5 years ago. We dated for a while, I loved him all along. He was more of just a monogamous guy but not serious if that makes sense. We finally got physical 6 months after first dating and then I was pregnant 2 months later. We both wanted children so it was an instant bond. We have been married for 2 years now and have 2 boys ages 3 and 1 year old. I think it has to do with the type of guy you find yourself madly in love with that will determine if it works out with your baby's father or not. My husband just so happens to be a mamas boy and a God fearing dude so I think that is what makes a great daddy and a fabulous husband. Of course everyone needs a little adjustments that weren't done during their childhood ;] ;] lol. I hope that helps.

Adriana - posted on 01/10/2011

I'm not with my son's father. I left after he turned 1. Since then, he's been trying to ruin my boyfriend and I relationship. My son doesn't seem to care. He was never around, he was always out or working. We were together for 5yrs and after him looking through my phone account and prying into my personal stuff- I couldn't take it anymore. I was used and abused. He choked me. Ring in front of our son. So to this day, I made the best decision ever.

Now I have someone who takes care of me so I can care for my son. And he loves him too. I've never been happier.

Elizabeth - posted on 01/10/2011

i was injured in the navy and was on pain pills and found out i was pregnant when i got out. i have an 8 yr old son and i'm not with his biofather. when he asks about him i tell him it's complicated.

Toni - posted on 01/10/2011

I mat and married my husband within 6 months, and 6 months after that we found out we were expecting. We have been together 10 years, and married for almost nine, and we have three beautiful boys together.
We have had some hard years, and have been through a lot together, but we have made it, and are very much in love today.

Kristina - posted on 01/10/2011

I'm divorced from the father of my older two boys and still with my daughters father. My exhusband divorced me and married my (now ex) best friend. While i'd say at the time we met I was in love at the time we divorced the stressors of life, health problems and a sneaky friend ultimately broke our relationship.

Sandy - posted on 01/09/2011

I am not with my first kids bio dad. We were together for 5 years before I got pregnant. As soon as he heard he hated the idea. So I left him. Now I am happily married to someone else, who adopted my first son and loves him as his own. My husband and I had another kid together when my first was 2. My husband is a wonderful father! Some males are meant to be dads and others aren't.

Julianne - posted on 01/09/2011

I'm still with my daughters dad, we met, fell in love, moved in and got pregnant in the first month we were together. It will be 2 years in march., I doubt we will ever split, soulmates are forever :)

Danielle - posted on 01/09/2011

I have one son he is three and half. His dad and i haven't been together since he was a month old but i did not see him the last two months before he was born and i thought it was love at the time but it was lust. His dad wasn't really apart of his life until my first seriouse relationship after him. But his dad now see's him whenever i need him to take him and wants joint custody but i wont allow it until he is older so hes not bounced to much around. He doesn't ask about him yet because hes just starting to learn to talk. Since I've been a single mom since he was a month old its all we know so i can't say how it changed OUR lives but we get along better apart and his dad is there for us when we need him so i don't think it will be an issue.

Laura Zoey - posted on 01/09/2011

I was married at 18 and we planned our first baby a year after that. So I had Eric wen I was 20 and my husband matt was 21. Then we planned our second baby for two years younger then Eric and I'm now 5 months along with our daughter. I'll be 22 at her birth!
Having Eric really made it harder to be a good wife, I was moody more, and more focused on the baby then matt sometimes, so I know for sure that having a baby makes a relationship harder. But if you can get through it together I think the hardships makes the love stronger!
We still have our issues, and having a child magnifies the issues, but our bond as a family is getting stronger and tighter.
I think we are in the minority who married young and had kids young and are still together, but I think this can be somewhat explained by the fact that we chose each other with full intentions known of having kids, we debated through all the hot parenting topics before we got pregnant, and continued to research together parenting stuff and always try to come to an agreement before we need to use it!
So I think carefully choosing your husband to be a good dad, and keeping a LOT of communication about how to parent, and planning your children really helps keep the marriage strong.
Even though the baby will put strain on your relationship.
You can come out together if you are proactive about it, both partners.

Becky - posted on 01/09/2011

o my me and my first borns father are no longer togetther and it is hell he makes my life miserble

Natarlia - posted on 01/08/2011

i myself am still with my sons father but my two older sisters are not. My eldest sister fell pregnant to her best friend then HE decided he wasnt ready to have a baby so she has taken it upon herself to play BOTH mummy and daddy. she has remained strong and has chosen to explain it to her son when he is old enough to understand as he is only 1. My other sister seperated from her childrens father when her daughter was 6mnths old however still remain friends and on occasion still have the odd rendeavue, they now have a son also two years later. All families are beautiful as long as your child is happy that is all that matters. Much Love and STAY STRONG