Behavior issues

Lauren - posted on 03/03/2011 ( 9 moms have responded )

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My son just recently turned five. I have been having huge problems with his behavior. He talks back A LOT, he causes scences in public. If you tell him you're going to take something away from him the next time he acts out, he instantly tells you he doesnt want it. And then when he hands it to you and you take it, he starts crying saying he wants it. He's also developed a habit of when his stepdad says anything to him, he automatically tells him he wants his mom. He thinks it's funny when you pop him and time out doesn't seem to be helping either. I'm not too sure what to do with him. Any suggestions or advice? And does anyone else have any similar problems?

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Kiera - posted on 03/04/2011

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Oh Hun I know it hurts so much seeing them upset and crying but I try to look at the bigger picture that they will grow up more respectful and know the difference between right and wrong behaviour although I do feel bad at the time.

I'm glad to hear he is doing a lot better, Bedtime used to be a nightmare for me but she now goes to bed without a fuss and will sit for storytime, my 1 year old goes to bed really good as well but still has me up at least 3 times a night, fingers crossed it gets better lol

Lauren - posted on 03/04/2011

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I started crying when he got his spankings though :[ I HATE spanking him. The first time I ever spanked him after he left the room I cried. He did really well this afternoon though. Bedtime was a bit challenging but it was smoother than normal. :]

Kiera - posted on 03/04/2011

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That's great news Hun! I believe in spanking also, my daughter will cry in her room for a bit then come out and say sorry mum :) Your Husband taking a more active role will relieve some of the stress of you and a united front very quickly shows them who is boss lol You sound so much happier which is great too!

Lauren - posted on 03/04/2011

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What a button presser! My son acted AWFUL today, but I did pop him when we were at the bank. All he did was laugh but his stepdad told him when we got home he was getting a spanking. And everytime he acted out, that added another spanking( or lick, whatever) and when we finally got home, my son got his spankings from his stepdad and it seemed to phase him a little.Nick took my son into the living room after and talked to him a bit. He's been alright since then.

Katie - posted on 03/03/2011

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This is a really hard situation.. The frustration can be huge when nothing works!! I'm not a mom YET but I have been helping to raise my niece for the last 4 years, she is now 6 and has behavioral issues as well. My advise is don't yell, even if you have steam coming from your ears. When the child doesn't see a big reaction out of you, they then don't know what to expect. Also, don't threaten, just do. Know the punishment before he acts out and the first time he does it, automatically follow through with punishment, none of the "one more time" statements. In their mind "one more time" could be several more times. It's best to punish at the first instance instead of the second or third. Thirdly, if he is not getting the idea, the punishments should increasingly get worse. For instance, the first offense is say 5 minutes in timeout, second time taking his favorite things for the rest of the day plus 15 minutes timeout.. and so on. Eventually they will realize that the consequences are not worth the act.

About the talking back or lack of respect, my niece is great at that! When this happens I don't respond to her right away. Then when she continues the attitude I ook at her and say "I don't talk to mean people, so I think you should find another way to say that."

All in all, don't let your temper take over.. Remember that he is only five and raising your voice won't help the situation. It's hard for me too, sometimes I just have to take a breath before I react. Also, when the situation calms down, try to have a heart to heart, maybe you can find out whats underlying to make him behave this way. This also gives you the chance to reestablish the bond between both of you.

Kiera - posted on 03/03/2011

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I know, its so horrible sometime you just want to smoosh their little faces ( I sometimes feel that way lol).

Spending more time with him might end up being the solution, he could be acting out because unfortunately to kids attention is attention whether it is good or bad.

If you feel concerned a trip to the pediatrician never hurts just for peace of mind more than anything, just athought anyway :)

Your welcome Hun and I do understand and I feel sometimes just venting makes you feel better lol

Lauren - posted on 03/03/2011

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Oh, and thanks for responding. I posted this in another community and I got nothing lol It's nice to know that someone else out there has the same problems I do.

Lauren - posted on 03/03/2011

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It's just so frustrating! He use to be so well behaved until he hit four and it was like the terrible two and the terrible threes plus the fours all hit at once. I try to spend more time with him, and it's easier to do so now that I stay at home. I just feel that because I cant see any improvements that my attempts to discipline him aren't working.

Kiera - posted on 03/03/2011

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Hi Lauren, I have a 4 yr old daughter with a learning disability and she can be very hard to handle sometimes especially in the listening department so I feel your frustration lol With Public displays I walk away and she will chase after me, it's mostly just a form of attention seeking so I walk away to show her I wont put up with it and will remove myself from the situation, people do stare but I don't care what they think lol.

Sounds to me like he is testing you to see how far he can push Mummy, It does sound like your doing all the right things, keep it up and keep strong :) In regards to his Stepdad it may be an idea for him to take a more active role in the discipline and to not give in to him when he says he wants you ( I'm not sure if you do or not but thought I would cover that anyway). With time out maybe put him in his room and take all his toys out so he can't play and knows he is in trouble.

Kids will always be forever testing us and seeing what they can get away with like I said be strong and know your a good mum, hope this helps, first time I have ever commented lol

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